Rating: 7

My Thoughts:
Everything Has Changed was a very well written story. Now it's been completed, so there isn't much advice I can give you on that. But I'll critique you on Hidden! It's an extraordinHARRY story! I didn't get to read all of it, but I loved every bit of what I read! Just a few small (really small) mistakes...

The Story Critic Says:
Positive Points:
- It's got a great plot and a good story to go with it.
- It has a well introduced introduction and beginning to hook the audience to it early on.
- The background of the story is also clearly visible.
- I love how you include the song lyrics, (ie: Family Guy) that are used in the story :). Just thought it was cool!
- It's also cool how you've included flashbacks. That is also another aspect of stories to involve the readers so they get closer to the characters!

Negative Points:
- You use CAPSLOCK a lot. When there are dialogues in which the character is screaming, try to use an exclamation point rather than all capital letters. It kind of gets annoying to read and makes it look unprofessional. I mean, you don't see an author using all caps in a published book, do you?
- Not only capslock... also repeated letters (ie: "Haroldddddddd!") Try to do less of those. A simple "Harold!" also conveys the same meaning. :)
- You need to start a new paragraph every time someone new speaks. Every dialogue needs to be on a different line. Don't insert dialogues in the middle of paragraphs. Doesn't go with the English grammar.
- At the beginning, the story seems a bit rushed. You start of by introducing Sarah as Harry's unknown little sister. You also say that she has been bullied and has been cutting herself all in just one sentence, or two. That is a major thing. You should show some feeling and describe what exactly had happened. I think that scene would have teared up some readers if there were some feeling there. :)

Overall Thoughts:
- It's just one amazingly written story for an amazing plot. Good job and keep it up! Just keep a look out for those corrections. There aren't many and aren't that major. But, remember, I'm only trying to help you make your story even better than it already is, if that's possible! :)

Notes

And one more!
Keep the comments coming, guys!