My last day in New York really didn’t do anything to endear the city to me. We had to wake up ungodly early, it was raining, I got yelled at by Paul (for opening the car window while it was raining, because I wanted to see what it felt like to be a dog), I was coffee bitch again (despite me complaining that I was still infirmed) and we had a who-knows-how-many-days-long flight ahead of us. Then, to top it all off, we had to say goodbye to Danielle and Eleanor.

While we were flying Down Under, the girls were headed home. They had been with us for two short weeks and in that time, I had become incredibly close with El and even found myself considering Dani to be a friend. For me, it wasn’t too emotional saying goodbye, since we would be home in less than a month, but as I watched Danielle cling to Liam, and my brother gently wipe the tears from Eleanor’s cheeks, I felt a weird sensation in my chest. For a minute it was hard to breathe and my throat was tight. Was I...jealous?

Well...maybe of Dani, sure. I mean, she had Liam, who I had fancied. Wait, still fancied. Right?

What?

But for some reason I felt jealous watching Louis and Eleanor, as well. They truly loved each other and they didn’t care who saw, where even going a few weeks without seeing each other was enough to break their hearts. And I wanted that...

Clearly I had been watching too many sappy romance movies during my jetlagged nights.

Anyway, they both hugged me goodbye and El promised to meet up with me as soon as I got back to Doncaster, so we could have a much needed “girl talk” – whatever the hell that was. I agreed, just to appease her, but really was not looking forward to talking about nail varnishes and the latest gossip on some teeny-bopper boyband. Oh...wait.

Goodbyes aren’t necessarily difficult for me, so by the time we were on the plane I was pretty much over the fact that El and Dani were no longer in our company, as awful as that sounds. In fact, I was more concerned about securing an aisle seat and making sure that Niall didn’t knick my Haribos.

Once both objectives were completed, I settled in for a movie marathon and a nice class of wine (thank God I was officially of age once we left US airspace). Halfway through Contagion (who in their right mind puts that film on an airplane?), however, Harry got up and use the loo, making sure to kick my leg as he walked by. I glared at him as he headed down the aisle, looking back at me and winking before he shut himself into the toilet.

Um, gross.

He tried to get me to join the Mile High Club about a six more times before I finally took three times the recommended amount of Nyquil to escape him. The poor attendants must have thought he had a bladder problem, he was in the loo so much.

While I had hoped to get another film or two in, the Nyquil did its work, because when I opened my eyes a day later, we had arrived.

Australia.

**

I couldn’t even begin to tell you what time it was when we finally arrived, but the boys had the whole afternoon off, which was a blessing. After getting settled in at the hotel in Sydney (and battling through the thousands of screaming girls who had shown up – God, this was insane) we were surprised by Paul with a mini-excursion. Apparently, for our good behavior (good behavior??) Management had chartered a boat to take us out into the harbour for the rest of the day. Lovely.

The boys, naturally, were thrilled to be heading our on an adventure and being on a boat in the middle of the water meant that they would have some freedom from their every present fans. I, however, was less excited.

Have I mentioned that I hate the ocean?

“I don’t think I’m going to go,” I said, scuffing the carpet awkwardly with my shoe, as I stood in Niall’s room, helping him choose which snapback to wear.

“What?” he asked, looking up at me, confused. “Why not?”

I shrugged, trying not to make a big deal out of it. “I’m just...not a fan of boats. And I think you should wear that green one.”

“Oh, good call, that’s my favorite. Do you get sea sick?”

“No...” I admitted. “I just...”

Blessfully, I wasn’t able to embarrass myself with my stupid fear, because Zayn burst in from the hallway, yelling.

“Vas ‘appening!?”

“JJ doesn’t want to come with us,” Niall outed me right away and Zayn dropped his act, sending me a pout.

“But why not?”

“She’s afraid of the ocean,” the Irishman replied and I stared at him.

“How’d you know that?”

He smiled sheepishly. “It’s not hard to figure out, you know. You’re pretty easy to read.”

“Yeah, well,” I started, blushing slightly and looking away. “Don’t go telling people, yeah?”

“Why?” he chuckled. “Afraid people won’t think you’re so tough anymore,” he grinned coming over and poking me teasingly in the side.

“That and I don’t need certain people taking the mick out of me for the next three weeks,” I grumbled, thinking of Harry and how much pleasure he would get tormenting me.

