There's a certain type of silence in times of crisis. Unlike silence in any other time. Where there isn't anything to say, nothing could possibly ease the pain eating away at your heart. So, no one says anything. It had been 18 hours since I had lost my best friend. The longest night of my entire life. Louis didn't leave my side. When he did, he made sure Niall or Liam was with me instead. He was clearly afraid of what I might do if left alone. Which I understood. I wouldn't cry either, I couldn't. I physically could not cry. Zayn hadn't left his apartment. His mum and sisters came to take care of him, but there was nothing they could do. He wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, just sat there numbly. Much like I did. I had never lost anyone close to me before, I didn't know this pain. It was foreign. Nothing felt real. Everything felt blurry, like a dream.

I walked into the kitchen to eat for the first time and everyones eyes went wide. Louis rushed into the kitchen and kissed me softly, "Can I make you something?"

I shook my head, "I can do it."

"Please let me do it. Really it's no big-"

"Let me do it!" I screamed, bursting into tears for the first time and collapsing on the floor.

He just held me, "I love you so much Sophia. We're all going to get through this."

He was crying too, I could hear it in his voice.

"Why did God have to take her from us. From Zayn! They were so in love. No one should be sick that young!" I cried.

20 years old. Dying from a stroke at 20 years old. Apparently induced by stress and trauma. She was too busy. Planning a wedding, being in Little Mix, life. It was too much. You would never know with the smile she had on her face.

I had my face buried in Louis' neck, trying muffle my sobs, "I want my brother."

"Okay. Okay, Niall call Max and get him over here." I wasn't even sure if Max knew, it hadn't been released to the public and I hadn't called anyone.

---

Louis had taken me back to bed, but nothing made me comfortable.

"Can I wear one of your big sweatshirts and some boxers?" I asked.

"Sure love, of course." He tossed me his Jack Wills sweatshirt and a pair of boxers.

Everything I did made me want to cry: standing, changing, breathing.

I nuzzled into Lou's chest and sniffed his sweatshirt. The best smell in the entire world is boyfriend. The smell of the person you love more than anyone in the world. Louis Tomlinson was that person.

"I love you so much." I mumbled into his chest.

"I love you to the moon and back." He replied.

To the moon and back. Perrie and I always said that to eachother. I cried to him for I don't know how long before I heard a knock at the door. Max peeked his head in and smiled sympathetically.

"Little Sophiaaa" He sung.

He climbed onto the bed and I curled up next to him as he sung my favorite lullaby from when I was a kid,
"Little Sophia, oh how the moon looks so small, it looks so small from in these walls.
Little Sophia, oh how the stars shine so bright, shine so bright from here tonight.
The world will change, the people will go.
But my love for you should always show.
Little Sophia I love you so, the greatest sister I'll ever know."

I can't say hearing him sing this to me didn't make me cry even harder, because it did. But it warmed my heart. I was the only one Max used to sing to, his voice was like my own little treasure no one else could have.

"Thank you, I missed that." I looked up and smiled.

Louis held my hand supportively, "Hey thanks for coming mate."

Max removed himself from me to shake his hand.
To. Shake. His. Hand.

"Of course lad, thanks for letting me stop by to see her."

'In times of crisis, the most unlikely people can come together.' CLEARLY. Perrie would be so happy to see this.

"She would be laughing right now if she watched this." I mumbled.

"Why would she laugh?!" Max said defensively.

"She'd say in her sarcastic Perrie voice 'took ya long enough! damn someone's got to die for a truce?!'" I giggled a little bit and saw Louis' eyes light up at my smile.

---

Today was the funeral. I wasn't prepared at all. Zayn had asked me to speak on he and the boys behalf because he knew damn well he would burst into tears if he did. I probably would too, but I had to, for Perrie.

After her cousin spoke, I walked up to the alter in the church and looked around at all of her friends and family, taking a deep breath before reading the speech I had attempted to prepare.

