The record player continued to spin in the corner of my room. The rubbing of the needle on the very end of the Jimmy Eat World vinyl was the only sound echoing throughout the tiny space. I must have fallen asleep once again, listening to songs that reminded me of him. This was a nightly occurrence. I wasn't sure why I couldn't just get over it. He was gone and after all this time I didn't have much hope of getting him back.

I crawled out of my messy bed and walked across the cold floor of my bedroom. Kicking articles of clothing out of my way to reach the record player. I was a little light headed with an ache in the very back of my neck. It felt like it took forever to actually get to the other side of the room even though it was so small you could probably spit on the wall located at the opposite end of the room. This place no longer felt like home. There were too many memories of him here. Laying on the kitchen floor while eating ice cream and laughing our asses off because we had the munchies and probably smoked way more weed than we should have. Me being too scared to sleep after being forced to watch horror movies and having him cuddle with me to calm me down. Or the nights our friends would come over and everyone ended up being a drunken mess. But my all time favourite was the heart to heart talks we would have late at night.

I miss those nights more than you know.

I flipped the sea green vinyl over and placed the needle on the end to listen to it all over again. I'll never forget the day I got it. We were broke and on our way to use the last of our cash to buy some alcohol for the night. Priorities. We had them alright. It was my 18th birthday and I didn't have much of a family at that point. I was nothing more than a fuck up to them. So I didn't have all A's and I wasn't captain of anything, I got into trouble now and again but I didn't see any reason for my family to just give up on me. It made me the person I am today though. I'm stronger now than I ever was back then. Guess that's what happens when everyone walks out on you.

As I was saying, 18th birthday. We picked up some alcohol and walked the dreadful 15 minutes in the rain. It was cold and all we had were hoodies. The only warmth I felt was his hand laced with mine. He used his large hand to turn the knob on the door of our crappy little apartment. We didn't have much but we had each other and that's all that really needed. It was all we knew really.

I quickly ran into the tiny bathroom to grab towels to dry ourselves because we were literally soaked from head to toe. Peeling off wet clothing is disgusting and I instantly regretted ever going out in that weather. We could have just used my car but there wasn't enough gas in that thing to get us to the store, let alone back too.

"Would you hurry up in there? My skin is wrinkly and it's grossing me out!"

I can still hear his raspy voice perfectly in my head. There's no other like his.

"Thirty seconds! I'm trying to find a hair tie!" I yelled back.

I successfully found one and put my hair up before grabbing a fluffy towel to wrap around my body so I could leave the bathroom and find some dry clothes. I unlocked the door to find a big eyed, curly haired mess dripping all over the floor. I covered my mouth to contain my laughter and all I got in return was a glare. It quickly turned into a beautiful smile when I couldn't hold in my laughter any more.

"You look like a drowned rat." I said in between giggles. He quickly glanced in the mirror at himself before laughing as well. He pushed me out of the bathroom and closed the door in my face for laughing at his current appearance.

I shivered a bit when I finally noticed exactly how chilly it was in this place. I needed warm clothes and a beer. I managed to find some leggings and a sweater of his scattered in the room and quickly changed into the pieces of clothing. His sweater was 3 sizes too big for me but it didn't matter because it smelled like him.

I walked through the dark hallway to get to the kitchen. On the counter was a cake and Chinese. This boy knew me like no other. My only thought was how the hell he managed to afford this. We could hardly make rent most months, let alone splurge on things like this. I was happy with spending my birthday in with him, eating KD and watching one of our DVDs we probably watched way too many times. I know a cake and Chinese isn't much to most people but it meant the world to me that he went out of his way to do this. I can still remember how I jumped when he cleared his throat behind me. I didn't even hear him open the bathroom door. He shyly smiled and stuck his hands in the pockets of his sweat pants.

"Happy birthday Kyle" he almost whispered with an adorable smile across his flawless face.

I walked over to his tall figure and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face into his chest. His muscular arms wrapped around my shoulders and he placed a soft kiss to the top of my head. This was already the best birthday I've experienced in years.

He forced me to sit at the table and placed food in front of me. I offered to get it by myself but his gentlemen side started showing and he refused to let me fend for myself, especially since it was my "special" day. Once we finished eating I attempted to help with the dishes but was pushed into the living room with a can of beer and told to sit and wait for cake. I cracked open the can and took a gulp of the fizzy liquid and bubbled from the top of the can. It was just what I needed to end my day. From the corner of my eye I could see a flicker of light. He walked in and placed the cake on the tiny table in front of me.

