It was an odd time without Zayn, that’s for sure. It sort of felt like when you’ve been sitting in one position for a while and your foot falls asleep? You can still stand up and walk and do what you need to do, bit it’s awkward and uncomfortable and you would much rather just wait for it to wake up again.

That’s what One Direction was like without Zayn. Lopsided, almost.

But, somehow, the buys managed to perform without him, sharing Zayn’s solos between them. I knew it really bothered them though.

As annoyed as I got with the fans, they actually seemed pretty understanding of the situation and sent a lot of well wishes to our friend, which I appreciated. It was nice knowing that so many people were thinking about him.

The day before Zayn rejoined us, we were in Boston. The boys had a major signing at a mall in Natick, and I had been recruited (AKA ordered) to help hand out some of the flyers that to the fans that they would be signing. We were hanging out in a back room in the mall, the boys getting done up by Lou and her assistant Anna, before heading out.

I was bored, contemplating whether or not to tell Lou that Niall looked utterly stupid with all of the buttons of his polo done up, when Louis tossed something in my lap. I looked at the credit card and then up at him.

“What’s this for?”

“Well, you see, JJ,” he said, looking at me and speaking slowly. “It’s this magical little card that gets swiped through a machine and allows you to purchase things.”

“So, do you want me to go get you food or something?”

“No,” he replied, before Niall could answer. “You just look bored.”

“Very observant.”

“Why don’t you go shopping or something?” he suggested. “I mean, we are at a mall and you haven’t had much time to yourself lately.”

This was very true, and Louis, being a fantastic older brother, had noticed that I was starting to get a bit annoyed not having my alone time on the bus. We hadn’t been at a hotel in a good week and I need my personal time. But, that didn’t mean I wanted to go shopping.

“What would I want to buy?” I asked, skeptically. I had everything I needed, really, and I didn’t see the point in buying more when I had barely any room left in my suitcase to begin with

“I don’t know,” my brother shrugged. “Maybe would could try for a nice dress or something?”

I blinked. Was he being serious? He knew I hated dresses. There was no point to the garment – you couldn’t really run in it, you couldn’t curl up comfortably without flashing your jolly bits, and all it served to so was to give you a bit of a draft.

“Why would I want a dress?”

Louis shrugged again, only serving to infuriate me more. “I don’t know…to look nice?”

Harry scoffed and I looked at him in surprise. “What?” he asked innocently, before looking me up and down. “I mean…I supposed you could look nice, if you put a bit of effort in.

I wasn’t sure whether or not to take this as an insult or a sort of back-handed compliment. Coming from Harry, I know he meant it to be funny, but no one around us really found it to. Liam shot him a glare from his seat with Lou, while Niall gave me a comforting nudge with his shoulder.

“Don’t listen to him,” he mumbled, so only I could hear him. I appreciated it, but my throat still tightened a bit at Harry’s words.

“Fine,” I muttered, standing up. “I’ll go shopping.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Lou asked, looking at me kindly. “Anna can finish up with the boys and I could help you find some stuff.”

I was about to respond that, yes, I would like her to join. It might be a lot less painful if I had someone there just handing me things to put on, but Lux started to cry then and I remembered why I didn’t like babies. They ruin everything.

“Oh, sorry,” Lou said apologetically, picking up her daughter. “She just must be hungry. I can go in a bit, JJ, if you wanted to wait.”

“No, that’s okay,” I replied, standing up. “Thanks, though. I’ll just…wander…and see what I can find.”

Wandering was a bit more difficult than I thought, since the masses of girls there to see One Direction had taken over the entire mall. The noise was practically unbearable and I ducked into a random shop just to get away from it all. As it turns out, this random shop was Victoria’s Secret.

“Lovely,” I muttered, feeling slightly sickened by the amount of pink. I was going to make a swift exit, maybe find a Foot Locker or something, but then another thought occurred to me. I did have Louis’s credit card, and what better way to get back at him for making me go shopping than to spend all his money on frilly knickers?

I may be a bit of a tomboy (okay, well, a rather large tomboy), but everyone needs knickers and I knew that VS had some of the most comfortable ones around (and most uncomfortable, but I wouldn’t be stopping by that display anytime soon – just looking at the mannequin gave me a wedgie).

With no real purpose or direction, I grabbed some handfuls of knickers from the different shelves, quite liking the bright colors they came in, but not looking beyond that and the style that they were - boy shorts, of course. I was about to head to the check out when I passed a round table with lacy black knickers all over it and I paused. Why? I don’t know, quite truthfully. But something told me I should buy a pair…you know, just in case. Biting my lip, I snatched a pair up and shoved the ball of black deep into the bundle I was already carrying, as if it were some scandalous thing to be purchasing in a bra and panty store. Really, I embarrass myself sometimes.