“There’s nothing wrong we being afraid of something,” Zayn said sagely. “I’m afraid of heights and the lads leave me alone. For the most part, anyway.”

“Yeah, but you’re a Bradford Bad Boi,” I smirked, reaching to mess up his quiff. Zayn dodged me expertly, chuckling.

“Come on JJ!” he grinned, batting his dark lashes at me. “You have to come with us! I’m going and I can’t swim.”

I looked at the two of them, both sending me their best puppy-dog looks. Damn them.

“Fine,” I relented and Niall did a little jig in celebration. “But I’m not going near the edge of the boat.”

“Don’t worry, JJ,” Zayn grinned, wrapping his arms around me tightly. “We’ll protect you.”

“I can’t breathe,” I groaned as he squeezed, rocking me back and forth.

“Louis, Zayn is dry-humping your sister,” Harry called over his shoulder, as he joined us in Niall’s room, wearing swim shorts, a navy jumper and a pink beanie. What a wanker.

I glared at him as Zayn pulled away, laughing. Harry sent me a wink, before we were joined by Louis and Liam, both looking completely ready for a day in the sun.

“All set lads?” Liam asked, looking like an excited puppy. “And JJ.”

“Thanks, Lee,” I snorted, as he gave me an apologetic smile.

“Wait...JJ’s a girl?” Harry asked, giving me a once over. The others groaned at the overused joke and hall headed out. Harry hung back for me and I shot him a look.

“You know very well I’m a girl,” I muttered and walked past, squeaking slightly as he pinched my bum.

“I sure do, love.”

**

“I’m on a boat and it’s going fast and I’ve got a nautical themed pashmina afghan,” Niall sung, bobbing his head as the yacht (for that was what it was) zoomed away from the dock.

I was sat next to him in the main lounge, feeling fairly comfortable since we were inside and the open water wasn’t within reach. Did I mention I don’t like the ocean? Zayn had fallen asleep on the couch across from us, while Liam and Harry were up with the captain, trying to convince him to let them drive. Louis was following Paul around, whining and complaining that he wanted to go swimming.

“There are bull sharks in the harbour, Louis,” Paul replied tiredly. “I really don’t think it is a good idea.”

“Bull sharks?” Niall stopped singing and looking up at Paul in concern. “Well, then I’m not going in.”

“Good, you can keep Zayn and I company,” I remarked, nudging him with me shoulder and smiling.

“Pussies!” Louis replied, going back to bugging Paul.

“Pussies?” Harry asked interestedly, coming down from the main cabin with Liam. I rolled my eyes. He really does live up to his reputation.

“Paul won’t let us going swimming.” Louis supplied, looking with disappointment at the body guard.

“Tommo, if I remember correctly,” Liam said, walking up and wrapping an arm around his friend’s shoulder. “We are all over eighteen, which means he can’t really tell us what to do. Especially on our days off.”

“He tells us what to do all the time!” Harry protested.

“Yeah, but we don’t actually have to listen to him. Technically, at least.”

Now it was Paul’s turn to roll his eyes and sigh in defeat. “Thanks for that, Liam. I was happy having them in the dark on that. And I thought you were the sensible one. Fine, you lot want to go swimming in shark infested waters” – Niall shivered next to me – “be my guest. I’ll rescue your arses from your fans but not from ferocious, sharp toothed predators.”

“Is there a difference?” I inquired and Niall snorted next to me.

“Fair point.”

Louis, Liam and Harry all grinned proudly at one another, before pulling some beers out of the coolers.

“Ah, drinking and swimming with sharks, I always knew you were intelligent,” I commented, as Liam handed me his Corona. I smiled at him in thanks, before averting my eyes as he pulled off his shirt. Holy six pack. Niall snickered, the little bugger.

“Nah, I’m going to fish first,” Liam smiled, pulling his hat on and picking up one of the rods the captain had provided. “Get a tan, warm up a little bit. Apparently the water is cold.”

“Yeah, definitely not going in,” Niall nodded, taking a swig of his beer. “I’m hungry.”

“Of course you are,” I giggled.

“Make me a jam butty, JJ?” Nial pleaded, giving me a wide, goofy grin. “I’ll love you forever and always.”

“Why do I need to make it?” I asked, rolling my eyes good naturedly. It was impossible to get annoyed with Niall.

“Because you’re the woman,” Harry answered and I glared.

“So, now you acknowledge it?” I remarked, standing up and flicking Zayn’s nose as I walked by.

