What The Papers Don't Say
I'm Weak
* Harry's POV*
I don't think I've ever felt this way before,ever. The only thing I know right now is that she fractured her rib,
and hit her head pretty hard. Bell is in a coma. I haven't heard her voice in five days. Five freaking days.
Why did it have to be her though ? And the fact it was impaired driving makes it even worse.
I feel powerless. No, I am powerless. The person I love the most could be dying and all I can possibly
do is sit on the stupid hospital chair and watch her helplessly !
" Mate, calm down. She's gonna wake up. I'm telling you." Niall rubbed my back trying to calm me down.
It didn't work. Nothing will ever calm me down except her.
" No ! You don't understand. " My voice cracked.
" Yes, we do." Zayn said.
" I swear every time " I took a deep breathe and continued " Every time I look at that door and
remember that the stupid guy was fucking drunk ! Drunk !
He could've said no to the motherfucking drink and Bell would be here with me." I kept my head down.
" Give it time, Harry." Louis whispered.
" She's a really strong gal, Bell's gonna be okay." Eleanor whipped a tear slipping down her cheekbones.
" But it could've been stopped. It just feels like this huge gigantic pill stuck in my throat.
It's hard to swallow." I waved my hands around in frustration.
" It's battery acid." I sighed.
" You can go in and see her, if it makes you feel better." Liam nodded at me.
I've tried seeing her. Its what I've been doing everyday, what all of us have been doing. I
just miss her. So much. If only I got to hold her one last time. Just one last time.
I inhaled a deep breath and turned the door knob clockwise.
She looks pale. Paler than usual. I just keep trying to tell myself its all going to be okay.
But there's one small little part of me that already got over the fact something bad will happen soon.
I sank down on the little bench and grabbed her hand. She feels so cold . Bell doesn't look alive anymore.
I used to steal a glance at her and just see her glowing with happiness. I miss that.
Now all what I see is the past of her. I know. I know its a bad thing to say but that little
part of me just got over it. And that's totally not okay. Remember that hard pill ?
I can feel it in my throat all over again.
" Babe please. I know you're weak. I know, but please just give me a sign.
One little sign that you're still in there." I let a tear slip squeezing her hand.
" The doctors are giving you a ten day chance. They're going to unplug the machines fro-"
My voice cracked and I knew I couldn't talk anymore. I can't.
I sat there for a while letting it all out. Thinking of what my life would be like if Bell never woke up.
I would end my life. Kill my self. It's funny how people say kill yourself, they make it sound like
such a murder. Taking away your own life ? It's such a privilege some times.
I just wanted a sign. I need a sign. I want and need Bell.
" Stay strong, darling. I love you so much, and always will." I whispered gently puckering my lips together kissing her weak frozen hand.
* Bell's POV*
I never believed what those sappy cliche ass movies made you think, someone in a coma
still being able to hear their surroundings ? Yeah well, I've been proven wrong. I felt it all.
Harry's lips on my hand every day. His tears wetting my skin. His presence. Eleanor's soft tone.
Louis' jokes. Liam telling me to stay strong. I felt Zayn squeezing my hand with some meaningful quote.
And Niall promising me food. It hurts. It fucking hurts how I can't move. I can't give them a sign.
I feel so powerless and weak, too. I push and push every single goddamn ounce of force and energy in my body just to move my thumb, to squeeze their hand. Anything ! But I'm still weak. I'm as weak as yesterday, today, and as tomorrow will be. I feel so much pain. Physical pain, too. I can feel my ribs parting. My head is still pounding and I'm tired. I'm mostly hurt. I don't know what to do. I just scream. I scream I'm here. I scream for help. Scream all I want and no one hears my pleading. I need to get better. I don't know how, though.
I don't think I've ever felt this way before,ever. The only thing I know right now is that she fractured her rib,
and hit her head pretty hard. Bell is in a coma. I haven't heard her voice in five days. Five freaking days.
Why did it have to be her though ? And the fact it was impaired driving makes it even worse.
I feel powerless. No, I am powerless. The person I love the most could be dying and all I can possibly
do is sit on the stupid hospital chair and watch her helplessly !
" Mate, calm down. She's gonna wake up. I'm telling you." Niall rubbed my back trying to calm me down.
It didn't work. Nothing will ever calm me down except her.
" No ! You don't understand. " My voice cracked.
" Yes, we do." Zayn said.
" I swear every time " I took a deep breathe and continued " Every time I look at that door and
remember that the stupid guy was fucking drunk ! Drunk !
He could've said no to the motherfucking drink and Bell would be here with me." I kept my head down.
" Give it time, Harry." Louis whispered.
" She's a really strong gal, Bell's gonna be okay." Eleanor whipped a tear slipping down her cheekbones.
" But it could've been stopped. It just feels like this huge gigantic pill stuck in my throat.
It's hard to swallow." I waved my hands around in frustration.
" It's battery acid." I sighed.
" You can go in and see her, if it makes you feel better." Liam nodded at me.
I've tried seeing her. Its what I've been doing everyday, what all of us have been doing. I
just miss her. So much. If only I got to hold her one last time. Just one last time.
I inhaled a deep breath and turned the door knob clockwise.
She looks pale. Paler than usual. I just keep trying to tell myself its all going to be okay.
But there's one small little part of me that already got over the fact something bad will happen soon.
I sank down on the little bench and grabbed her hand. She feels so cold . Bell doesn't look alive anymore.
I used to steal a glance at her and just see her glowing with happiness. I miss that.
Now all what I see is the past of her. I know. I know its a bad thing to say but that little
part of me just got over it. And that's totally not okay. Remember that hard pill ?
I can feel it in my throat all over again.
" Babe please. I know you're weak. I know, but please just give me a sign.
One little sign that you're still in there." I let a tear slip squeezing her hand.
" The doctors are giving you a ten day chance. They're going to unplug the machines fro-"
My voice cracked and I knew I couldn't talk anymore. I can't.
I sat there for a while letting it all out. Thinking of what my life would be like if Bell never woke up.
I would end my life. Kill my self. It's funny how people say kill yourself, they make it sound like
such a murder. Taking away your own life ? It's such a privilege some times.
I just wanted a sign. I need a sign. I want and need Bell.
" Stay strong, darling. I love you so much, and always will." I whispered gently puckering my lips together kissing her weak frozen hand.
* Bell's POV*
I never believed what those sappy cliche ass movies made you think, someone in a coma
still being able to hear their surroundings ? Yeah well, I've been proven wrong. I felt it all.
Harry's lips on my hand every day. His tears wetting my skin. His presence. Eleanor's soft tone.
Louis' jokes. Liam telling me to stay strong. I felt Zayn squeezing my hand with some meaningful quote.
And Niall promising me food. It hurts. It fucking hurts how I can't move. I can't give them a sign.
I feel so powerless and weak, too. I push and push every single goddamn ounce of force and energy in my body just to move my thumb, to squeeze their hand. Anything ! But I'm still weak. I'm as weak as yesterday, today, and as tomorrow will be. I feel so much pain. Physical pain, too. I can feel my ribs parting. My head is still pounding and I'm tired. I'm mostly hurt. I don't know what to do. I just scream. I scream I'm here. I scream for help. Scream all I want and no one hears my pleading. I need to get better. I don't know how, though.
Ok, thnx so much
2/17/13