I had just finished paying when there was a bright flash of light, momentarily distorting my vision.

Blinking, I looked around in confusion, only to be met by two of the most excited, wide, and sickening smiles that were ever directed at me.

“Ohmigawd,” The first girl crowed, jumping slightly on the balls of her feet. “You’re JJ Tomlinson, aren’t you? Louis’s sister!”

“Erm…”

“Ohmigod, you totally are!” her friend squealed, before raising her camera again. “You look just like him, I swear. Can we get a picture please? Ohmigod!”

“A…a picture?” I questioned, completely thrown off. “With me? Why?”

“Because you’re, like, so famous!”

“Um, I’m so, like, not.” I stared at the girls, their excited grins not leaving their faces, but causing me to get more nervous.

I glanced over my shoulder at the check-out women, who was probably in her thirties and looked just as confused as I was. She shrugged at me, before holding out her hand for the camera. Ugh, traitor. I thought we had bonded over the $200 of knickers I was buying, but apparently not.

Trying to fight off a grimace, I stood between the two girls and gave my best faux smile I could, as the obnoxiously bright flash went off again.

“Thank you so so soooo much!” The second girl screeched, snatching back her camera. “We just love the boys so much and this is going to make all of our friends so jealous!”

“Erm, lovely,” I replied, snatching my bag off the counter. “Right, well, best be off…”

“Ohmigod,” the first girl said. “Are you going back to meet the boys? We’ve totally been here for hours and the line is so freaking long! I would die if I could meet them!”

“Yeah, well, good luck with that.”

And with that lovely farewell I spun on my heel and buggered off out of the store, hoping not to encounter any more Directioners. This, however, was a futile mission, since it seemed that every 1D fan west of the Mississippi had shown up at the mall.

I was smiling for me five thousandth photograph (well, it certainly felt that way, at least), when there was a roar from further down the mall. Glancing at my watch, I knew that that meant the boys had arrived for the signing, which also meant that I was late for my one and only job of the day.

Luckily, the boys actually turning up meant that I was less of a novelty and all of the girls who had been camped around me started sprinting in the direction of the stage. I, unfortunately, found myself running alongside of them.

“So sorry!” I apologized to Paul once I had gotten around security and up to the stage. “Got held up by the loonies.”

“Just get to work, JJ,” he replied, shoving a heavy box into my arm.

So I did. At first, I thought it was hard to believe that I could have been being paid to do this. All I had to do was stand there and hand out flyers that the boys were going to sign. But, then, after a while, I realized that no amount of money in the world was worth standing next to a group of sobbing teenage girls.

Especially when they all want pictures with you and persist in asking idiotic questions.

“Are you dating Harry?”

“No.”

“Are you dating Niall?”

“No.”

“Are you dating Zayn?”

“No.”

“Where is Zayn??”

“At home.”

“Are you dating Louis?”

“Yes.”

“Aren’t you, like, so excited to touring with them.”

“Thrilled.”

“Are you and Harry dating?”

“No.”

“Are Harry and Louis dating?”

“No, I’m dating Louis.”

“Do you think Louis will like me if I give him a carrot?”

“No.”

“Where’s Zayn?”

“He quit.”

“Zayn quit???”

“No. He’s at home.”

“Are you and Harry dating?”

“No.”

“Can you please tell Niall that I love him?”

Finally, it was getting to be a bit too much. I clenched my, resisting the urge to punch every single one of them in their ovaries. And the line had barely shortened at all. Luckily, I needed to get a new box for hand-outs, which I thought meant a minute reprieve from the torment of asinine questions. Unfortunately for me, Paul was all over it and dropped another box at my feet.

“Must I keep doing this?” I whined. “Can’t I go stand on stage and serve and protect?”

“Sorry, love,” he replied, not sounding sorry at all.

Grumbling to myself, I ripped open the box.

“Buy something special for Harry?”

I looked up to see a tall, brutish looking girl, who’s shirt was too tight and eyebrows too thin. She was towering over me, looking down with a sour look on her face, as if she has just smelled something particularly foul.

"Huh?”

She nodded to the hot pink bag set down behind me. “Did you buy something special for Harry?”

“Does Harry like wearing women’s knickers?” I questioned, handing out a flyer to a banana. Well, not an actual banana, but a girl dressed like one. I know, weird, right? The Amazon’s surrounding friends just rolled their eyes at me. She smirked. “I don’t believe for a second that you and Harry are dating.”

