"Welcome back to the Morning Show with Jay Hud. We have a special treat today for all of our listeners, in the studio, right now, we have Michigan's very own Long with the Dead," the radio show host gave us a stunning introduction as we sat across the large, light colored, wooden table, "Good morning," he said to us.
Microphones in front of our faces and gigantic headphones on our heads, we smiled brightly at Jay, replying with joyful greetings. This was my first time out, doing something that involved the entire band in the past weeks. Once my bones healed, we took the offer to be on this morning show, in order to tell people that we were still alive.
"I'd like to start off by asking Sadie, how are you feeling?" Jay asked.
"I'm great. I'm mostly better," I replied, though I was still had a brace fashioned around my arm. My leg and ribs were fully healed.
"How long were you in the hospital for?" Jay went on.
"About two months, then they shipped me back to Michigan. I saw stuck in my bed for a couple more weeks, I'm not too sure how long. My buddy, Dennis took care of me though, he's an angel for putting up with me," I pointed to Dennis how was at the end of the table, while I was sitting in the middle. Dakota was to my left and Connor was to my right.
"So, what put you there exactly? We've all heard what Harry has said, but do you remember anything?"
"I'm not too sure. One second we were eating sushi and then the next with was like the sun went out. I actually thought I had died, but then I woke up and Harry was on me,"
"Did he save you, or try?" Jay quickly interrupted.
"I think he saved me. I was pretty beat up, but I honestly believe that if he didn't throw himself on top on me, I probably wouldn't have made it," as the words slid from my lips, I had to recall the day where I placed in the hospital.
Dakota slid one arm around me and pulled me into a careful hug. It felt nice. After a few more questions about my injuries and recovery, the host moved on to a more present topic.

"I noticed a slight line-up change," he peered around the room to the four band members sitting across from him, "Where's Kyle?"
The boys looked around at each other waiting for one of us to talk; thankfully Dennis took the wheel, saying, "He departed from the band. We were having too many conflicts with him after we won the award, so he just left,"
"Are you currently looking for a replacement?" Jay asked.
"No, not anymore; we were looking for a new drummer, but he sort of found us," Dakota chimed in quickly.
"Who?" Jay leaned into his question.
“A friend of Dennis’s. His name is Anthony; he seems like a good guy. He’s been touring with a few bands before, played drums for, like, ever, and he’s very talented. I think we all really want him to join the band,” Dakota explained.
“Yeah, we won’t be so limited with sound. He’s able to play a little bit of everything really well,” Dennis added.
“Is there any bad blood with Kyle?” Jay asked.
“No, we’re not trying to stir up any trouble,” Dennis said in defense.
“We actually haven’t been able to contact him at all,” I spoke up, “As far as I’m concerned, we’ve cut ties, but we wish him the best with whatever he does. I’ve known Kyle for some time and he’s an opportunist, so I know he’s probably looking out for himself. He’ll go far if he keeps working towards his craft,” I tried to muster up good words to say, but being kind to Kyle made my blood boil.
I spun around in my chair for a bit, out of boredom. The boys took over the questions about Kyle’s departure while I bit my tongue. The snake quit the band as soon as we got back to Michigan, but not before lashing out on me. He called me a series of words that I can barely recall, but I knew they were nasty and venomous. The amount of hatred he felt for me, just over the fact that Harry and I were friends, was astounding. He even made a Facebook page called “Long Live the Dicks”. It was a hate page, all about how horrible of people we are, how untalented we are, and how much we’re going to suck about him. Thankfully, we had replaced him with Anthony Denke. Dennis knew him from high school; he was in a band called “Thoughts from a Padded Cell”. They weren’t nationally famous, but in the neighborhood they were well known. They would go on summer tours and travel frequently, so he knew what he was doing. Unfortunately, somehow Kyle got info that we replaced him and it sparked more controversy for Anthony and the band. The boys attempted to be civil in public, but it was near impossible for me. I guess I wasn’t as mature as my band mates, but that was okay. I knew how to hold back my words and keep quiet, while they lied their way through interviews.
The conversation finally turned back onto a better topic. The boys had pushed past the “Kyle” issues and they were now discussing the future. Jay moved in closer to the mic and looked directly at me. I sort of felt like the spokesperson for the band. Because I’m the lead singer, I had to speak for everyone.
The host smiled, allowing the former issue to pass, and then asked, “What are your plans for next year?” It was coming to the end of the year. December was upon us. Michigan became a cold, snow covered land of dry air, and ice. Christmas was only a few days away, but I wouldn’t be able to spend it at home with Dennis.
I opened my mouth to talk, “I’m going back to New York tomorrow to film for E Network. I’m doing a segment with Harry,” I said in a sad voice. I wasn’t upset about the segment, but the fact that I wouldn’t be home for Christmas.