“Grrruphh, huh? What?”

“Do you want a sandwich Zayn?” I asked.

“Ugh, sure.”

“Louis, Liam, Paul?” I counted off the orders.

“What about me?” Harry pouted.

“Alright so we have four jam butties and a Nutella Supreme for me,” I ignored him.

“What’s a Nutella Supreme?” Niall asked, highly concerned.

“Nutella, banana and Coco Puff Cereal.”

“Do we have Coco Puffs?”

“It’s been on your rider since the start of tour.”

“I’ll take one of those then, too,” he grinned happily.

“Right, four jam butties and two Nutella Supremes. And none for Harry Styles. Bye!”

I ducked down to the kitchen portion of the boat, pleased with my Mean Girls reference and the fact that even Louis laughed a bit at it. I busied myself fixing up their lunches, humming The Fratellis and trying not to think about the fact that I was on a boat in the middle of Sydney Harbour. Yeah, not hard at all.

At some point, I couldn’t hear the boys’ voices anymore as they had gone out onto the deck, and I felt the boat stop moving. Moments later, however, I realized I wasn’t alone, as a body pressed against mine. Harry pushed against me, so that I was leaning slightly over the counter. I had to bite my lip so as not to gasp as his lips found the back of my neck and his hands slid around my waist, sliding under the soft cotton of my t-shirt.

“Haz,” I whispered, somewhat challengingly, turning around so I was facing him.

Harry didn’t step away. In fact, he moved even close to me, so that my back was pushed almost painfully into the counter edge. Without a word he captured my mouth with his and ground his hips into mine.

“Where are the others?” I managed to gasp out when he pulled away for a breath, his hands sliding up my back, feeling warm against my skin.

“Outside,” he muttered in response, leaning in and kissing me again.

Goosebumps spread across my body and my heart was straining against my chest. While I was thoroughly enjoying this, I did not enjoy the fact that our friends were mere feet away.

“Not here,” I said, pushing him from me

Harry grumbled but backed off, running a frustrated hand through his hair. I felt a bit guilty then, but relaxed when he smiled at me, his green eyes glancing up and down my body.

“Are you wearing that bikini?” he asked, smirking and pulling my top up. “The one from Chicago?”

“It’s the only one I own,” I replied, hastily pulling my top back down and glaring at him.

“Well, I can’t wait to see you in it again,” he said, and I couldn’t almost see him picturing me in his mind – though I doubted I was still wearing the bikini.

I rolled my eyes at him. “Don’t be a perv, Harry.”

“Harry’s being a perv?” Liam asked, coming down the stairs just then. I jumped about a foot away from Harry and could feel myself blushing fiercely.

“Apparently eating Nutella off of my naked body isn’t a turn on for her,” Harry lied easily and I nearly choked at the image.

Liam, apparently, knew Harry’s exaggerating tendencies all too well, so he merely laughed at his friend.

“Let me know if he bothers you, JJ,” he said to me, opening the mini-fridge and pulling out some fishing bait. “I’ll take care of him for you.”

“Thanks, Liam,” I croaked, snatching up the sandwiches and darting out of the kitchen, leaving Harry chuckling to himself and Liam being his confused puppy self. Fucking Styles.

The boat had stopped in the middle of the harbour and the boys had all settled themselves around the boat. I edged my way carefully over to Niall nad Zayn, who had plopped themselves down and were leaning against a window in the middle of the vessel, while Liam headed off to fish. Louis and Harry headed straight for the water. They entertained themselves, splashing around for a while. Eventually, Harry swam back to the boat, pulling himself back up.

“Like what you see?” he called up to us, seeing me watch him.

It was clear that he knew just how the water glistened off of his toned torso, which stretched on for miles. It was also clear that he knew I couldn’t help but find him attractive, and that he could use that against me. I rolled my eyes and pulled my sunglasses down onto my face. He smirked and pushed his hair from his eyes, before doing a swan dive back into the water.

After some swimming, the boys got out and we all ate and drank and sun bathed, enjoying the relative peace of being on the boat. At one point, Paul gave us an hour warning, and Louis challenged Liam and Harry to a diving competition before we had to head in. Of course, being the competitive lads they were, they couldn’t say no.

“And that’s a disappointing 4.3 for Styles,” Niall commentated. “Loose form and a sloppy entrance.”

There was a pause for a moment, as Niall and I both glanced over at Zayn, who was texting away on his phone. Feeling that we were gazing at him, he looked up, blinking. Then, slowly, realization hit him.

