I take a deep breath and walk through the front doors of the school. I turn the corner into the hallway with my locker in it a little to fast and run straight into... Riley. "Watch where you're going you little bitch!" He yells then smacks my ass, I hate Riley. I hate everyone at this school. Riley always bullies me, others do too, just not as much as Riley does. And even if they don't bother me, no one talks to me. Riley follows me to my locker, His gang following him. They stand aside while I open my locker. They make me nervous. I finish the combination on my lock and open my locker. Only for Five rats to run out. I let out a little squeal, I don't show them much fear beside that. I never do. but how the hell did those bastards find out about my fear of rats?!? I notice a jawbreaker at the top of my locker, I remember getting a package in the vending machine the other day, I pop it into my mouth grab my books and turn around. Only for Riley to knock my books out of my hand and to spill a red slushy on the front of my WHITE jeans "I am soo sorry" Riley says in his fake sympathetic voice. I grab my books and run to grab my gym clothes. I change into them and go to my first class, GREAT it's the class I have to sit by Riley in! Lovely. I walk in and slam my books on the table. "Hey there's that ugly bitch that annoys us all!!!" He says. "I hold back my tears. this isn't even the worst he has said to me. He's said and done way worse. like the time he pushed me into a pile of cow manure or the time that he told me I was worthless. That I don't matter to anyone and that if I killed myself no one would care, much less noticed. I have been called fat and ugly I've been called and told a lot of things so many times that I believe it. Every word. After class after Class of Riley annoying me, I meet him by his car. before going home. He shoves me in the back "good girl' he says before slapping me.
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Riley pulls out of me and lays on the seat next to me panting. I just lay there. Expressionless. "You're such a good little slut." he says. "I will see you this time tomorrow bitch." he finishes. I get dressed and get out of his car. He slaps me one more time Really hard then drives off. Riley can't seem to get satisfied having sex with all the preps at school so he decides to sexually abuse me everyday. I'm used to it, he's been doing this for six years. I'm nineteen now.
When I get home I run upstairs and get the knife out of my top drawer. I make another cut across my arm. there are many. I started cutting whenever I was fifteen. i have attempted suicide three times and failed. I'm glad I have though, I don't want to die. Not yet. I want to get away from here first. Then if I still don't like living. I'll attempt and i will succeed. I'm sure of it. The cutting is just getting me used to pain, for the real thing.

Notes

This is my first story, i hope you like it. Please give me feedback I would really appreciate it. And if anyone reading this gets bullied, self harms, or is thinking about suicide, Please Please Please remember that you are you. You're beautiful, smart and funny and there are many people who care about you. If you ever need a reason to stay alive, put your hand over your heart and theres your reason to keep going. If anyone needs a person to talk to or someone to just listen. You can message me and i'll be willing to.