“Well, that’s fantastic, seeing as, you know, we aren’t.”

She sighed and looked back at her friends. ‘Ugh, this line is so fucking long. I just want to see Harry. I’m so pissed Zayn isn’t here, they are the only two good looking ones. Why couldn’t Niall’s aunt have died instead, no one would care if he weren’t here. He’s the worst out of all them!”

“Excuse me?”

I realized that I had yelled this a second too late, only because all of the girls in front of me had turned to look.

“What?” she asked snottily.

“Did you seriously just say that?” I asked, utterly speechless. “Did you seriously ask why Niall couldn’t have lost someone he loved, just so you could get Zayn’s autograph?”

“Zayn is so much better than Niall,” she shot back. “He at least has talent and isn’t ugly!”

The papers I had been holding were now crumpled, my hand balled into fists. How dare she? How dare she stand there, all high and mighty, and speak like that about the nicest person in the world, the one who was up at 4:00am to come sit and sign autographs all day, the one who was literally followed by cameras everywhere he went just so the fans could have a few new pictures to look at every day. Not to mention, what she was saying was entirely untrue.

Apparently, I was not the only one who thought this, as numerous girls started jumping to Niall’s defense and even tried starting a “Niall is beautiful” cheer. My heart swelled a bit at this, knowing that he was so well loved, like he deserved. But I was still furious. My hands were shaking and I knew my face was bright red.

“You are such a cow,” I spit. “And if you don’t go up there and smile at him and ask him for his signature and treat him just like the other three, I will personally come up there and put my foot up your ass.”

“Just try, bitch,” she replied, just as pompous as ever.

I bit the inside of my cheek so hard to keep from screaming, that it started bleeding. The cow stepped up into the steps leading to the stage. I was supposed to keep handing things out, but I couldn’t stop watching. Niall, being his usual charming self, shot her a genuine smile and held out his hand for her flyer. When she gave it to him, I felt a wave of relief sweep over me.

This relief, however, was completely overturned, when I saw his face drop as she spoke to him. Dear, sweet Niall, who half a second earlier had been tired, but on top of the world, now looked like he was going to cry. He didn’t sign the flyer, merely passed it on for Louis, who seemed to have missed the whole exchange.

I quickly moved to go to Niall – the sight of him upset was almost too much to bear – but Paul stopped me.

“We’re almost done, JJ,” he groaned. “Can’t you just finish up?”

Had I really been the only one to seen that? I stepped back down to the floor, but continued to stare at the Irishman, who seemed like all his energy had been sapped from him.

“Niall’s my favorite.”

I turned and looked down at a young blonde girl, maybe twelve or thirteen, wearing a One Direction t-shirt and holding a bright green poster. For a moment, I was struck my how similar she was to Maya, the girl from the Big Time Rush concert, and blinked.

“Oh. Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she grinned. “I think he is so cute and I just love him.”

I smiled slightly, for some reason not bothered at all by this fan. “You should definitely tell him that,” I said. “I think it would make him very happy.”

She grinned and bounded on up the stairs.

The end came soon after that and I followed the last few girls up on the stage. Niall still looked utterly deflated, not to mention exhausted, and I stopped in front of him, dropping a pair of the new knickers I had just bought on the table.”

“Hey sexy,” I tried in my most seductive voice (I’m sure I sounded like a dying squirrel or something). “Sign my panties?”

Niall’s face turned bright red, but he did smile a bit. I grinned back, catching his gaze.

“What the hell are those?” Louis cried, staring in horror at the knickers.

“Seriously?”

“Are those yours, JJ?” Harry asked, coming over and picking them up, eyeing them appreciatively. “Mind doing a fashion show later?”

“I told you to buy a dress, not thongs!”

“It’s not a thong!” I replied, somewhat mortified. It seemed as though everyone in the general vicinity had heard that and was now looking at us. The girls who were still hanging around snapped some pictures. I snatched the knickers back from Harry and shoved them into my bag.

“Come on lads,” Paul said, herding them all towards the exit. “More time for embarrassing JJ once we’re on the bus.”

I rolled my eyes, but followed the group, as the girls cried and waved and said goodbye. Niall, I noticed, separated himself from the group, walking a bit ahead of everyone with his head down. I was going to catch up with him, when I felt a presence at my side.

“Have a good day?” Liam asked conversationally, as we exited into the parking lot and headed for the bus.

“Um, yeah,” I replied, awkwardly. “Lots of fans.”

