Anesha’s POV

Zayn pulled up in front of an ice cream parlor and opened the door for me. He is so sweet. I smiled and got out of the car.


My sister was already standing in front of the doors of the parlor, staring at it. I don’t know why my sister does these things. But I won’t bother asking her about it. She needs time alone.


I pat her shoulder and pushed the door open, entering the parlor. Claire, Ameina and Zayn followed. We walked up to the counter and each ordered an ice cream cone.

We sat down at a table close to a window. Ameina took the seat on the edge, closest to the window. As she licked her ice cream, she stared out the window, her forehead against the glass.

Ameina didn’t talk at all during the visit to the ice cream parlor. I began to worry about her a little bit more, but a voice in my head tells me my sister will be okay. This is all going to end soon.


When we got home, my sister took a slice of apple pie from the fridge and took it upstairs to her room without saying anything or even looking at me when she passed by. I know she’s anti-social but she could’ve at least notice that I was there.


So I just decided to go on Instagram. There’s nothing on TV anyway. I unlocked my phone and began to scroll through the pictures on Instagram, liking a few while doing so.


Soon, I felt like Ameina was using her razors and knife again. I felt distraught and ran upstairs to check on her to see if she was alright.


I opened her door, and saw Ameina under her sheets. I let out a sigh of relief – I think I really need to stop worrying now. She’s alright.


Wait a minute.


Panting, I quickly opened her blankets, and instead of finding Ameina, I found three pillows under the blankets. I looked to my left and found the window open.


Oh crap, Ameina has climbed out!


I rushed downstairs, put on my jacket really quickly and pushed opened the door and looked for Ameina. I couldn’t find her anywhere near the house…


Ameina’s POV

Sadness becomes me, like a monarch butterfly on a honeysuckle bush. It buries itself deep inside my soul, wrapping it’s long spiky vines of arms around me like a bitter hug from a old friend. Unlike distress, sadness is made for just one to suffer.


I’m sad. I’m depressed. I don’t know what to do. Now I’m just sitting in my room, having no idea at all what to think or do. Sometimes I think my blade is my only friend I have. Not Anesha, not Niall, not even Claire.


Sometimes I think I'm okay, I'm moving on, and the rest of my life will be fine. I think about the rest of my life these days, pass the next hour of breathing. That used to be hard. These days I don't plan the songs to be played at my funeral, or think of how I'd like to die, I imagine living and succeeding.


I look forward to things these days, I have goals and achievements. To prove to myself that living was a good choice. To prove that my life is worth living.


Sometimes I think I'm okay. Then I remember.


My chest falls in on itself, my breathing almost stops. My eyes sting with hot tears and I grow cold. My hands tremble slightly and then I feel the strike of memories lash at my arm.


I feel the feeling of pain and the pressure, the allure of death. I remember how I used to be.


These days I seem to be okay. I smile. And talk. No open wounds. People wouldn't know how bad it occasionally gets. Feeling old pains, death making sense again. I get scared, I wasn't scared before, I was comforted. This time round I am afraid, that I will murder this body, damage it's skin.


I am terrified.


The reality is, I did die a little death. And it cost me many things. I no longer feel. For other human beings, emotions that they keep and that hurts them.


I can’t care.
I am selfish.


I'm not that person anymore..
I'm not me anymore.


Niall, stop calling me back. I don't want you anymore. Stop pulling me in. Let me live. I beg of you. I am terrified.

---

I decided to go to Claire’s house and talk to her. I think it’s time she knows about my cutting, about my problems. I don’t want to walk downstairs and talk to Anesha again as I walk out the door.


I opened my window and looked down. I was already climbing out, and then I realize that I’m about fifteen feet or something off the ground. I don’t know, I’m not really good at math, but I’m pretty high off the ground.


Am I supposed to jump down? I suppose so. So I did.


I yelped quietly as I fell, hoping Anesha won’t hear, and I landed on my back on the ground. It hurt so much, as if I just cracked my spine or something.


I quickly tried to stand up and looked around. No one probably saw me fall, which is a good thing. Claire’s house is about ten minutes away from mine, and I’d have to walk past Niall’s house.


So I walked and walked, trying to reach Claire’s house. As I walked there, my mind was full of thoughts. Niall. Self-harm. What I’ve done to myself. Falling.


That’s all I’ve been doing to myself all these years. Shutting my eyes tight, hating all the suspense happening around me, wondering when I’ll ever finish falling and hit the bottom of this dark abyss.


I’m standing on the sidewalk across Claire’s house. I have to cross the road – carefully. The streets are always busy with cars on Sundays, with families going to the beach or having lunch at a nice restaurant. My family never had dinner together again ever since Anesha and I were three.


I begin to walk a few inches away from the sidewalk, all sweaty and nervous. I’m not used to crossing a road. But I have to try – for the sake of seeing Claire.


Without thinking, I started to run. As I look for cars, I see a silver one driving really fast towards me, and I start to panic. Terrified, I stood there, not sure what to do. Before the car can reach even closer toward me, I crossed my fingers and prepared myself…


But as the car was only three or four feet away from me, I feel someone push me away, and I land on the other side of the sidewalk. I hear a crash and look up to see what happened.


The car was upside down and the doors were swinging open. The license plate had fallen off and there were a lot of bumps on it. I assumed it had hit a pole or something, trying to avoid hitting me or whoever pushed me away. Soon, some policemen and an ambulance arrived.


Somebody helped me up and I headed closer towards the broken car. I needed to find out who pushed me away. I found someone carried out of the car – it’s the driver. He was an old man somewhere in his mid-forties. But I have to find out who saved me.


A policeman insisted I stay far from the car. But I didn’t listen. I slightly pushed him away and walked closer toward the car. My vision was faint and I felt really dizzy – but… I have to find who saved me.


I found someone laying on the ground under the car. I noticed he was bleeding heavily on his head and had more wounds around his neck. His arms had lost of scars and scratches on it. Most of them were bleeding as well.


But then I realize who pushed me away to safety.


His hair was blonde, wearing a greenish-greyish t-shirt and dark gray jeans. Oh my god.


This is Niall Horan that saved me.


Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I felt more tears coming. I dropped my body down on the ground and held Niall’s hand tight. He was barely breathing.


I rested my head on his shoulder and cried. Soon, everything turned black.

Notes

I told you things were getting intense!


I really hope you liked this chapter! I personally think this is my most favorite one that i wrote haha. will update soon. xx