"My name is Sophia George. I'm not a Paster, or a Preacher, just a woman of faith and a friend of the Edwards family. I was asked to say a few words about Perrie. She was one of the funniest, kindest, and most incredible people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. She knew a little about everything, and a lot about a lot of things. You couldn't help but respect her. Her laugh was one of my favorite things about her. When I think of Perrie, I'll picture her laughing. She would stick her head back a little and... well I can't do it but you've all seen it. It's very endearing.

Whenever I would sit at home with Perrie, crying about whatever so called 'heartbreak' I was dealing with that day, she would always give me the same advice. The advice I have now given to someone else. 'Anne Boleyn thought only with her heart and she got her head chopped off. So her daughter Elizabeth vowed never to marry a man. She married her country.' It was this sort of advice that constantly plays in my head, with everything I say and do. I think Perrie's advice she gave me that day was one she never took herself. She loved full heartedly. She was someone who never gave up on love. Even if it came out as tough love, it was love none the less. I, and everyone else, always went to her when we needed someone to talk to. She was the greatest listener. Always attentive, making sure to carefully listen to everything we said.

She also had this uncanny maternal instinct. When the boys would fight, the second Perrie walked into the room, it was over. You never ever wanted to fight in front of her. She was someone who you never wanted to make upset, somebody who you always wanted to make proud. She would have been such an incredible mother." I stopped, gathering myself before continuing.

"I remember sitting on the couch with her one day and she said to me 'I'm so lucky I found Zayn so early.." I stopped for a moment, swallowing the urge to burst into tears.

"She said 'I'm so lucky I found Zayn so early, because some people have to wait their entire life to find their soulmate, I've already found mine.' And she did. The love between the two was so undeniable. The kind of love you compare your own to. She had given her entire heart to him, and he to her. I'll always be thankful to have had the opportunity to see their relationship. To have witnessed such a beautiful love between two people I love dearly. To finally understand what true love is.

She had spent her last years living out her dream. Singing with three of her best friends. Traveling the world, performing to those who fell in love with her voice as much as we all did. To know that Perrie's dream came true, can be closure to us all.

She died much sooner than any of us could have expected. But she was a believer. Believer in people, believer in love, believer in peace, and believer in God. She believed in an afterlife. She would always say to me, 'If I die before you all, you better know I'm watching everything you do. Because if you don't listen to my advice, I'll cut your cable for a week!' Add a few curse words in there and that was Perrie in a nutshell. But it was true, she believed.

Zayn would always tell me he swore she could see the future. It was as if she knew what we were all going to do before we did it. As she proved in many ways by correctly analyzing Niall's reaction to someone eating his food, or how long it would take before Louis and I got into an argument on movie nights, she could have never known her years would be so limited. There was no analysis that would inform her of that. No way could she know less than a week ago when she left the apartment complex with what she thought was exhaustion, she would never see, as a woman walking on the earth, all of us again.

She couldn't know that. A human conceit is that we can control our future. But we can't. We can't control what the job market will do, what the stock market will do, or our own health. All we can control is how we live, and how we react to what happens. And Perrie did that very, very well. Something many of us can learn from her.

But what I'm trying to say is, Perrie is not gone. As she told me, life continues after death.

Perrie was the most selfless person I've ever known, always putting others before herself. I feel that all we can do now is take as much of her glowing personality as we can with us. Try to live as she did. Love like Perrie did. Because if the world is full with people like Perrie Edwards, then I think we'll all be okay.

She's with us now, everyday. We see her in everything and everyone she loved. Her smile that lit up the room, her laugh that warmed our hearts, her voice in the songs she sung. I know she watching me right now saying 'Hurry up Sophia! Everyone's going ta get bored with you soon!' and she's probably right. I could talk about Perrie all day but I'll leave you with this:

People who live deeply, have no fear of death. Perrie was no exception.Perrie will forever be loved and cherished in our hearts. The lives she's touched will forever be indebted to her."

I walked down to Louis and held his hand in my lap. Zayn leaned over and whispered to me, "That was perfect. Thank you."

I kissed his cheek and rested my head on Lou's shoulder.

Notes