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It Takes Patience II: Guarded

Chapter 8: Refute

*Reagan’s POV*
I looked at the man in front of me and there was a definite ringing in my ears. The plane had not yet taken off and though I knew we were still on the ground I found myself trying to make my ears pop. My head began to fill with questions, comments and even a string of profanities that I could vehemently spit his way. Peyton had become a symbol of demise between Harry and I and he acted as if he was completely oblivious to that fact.

“I never thought I would see you again. How are you?” How could he ask me that? Of all questions to be asked ‘how are you’ was the last one that I wanted to answer.

“I’m good, how are you?” My voice came out as neutral as I intended to be and I was both proud and shocked with myself. I won’t allow anyone or anything else break me down today. I physically and mentally can’t handle it.

As people continued to board the plane, Peyton took the seat next to mine in order to avoid any traffic he would have caused in the aisle. I stiffened unprepared for the close proximity before he spoke again.

“I’ve been alright...I’ve missed you and Laurie terribly. It’s so comforting to see a familiar face even as we’re getting ready to go back to my home town. I haven’t really adjusted to being in California all that well to be honest. I literally know no one besides the guys that I work with and all of them are wankers except for my boss.” Peyton spoke quickly as he was relieved to get what he had said off of his chest.

I simply nodded in reply not being able to return the feeling of a void from not seeing him. We fall into an awkward silence and the small smile that creeps upon Peyton’s lips reflects the change in the air between us.

“Reagan, I’ve been meaning to ask you...Why did you leave London so quickly? I mean when everyone else was gathered at the ceremonials at the end of the internship, I looked for you but you weren’t there.”

Fire began to replace my blood and race through my veins and I had to catch myself before I replied. He knows what happened and he’s doing this to taunt me.

“I have no intentions on sharing that with you Peyton. You can stop the act of the poor romantic innocent that you’re putting on because I don’t buy it.” I spoke calmly, once again keeping my wits about myself even though all I wanted to do was implode.

Peyton looked at me with confusion and maybe even hurt settling on his features and before he could get out another word, Dr. Koch came to claim his seat. I closed my eyes and let out a breath that I didn’t even realize that I was holding as Peyton stood up to go to his designated spot.

“So you are familiar with Dr. Adams’ new protégé?” I looked to Dr. Koch with a smile, hoping to not show my disdain towards Peyton. I nodded my head slowly before I replied.

“I’m acquainted with him, yes.”

“Would I be wrong for detecting a sense of animosity behind your tone?”

Psychiatrists and Psychologists, they’re all too perceptive in what goes on around them and yet my subconscious talks about them as if I don’t want to be one myself.

“No, no animosity at all.” Dr. Koch pursed his lips in a hard line knowing that my answer was the farthest from the truth.

As we took off, I could feel my phone vibrate in my lap. I don’t know if it was because I was too lazy to read it, or because I had a feeling on who the new notification was from, but I kept it there allowing my thoughts to distract me once again. I looked out the window as the clouds that swam in the blue sky along with us began to lull me to sleep. Although I’ve taken the eleven to twelve hour flight twice before, this one in particular has already been the longest by far.

We landed in London around eight p.m. and I was grateful that I slept through the majority of the flight. I dream't of nothing but Harry and when we got outside of Heathrow, I felt connected to him again. Hope began to grow inside of me warming me against the chill of the English fall winds. Though I didn’t think it would be possible, England grew even more beautiful in the fall, and though it’s only been a month and a half since my departure, it feels like I’m seeing everything again with a new set of eyes.

We stood outside as Dr. Koch hailed a taxi and I found myself keeping an eye out for Peyton. I didn’t see him and I hoped to keep my distance during my next few months here. The thought however proved too good to be true when I opened up my phone and saw a text from him. Note to self, I need to change my number.

From: Peyton
It wasn’t my intention to offend you, and if I have I’m sorry. However, I do wish to know what I did wrong? I’m so confused Reagan. Please, can we talk about this?

I closed the text as the heat from my anger began to warm my body again. Dr. Koch finally found us a taxi and my mind began to race on the ride to our hotel. There’s no way that he can talk himself out of this. I bet it’s his fault that it all happened in the first place.

'Is it not your fault as well? Don’t be so quick to play the blame game when you’re just as guilty as he is'. My subconscious is at her dirty work again and I hate her for it. I normally do hate her when she’s right.

We arrived at the Savoy hotel in what seemed like mere short minutes when I knew in fact that it took longer. During the ride, I decided to text Peyton back and agreed to meet with him. While one side of me wants nothing to do with him, part of me is somewhat eager to hear what he could possibly say.

When I got to my room, I was amazed with the size of it. I was also a skeptic to how this was affordable for the amount of time we would be staying here for research, but I won’t dare complain. I was on the twelfth floor and though my view in my apartment earlier this year was nice, this is surely the most beautiful l sight I’ve ever seen .I was pulled away from my gaze when I felt my phone vibrate again against my hip.

From: Peyton
I’m ready if you are, will you meet me down in the lobby?

I rolled my eyes and grabbed my jacket from the chair. After Dr. Koch disappeared into the hotel, he was nowhere to be found. I’m sure he won’t need me tonight...at least I hope he doesn’t. When I got down to the lobby, Peyton stood in the main corridor shifting his weight back and forth on his feet. He was clearly nervous and he should be. If I was a liar I would be nervous too. 'You are a liar, you’re just not as good at it'. I shake away the thought as I walk towards Peyton and stop a yard away from him as if I would explode if I got any closer.