“Tell me about it,” he grinned. “I was definitely not expecting that.” I could see how proud he was of how many people were there and, despite his exhaustion, how excited he was. I wanted to keep talking to him, I did. I wanted to take advantage of any chance I had to talk with Liam, even if it did make my stomach twist into knots. But my mind was only on Niall, at the moment.

“Did you meet any of them?”

“Oh yeah, they were a real delight,” I muttered sarcastically, but Liam didn’t seem to catch that.

“Yeah, they really are,” he beamed and I felt my heart twinge a bit. He was so fucking positive all the time. I must have been grimacing a bit, since his smile fell rather quickly. “What? Were…were you not being serious? Did something happen?”

“No,” I sighed, not wanting to bring him down as well. “It’s fine, Liam.”

But he stopped me just outside the bus, with a soft hand on my arm. “JJ,” he said, looking down at me with those big puppy-dog eyes of his. “You can tell me, you know?”

I knew I could, but it wasn’t my place. This dealt with Niall and while I knew he loved the boys to pieces, he would have been annoyed if I brought this up with them. Or at least, I would have, had I been him.

“Honestly, Lee,” I said, putting on my most convincing smile. “It’s fine. Just…a lot of questions, you know? Don’t know how you lot handle it!”

He smiled again, looking right chuffed with the whole event. “It’s exhausting, but they’re worth it.”

I swallowed the retort I was about to give and instead followed him onto the bus. Louis and Harry were already in a Mario Kart battle in the back lounge, while Liam grabbed his computer, no doubt hoping to Skype Danielle. I looked for the little Irishman, but the only sign of him were the Nike Dunks tossed casually in the corridor near the bunks. Niall’s curtain was closed, so it didn’t take me long to figure out where he was.

I knocked softly on the wall near his bunk, biting my lip. I wasn’t really good at these conversations…talking about feelings and all that. But Niall was my mate, and that’s what mates did.

“Niall?” I asked softly. “Niall, can I come in?”

There was a pause, before I head an unenthusiastic, “sure.”

Pulling back the curtain a bit, I hoisted myself into the bunk. Niall had rolled over to the wall, so the two people could (somewhat) comfortably fit in the space. He was flipping through his iPhone, not even looking up when I had settled myself in beside him.

“Whatcha doing?” I asked, propping myself up on my side. He didn’t look up.

“Playing Temple Run,” he mumbled.

The silence wasn’t really awkward with Niall – it never was – but when there was something that needed to be said, I knew I couldn’t just let it go.

“That girl,” I started hesitantly, but knowing that I didn’t need to describe which one I was talking about. “What…what did she say to you? Niall?”

He continued to stare at his phone, though his thumb wasn’t moving, so I knew he wasn’t playing anything. He just didn’t want to look at me. Reaching over, I took his phone from him and linking my fingers with his. “Nialler…wha-”

“She asked me to sign her flyer,” he said, voice cracking slightly. “Only to sign it as Zayn.” I blinked at him, unsure of what he meant. While he sounded on the verge of tears, his voice came out forceful and bitter. “She said she wanted his signature more than mine and that if he wasn’t here, I should at least pretend to be him, so that it wasn’t a waste of her time.”

I honestly don’t think I had ever been so angry in my life – not when Mum had spilt red wine on my signed Lampard jersey, not when Louis had told my entire 8th birthday party that I had a crush on the most popular boy in school, not even when the doctor told me I could never play again. No, this outweighed them all.

Because laying across from me was one of the nicest, hardest working, most genuine people I had ever met, and he was hurting because of some stupid bird.

He still couldn’t look me in the eye, focusing his attention on every other place in the bunk besides my face.

“You know she’s a complete twat, right?” I asked, knowing that whatever I had to say probably wouldn’t make him feel better.

He gave a bitter laugh. “Well, then there are a hell of a lot of twats out there.”

“Niall, you know that for every person who says something moronic like that, there are a thousand more who love you and want to see you happy.”

“I know,” he muttered. “But…it’s just these ones stick out that much more, you know?”

I squeezed his hand. “There was a little girl who came up towards the end. She told me that you’re her favorite.” He gave a hint of a smile. “And you already know you’re my favorite, and honestly, who else really matters?”

He smiled for real this time and finally looked up at me. “Thanks, JJ.”

“Anytime, Irish,” I replied, grinning at him. “And there’s that smile that I love. What can I do to keep it on your face? Get you a drink or some snacks? Make a nap time playlist? Slap Hazza around a bit for entertainment? Actually, that last one sounds like fun…”

Niall laughed and looked at me, blue eyes twinkling. “No, but I think I could go for a good cuddle session, at the moment.”

