The Story Critic
Crossing Paths
Rating: 8
My Thoughts: I am totally hooked to your story! I love the plot! It's really different than most stories! You guys work great together! Keep it up!
The Critic Says:
Positive Points:
- The grammar is much better than the previous one, but there are a few minor errors... not too big though!
- The story is unique and one of a kind! I don't think I've come across another story like this. The half-sister story :) Just plain wonderful!
- I love how you are getting feedback from your readers and getting them to help you with the plot :) Nice going!
- Your story seems to be going to great heights! It is totally recommendable!
Negative Points:
- The grammar, again. But not too much to worry about.
- Once again, the speaking, instead of the narrating. See previous chapter for details.
- Question: Sky is Juliet's nickname right? How is that supposed to correlate to her name? Just clarification, because I didn't think it was clear enough in the story.
- You guys keep saying: "..." he said. "..." I said. "..." she said. Try to use something other than said. Maybe replied, yelled, mumbled, muttered, asked, questioned, told me, etc. depending on the text.
- When describing the characters, you tend to use the same words. 'Harry's curly hair, raspy voice, etc.' Reword those and maybe use different adjectives to describe them.
- Maybe try and use some similes, metaphors, all those english phenomenons! :) Just to make the narration more interesting to read!
Overall thoughts:
- It's amazing! Love the work you put into it! I always thought collaborated stories seem to turn out better than solo ones... :) But the other story is great too! Don't worry, just keep up the good work and you'll do fine!
Guys check out Crossing Paths by Aylin and Sofie L: http://www.onedirectionfanfiction.org/Story/19922/Crossing-Paths/
My Thoughts: I am totally hooked to your story! I love the plot! It's really different than most stories! You guys work great together! Keep it up!
The Critic Says:
Positive Points:
- The grammar is much better than the previous one, but there are a few minor errors... not too big though!
- The story is unique and one of a kind! I don't think I've come across another story like this. The half-sister story :) Just plain wonderful!
- I love how you are getting feedback from your readers and getting them to help you with the plot :) Nice going!
- Your story seems to be going to great heights! It is totally recommendable!
Negative Points:
- The grammar, again. But not too much to worry about.
- Once again, the speaking, instead of the narrating. See previous chapter for details.
- Question: Sky is Juliet's nickname right? How is that supposed to correlate to her name? Just clarification, because I didn't think it was clear enough in the story.
- You guys keep saying: "..." he said. "..." I said. "..." she said. Try to use something other than said. Maybe replied, yelled, mumbled, muttered, asked, questioned, told me, etc. depending on the text.
- When describing the characters, you tend to use the same words. 'Harry's curly hair, raspy voice, etc.' Reword those and maybe use different adjectives to describe them.
- Maybe try and use some similes, metaphors, all those english phenomenons! :) Just to make the narration more interesting to read!
Overall thoughts:
- It's amazing! Love the work you put into it! I always thought collaborated stories seem to turn out better than solo ones... :) But the other story is great too! Don't worry, just keep up the good work and you'll do fine!
Guys check out Crossing Paths by Aylin and Sofie L: http://www.onedirectionfanfiction.org/Story/19922/Crossing-Paths/
Notes
Three stories have been critiqued by the Story Critic!Please don't forget to Rate, comment, and subscribe!
plz check out my story it's called "inspirational messages" and take your time I don't care when you review it as long as you do thanks so much
3/10/15