“That’s what she said?” he asked, cautiously, his eyes lighting up as Niall and I nodded in encouragement. “That’s what she said!” Zayn shouted, nearly spilling his beer as he thrust his hands skyward in triumph.

Niall and I cheered for him, hooting and hollering as though he had just won an Olympic medal.

“What’s happened?” Liam asked, coming up to us, having just pulled him self back onto the boat. He made a show of shaking his wet hair, spraying us with the salty water.

“Zayn’s finally gotten the hang of ‘that’s what she said’,” I filled in for him. Zayn smiled proudly.

“Well, it’s about time,” Harry remarked joining us. He swiped Niall’s Corona and took a swig, despite his band mate’s protests. “Aren’t you lot going swimming?”

“You know I can’t swim well mate,” Zayn shrugged, still smiling from his comedic triumph.

“I think we’re all good here,” I added, bringing my knees to my chest and trying not to look him in the eyes. But, he was having none of it.

“Oh, I don’t think so,” Harry grinned evilly, before swooping down on me.

“Put me down, Hazza!” I cried, my voice tinged with playfulness, as the other boys chuckled at the display.

My heart raced at the feeling of being pressed against his skin and for a moment, I had to completely focus on not kissing him right there in front of everyone. Why did he have to be so fucking attractive?

Harry carried me over to the side of the boat, making a show of how easily he could hold me up. As we approached the edge and I could see the dark waves, my heart began to beat faster, and not because of my close proximity to Harry. Unconsciously, I locked my hands around the back of his neck. But, the rational part of my brain kept me from freaking out too much.

He wouldn’t actually throw me in. He was just doing this to get a rise out of me and I was doing my best not to give him one. But, it was incredibly hard not to lose my mind.

“Harry, no, please,” I squeaked through my tightening throat. He must have thought I was feigning my terror, because he laughed and began to countdown, rocking me back and forth so that I was closer and closer to the water.

“3...2...”

It wasn’t until the very last moment that it dawned on me that he did intend on dropping me into the water. In that moment of pure terror, I made a movement to get out of his arms, but that required letting go of him. Somewhere far away I heard Niall yelling for him to stop, but in a fraction of a second when I had let go of him in hopes of escaping, Harry lofted my body into the air.

“NO!”

My vision was blurry, my muscles frozen with terror. Time moved incredibly slowly, as I fell away from the boat and towards the water. They say that your life flashes before you eyes when you’re about to die. Well, I clearly wasn’t about to die, though it certainly felt that way. But my life didn’t flash before me – all I saw was Harry Styles standing on the deck, his face changing from playful mischief to confusion to horror in slow motion.

Then, I hit the surface and was engulfed under the waves. I instinctively closed my eyes as I descended, turning over in the water. I was unsure of which way was up, with the current, combined with my complete terror, I wasn’t sure which direction was kicking in...but I didn’t want to open my eyes.

The roaring of the water filled my ears, bringing back horrifying memories. Because I hadn’t expected to actually be thrown in, I hadn’t gotten a good breath, meaning my lungs were already aching.

I knew I needed to get to the surface and I knew I needed to open my eyes in order to right myself. Forcing my lids open against the stinging salt, I searched for the light of the surface. I could see it, I was maybe eight feet away. But I was frozen.

It was so dark, so cold, so eerily similar to that murky sea so many years ago. And, for some reason, I just watched the surface, unable to move, as I slowly sank further away, the dim light of the sun getting fainter and fainter.

I don’t know how long I was down there, underneath the dark waves. But, it was almost at the point where I felt an odd calmness come over me. I fleeting thought of death crossed my mind. What if I died down here? What would the headlines say? One Direction drowns family member in Oz. The mere thought sent me into another panic.

Then, the light disappeared momentarily and a huge figure burst through the surface, diving towards me. I reached out and felt my hand grabbed tightly by another’s. I was jerked forward, my body slamming in his as he wrapped his arms around my waist and kicked, propelling us both upward.

I didn’t realize how panicked I was until we broke the surface and I got a painful gulp of air. Despite being at the surface, though, I still struggled breathing, since now I was sobbing hysterically.

“I’ve got you, JJ,” Niall said, holding me tightly against him. “I’ve got you.”

