Something You Want to Forget About

I couldn’t sleep last night due to thinking about Ameina so much. I couldn’t let her go.

I looked at my digital clock. 5.30 AM. I’m usually not up this early. Besides, it’s a Saturday. I guess I should get my mind off of Ameina for a bit.

I decided to go on my laptop to watch YouTube and check my Twitter. Man, I can’t even remember when was the last time I’ve done that. I’ve been so distracted with Ameina.

Twitter was so still. Duh, its this early in the morning, of course no one’s tweeting.

1 New Tweet it read on my timeline. I clicked it and it revealed a tweet from Ameina. I just remembered I’m still following her on Twitter.

It read,

I’m sick of all this.

Does she really need to put that out in public? She probably doesn’t know the hurt I feel. Still, it’s not my fault that girl kissed me.

I clicked reply and typed in,

I am, too.

For a moment I thought if I should hit the tweet button. But then I decided I shouldn’t. It’ll just make a bigger problem anyway.

I kept staring at Ameina’s tweet. But then I shut my laptop angrily and got out of my bed, heading toward my desk, grabbing a paper and a pen.

Ameina’s POV

I stayed on Twitter and YouTube for a few hours. Surprisingly I woke up at five thirty this morning, considering I’m not an early bird.

Now it’s eleven o’ clock and I’m still in bed, staring at my laptop screen. I was under my blanket with my laptop, the curtains were closed and my room was dark. This felt so perfect. These are the times when I could just escape the outside world for a while.

Anesha was out in the park with Zayn. They usually go on their dates in the morning, when everyone isn’t out and about and it’s peaceful.

If only me and Niall did that.

But whatever. I hate him now. He’s just a waste of time.

I heard the doorbell ring and I instantly got out of bed to answer it. I stretched and yawned and went downstairs to the first floor towards the door.

I opened it. No one was there. Ugh, kids. It was probably a prank. But something caught my eye before closing the door.

On the Welcome mat on the porch was a white envelope saying Ameina on the front of it. I reached down to pick it up and went back inside to my room to read it.

I tore it open, revealing a sheet of paper inside. I began to read it in my head.

Dear Ameina,

I am sorry for everything.

I woke up really early this morning thinking about you. I can’t stand it. I need to talk to you.

I’m sorry for hurting you. I want you to know that its not my fault that girl kissed me. She just came up to me and did it, but still… I’m sorry.

I still love you. Please come back to me. I’m desperate.

Nialler~

My heart pounded at every word. Is he really this desperate? Well… What am I supposed to do at a situation like this? I don’t like him anymore…

But… that look on his face he gives me everyday, so hopeless and distraught. But I can’t come back. Never. I’m so confused.

I felt a hot tear stream down my cheek and dropping to the edge of the paper. Then I started to really cry. I… I don’t know what to do. All this crap happening, I’m just so sick of it.

I went to my phone. Luckily I’ve been saving a lot of money by helping out at the animal shelter for the past few weeks and I was fortunate enough to buy myself an iPhone.

I dialed Claire’s number and put the phone over my ear. I’m not texting her, not in a situation like this. For a moment Claire didn’t pick up. But then she answered me.

“Claire?” I muttered. Claire responded with a yawn and said, “yes?” sleepily.

“Um… Did you just wake up?”

“Mhm.”

“Well… um… I need to talk to you.”

“What?” her voice sounded a little more excited.

“Niall said he loves me a month ago, and-”

“WHAT! Oh god, what did you do!?”

“Okay, okay, I’ll explain everything…”

We talked for about an hour or two about this whole Niall thing. She told me it isn’t Niall’s fault the girl kissed her. Okay, maybe she’s right, but still…

“You need to appreciate him more,” Claire says, “he’s been through a lot, remember?”

I sighed. Claire’s right. But that doesn’t really convince me enough.

Claire said she had to go and hung up. God, I’m so confused! I can’t go through all this alone! Niall’s making me feel like crap, that blonde girl’s making me feel like crap, everything’s making me feel like crap.

There’s only one thing left to do.

I walked toward my closet, where there was a box on the highest shelf. I reached up to grab it and opened the box.

Inside was a small knife, the same knife I stole from the kitchen two years ago, used to cut food to feed me and Anesha.

I stared at it for a while. But then I shrugged out all the thoughts in my head about everything else. And slowly, I cut my wrist, re-opening the same cut from two months ago.

The dark side of me had returned.

Notes