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It Takes Patience II: Guarded

Chapter 3: Selfish

*Reagan’s POV*
From: L’s
Reagan! Harry is stable now. They only let his mum and sister back to see him today,we're not allowed. We've been home for hours trying to sleep off everything, but everyone's nerves are still on end. Where Are You?!

My heart rate gradually returned to its normal pace and it didn’t feel as constricted in my chest as it did before. I let out a sigh of relief, but tears continued to flow down my face. I still need to hear him say from his own mouth that he's okay. I have to apologize and make him see how sorry I am. There is no one else that I want to be with more than H. I need him, and being halfway around the world away from him is definitely taking its toll on me.

My mom was still looking at me and waiting for an answer. I’m still beyond annoyed with her and Channel, but knowing that Harry is alive is enough to calm my nerves for now.

“Mom that’s really none of your business if I did or didn't, I’m 20 years old. I don’t have to share that with you. And my feelings for him would have nothing to do with that, if that's what you were getting at. Harry is getting better, not that either of you care.”

“Rea-Tard we care.” I rolled my eyes at Channel. Why is she putting on an act? I know how she feels about me and H.

“Reagan, we do care honey. I’m glad your friend didn’t die, but you’re my first concern. You never had anxiety attacks before you went over there and started messing around with him. You’re my only child. Do you know how scary it is to get a call to work saying that you’re daughters in the hospital? I hope you never do! And sex most certainly does have and effect on feelings Reagan! That changes everything! If you did I hope you were being safe! By the way that is a huge mother daughter moment that I hope you wouldn't rip away from me.” I rolled my eyes at my mom and ignored her last comment. Everything is a mother daughter moment to her. She can be so dramatic.

“He’s not my friend he’s my boyfriend, sex didn't change anything! I knew I loved him before that happened and I’m fine. They’re going to let me go after I eat.” I’m still not hungry, but maybe if I force something down they’ll let me go faster so I can call Laurie.

The look of shock on my mom's face was priceless and before she could open her mouth to say anything else about the situation, the nurse came back in behind the doctor with a tray of food.

“Eat what you can and after you do I’ll check your blood pressure again.” He leaves the room before I can protest and I take a piece of the sandwich that’s on the trey and pick at it while I text Laurie back.

To: L’s

I’m back home... I left you a note on your door saying that I was leaving...

I ate all that I would eat of the sandwich and stared into the hallway. My mom left the room to talk to the doctor and I need to know what she’s saying to him. Channel stayed in her seat. I have nothing to say to her right now and she knows it. We sit in palpable silence until my phone alerts me that I have a message.

From: L’s
WHAT? YOU DID WHAT REA? HOW COULD YOU BE SO SELFISH?! Harry needs you now, more than before and you’re gone! I know you had to leave soon but you didn't even try to fight for another chance. You've hurt two people unnecessarily! I can’t believe you!

My chest began to close up again because I know Laurie is pissed. I've already lost H.I don’t know how many more of my relationships falling to pieces I can handle. I didn't even think of what I did being as being selfish at the time but I know she’s right and the fact that Harry is in the hospital and I can’t be there for him makes my anxiety return.

Channel looked up at me as I continued my conversation with Laurie.

“Are you really not going to talk to me?”

“I have nothing to say to you right now Nel. You’re supposed to be in my corner and here lately you’ve been against me. I asked for my phone so that I could see if the one that I love is okay and you held it from me. Then you put on an air that you give a shit when I know you don’t!”

“I’m not against you Rea, I’m not! You’ve made yourself sick over Harry more than once, and because I’m your friend of course I’m more worried about you. I know you love him and because you’re for him so am I. I’m happy that he’s alright even if I din’t like him I would be happy that he didn’t die. I’m not that much of a bitch.”

“Yeah well you sure have a funny way of showing it!” Channel put her hands up in defeat and let out a deep breath before she stood to leave.

“Rea I love you, and when you’re ready to have a real conversation instead of attacking me then we can talk. Let me know when they let you out. Your mom has your things.”

When Channel left I felt completely alone, I keep pushing everyone away and I don’t mean to.


*Harry’s POV*
“Harold.... Sweetheart wake up, your family is here...There now, those bright green eyes are beautiful. Do you know where you are?”

I woke up to someone stroking my head and holding my hand and when I looked up, I saw my mother and Gemma. Both of their eyes were swollen and their faces were puffy. I know why, but this has nothing to do with them.

“Harry, do you know where you are?” The nurse put a cold stethoscope on my chest as she continued to question me.

“Hospital?...My throat hurts.” When I spoke I didn’t know if it was me. I sound so groggy.

“We had to pump your stomach love. A tube had to be placed down your throat. It may be a bit sore for a few hours but it will get better.” I looked around the room trying to avoid eye contact with my mum and sister. I know they’re upset but they wouldn’t understand.

“Does your chest hurt?” No more than the usual feeling I’ve had these past three days.

“No.”