"Make a wish, love" he said while taking a seat next to me on the old, lumpy couch.

I thought long and hard about it. We didn't have much in life. He worked his ass off at the bakery, I couldn't even get a job because who wants to hire an 18 year old high school drop out? We could hardly pay rent, we never had any extra spending money once we managed to pull enough together to get groceries, yet I was completely happy with my life. Completely happy because no matter what I had to face he was always right by my side. I never had to go through anything alone as long as he was in my life.

I blew out the candles on my cake.

"What did you wish for?" His dark voice startled me. I was too caught up in thought that I didn't even realize he was still sitting next to me.

I laughed and shook my head at his childish ways.

"Now if I tell you that it won't come true!" Little did I realize wishes never come true.

He pouted and I leaned in to kiss him on the cheek, knowing that would make his frown disappear. And of course I was right.

"Okay Kyle, you're gonna kill me but I have a birthday present for you."

How the hell did he manage all of this? I was gonna be so pissed if we were short for rent this month because he decided to buy me something.

"Before you question me or get mad, I picked up some extra shifts at the bakery to make this all possible. So you can't be mad at me!" He teased. He always knew what I was thinking. It kind of scared me sometimes.

He pulled out a flat, neatly wrapped present from behind his back and placed it in my lap.

"Well come on, open it!" Eager boy he was.

I slowly peeled the wrapping off to reveal the vinyl I now play every night as I drift off to sleep. I removed it from its sleeve to admire the beautiful piece before my eyes. This thing must have cost him more than he could afford. I stared in awe.

"Harry, you shouldn't have." I could feel the tears start to form in my eyes. I know something as simple as a vinyl isn't worth tears but normally, he'd surprise me with used vinyls that he found at yard sales, or thrift shops. But this was brand new. I peeled the plastic off it myself.

"I knew you would say that. But it's your birthday. I had to spoil you and I figured you'd appreciate a brand new record for your player."

I crashed my lips against his. "Thank you, you really have no idea how much this means to me."
He just nodded his head and smiled. I studied the piece in front of me again. It was beautiful. So beautiful I almost wanted to place it back in the sleeve and never take it out again in fear of it getting wrecked somehow.

"Y'know, the green colour of this reminds me of your eyes." I admired the perfect green shade of the vinyl. I traced my fingers over the grooves before quickly running to the other side of the room and placing it on the cheap record player we found at a yard sale for 6 bucks. Harry knew how much I loved this album and listening to it on vinyl made me fall in love with it even more.

"Then promise me when you listen to it you'll think of me."

"I promise."

We spent the rest of my birthday laughing and drinking beer with Jimmy Eat World playing in the background and there was absolutely nothing I would have changed about that moment.

---

I snapped out of my thoughts when a tear dripped down my face. I didn't even realize I was crying. I turned off the record player and left my room. I tortured myself by listening to that album because I made a promise to always think of him when I listened to it and I never once broke it.
How silly was I to be crying right now. I wiped the tears off my cheeks. It's been 6 months since I last saw or heard from him. 6 long months I spent alone. Not a call or anything. It's safe to say my birthday wish didn't come true.

I found my way to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. What was I doing with myself? My hair was dead, my eyes has bags under them, my face was kind of sunken in, and I had lost an unhealthy amount of weight. I guess that's what being abandoned by the only person you could count on does to you. I needed to get out of this house. Everywhere I turned there were memories of him and I fucking hated it. I really fucked everything up this time. He didn't even give me a chance to explain.

I took off the tshirt of his I wore every night and place it on the bed. Pulling on some leggings and a sweater, I quickly grabbed my bag and ran for the front door. This place no longer made me feel happy. It was filled with nothing more than anxiety and heartbreak. The cold air hit my face and I had second thoughts about venturing out in the brisk air that chilled my bones. I climbed in my car and revved the engine to life. I was surprised this piece of shit was still running. I looked over at the passenger seat where Harry used to sit all the time. The cigarette burns still present on the seat. I smiled at the mental image of him taking his usual spot next to me in the car, with his cigarette hanging from his lips and his soft curls pushed back into the same grey beanie he would wear almost every day.

Oh what I would give to have him actually sitting next to me again.

I pulled out of the lane way and drove down the familiar streets I once used to drive down with the love of my life next to me. Only these streets made me feel sick these days. I hated everything that reminded me of him. And every fucking thing reminded me of him. I couldn't win.
The drive didn't last long. I found myself stopping at our spot. It was the little play ground just a few blocks away. It was where we shared our first kiss. He had been pushing me on the swing and he told me to jump because he would catch me. I did as I was told and we ended up on the ground laughing like maniacs. That was when he planted his lips on mine and everything changed from that moment on. I knew for as long as I knew the boy that I was in love with him. He claimed it was the same for him. But clearly love wasn't enough to keep us together this time.

