Keep Holding On

Not everyone has the chance to meet the person who’ll save them. Sometimes, it’s just an anonymous donor who’s never taken a step into your life. Other times, it’s a person you’ve passed by a million times and never even knew they would be the reason you lived another day.

I was blessed. I spent that first day back in the hospital wishing I was dead. I was ready for it. If cancer was going to overcome me, could it at least be on my terms? I had nothing left to live for. I mean, sure, I had a family but they all had each other. I knew they hated to see me in pain. I was lying in my room the day after being readmitted. Everyone had left, Amia had school, Amity was finally having family time, and Aaliyah was back in her room. It was just about time for Tessa to come visit.

I cracked an eye open, only to see a boy in my room! He was cute, too. His face had a spatter of hair over his jaw, chin, and sideburns. His eyes were a deep chocolate brown. His lips were thin and pink and I dropped my gaze to his neck, where a birthmark sat. He smiled at me.

“Hi,” He’d said, exposing his pearly whites. “I’m Liam. I’ll be taking Tessa’s place from time to time.” Anyone taking Tessa’s place had to be someone she’d known personally, she was anal about her job, but I’d never heard her mention him before.

“Who are you?” I said, feeling very ratchet in my hospital gown and no wig on. My face was probably pale and grayish from throwing up last night. He didn't seem to mind, though.

“I’m Liam. Liam Payne,” He smiled, patiently, at me again.

“No duh, you just said that,” I laughed a little, “I mean who you are to Tessa. She never gives her job to anyone.”

“Maybe she just trusts me.” He smiled at me again and cocked his eyebrow. I pitched forward, laughing. He has to be messing with me now.

“I doubt that. Are you just avoiding the question?” I smile, settling down from laughing so much. It was weird, starting my morning laughing instead of throwing up or feeling like I was about to.

“Nah, I just like to see you smile. It's a good look for you,” He grinned and I’m sure I blushed. “But I’m sort of her brother in law. She’s married to Lou… he’s basically like a brother to me. He hooked me up with the job. Does that answer your question, Love?” When he spoke a lot, his British accent stood out and I found myself frozen at the name he’d just called me. Love. He called me love. I know where he’s from, that’s a word you call everyone, but the way he was saying it, it sounded like he was using it as my name.

I didn't answer his question. Instead, I said, “Charity.”

“Huh?” He asked, an adorably puzzled look settled over his features.

“My name is Charity.”

“What does it mean?” It was my turn to look confused and trust me, I did.

“What do you mean?” I asked, willing him to explain.

“What does your name mean? My name, in some religions means strong-willed warrior or determined protector.”

“I don’t know.” I bunched my eyebrows together. What do I need to know that for?

“Well, you should learn. Your name meaning tells a lot about you and your character.” With a final smile, he was gone. That was our first meeting. I thought he was strange at first, asking what my name meant and all. But he was cute and funny and he made me smile. I didn't throw up all day. That was the first time my doctors had ever told me I was showing improvement, besides for the Prom incident.

Later The Next Day...

“Who was the hottie in your room?” Amity had come in for some tests and they let her stop in to see me.

“I’m not sure. He’s… different.” I smiled absently, not even aware I was doing it until Amity pointed it out.

“You like him!” she said, laughing and wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. I had never had a crush before. I never bothered to get to know any boy enough because I've had leukemia ever since I was actually old enough to like boys. My life had ended just as soon as it actually started.

“No!” I protested but honestly, I wasn’t sure. I had only seen him once and, sure, he’d made me smile but just because I liked his face, doesn't mean I liked him. I didn't even know him.

“Sure, you don’t.” But we didn't have time to debate the issue because Aaliyah came shaking and pale.

“God, Liyah. What happened to you?” Liyah was here because of memory problems. She usually never had to wear the gown, never had to take meds, never had the after effects Amity and I do.

“They did tests… lots of tests. They took blood samples and brain matter X- Rays and gave me shots and pills all night. I feel like crap.” She looked it too but I knew not to say that.

“What were the tests for?” I asked, feeling a knot in my throat. Not again. I just faked it, like nothing was wrong.

“They think I have some form of Associative Visual Agnosia and they think it’s causing the memory lapses I've been having, because I can say what happened but I don’t recognize it or remember it happening to me.” If she still can’t remember, that’s bad. Really bad. She had that accident eight months ago. That was when I first met her. I still remember the day like yesterday.

Flashback:

“I kind of want ice cream… do you wanna go to the snack machine with me?” Amity asked, muting the TV show we were watching. She’d been my best and only friend since… well, since it mattered. She was in for her heart and seizures and I was here because of my cancer.

“Sure.” I got up, holding tightly to my morphine. I had been going back and forth, getting sicker, getting better, and everything in between.

“Here, I’ll help you.” She said, looping her arms through mine. She was like that. Always trying to help me even though she was in just as bad a condition as I was. Her face was pale and she shook from the AC in the hospital. We both looked a mess. The only difference was the tangled birds’ nest of hair dangling from her head while mine was bare. Nevertheless, we were two ratchet, sick chicks in search of snacks.

Anyway, in Arizona, my part at least, we didn't have many people come in, in critical condition so I was naturally surprised when Tessa came running around the corner.

“Out of the way girls, get out the way! What are you doing out of your rooms?” We were too afraid to answer and just scattered to the wall.

“Aaliyah Barnes, 17 years old, she was in a car crash and is losing a lot of blood. She seems to have a bit of brain trauma too. We’re losing her fast!” I heard the man before I saw him and when a group of surgeons came around the corner, I felt my heart speed up. The girl was on a stretcher, and she was covered in blood. I couldn't even see her face. Her hair looked dark brown maybe, and she had a nasty gash above her eye that was oozing blood.

“Can I-“ I tried to walk over and check on her but Tessa pulled me back to the wall.

“You don’t want to, Charity. I've seen it and you don’t want to see that.”

Later on, I went in her room, after she was all cleaned up. Her eyes were closed and she was sound asleep but I could see she had bleach blonde hair and alabaster skin. Her eyebrows were thin, as were her lips but she was pretty. The eyelashes on the tip of her closed lids were long enough to brush her cheeks. Slowly, I walked out of her room before I woke her up. Maybe, if she was well enough, we could talk later but that wouldn't be for a while. She had cords running up her nose, into her arms, and one in her collarbone, all pumping insulin and morphine.

End of Flashback

“Charity, are you back from La La Land, now?” I laughed at Amity’s comment.

“Sorry, I zoned out.” Or at least, that’s what I meant to say. Halfway through that sentence, the lump in my throat decided to make itself known to everyone and I started throwing up, a lot. But this time… it was blood that came up.

“Oh, my God!” Aaliyah screamed.

“Somebody help!” Amity screamed. Their efforts were pointless. I knew nothing could stop the steady stream of plasma pouring out of my mouth.

Getting better.... yeah, right.

Notes