The funeral followed shortly after, and I was asked to present a speech about the life of Louis, seeing how I was recognized as one of his closest companions. Many people arrived, not that I was surprised, how could you not care for Louis? Everyone was cloaked in dark colors, to match our moods. Everyone was chatting before the memorial started, but it was more of a murmur than anything.

Eventually the room was silenced, and the man who lead the funeral introduced the people who were to give speeches. Some relatives went, then it was my turn. I looked at my little scrap of paper, but I knew that I would be speaking more from the heart than from it.

"We are all gathered today in rememberance of Louis William Tomlinson. He played a different role in each of our lives, whether it was son, uncle, cousin, student, friend, or favorite author." I smiled at the last part. I tried to start out deep and professional, but I wasn't holding up well.

"Louis first came into my life during my Senior year of highschool. At first, I was annoyed with him. He talked a lot, and he was almost too friendly for my liking. But it was that constant positive attitude that broke through the wall I had built back then, and because of that I can honestly say that he was my first true friend." I felt my throat closing with a lump, but kept on.

"It's not the incredibly fun memories of us that makes him someone I'll never forget, though we did have many, but moreso the unusually wise counsel he gave me. Not only through words, but actions. No matter what mistake I made..." I choked up, holding my head down to regain my composure. The pastor offered to finish for me, but I had nothing for him to read off of.

"It's a cliche thing to say about someone you hold dear to yourself, but I believe that God sent me an angel named Louis Tomlinson. He never judged, never hated, never stayed sad longer than a minute. He was a joy-filled blessing just waiting to brighten your day, and he never failed to do so." I smiled weakly, wiping the tears now racing down from my eyes.

"Lou lived a life to admire, and I unfortunately found that out just a few days late. He changed my life in so many ways, and if you were close to him, I bet he changed yours too. If he were still here, he'd tell me to stop crying and get on with it." I laughed through my sobs, causing a chuckle from everybody.

"Through him, I learned how to let go, be happy, and love. It's funny how they say 'you don't know what you have until it's gone', because I thought I did know. But now I realize that I could never know all the tricks that boy had up his sleeve. Even if you didn't know him all that well, he was a joy to meet and now it's a joy to reflect on his life. I will continue to love and miss Louis for the rest of my life, but I'll be a happier person knowing the impact he made on everyone's life." I turned to walk off stage, before I became an even worse mess right there. I quietly exited to go to the bathroom, cleaning up a bit before slipping back into the room and stealing a seat in the back.

When the service ended, some people came up to apologize or to tell me that my speech brought them to tears as well. I was glad that everyone could relate, it made me realize just how universally great Louis treated everyone.

I went to the burial, and they slowly lowered his casket into the designated area. We all said our final goodbyes before the dirt covered my best friend's tomb, and I could really do was clutch to all my friends who had come together to mourn over that horribly sad day.

That's what brings me here, roughly 15 years later, writing this book. I reflect on these memories from time to time, still dumbfounded as to how one person could affect so many aspects of life for me. In fact, I often still cry on Liam's shoulder when I get too hard on myself for not being a better friend to him. Because, the fact was, I loved him all the same.

Since that day, I've moved on, yet I've stayed in one spot. I'm accepting the fact that he is gone, but I refuse to let him go. I may not hear his words of love and wisdom every day, but I can hold on to the ones already said. I have a picture frame on our nightstand of the three of us; Louis, Liam and me. "Our" referring to my husband Liam and me, of course.

My two little girls will occasionally come in the bedroom from to ask, "Mommy, who's the other guy with you and Daddy?" and point to that picture. I only ever respond with "our guardian angel" and smile. They will find out one day, who the man in the picture is, but until then, he will forever be our angel.

My angel.