I went to sleep in the US and I woke up the next day in Canada. The day leading up to the first Canadian show of the tour was fairly relaxed as well, the one big event being an interview the boys had with MuchMusic in the morning. Apparently, the studio was inviting some of the biggest Canadian Directioners, pretending to do a show about “super fans”. Little do the girls know, that the boys were actually going to show up. I was hoping to actually see someone faint this time, so I was pretty pumped when Paul told me that I could hang out on set for the interview.

“Ready for this?” I asked Niall, as we sat in the Green Room, waiting as the other boys got their faces put on by Lou.

Niall held Baby Lux and bounced her up and down on his lap. She giggled and reached out, grabbing a clump of his hair, yanking hard.

“Ow, Lux. Yeah...I mean, it should go well, but to be honest, I’m slightly nervous about not having some sort of barrier between us.”

“Oh, that’s right,” I sent him a teasing smile. “Usually there is a table or a fence or a Paul in between you and the adoring public.”

“Exactly,” he replied. “And you know I hate being crowded.” He shuddered slightly.

“Niall, you’re up,” Lou said, letting Liam out of the chair.

Niall looked at me and held up Lux. “Uh, no thank you,” I said, eyeing her warily.

He laughed then and put her in my lap anyway, so I had no choice but to hold her. I was not a fan of babies, but I wasn’t going to let her drop to the floor. Niall knew this and liked taking advantage.

I held Lux at arms length, so she was balancing on my knees. She stared at me, spittle running down her chin, as if she expected me to wipe it up for her.

“I think she likes you,” Liam said, taking Niall’s seat on the couch.

“Oh. Great,” I replied, trying to sound enthusiastic. I don’t know why I don’t like babies...I mean, my mum is a midwife, so I should like babies. But I don’t.

“Don’t you, Lux?” Liam asked, leaning into me to get a better look at her face. He cooed and fawned over her and I felt myself get annoyed at how fucking adorable he was. Why did he have to do that? “You love JJ, don’t you?”

I wanted to tell him that Lux probably had no fucking clue who I was, considering this was maybe the second time ever that I had actually held her, so she certainly didn’t love me, but she started crying then, so I felt like she told him this herself.

“Oh, maybe not,” he chuckled, taking her from me. He smiled, standing up and holding her against his chest, softly singing and hoping to calm her. I found myself disliking Lux even more, because I was, pathetically, jealous of her. Jealous of an 8 month old. Brilliant.

Luckily for me, I wasn’t subjected to the ovary-destroying scene of “Liam and a baby” much longer, as the boys were called to film their little intro skit.

To entertain myself, I headed out to the main stage area, where all of the girls were gathering. The studio execs had been worried that had the girls seen me, the jig would be up. But, luckily, I was still some anonymous girl, which meant I still had the freedom to wander where I may.

I settled down just off set and soon enough the taping started. Some of the girls, I’m not going to lie, were pretty cray-cray. That being said, a lot of them seemed fairly normal and had actually started up One Direction fan sites and Twitter accounts to benefit good causes. It was actually kind of sweet.

When it got to the point where the boys’ video came on, some of the girls looked likely to have a strop. They were so excited and, to be completely honest, it was kind of exciting. I mean, I knew that the boys were going to be making a surprise appearance and I still couldn’t wait for them to show up. But mostly because I wanted to see someone pass out.

I know that sounds terrible, but I’ve never seen it in person before and it looks pretty funny. If that makes me a terrible person, then so be it.

When it got to the big reveal, I was on the edge of my seat with anticipation. Then...boom.

I nearly laughed out loud at boys' surprised expressions as the curtain dropped in front of them, and then at the slightly terrified looks they gave to the girls. I remembered what Niall had said, about usually having some sort of barrier between them. Not now. Now, they were there in the open with forty of their biggest fans right there, ready to molest them at the earliest possible moment.

I waited with bated breath.

It took a comically long second for the fans to realize that the objects of their desires were actually standing in the room with them, but when they did...well, I should have remembered to bring my ear plugs. The screams were horrendous, and I very seriously wondered how the boys had not gone deaf yet. They were swarmed quickly, the girls crying and begging for hugs. Like the gentleman they were, each of the boys greeted as many girls as they could, while still trying to shuffle over to the main stage for their interview.