I popped open the new pack of cigarettes I had just bought the night before. I lit one up and took a long drag from the burning stick between my lips. The harsh smoke filled my lungs and it calmed me down a bit. Sure it's been 6 months but every day seems to be just harder and harder.

I slammed my head down on the steering wheel as I replayed the night in my head.

I didn't cheat on him like he thought I did. Louis was his best friend who was jealous of us being together because apparently Harry didn't pay attention to his friends when I was around and he wanted nothing more than for us to break up. Louis was suppose to support his best friend but I guess he just didn't think I was good enough. Which I wasn't. Harry could do so much better than me and I'm sure at this point in his life, he's doing a whole lot better without me in his life. I still remember the alcohol I drank that night. I can never look at raspberry vodka the same. I had no recollection of what the fuck I was even doing when Louis kissed me. I attempted to push him away but he managed to make it look like I was enjoying the kiss. I wasn't. He fucking planned it all so Harry would walk in as it was happening. I've never wanted anyone other than Harry. I just wish he would have believed me when I told him it wasn't my fault and that I tried breaking away from the kiss. But Harry is a stubborn boy. I'm not surprised he reacted the way he did. He wears his heart on his sleeve and he doesn't trust just anyone.

I was fucking stupid. I don't know why I let myself drink so much that night. If I hadn't gotten wasted and taken advantage of, he would still be here. He would still be in my life and I wouldn't be wasting away like the piece of trash that I am.

I exhaled the smoke from my lungs. Once again, I was crying when I didn't even realize it. I dried my eyes with the sleeve of my sweater and flicked the butt of my cigarette out the cracked open window. It started to drizzle a little outside and the sky was dark. A storm was coming. I didn't do well with those at all.

As the rain started to increase I decided that I should probably head home and be safe. I could also use something more calming than a cigarette and the best place for me to have that would be back at our- I mean my apartment. I reached to roll up the window and took once last glance at the swing I would always sit on when we'd come here.

There was someone sitting on it. I could recognize that figure anywhere.

There's no way that's him. I'm seeing things and I should just go home and sleep. It's been 6 months, there's so fucking way that's him sitting on that swing. This is the closest contact I've had with him in half a year, even if I was just seeing things and he wasn't really sitting there.

Have I gone mad? Is this really what's come of my life? I'm imagining the boy I lost. Have I really become this hopeless?

Without even thinking I shoved open the car door and slowly walked over to the swing. Maybe it was just someone I was mistaking for him? Maybe I'd get there and it wouldn't be him and I'd just go home and laugh it off and possibly cry myself to sleep like I did basically every night. I could feel my chest getting tighter the closer I got. What if it was him? Would he not talk to me? Would he just up and leave like he did that night? Why didn't he give me a chance to explain? How could he throw away everything we had together?

So many questions raced through my mind as I approached the person sitting on the swing.

I couldn't bring myself to actually speak. I couldn't speak if I tried. I was too afraid my voice would crack and I'd just end up in a sobbing mess. So I cleared my throat to get the persons attention. As they turned around, my heart caved in.

Green eyes that weren't as bright as they used to be met mine. He looked tired and sick. His face didn't glow like it used to, his eyes were dark, kind of sunken in and there was no trace of a smile at all. His hair was a bit longer than usual and kind of ratty. But he was still absolutely flawless.

We stared at each other for what seemed like forever. I was afraid of what would come out of my mouth if I spoke right now. Every emotion hit me as I stared into his eyes. Hurt, anger, hate, love, disappointment, you name it.

He finally made the move and spoke up.

"Kyleigh.." Oh how sweet it was to hear my name fall from those perfect lips again. It had been too long. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding once he spoke. His voice was even more raspy than it used to be. I could tell he was smoking more than he used to just from the sound of it. I still couldn't say anything. All I could do was let the tears fall again.

"What are you doing here?" Really Kyle? Out of everything you want to ask that's what you come up with?

He didn't say a word, just kept glancing from my blue eyes to the ground and back again.

"Honestly, I don't know." He finally spoke up. "I guess I hoped I'd come here and find you, yet I knew I wouldn't, but apparently you proved me wrong."

He laughed.

He fucking laughed.

Notes

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