“Is that all?” Jay questioned, confused about my woeful tone.
“No, not at all. When I get back, we’re heading straight for the studio. We have all of these songs ready to go, a drummer on deck, and ready to perform. We’re going to knock out a tour, maybe hit Warped Tour,” I inferred in a more cheery voice. I perked myself by leaning on the good sides, but I quickly glanced at the guys for support.
“Yeah, we’ve got a lot planned for the New Year. We’re going to be changing a lot of things and just trying to further our careers,” Dakota intervened.
I flashed the bearded boy to my left a smile.
I hated this part, but I knew it was coming. The radio host changed the subject once again to One Direction. Since the accident, Harry and I have been paired together like we were a couple. We kept in contact even after we both left the hospital. We became really good friends. Though he didn’t have to say very long in New York, he stayed with me until his manager forced him to go back to England. He gave me his number and Skype so that we could talk more. We’d talk on the phone every night while I recovered and when I felt better, we’d get on video chat and talk. He was a charming boy with a smile to die for. The papers and magazines liked to overanalyze everything though, so there were many rumors that we were seeing each other on a more than friend level. It didn’t bother Harry at all. When I brought it up to him he just shrugged it off and smiled at me. I’m not sure how he held his composure.
“Sadie, there’s been about you and Harry Styles,” Jay began. I accidently let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t mean to assume anything; I’m definitely not trying to. I just want your side of the story. What’s going on there?”
“Harry and I met at the VMA’s for a brief moment, then, we happened to be scheduled for interviews on the same day at Good Morning America. I had gotten into a fight with Kyle, Harry saw that I was upset, and we decided to go out to eat. While we were eating, the accident occurred. We spent time at the hospital together and now we just talk every so often,” I summarized.
“Is there anything there?”
“I don’t think so. He’s a great guy, he’s really caring, and kind, all of the boys are. I think people are reading way too into our relationship. We’re just friends,”
“You wouldn’t date him?” Jay threw at me like a curve ball. I wasn’t prepared to answer that question yet, so I stuttered and stumbled on my words.
“He’s a handsome boy. He’s very attractive, obviously,” I spoke slowly as I tried to adjust my answer while it was still fresh in my head, “We’re just friends though,” I instantly threw up in defense.
In all honesty, in the few weeks Harry and I have been talking, I wasn’t sure how I was feeling. He’s a beautiful person, both inside and out. When we talk, if feels like I’m talking to a friend I’ve known for years, rather than this celebrity I only knew for a few months. It was like our conversations were so natural and uncensored. We could talk about anything and everything. Though we were thousands of miles away, an entire ocean separated us; it felt like he was always there with me. We’d talk about music, mostly, because we were both working on new songs. I’d sing to him and he’d sing back to me. Whenever he’d sing to me, I felt inferior to his smooth, deep, jazz-like voice. He crushed me with voice, but I enjoyed it.
When he laughed, a thousand butterflies flapped their furious wings, as if they were trying to escape. I could feel my face flush with a burning shade of different colors. He invoked all of these weird emotions in me that laid dormant inside of my body. Since I was usually on the road or working, my love life wasn’t very active. It was hard to meet guys when the only guys you know are in a band with you. Then Harry had to come along and wake all of these sleeping feelings. They blossomed like spring flowers under his vibrant smile. When he talked, it was like smooth silk against my ears. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to be where he was. I wanted to be in his presence again.
Maybe my feelings were loud and clear. I was just too blind to see them. Denial kept pushing whatever I was supposed to think further into the depths of my soul. At least it made for good writing material.
The interview eventually ended. We shook hands with Jay Hud and left the radio station. Dennis and I drove to our humble home, so that I could pack for New York. Snow clashed against the windshield of Dennis’s small, royal blue, Dodge Neon. I could see frost stretching around the corners of the windows. His car finally had heating, so he cranked it up as far as it would go. It defrosted the car, but I was still cold. Michigan’s temperature drops quickly in the winter. It was already in the negatives. Snow piled up on every street, every lawn, and every tree. The entire state had to look like a giant white mitten from the sky. All of our lakes were frozen over. A lot of people would go down to the lakes and ice skate, play hockey, or whatever. The local parks were full of families, sledding up and down the flurry covered hills. The mall was packed with late minute shoppers, since Christmas was only four days away. I’d be in New York for three of those days. I’d be leaving the bustling city midnight on the 25th. I wouldn’t be home until the day after Christmas. It was sunken feeling to know that I had to leave my only family for a TV show. Dennis put on a brave face and said that it was okay, but he would be all alone.