Unfortunately, no one lost consciousness, but there were a lot of tears, which made up for it, I suppose. A few of the girls were even ballsy enough to make some pretty raunchy comments to the lads during the taping, which I respected and admired. Overall, it was a fairly enjoyable experience and the lads seemed to be enjoying themselves, which really was all I cared about.

At the end of it, the boys tried to go back in the direction they came from, with Paul and the other bodyguards preventing the girls from following. It took me a moment to realize that I should probably follow as well, so, collecting myself and taking a deep breath, I plunged into the mob. Girls were sobbing, clinging to their friends, and hyperventilating everywhere I looked. I was jostled around quite a bit, but managed to keep my footing and get to the exit. A lot of other girls were trying to get through as well, so I had to duck and dodge and swerve to get around them and to the door.

I had just broken through the crowd when a strong arm caught me around the middle, almost knocking the wind out of me.

"Nice try," a burly security guard said, holding back other girls with his free arm. Clearly, he worked for the studio and not for us.

"I'm with them," I replied, moving forward again. This time, rather than just preventing me from following, he actually shoved me back into the crowd. Dick.

"Louis!" I screamed, catching sight of my brother down the hall with Paul. "Louis, they won't let me through!"

Amidst the masses of screaming girls, he didn't hear me, and disappeared around the corner. Things were getting a bit of hand now. Our security had already gone ahead, leaving only a handful of guards to fights off dozens of fans, all of whom were now yelling for the boys and pushing after them. I really didn’t understand that. I mean, they had just spent an hour with them and they still weren’t happy? I didn’t have time to reflect on this, since I actually needed to get to the boys and did not want to get stranded with this lot.

Down the hall, our group was moving, Paul ushering the boys down another corridor. Suddenly, I saw a flash of blonde hair. Niall.

“Nialler!” I screamed as loud as I could.

I don’t know if he heard me, or if he had been looking for me already, but Niall turned back down to look at us, his brows furrowed in concern. Catching sight of me, he waved for me to join them, looking confused as to why I was still there.

"You have to let me through," I said angrily to the security guard. "I actually work for them, I'm not just a psychotic fan!"

When he ignored me, I tried pushing through again. Niall saw this and immediately headed back towards me. Now, hormonal teenage girls were swarming the guard, so his frustration was understandable. But I really wasn't expecting the amount of force he used to shove me back.

"Try it one more time!" he yelled out, as a warning to all of us, using his forearm to fling me back into the crowd. “Get back!”

The wind was knocked out of me and for a brief moment, I thought I would hit the ground and be trampled to death. That really would be a terrible way to die...being run over by Directioners. But, I fell instead into a hard body. Arms snaked around my waist, holding me up and I felt a warm breath on the back of my neck, sending chills down my spine.

"She's with us," Harry growled, his chest rumbling against my back. How he was still there, I wans’t sure, and I certainly wasn’t sure how he wasn’t completely incapacitated by the girls. But, he was there and I knew I was going to be okay.

Catching hold of my hand, Harry pulled me forward and out of the crowd, past security and down the long corridor. He was pulling me along very quickly, so quickly that we by passed Niall completely without even stopping. I looked over my shoulder at the blonde, sending him an apologetic look as he jogged to catch up with it.

Harry didn't say a word as we moved down the hall, his grip tightening on my hand the entire way. Finally, we caught up with the group, who were all huddled at the back door, looking somewhat concerned. I felt a hand on my lower back and looked up at Niall, his blue eyes furious.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"What happened?" Louis turned to us, looking concerned.

"Security wouldn't let me through," I replied. "But I'm fine. Niall, I'm fine, I promise. What’s the problem, why aren’t we going?”

“Apparently there are over two thousand fans outside,” Zayn informed me, sounding in awe and slightly scared at the same time. “They are blocking the vans.”

“Lovely,” I muttered, and I felt Niall step closer to me.

The Irishman still looked upset, so I put a reassuring hand on his arm and offered up a smile. I saw him glance at my other hand, which was still clasped tightly in Harry's.

"Haz, you can let go now," I said to him softly, noticing the stony expression on his face.

"Not until we're in the van," he replied, his voice sounding strained. He didn't look at me, instead merely stared at the door.

His tone worried me, not nearly as much as the nervous look on Paul’s face when he squeezed in through the door, deafening screams following him.

"Not stopping,” he said loudly, looking at all of us. “Not stopping, no touching any of them, don’t reach out your arms. Just get to the vans.”

