Maybe I should just stop apologizing for never updating...

Recap:

• Samantha drugged and raped at one direction concert by a man hired by/friends with her mentally unstable brother
• one direction boys find her and take her in, postponing their tour while her case is under investigation
• she develops a relationship with harry
• multiple interviews with the boys and Samantha explaining everything to their fans
• the police catch her brother and his friend who raped her-- they are both sent to jail
• Samantha and Harry's relationship intensifies
• Samantha finds out that she is pregnant with Matthew's child

• The boy's media man tells them to set up social media sites in order to get samantha connected with one direction's fans. The plan is to eventually make a video diary explaining everything that has happened and telling the fans about sam's pregnancy
• Samantha breaks under the pressure and tells the fans via twitter that she is pregnant. Shit goes down (her and Harry argue over a phone call, both feel terrible for it)
• Calendar corresponding with everything that has happened in the story: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Vziw-DmOabnmzRcnGUv7zMbzH4JZFzjOfoes_PTbkwo/edit

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Samantha POV:

I lie on the bed trembling and alone as I absorb Harry’s words. He’s right. I’ve ruined everything. How could I be so selfish? My actions are going to make everything so much harder. Not only that, but i’m ashamed that i’ve let everyone down so hard. I acted like a baby and broke under the pressure, even after Harry had warned me that it would be hard.

A fresh wave of anxiety surges through my body as I replay Harry’s angry words over and over in my head. Trying to comfort myself I curl my body into a tighter ball, attempting to shield myself and my growing baby from the outside world. A thin sweat breaks out on my forehead as the minutes pass, and I know I won’t be able to calm this panic attack on my own. I need Harry for that. My body convulses in emotional pain as I remind myself that Harry won’t be coming back for me. I’ve hurt him too bad. He’ll never love me again after how mean I was to him. My fist clenches into the bed sheets, crushing the fabric as I writhe internally in emotional agony.

Endless minutes pass as I stay shaking in this position. Tears leak from my eyes, but I make no noise. All of a sudden there’s a knock on my door, and to me the sound is magnified tenfold, piercing my eardrums. I try to shield myself from the noise. All of my senses are overstimulated, and a heavy blanket of pain and regret weighs down on me.

The knock comes again, this time louder, and I manage a groan in response. Suddenly the door clicks open and I hear someone enter.

“Oh Sam…” comes the soft murmur. Louis makes his way to the opposite side of the bed and slowly eases himself onto it next to me. I keep my eyes squeezed tightly shut, wishing he would go away. I never had panic attacks like this before. They only started after I was attacked, and they make me feel helpless and childish. Louis shouldn’t see me like this. The only person who has truly seen one of my panic attacks before is Harry. This thought causes me to shudder once more, drawing back further into myself.

“Hey hey hey,” whispers Louis, his steady hand finding mine, and firmly encasing it. I can’t relax, my body is tightly wound, and my fingers lie stiff in his. Louis stays silent for a few moments before taking a deep breath and leaning down towards me.

“I just got off the phone with Harry...”

No, I think. Stop. I don't want to hear it. I don’t want to hear about how much pain i’ve caused Harry through my actions. My mind screams at him to stop talking but I remain silent and unresponsive so Louis continues.

“He asked me to come make sure you’re okay. He said he upset you over the phone, and he feels terrible for it Sam.” My breath catches at these words. Harry isn’t mad? My heart rate slowly starts to decrease as I open my eyes, my whole body still trembling slightly in the grip of my panic attack.

I focus on Louis’ face hovering above mine. All I can see is concern etched across his features.

“He said that he knows how much pressure you’re under right now, and he said that it was unfair of him to expect you to handle it the same way that he or I would. We’re used to this Sam. All the media and feedback from the fans is extremely overwhelming, but we’ve had so much time to get used to it. You, on the other hand had to adjust to this lifestyle virtually overnight, plus you have all of the stress involving your baby… I mean Jesus Sam, no one blames you for anything at all. Any of us would have cracked under the pressure too.” Louis tells me as he strokes my back gently back and forth as I struggle to calm my erratic breathing.

“I’m such a baby Louis,” I whisper, my voice cracking as I say the words. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” The feelings start to crash down on me once again and my breathing comes in short gasps. This is the worst panic attack I have ever had, and I'm completely helpless against the feelings crushing me from within. I know I won’t be able to get through it without Harry to help me.

“Listen to me Sam. You are by far the strongest person I know. You underestimate yourself too much. You’ve gone through things that most people couldn’t even begin to imagine going through. This is perfectly normal okay?”

Louis tries to give an encouraging smile, but I can see that even he is struggling to keep a brave face. I know his words are sincere, and he does care about me, but i can tell i’ve overwhelmed him, and his realization of the enormity of my pain is affecting him. A fresh sob escapes my lips as I observe a look of helplessness flash across Louis’ face. Suddenly his attention is drawn to someone behind me as we hear a sharp inhale from the doorway. A look of immense relief passes through Louis as he realizes that his job here is done.

Within seconds strong arms have roped their way around me, crushing me to the familiar warm chest.



Harry POV:

This is the worst panic attack I have ever seen Sam have. She can hardly catch her breath, and her whole body is shaking hard, weak with anxiety. She buries her tiny body closer to me, finally releasing some of the pent up pressure as she sobs into my chest. My heart aches for her as I hold her close trying to ease her pain with my presence.

Louis gets up from the bed, and rests his hand on my shoulder, hardly meeting my gaze.
“Be good to her mate,” He murmurs before leaving the room, tears glistening in his eyes. I don’t know what happened between them before I came, but I can tell that he’s really shaken by Sam’s episode. I’m the only one who has ever experienced one of her panic attacks before, and I know Louis must be extremely overwhelmed by it.

I shift Sam gently in my arms so I can hold her close on the bed, rubbing her back firmly as I murmur into her ear.

“I came as fast as I could darlin’. I’m so sorry.” I whisper. “So So sorry.”

Notes

This makes me sad.

Please forgive me for being the shittiest up-loader ever.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
COMMENT, VOTE, SUBSCRIBE!!!!!

ps. massive snowstorm tonight so no school tomorrow! maybe ill get another update in for ya (seriously no promises though lol, you should know that by now)


Love you all!
~AmyLeigh