Cry No More
Remembering
I'm twelve today. My mother walks into my room with the cake.
"Happy Birthday to Renee. Happy birthday to you. Make a wish!" She shoves the cake near my face. I close my eyes and blow. I wish my father was here.I think silently. But of course he isn't. He killed himself years ago. He was too much of a coward even to try. And I hate him for that. But I also know he was fighting his own demons for years. I look around my room. Material wise, I have everything I want. But emotion wise.... not so much.
"What's wrong, sweetie?" She asks, hugging me from the side.
"Five years...." I choke out, then start balling.
"Oh, honey, you're okay, we're okay. Okay?" I nod. Okay was our thing. Ever since dad.... stopped living.
I swing my legs over the side of the bed. I remember the day. I remember my mom making me clean up the stars I had broken. I remember crying as I used the vacuum. Letting the loud sound of it drown out my sobs. I hated that day. The worst birthday ever.
And I intend for this one to be better.
"Happy Birthday to Renee. Happy birthday to you. Make a wish!" She shoves the cake near my face. I close my eyes and blow. I wish my father was here.I think silently. But of course he isn't. He killed himself years ago. He was too much of a coward even to try. And I hate him for that. But I also know he was fighting his own demons for years. I look around my room. Material wise, I have everything I want. But emotion wise.... not so much.
"What's wrong, sweetie?" She asks, hugging me from the side.
"Five years...." I choke out, then start balling.
"Oh, honey, you're okay, we're okay. Okay?" I nod. Okay was our thing. Ever since dad.... stopped living.
I swing my legs over the side of the bed. I remember the day. I remember my mom making me clean up the stars I had broken. I remember crying as I used the vacuum. Letting the loud sound of it drown out my sobs. I hated that day. The worst birthday ever.
And I intend for this one to be better.
-Heather
10/2/13