“Harry you’re a very lucky young man. Your heart stopped and we had to use a defibrillator to start it again and then try to keep you stable.” My heart stopped long before today.

I can hear Gemma take in an uneasy breath and tears roll down my mum’s face at the mention of a defibrillator.

“We have to hold you here to make sure you’re secure throughout the night. We understand that you’re a patient of Dr. Baker’s? She’ll be here to talk to you about the dosage of pills you took shortly.” My eyes popped out of my head at the mention of Dr. Baker. I can’t go back to Maudsley. The nurse leaves the room and leaves me to the scolding that I know is inevitable.

“Harry why?! Why would you do this to us?! Do you know what we’ve been through these last few hours?!” My mum is furious when she shouts but she is hugging me so tight at the same time.

“It wasn’t about you. I wasn’t thinking about you when I did it. I didn’t mean to...” She lets me go and the look on her face turns from anger, to concern, to hurt. Maybe I’m bipolar because she is?

“You weren’t thinking at all! Do you know how scared I was that I was going to lose you?! All of us were terrified. Everyone was here for you! All of your friends, your family and for that comment to come out of your mouth shows how inconsiderate and selfish you really are! We love you Harry and I don’t know what I would do if I were to ever lose you, especially this way!”

Tears fall down my mother’s face and this time when she cries it’s different. I turn my head away from her not wanting tears to fall from my eyes. I have a feeling everyone was here, everyone but her...

“I’m sorry. I love you too. I really didn’t mean to.” It’s a lie and I know it, but I don’t like seeing her like this, anything to calm her down.

“I was only trying to sleep and I didn’t feel good.” I look at both my mum and my sister and I know they’re not buying it, but at the same time I’m sure they’d rather hear me say this rather than anything else right now. I’m sure I can make it sound convincing.

“They said they found 8 pills Harry don’t lie to me! They also said they found MDMA in your system that triggered everything else off!” Fuck!

“Okay... the X was a mistake. I did it last night. I’m sorry I won’t ever do it again. But the other eight I can explain-” Before I could finish Dr. Baker walked into my room. This can’t get any worse.

“Yes Harold, please do.” She greeted my mum and sister before she sat down with a clip board in hand and I can feel myself get nervous. I won’t go back to Maudsley.

“I took two aripiprazole and an antidepressants because my mood was shit. Then I had a head ache because of my hay fever so I took two antihistamines.”

“That accounts for five pills what about the other three? And ecstasy Harry? I don’t see how that could be mistaken. Were you trying to off yourself?” Dr. Baker began to write on her clip board and I could feel my panic build.

“ I wasn't! I don’t know, I don’t know what the other ones were I forgot! Please don’t send me back to Maudsley! I wasn’t trying to kill myself! Fuck! I wasn’t! I swear!” I ran my hands over my face then through my hair exasperatedly. I didn’t think this through well enough.

“I don’t want you back there anymore than you do, but what choice do you leave me in situations like this? Did you really progress to fall backwards so abruptly? Where is Miss Stoger? You seem to do better when she’s around.” Don’t. Don’t say her name. I can’t take it right now. I ignore the last comment about... her, before I answer.

“....No. I’ll do anything to prove it. I’m fine please don’t send me back there.” Dr. Baker took a deep breath and looked at me then my mum and sister.

“In addition to you seeing me twice a week every week now instead of every other week, you will take a drug test every day until I deem you well enough for them to stop. You will also be given a curfew time to be back in your house by according to what your mother feels is best. This is the one and only chance I’m giving you Harry. One slip, one minor slip and you will be back in Maudsley faster than you can blink! Nod your head yes if you understand.” I nodded my head quickly and watched Dr. Baker as she gathered her things to leave. She began talking to my mum when Gemma came and sat next to me in my bed.

“Don’t you EVER do that again do you hear me?!”

“Yes Gem I hear you. I’m sorry. I'm so sorry.” She spoke through gritted teeth and when I saw the pained expression on her face, I felt like an ass for what I put her and everyone else through.

Gemma and my mum gave me a hug and a kiss before they informed me that they would be back in the morning to come get me. When everyone was gone I leaned back into my pillow allowing my mind to wander and realize how much I hate myself for missing her.

Notes

Hi guys and New subscribers HELLO and sorry for the late update. Thank you all sooo much for the comments on the last chapter it seems that a few tears were shed on that one. I love to pull emotion in what I write and if I write a sad chapter, when you tell me you cried It makes me happy (does that make sense?) You guys are amazing! What do you think of this chapter? Be sure to leave me lodes of comments below and vote vote vote if you're enjoying it so far ( I need them to go on lbs). I LOVE you guys for reading as always Xx :D

Comments

haha mine too they always try to put an extra "a" in it

@XOXOH
Thank you, everybody is confused when I spell my name and try to correct me. Lol

@mrsdirectioner
Aww thank you :) I like your name too it's spelled different than it usually is

@XOXOH
You have a unique name. My name is Katelynn.

@mrsdirectioner
Haha yes I'm able to drink. My name is Mya what's yours?