My phone started to buzz and I groaned, Zayn.

"Hello?" I mumbled.

His breath was ragged and he sounded nervous.

"Zayn? Babe what's wrong?" I asked, becoming more and more awake.

"Sophia, please come over. I need you."

I threw my tank top on and ran out the door down to Zayn's apartment. I walked inside and he was laying on the ground in the fetal position, having a complete and total panic attack. I sat on the floor next to him and pulled him into my chest. He was crying. I hadn't seen him cry a single time since Perrie passed away. Just quiet and distant.

"Zayn what's wrong?" I asked, frantically.

He sobbed for a minute, "I never told you why Perrie and I broke up right before she died."

I thought about it for a moment and realized he was right. Perrie had told me they were 'taking a break' but I never asked anything after that. Why would I?

"Do you want to tell me now?" I asked calmy.

"She was getting cold feet about marrying me. I don't know why. She just said 'maybe we're too young' and 'I'm not sure if this is the right decision'. I feel like such a liar! Everyone has been walking around calling us 'soulmates' and saying they envied our relationship when in fact she broke up with me the day she died! I never even got my questions answered! What if she never loved me after all? I'll never know anything and it's driving me insane!"

He was gripping onto my arms rather painfully but I couldn't ignore the hurt look in his eyes. He looked absolutely miserable.

I felt a tear escape my eyes, "Zayn, she loved you so much. She told me all the time.."

"Then why didn't she want to marry me!"

I sighed, "I don't know. Cold feet at a young age is common. She was your soulmate. It's okay to wonder about the things that were left unsaid. It's normal. But don't ever doubt that that woman loved you. Because she absolutely did, with every ounce of her being. Have you thought about talking to a professional about this?"

He curled up against me and traced the outlines of my palms, "I don't want to talk to anyone except you. No one understands."

I held my hand against my mouth, muffling my sobs. He was in so much pain. It was unbearable to watch.

"Have you thought about writing about it?" I suggested, trying to make some lead way in helping him.

"I started to.. But it's not very good and it's no where near finished." He explained.

"Well if you'd ever like someone to listen to it, I'm always here. I love you Zayn, we're going to get through this together, okay?"

"I know," He murmured into my chest.

---

I sat on the couch and took a sip of my tea. A few months ago, you wouldn't be able to get me up before 1030 if you TRIED. Now, it's a regular thing to be woken up at 7 am for various reasons and phone calls. This was my life. Full of excitement, never a dull moment. But I couldn't be mad, I chose it.

"Up early again? Are you pregnant or something?" Harry asked, picking up my feet and resting them on his lap.

"Yeah right. No Zayn was just upset, I went over to talk to him." I yawned and took another sip of my tea.

"I see. I've heard him singing alot lately. Sad songs mostly. I think he wrote them."

I nodded, "Yeah he told me he's written a few things. I think all of the things left unsaid between him and Perrie is getting to him. I mean it would upset anyone, not having the chance to say a proper goodbye."

He sighed, "I know. I miss her a lot. You've really stepped up though. Taking care of everyone. You alright?"

I smiled and rested my hand on top of his, "I'm fine. I'm just sleepy."

Louis walked in and smiled, "Morning chats at 8 am? You two are insane."

"I can never sleep, you know that." Harry explained.

"And no one ever LET'S me sleep, you know that as well." I grinned.

Louis kissed me and sat behind me, so I could rest on him.

"I heard you leave early, where'd you go?" He asked.

"Zayn's. He was upset about some things." I explained.

"I feel so horrible for him. I read this book-"

Harry and I cut him off in unison, "YOU read a book?!"

"Shuttup! Yes and it was about grieving. It said that sometimes the hardest thing about dying is knowing you're leaving your loved ones behind. It also said that people who lose someone so suddenly are more likely to live in the past and have 'what if's"

I sighed, "And what was the books advice for those people?"

"To love them unconditionally, but not try and pity them. Let them find their own outlet for their pain. Give them time to grieve but don't treat them differently."

Louis Tomlinson reading grieving books for his girlfriend and bestfriend. My #1 every damn day. I kissed his cheek and smiled.

"Well that's good advice."

Harry was furiously texting on his phone and grinning like an absolute idiot.

"I'm going to take a wild guess that that's Brielle."

He covered his mouth with his phone in an attempt to hide his massive grin, "Maybe."

"Hazza please don't mess with her, she and Serena are my only girlfriends now and if you ruin that I'll seriously shave your head!"

"Sophia! Please! Those are fighting words!" Louis pretended to scold me.

I smiled, "I'm well aware. She may be a source of your happiness for now, but she's mine as well. So don't be a dick."

"Yes mom," He groaned, rolling his eyes.

I pulled out my phone and texted Brielle
TO: Brielle
Wanna go shopping for this weekend?

Within moments she replied.

FROM: Brielle
Absolutely xx

I stuck my phone in Harry's face, "See! She likes me better!"

"What the hell Soph I wanted to hangout with her!" He whined.

"Well we can all drink tonight or something, a little fun wont kill us." I replied, grinning.

Notes