It was a terrible feeling, like my chest was being pressed by the weight of my guilt. I was being sucked into an unending vortex of sorrow. I’d catch a glimpse of Dennis’s face when he was pretending to be okay and it was heart breaking. His joyful, goofy smile was replaced by blatant frown. His eyes wound wander to the floor, as he contemplated an empty holiday.
I sat alone in my room, packing three days’ worth of supplies. The house had a perpetual chill in the air, so I wrapped a blanket around my body. I maneuvered around my room in a warm cocoon, throwing clothes into a duffle bag. I’d usually be ecstatic to be going to New York, especially to be on TV, but since I was abandoning my band it sort of sucked the joy out of the adventure. The only upside was seeing Harry again. It actually filled my heart with momentary glee when I thought of his face. His arms would soon be wrapped around me, squeezing me into a huge bear hug. It filled with me a weightless, helium feeling. If I didn’t hold onto the sheets of my bed, I’d probably float away.
My flight was early in the morning, so I didn’t sleep that night. I suppose I was too excited and upset. I wanted to see Harry again more than anything, but I wanted to stay home for just a little while longer. When it was time for me to go, I moped down the stairs, passing our small Christmas tree and presents. Dennis and I lazily draped decorations on the branches of our tree. It was wrapped in uneven gold foiling, along with random ornaments that we acquired over the years. Our tree didn’t have a theme or color scheme. We simply threw whatever we could find on the poor thing and then placed our poorly wrapped presents underneath it. It was obvious that two very young adults lived in our house. Nothing was ever organized and our kitchen was full of easy to make foods. We rarely tried to prepare meals, so our freezer was stocked with Bagel Bites and Hot Pockets. We were pathetic.
Dennis had to drive me to the airport, the ride was silent. We were both tired due to the fact that it was almost six in the morning. He offered to stay with me until my plane arrived, but I couldn’t bring myself to keep him awake longer than he had to be. I sent him on his way home, gave him a hug, and then waited for my plane.
Did I mention that I’m terrified of flying? Because I’m terrified of flying. The entire plane ride there, I had my eyes closed and music up. The entire plane was drowned out by various artists and songs. My heart raced the whole ride there. It was impossible to keep me calm. Somehow I managed to stay In my seat the entire without puking. My stomach twisted into knots until he finally landed. I practically ran off of the gigantic jet.
I took a taxi to the Hilton Hotel, where I’d be staying at. Once in my room, I was allowed a short nap before someone began knocking on my door. I almost forgot where I was. I woke up even more tired and grumpy than when I exited the plane. If it wasn’t for the familiar, welcoming voice on the other side of the door, I would’ve probably yelled at him to go away.
“Sadie!” the low, childish voice cried from beyond the wooden door.
My heart began to leap and my cheeks filled with heat. I was suddenly awake as excitement and unbeatable joy flourished through my veins. Behind that door was only person that talked me into going to New York.
I tried to prepare myself for our reunion, but nothing could possibly quail the rambunctious butterflies that fluttered in my stomach. When I twisted the cold doorknob, a strong force burst through the door, and took me into his big, tattooed arms. I was spun around by my adorable British boy.
“Hello,” I chuckled out as Harry spun me in repeated circles.
“I’ve missed you,” he blurted out as he put me down, “I forgotten how short you are,” he teased. He ruffled my messy, wavy hair before hugging me again. This time it was a gentler embrace.
“You’re so mean to me,” I teased back as carefully wrapped my measly weak arms around him in return.
“Your arm is still in a brace,” he mentioned sadly, pulling away from my body. He lightly gripped my arm and stared at it for a while.
“I can take it. It’s just for support for another week or two. I’m perfectly fine,” I quickly replied seeing the guilt twinkle in his brilliant hazel eyes.
Harry had felt guilty about the accident since it happened. For some reason he felt responsible for what happened, though he had no control over it. Whenever he saw my faded scars, or brace, the pain showed on his face. We had a brief heart to heart about the situation at the hospital. I thought it may have cleared everything up, but it was obvious that he still felt bad. He’d visit me every day while I was staying at the hospital. He’d bring me a different present each day. By the time I left I had at least twenty different flowers, a countless number of balloons, five hand written cards, and a teddy bear that I named Reggie. I kept everything, until the flowers died and the balloons deflated. The cards were still in my room and Reggie was in my duffle bag with me. I’d cuddle with him every night before I went to bed.
Harry looked amazing when I saw him again. His hair was the same, dark brown, curly, and perfectly combed over. His eyes still rushed with a mix of emerald and chocolate, creating the dazzling effect his eyes had on everyone. His smile was goofy and infectious. His laugh was cute and childish. His voice was silk, husky, and deep. He was still fun and immature. He was still Harry.
