Does he know?

"Party.. Again? " I looked at him with shocky eyes.

"Yeah why not?" He giggled. " Me and Louis have reserved the VIP lounge in Liverpool's biggest nightclub!

"Woooow seriously? Of course i'm in you know I love the night life!"

"Yeah of course it's Lou's birthday it's going to be massive I promise! Lots of drinks tonighhttt" he sung.

I laughed I knew tonight would be an extened version of yesterday. Just with a dancefloor which I loved the most. I thanked Harry for a lovely dinner as I decided to take a shower and find clothes for tonight. - Except there was something that bothered me, and when something bothers me, there's only one thing to do: write it on paper!

I'm the type of girl who can't hide her problems. I need to tell someone about my problems otherwise i'll explode like a bomb. I need to get out with my thoughts and feelings ASAP. Usually I post whatever I feel on Tumblr but my computer was down, so I decided to write everything on paper.I quickly found a piece of paper and a pencil. And from that I just wrote whatever I had on my mind, I felt like it was a kind of 'love letter to Zayn' but of course I wouldn't give it to him! NEVER.


Dear Zayn, i'm so sorry for every pain I have caused you. You are my best friend, the only boy who understands me fully, the only boy that knows everything about me. I have never in my life felt so comfortable around a person before. Before I met you, I had no idea how it was to love a guy, I had no idea how it was to smile without any reason. When I wake up every morning next to you, I automatically smile. I love waking up next to you, I love seeing your cute-tired face in the morning. Crazy as it sounds I even love when you snore in the middle of the night. I feel so safe around you, and more important I feel comfortable. I forget every insecurity I have when I'm with you. Before we met, I didn't know how it was being loved by a guy I didn't know how it was to feel safe around a guy. I have also been insecure about my body, I have never felt beautiful. You made me feel beautiful. I'm so shy which you already know. I got my first kiss here in college: Harry, you were the second. Normally I would totally freak out and over think every kiss and every move I made, but I surprisingly didn't which I have never known I would. I have always been an over-thinker, a person who over analyze every single thing, move and word. But when you came into my life you made everything better, you made me feel complete for the first time in my life. You were the missing spot I had. You fulfilled me. I'm sorry I have never told you this I'm not the best person to express myself but I need to. I need to tell you how important you are. I'm slowly realizing that I have played a lot with your emotions, as well as I have played with mine and Harrys. I feel like a stupid ego whore because of that. I don't know why I behave like a little kid when i'm around you and Harry. I guess I dont know what real love is I cant define what real love is and how it feels to be in love. But im pretty sure that 's what i feel when im around you because i feel so safe and i feel space to be myself . i know you would never judge me and i know it takes a life time to find someone like u. i think the main reason ive been like this is because im stuck between my best friend and my first love. harry was my first everything and i dont regret anything, the only thing I regret is that I hurt you, that I lied to you because of harry u didnt derserve it at all , u didnt deserve any pain that I may have caused you. I apologize from the bottom of my heart because you make me happier than i've ever been in my life. I know we sometimes fight(like never) but it doesnt change anything. im sorry for everything i wish i could turn back time :( I love you and I hope you'll realize that you're all I ever wanted. You're all that matters to me. You make me complete..

I've finally realized who I love..I started writing likes and dislikes about both boys and I realized that Zayn has everything I've been looking for in a boy the problem is that the fact that Harry was my first made me turn to him all the time. I still love Harry I really do I have never been boys' number 1 and that's why it's hard for me to pick the right guy. Maybe there is no right guy? Maybe there is only a guy who makes you feel right but you ve to open your eyes to see that?



"Annabelle what are you doing?"


HOLY SHIT ..

Notes