Rating: 2 or 3

Description: A little girl, Kylie, grows up without parents and lives with her grandparents

So, I don't really know how to judge this. Because the character is five, and since she's talking, or rather writing, during this story, her grammar isn't the best. And that's what's bothering me. Because I can't expect five year olds to have the best grammar, but I also don't know if it's you that doesn't have good grammar. So yeah. The least you could do is capitalize the beginnings of your sentences, okay?

I love the ending of chapter one. It's so cute, and just gets me all excited about the idea of Harry Styles calling me....the things I would say to that boy.... Never mind!

Also, please put more detail. I grow bored reading your story at times. Especially the parts with the kid bullies and stuff. Just the whole "I sat there and cried." I understand she's five and she won't be able to really form words about what she's feeling, but your story is so black and white. Excite us! I want to feel what this child is feeling! She's basically an orphan and only has her grandparents. Really explain and describe how she feels.. I can't really give you more advice than that.

I really hope you take my advice because I'm interested in how your story progresses. Watching the puzzle pieces fall into place will be so thrilling to read! How her parents met, and what made them break up, what made the mother give up Kylie. I will be watching your story! Don't let me down! Haha...

Good luck!

~M

Notes

Link: Childhood