Nothing new happened in our lives that we didn’t already know about, but we still found things to talk about. He explained to me our day and what would happen in the next few hours. We were supposed to meet in his room later that afternoon with a camera crew. The whole point of the day was for us to “switch roles”. Harry and I had two very different styles. He was more fashionable and modern, while my look was alternative and punkish. The network wanted us to go out into different shops in New York and pick out things for the other. Harry would find cute, girlish clothes for me, while I found gothic, more rebellious clothes for him. It seemed like a fun idea. We were basically hanging out on camera and getting paid for it. It was the perfect idea. Besides, I’d get new clothes and the network was paying for them. It was going to be a wonderful day. I already had an idea of what I wanted to dress Harry in.
“I’ll go so you can get some sleep, Sadie,” Harry offered as he went to leave the room. He could see how drained I was, but I still protested.
I playfully grabbed his arm and dragged him back while whining, “No, stay with me. I don’t want to be alone,”
I may have pulled him too hard because he fell on top of me. I was sitting on the big comfy bed the hotel had provided. Harry lost his footing and ended up on top of me, staring into my icy blue eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered as his face was centimeters away from mine.
The sudden urge to slightly lift my body and allow my lips to collide into his rushed inside of my body. Though the impulse coursed through my small body, I didn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to do it even though the idea passed through my head a hundred times in the few seconds we stayed like that.
Harry picked himself back up and laughed it off, “Don’t worry about it,” he said confidently, “it was an accident,”
I still didn’t understand how he could hold his composure so securely. When things like that happen to me, I tense up, and panic. Harry was able to brush almost anything off and smile through it. It was admirable.
“If you don’t want me to go, I’ll stay, but I want you to sleep,” he told me kindly. I was still laying on my back, stunned by the previous event.
“Okay,” I obeyed as I pushed myself up onto the pillow.
Harry tucked me into bed. He pulled the thick, ruby red blankets over me, and sat on the other side of the bed. He watched me lay there with my eyes closed. We made small talk until I finally drifted off for a few hours.
I didn’t fall into a deep sleep. It was just a short nap, but I definitely needed it. When I woke up some time later, I felt refreshed, and alert. I stretched and yawned, throwing the huge covers off of me. Harry was still in the room, watching TV on the big plasma screen.
It was hard to believe that I was in the same room with Harry Styles, but I guess it made it easy to swallow seeing as we were friends. It was just a shock that people considered us on the same professional level. I never thought I’d reach that height.
He was watching one of my favorites shows, Supernatural. He sat on the floor, at the end of my bed, with a bowl of cereal in his hands. I heard the clanging of the spoon against the glass as he tried to keep quiet. Somehow he hadn’t noticed that I was awake yet, so I decided to play a prank on him.
I got on my hands and knees and began crawling over the bed to him, as quietly as possible. Once I got to the end, I leaned over so that I was hanging above him. He still wasn’t able to see me yet. When the show fell silence for a dramatic pause, I quickly threw my face in front of his and screamed.
He wouldn’t admit it, but he almost tossed his bowl across the room as he jumped in fright. It didn’t take him more than a few seconds to regain his sturdy composure, but I could still see the heavy panting of his chest as it heaved up and down. I chuckled at his fear but eventually apologized for the innocent prank.
“You’re fine,” he smiled at me, trying to regain his breath, “you just got me though,” he let out a slight chuckle.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, don’t worry,” Harry glanced at his wrist watch before turning around so that he was facing me. Once again we were only a couple inches apart. I could feel his breath grazing against my cheeks. The feeling made my heart stop for a moment. “We have to go,” he announced.
“But I’m not ready for cameras!” I shouted as the boy took my hand and led me out of the room.
“You’re beautiful!” he exclaimed as we skipped through the hallway hand in hand.
I know he was only joking with me to make me feel better, but I couldn’t help but take it to heart. It felt like a sincere compliment. My heart slightly trembled at the sound of his words. I didn’t exactly like the feeling because I knew what it would lead to, but I had to bear with it. I tried to bottle it up, but I thought that would only make it worse.
When we got to his room, we were met by a makeup team to help us look nice for the cameras that were being set up just outside, in the hallway. Two make up arts sat us down on the big, king sized bed that was given to Harry to sleep in, and began going to work. The woman working on me didn’t do much with cosmetics, as she did with my hair. She straightened it perfectly bone straight. Harry just needed some power and he was ready. I guess that just meant he was already perfect while I needed more work. When the artists cleaned up their few tools, the cameras began to roll and we were told to “act as naturally as possible”. We were supposed to be two friends hanging out in New York, but I couldn’t ignore the horrible rumbling inside of my chest and all of those butterflies.