Rating: 8

My Thoughts: There is only one chapter, so I can't exactly say much, but it seems to be off to a good start. I've just got a little fixing advice for you. That's all!

The Story Critic Says:
Positive Points:
- The story is really descriptive.
- It shows lots of feeling and emotions. Good job there!
- I don't know what the plot is yet, but I think it will be interesting, as from the summary!

Negative Points:
- There are a few capitalization mistakes. Remember: the first letter of every sentence, whether in a quote of outside a quote, needs to be capitalized, as well as the name of a person or a place (proper nouns). Don't go easy on writing. There needs to be perfection!
- I know it's just the first chapter, but I think you could add some background information in the next one. Tell us where she is going. Who Effy is. Why she is here. What she really is like. Just a little background story of the real Effy.
- The chapter seems a bit rushed. Slow it down and keep it going at a good pace. Don't try to add a lot of action or events in just one chapter. What I try to do it come up with one good event and elaborate on it for one full chapter. You can drag it out a bit. Like you could have maybe just had the first chapter about the train ride or maybe even just about her saying goodbye to Serena. If that were the case, you could have added more background story to it.

Overall Thoughts:
- It is off to an amazing start! Keep up the great work! Love the first chapter! I'm sure a lot of people will also love it! Just make a few of these corrections, and you're fine! Great job! <3

Guys please go ahead and check out Effy, by Isla: http://www.harrystylesfanfiction.com/Story/20476/Effy/

Notes

And another...
I just keep critiquing, don't I?