There was shouting on the boat, and I looked up through my stinging eyes to see Liam and Paul leaning over the edge of the boats, their arms out, beckoning us towards them. I couldn’t see Zayn, but Harry was standing off to the side, his face ghostly white.

“Come on, JJ,” Niall said to me, holding me with one arm as he swam towards the boat with the other. “You’re okay now.”

I was shaking, sobbing, a strange mixture of terror, relief, and mortification coursing through me, sending me into some type of shock. It was all too much.

Niall was definitely struggling a bit, trying to drag my dead weight as well as being weighed down by his clothes, and a moment later, Liam had dived in as well. With the boys on either side of me, we made it to the boat quickly, though not nearly fast enough for me.

“Liam, get out and help Paul,” Niall ordered, as we got to the back to the boat and their manager reached out to me, wanting to pull me up. Liam didn’t hesitate, listening to the Irishman without question.

Feeling the loss of stability on my one side as Liam pulled himself onto the dock, I put all of my effort into holding on to Niall, clinging to him like my life depended on it – which, at the moment, it certainly felt like it did.

“JJ,” Niall said breathlessly, holding onto the edge of the boat with one arm and me with the other. “JJ, grab onto Liam.”

“You won’t let me go?” I croaked, looking at him pleadingly. His blue eyes glistened.

“Never.”

He said this with such sincerity, that I had no choice but to believe him. I some how managed to force myself to unlock my arms from around his neck. I was afraid I would slip beneath the surface again, but Niall held true to his word, and kept an arm wrapped tightly around my waist.

I reached out with shaky arms to Liam, who gripped my hands so tightly, it was like he too was afraid I would slip away. Paul grabbed me under the arms and I was pulled onto the boat.

The enormity of what had just happened hit me like a freight train. I couldn’t breathe, I could barely see, but I scrambled madly away from the side of the boat. Once I was as far away from the water as possible, I closed my eyes and covered my head with my hands. Hot tears were streaming down my face and I knew I was sobbing loudly, which was, at the moment the only sound on the boat besides the waves lapping against the sides. Looking back, I had probably scared them all – Liam, Niall, Harry, Zayn – seeing as they had never seen me cry before, let alone act like I was an inch from death. But, that was exactly what it felt like.

I felt a warm towel drape over my and Niall was there, kneeling beside me. “JJ,” he whispered, his voice tinged with fear. “JJ, you’re okay now.”

But I wasn’t okay. I was in the middle of a full blown panic attack, flashing images blinded me and the roaring of the water still prominent in my ears.

“What’s happened?”

Louis had arrived, brought up from below deck by Zayn. I managed to look up at him. He caught sight of me, crumpled in a sobbing heat on the deck, and his face dropped. He was there a moment later and I crushed myself against his chest.

“What happened?” he asked again, more urgently then, pulling me to him protectively.

“Harry threw her into the water,” Paul said quietly, after no one else said anything.

Louis tightened his grip on me, as my shaking increased.

“I...I thought she could swim,” Harry defended lamely, his voice hollow and far away.

“She can swim,” Niall shot back angrily. “But she’s afraid of the ocean.”

“Shh, you’re okay, Janie,” Louis whispered to me, gently rubbing my back and trying to soothe my haggard breathing. “You’re okay, I promise.”

“I’m...so-sorry,” I hiccupped, my eyes screwed shut and arms wrapped tightly around him. The terror was beginning to dissipate now that Louis was there, but the mortification was setting in.

“Nothing to be sorry for, love,” my brother replied, pressing a kiss to my temple. “Let’s get you inside, yeah?”

I didn’t reply, only let him lead me down into the boat, away from the other boys, who I could barely look at, I was so embarrassed.

Once inside, Louis wrapped a towel around me and had me sit at the table. He fixed me a cup of tea as I stared forlornly at the table top, sniffling now and there as my tears began to taper off. I knew coming today was going to be a bad idea, I just didn’t know how bad.

“You alright now?” Louis asked, sitting down across from me and giving me a small smile.

“I’m sorry,” I muttered again, unable to look him in the eyes. And this time, I wasn’t just apologizing for embarrassing him or acting like a five year old. And he knew that.

“I’m sorry too,” he replied solemnly. “I really am.”

Niall broke the sibling-bonding moment by stumbling down into the cabin. “We’re heading back,” he said, watching me closely. I smiled gratefully at him, before he pulled off his wet shirt and draped it over the back of a chair.

“Niall...” I said, looking him up and down. “Your snapback...did you...?”