“Oh,” I blinked. “Right…well…I could get Liam if you wanted. I hear he’s good at that.”

Niall smiled even wider now, rolling his eyes. “Come here, you twit.”

He threw an arm over me pulled me closer, catching me a bit off guard. “Oh, me? You want to cuddle with me,” I giggled in understanding. “Now I see, this whole thing was just a ruse to get me into bed with you.”

“If I remember correctly, I’ve gotten you into bed before,” he replied, yawning cutely. I smiled, remembering the night back in Toronto, when we were all bundled up under Liam’s covers. But then, I yawned too.

“Alright, bunch over,” I said, wriggling around and trying to get comfortable.

“I’m over as far as I can go!”

“But I can only sleep on my stomach,” I grumbled, flopping around a bit like a fish out of water.

“Alright, love, settle down,” he chuckled, before rolling me up on my side and sliding somewhat underneath me. Lying on his back, he slinked an arm underneath my neck and pulled me back down, so I was curled up against him.

“Much better,” I sighed, my head fitting in the nice little notch between his armpit and collar bone. I was still technically lying on my side, but I was too comfortable to really complain, and snuggled into his side a bit more.

Niall started humming softly to himself, some Irish tune or something I was sure, and he gently rubbed my back in tune. He smelled nice and his t-shirt covered chest was a surprising nice pillow. Overall, not a bad place to get some shut-eye, and I fell asleep quickly.

A few hours later, we were jolted away by someone yanking the curtains open.

“Wakey wakey Nialler – oh – and JJ.”

I blinked back into consciousness, glaring up at the disturber of our peace. Harry.

He grinned down at us, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. I glared at him while Niall reached over and tried to shut the curtain again. “Go away,” he mumbled, but Harry didn’t listen, as usual.

“Liam! JJ’s taking advantage of Niall!”

“You’re such a tattler, Haz. And how am I taking advantage of him,” I muttered, rolling over so my back with to the Irishman and to face Harry. Niall instinctively wrapped an arm over my waist and pulled me back into him to keep me from rolling out completely.

“Because Niall is an innocent little angel,” Harry grinned sweetly, leaning over me and giving Niall a soft kiss on his head. Niall swatted him away, grumbling into the back of my neck, his breath tickling me slightly. “And frankly JJ, you’re a little bit of slag.”

“Twat,” I shot back and he stuck his tongue out at me.

“Now kids,” Liam said, coming over to us and I felt my face redden, fully aware that Niall and I were currently spooning. I didn’t really want Liam looking at us in that position. “Play nice.”

“Where’s Louis?” I asked, trying to sit up, but Niall’s arm held me firmly in place.

“Went to go get McDonald’s for all of us,” Liam replied and Niall shot up so fast he hit his head on the roof.

“Ow, bugger. McDonald’s did you say?”

Take the opportunity, I rolled out of the bed, landing on top of Niall’s sneakers and toppling off sideways. Harry grabbed on to me, so I didn’t hit the floor, while Niall bounded out of the bunk.

“Where is it?” he asked, searching the lounge for any sign of food. “They’re in the green room,” Liam laughed and it occurred to me we must have arrived at the venue. The two of them headed out of the bus and it was only then that I realized Harry was still holding on to me.

“Can I help you?” I asked, eyebrows raised, as he looked down at me, one arm wrapped tightly around my waist.

“You and Horan, huh?” he asked, smirking. Damn him and his smirks. I smacked him on the shoulder so he let me go.

"Shove it, Styles,” I replied, straightening out my shirt.

“Only if you ask nicely.” Still smirking.

I turned away from him, rolling my eyes, and headed towards the door, my stomach grumbling.

“Hey, JJ, wait,” he called after me, something in his voice making me actually listen to him. I paused and looked at him. Harry looked somewhat serious for a moment. “I know what happened with Niall at the signing,” he said. “And I just…thank you.”

I offered him a smile back.

“He’s one of my best mates,” I replied. “I hate to see him like that and if I can help at all, then I will.”

“You’re a really great girl, JJ,” Harry said, his voice low and rumbling. “I’m really happy you’re with us.”

“Th-thanks, Harry.” I didn’t like the way he was looking at me – it my mouth go dry and the room feel very hot.

He strolled up to me, as only Harry Styles can, his gorgeous eyes boring into me, and I suddenly wondered when I started thinking of his eyes as gorgeous. He leaned over slightly, his breathe hitting my cheek.

“And I’m still waiting for that fashion show.”

He smacked me on the bum then and sauntered off the bus, leaving me standing there, speechless and infuriated.

What the hell was that?