“Thank you for meeting me. I was hoping we could talk and walk? It’s easier that way I think, plus I’m pretty familiar with the area. Unless you don’t want to that is?”

“Walking is fine.” I looked at Peyton with caution in my eyes. At least if we walk, I won’t have to face him directly. There are so many other distractions going on in the city, I may not have to really listen to him at all.

“Reagan, I don’t understand what I did wrong. I haven’t talked about my feelings for you as I promised not to the night after you kissed me. I haven’t even seen you in a month. I’m totally confused.”

“Peyton, I was fired from my internship.” The words came out like venom. I spit them at him and we’ve only just started our conversation.

“I didn’t know that....Why has that made you angry with me? The day I saw you crying when you were leaving Maudsley, is that what it was about?”

Peyton looked over to me doe eyed and innocent adding fuel to my fire and cracking away at me at the same time. He’s not innocent...he can’t be. I looked up at him raising my eyebrows, searching for the next word to say. What if he really doesn’t know anything about Harry and I and it really all was just a misunderstanding? I would feel horrible for treating him this way, but then again how did he get Harry’s phone?

“Yes Peyton! I got fired because Dr. Baker found out that I was carrying on with Harry in more than a professional way. Someone had to have told!”

“Oh, I see... But that wasn’t me Reagan, I knew nothing about it. At least I know now who it is you had feelings for... If that was who you were with, I wouldn’t have told. I’m not a vengeful person Reagan. I want you to be happy and if it’s with him, then that’s it. He better be treating you right. You must be overjoyed to get back to him and see him. I’m sure he misses you. I know I have.” The pained expression that crossed Peyton’s face was almost enough to stop me in my tracks. Maybe he really didn’t know, but what about the phone? The phone couldn’t have been just a coincidence.

“We’re not together at the moment.” As soon as I spoke I wish I could suck the words back into my mouth like a vacuum. It’s none of his business.

“Oh, why?”

“Now I know you’re putting on an act!” Anger rose within me again and the sparkle of hope that was in his eyes at the mention of Harry and I not being together began to dull.

“Your phone! How did Harry magically end up with your phone that night at M.O.S.? And he got it right after we kissed Peyton! I know that I must have hurt you and I’m sorry for that I am, but why take the time and ruin everything for me?!”

“Reagan I would never! I wouldn’t! I didn’t know that was Harry that I bumped into.”

“Bumped into?”

“Yes after you kissed me and rejected me, I turned to go back into the club when other people where coming out. There were so many other people and I was more than a little drunk. I was going in when I bumped into someone. We dropped our phones and we had the same one, all damn iPhone's look the same anyway and they become identical when you’re drunk. He apologized, but we must have swapped phones on accident. I didn’t realize it until later when I sobered up a bit that he must have grabbed mine. I was lucky that he didn’t lock his phone or else I wouldn’t have been able to call mine to get it back. I had no clue that it was Harry, I promise you.”

His story sounds feasible, but there are still so many questions I have that need to be answered. I won’t give in that easy.

“What did you say when you called?!”

“I was just trying to get my phone back. I told him I think we swapped phones and he realized it too after we spoke. That’s it, that’s all I said. I still didn’t know that it was him I was talking to. It was pretty badly damaged when Laurie gave it back to me by the way. I thought it was one of her friends who found it, why else would she have had it?”

“Because I gave it to her, because Harry had it and saw the pictures of us on it that were saved into your background!” I couldn’t tell him about the text messages that we read. He doesn’t need to know that Harry and I went through his phone and read them causing our split.

“Reagan those pictures were only on the phone because, well, because at that moment in time when they were taken, you were mine and I was happy, happy with you. I didn’t mean to cause a riff between you and Harry. You have to believe me.”

I feel like shit. Weather Peyton knows it or not, I was never his in the first place and this could have all been an accident like he says. Peyton is a sweetheart. He wouldn’t do anything to purposefully hurt me the way I’ve hurt him. Our walk had come to a halt and I hadn’t even realized that we ended up in front of the London eye. Peyton looked at me with uncertainty in his eyes and it crushed me. It was all my fault.

“I’m sorry Peyton. I’ve wanted someone to blame for so long, and it was unfair of me to put it on you.” Peyton smiled at me and then held out his hand causing me to look at him confused as to what he was doing.

“Let’s start over then. Hi I’m Peyton Dodds, it’s my pleasure to meet you.”

“Hello Peyton, I’m Reagan Stoger and I’m sure the pleasure is all mine, but I would much rather have a hug than a handshake.” Peyton smiled a blinding pearly white smile before he opened his arms and I was thankful to have a friend in my corner again. When I was released from the hug, Peyton and I chuckled and continued to walk in a comfortable silence before he spoke again.

“Are you hungry? We could go get something to eat, as friends of course.”

“I don’t know if I’m more hungry or tired from jet lag. Plus I’m sure I won’t have the day to sleep it off tomorrow. Dr. Koch seems to run on energizer batteries. He just keeps going and going. Nothing ever stops him from working.” Peyton chuckled and smiled again and I’m sure his smile would make any other girls knees go week, any other girl who hasn’t met my H. that is.

“You should still eat something small. Here, let’s go to macca’s, my treat.”

I’m sure my facial expression was perplexed until my question was answered as we walked into a McDonalds. When we began to place our order, two arms snaked around me from behind and I immediately tensed then relaxed into the unwelcome contact. When I turned around to see who it was that was holding me, I held my breath in hopes that it was H.