He shrugged good naturedly. “The bull sharks can wear it now,” he grinned, sliding in next to me and giving me a kiss on the temple. “No worries, love.”

I felt even worse now, as it was Niall’s favorite snapback that was now floating somewhere in Sydney Harbour, but I didn’t have the energy to worry about it. I would have to buy him a new one at some point.

By the time we had gotten back to the hotel, I had dried off, but I was still reeling from the experience. Louis and Niall had stayed close to my sides, especially when we were getting off the boat, and Zayn and Liam had done their best to talk about things that had absolutely nothing to do with water, boats, or anything that would even make me think of what had just happened. I appreciated it, really.

Harry, however, wouldn’t even look at me.

I didn’t exactly know how to take that reaction, but mostly it just made me more embarrassed. Mortified, really. The last few days had not been good for my self-esteem.

We all ate dinner together, which was a quiet affair, and then headed off to bed, since our body clocks were all completely thrown off. I, however, just lay there staring at the ceiling, since every time I closed my eyes, I heard the roaring of the waves and saw nothing but murky blackness.

Making a snap decision, I got out of bed and padded down the hallway, knocking on the door a few rooms down.

“Do you want to get out of here?" I asked as the door swung open.

"What do you mean?" Louis asked. He was already in his pajamas, his go-to comfort outfit, but I knew that wouldn’t bother him a bit.

"I mean, do you want to get out of here? Out of this hotel, I mean. Go wandering. I just...I need to clear my head a bit."

For a moment, I thought he would say no. I thought that he would revert back to Dick Head Louis of the past two weeks and slam the door in my face. But, instead, he grinned. "Do you even need to ask?"

Louis grabbed a gray beanie and smushed it down on his head and snatched up his wallet from the nightstand, before following me out into the hallway.

"You know you aren't wearing any shoes, right?" I asked, as we headed toward the elevator. I didn't bother questioning the rest of his outfit, since it was Louis, but even I knew he shouldn't walk around Sydney barefoot.

"Bollocks," he muttered, just realizing this himself. He looked around for a moment, as if a pair of trainers would just be lying about for him to nick.

"Just go back to you room and grab some," I sighed, running my hand through my hair. I really needed to get out of the hotel.

"No, we've come too far," he replied, before knocking on the door immediately to his left. I glanced back the twenty feet we had come from his room.

Zayn opened the door. "Hey, what's up?"

"I need a pair of shoes," Louis replied.

Zayn blinked. "What, like a pair of mine?"

"Well, not a pair of your mum's, surely." Louis pushed by his friend and headed straight for the suitcase that was lying open on the floor, clothes scattered about everywhere.

"We're heading out and this tosser was too lazy to go back and get a pair his of own."

"Heading out?" Zayn repeated, sounding interested. "Heading out where?"

I shrugged and looked down at my trainers. "No idea, I can’t sleep though and I just need to get out of here." Zayn looked at me for a moment, his brown eyes glistening with understanding. He didn’t ask anything further and I loved him for it.

"Gonna come with us, Zayn?" Louis asked, shoving his feet into a pair of high top trainers.

"Please tell me you put socks on, Louis."

"Mate, you know I hate wearing socks."

Zayn grimaced, but then looked back at me, as if asking for permission. I smiled and he did the same.

"Let me grab my fags."

Five minutes later, the three of us were wandering the brightly lit streets of Sydney, managing to sneak past our security and the camped-out fans with alarming ease. It was a cool night, but not cold by our standards, and I was happy in the Jack Wills hoodie I had knicked from Harry before we left London.

Zayn took a long drag on his cigarette and exhaled the smoke upward, watching as it danced and swirled into the night sky. Louis walked along quietly, looking almost pensive, taking in the sights of the harbor at nighttime. It was so much quieter than it had been earlier in the day - a time which felt eons ago to me.

It was nice to be with them in relative quiet, aside from the normal city sounds, of course. For once, we were out in the fresh air with no screaming fans, no paparazzi, no handlers shoving them this way and that. I was certainly relishing the genuine freedom I felt in the quiet, so I could imagine how Louis and Zayn felt.

A few blocks from the hotel and far enough along the harbor that we had a clear and striking view of the illuminated opera house, we sat on a park bench to relax and watch the big cruise ships make their way in to dock.

"This is brilliant," Louis breathed, leaning back and enjoying the view.

"Why didn't we invite the others?" Zayn asked, though he didn't sound too concerned, just curious.

"Not enough room on the bench," my brother replied easily, stretching his arms above his head.

"You weren't going to be invited either," I teased. "Only Lou needed your trainers."

"Fair enough," Zayn smiled. "This is nice, though. And for what it’s worth, I’m glad you two are on speaking terms again."

Louis and I glanced at each other and shared a small smile. I was glad, too. However, despite being back to normal with Louis, I was still not in a good place. I was still shaken up by the days’ events, of course, but I was also really upset about Harry and the fact that he had still not said anything to me. I checked my phone every few minutes to see if there was a text or anything...but there never was.

We sat for a few more minutes, listening to the water lap against the boats.

"Guys." We both looked over at Zayn. "I'm hungry."

"You sound like Niall."

"I'm hungry too," Louis said, sitting up. "What time is it?"

"11:36," I replied, glancing at my phone.

"Think we can get something in twenty minutes?" Zayn asked as we stood and started walking away from the harbor.

"It's either that or you eat whatever you can find in the minibar."

"Niall already ate all the good stuff in mine," I lamented.

"That's why you take it all out and hide it before he comes scampering around," my brother replied. "How long have you been with us anyway? You should know this by now!"

There were definitely plenty of late night eateries open around the Harbour, but none that really suited our needs. Some looked promising, but the crowds were a bit too young for our liking - if Zayn and Louis were recognized, there was no way we were getting back to the hotel on time. Others were fancier places, but would have taken way longer than 20 minutes.

"Remember when we were in New York and there was a burger place on every corner and I could get delicious chips whenever I wanted," whined Zayn as we wandered down yet another street. "I liked that."

"That was just last week," I reminded him, but now that my stomach was rumbling, I missed it too.

"Look! Over there! A Chicken Truck!" Louis was suddenly running towards a food truck parked in an alleyway. My stomach gave a lurch.

“Ugh, count me out,” I groaned, taking a seat on the curb.

“We’re not idiots, JJ,” my brother replied, shaking his head at me. “We know better than to get chicken at the Chicken Truck. You really are an amateur, you know that?”

A few minutes later, they returned with some bags of cheesy chips - basically hot chips dumped in a brown paper bag and covered with melty mozzarella. Orgasmic.

"Oh, so good," Louis crooned, before shoving an obnoxiously large handful into his mouth. "Wav Tahm if zit?"

"12:12," I replied. "Oh. Shit."

We looked at each for a moment.

"I guess we should head back then," Zayn finally said, sounding only slightly put out. The chips had put him in a rather good mood.

"Paul is going to go mental," Louis said an hour later, though he was smiling. We had finally made it back to the hotel, after getting lost twice and stopped almost a dozen times while fans wanted to take pictures. "I'm blaming it all on you, JJ. You're a bad influence on us."

"I don't care, I just want to go to bed." Zayn mumbled, dragging his feet.

"Uh oh," I heard Louis mutter as we entered the lobby and saw Paul standing there, looking mutinous.

"We texted you!" Louis cried before he could even say a word. "We told you we were fine!"

"Just...get up to your rooms," Paul replied, rubbing his temples. Though clearly angry, he seemed placated by the fact that we weren't dead in a ditch somewhere, and followed us as we shuffled into the lift.

"I hope you lot had a good time," he said as we ascended.

"Yeah, we did," Zayn smiled.

"We'll take you with us next time, Paul, don't worry," Louis added.

We all departed for our own rooms then, but even in my exhaustion, I couldn’t fall asleep. I hated being alone in that dark room, especially when I could hear the waves crashing in the distance.

After an hour of tossing and turning in the bed, I, again, decided to get up. If I wanted to be at all functional tomorrow, I needed to sleep, even if it meant asking for help and possibly embarrassing myself...again.

I stopped at the door and knocked softly, not sure if he was still awake. A few moments later, though, the door opened. He looked like he had been asleep and guilt rippled through me.

“Hi,” I whispered, blushing. “Did I wake you?”

“S’okay,” he replied, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “You alright?”

“I can’t sleep,” I admitted anxiously, rubbing my arms to warm them in the cool hallway.

He paused for a beat, before giving me a soft smile and opening the door further, letting me come in and join him. I did fall asleep eventually then, lying next to him in the big bed, hearing his soft snoring beside me and feeling his arm wrapped tightly around my waist. And I dreamt.

I dreamt of bull sharks wearing snapbacks.