This was not fun anymore.

“Don’t let go of me,” Harry said, suddenly turning to me and looking me dead in the eyes.

I nodded, somewhat caught off guard by his serious expression – I wasn’t used to Serious Harry.

Then, Paul opened the door and it was like a floodgate...and we were swimming against it.

The screams were insane. Somehow, in the two hours we had been there, half of the female population of Canada has arrived at the studio's doorsteps. Security and police officers had formed two lines, holding back the screaming girls and allowing us a narrow passageway to the waiting vans.

For a moment, I thought we would be completely crushed, for as soon as the boys stepped out into view, the girls went wild. We were jostled back and forth, as Harry pulled me along behind him, clutching my hand tightly. Niall was right behind me, Paul bringing up the rear. There was one slightly terrifying moment when the girls pressed in on all of us from each side, like waves, and I couldn’t see Harry anymore. Our fingers were just barely interlocked, but I held onto him as if my life depended on it. I knew Niall was behind me, but I was worried about losing Hazza in the crushing mass.

It felt like a century by the time we reached the waiting black van, crawling through the thunderous screaming and the arms reaching out, grabbing for any part of the boys that they could. Finally, Louis, Zayn and Liam all piled into the car.

"Get in!" Paul shouted, holding off some girls.

Harry pushed me forward and Liam grabbed my arm, pulling into the back seat with him. Harry followed and squeezed in next to me, with Niall taking a seat in the middle row. Paul shut the door and slid into the passenger side. With the doors shut, the noise subsided to a dull roar, but I still felt rather shaken, considering the girls had now started banging on the windows. Niall leaned over, head between his legs. I remembered then that he suffered from claustrophobia and the mere thought of that made the van seem ten times smaller.

I was still clutching Harry's hand, and not because he wouldn't let it go, but because I wouldn't. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to get the feeling of claustrophobia and fear of being crushed out of my chest. My other hand was occupied then and I looked up in surprised to see Liam squeezing it comfortingly. He gave me a small smile, before turning and waving out the windows, always the one to make the fans happy.

Eventually, the van broke free of the masses and was on the open road. It was pretty silent in the car, until Louis, always one to break the tension, said, "how about tapas for lunch?”

Everyone gave off some nervous laughs, and Liam released my hand. I did the same with Harry, my knuckles cracking from how tight my grip was.

"I’m sorry," I winced, speaking softly to him. He still looked angry, and I felt a lump of guilt forming in my stomach. He was probably annoyed with having to take care of me. “And thank you...for helping me back there.”

He looked up at me then, an odd expression on his face.

"Any time at all, JJ,” he replied, before offering me a small smile (though it didn't reach his eyes) and bumping his knee against mine. “And you have nothing to be sorry for.”

He looked back out the window. I took this for what it was worth and decided to move on. Reaching over the seat in front of me, I gently rubbed Niall's back. After a moment, he sat up and gave me a tired smile.

"Alright, Nialler?" I asked, as Zayn gave the Irishman an affectionate rub of the head.

"Yeah, just don't like the crowds, you know?" He replied, seeming somewhat embarrassed.

I gave him a kiss on the top of his head and he smiled.

**

The concert that night went very well, all things considered. I was still pretty shaken up by the day, though I wasn’t about to admit it. I couldn’t bear to be around more screaming though, so I stayed down in the dressing room when the boys were performing. They too, I think, were a little thrown off by the reception they had been receiving.

Granted, in the UK, the mobs were everywhere, but the boys weren’t expecting this level of attention in North America. These fans were a bit more...forward...as well. They weren’t shy about grabbing, touching, or shouting rude things. Sometimes, they could be funny, but sometimes it was a little intimidating.

We made it back to the hotel by 11pm, and since the lads had a day off the next day, we were not planning on going to be early. I learned the hard way, though, that just because we were in Canada, it didn’t mean I was going to be able to get a pint. Upon getting back to the hotel, Harry, Niall and I had immediately gone down to the restaurant, hoping to just have some bevies and relax after a long day. Okay, actually we wanted to get sloshed and then go use the karaoke machine I had bought in Chicago, but that wasn’t what we told Paul. Unfortunately, the nice Canadian waiter wouldn’t serve us.

“It’s nineteen here, kids,” Louis smirked, striding past us, a smug looking Zayn in tow. “Run along and go play Candyland or something while the grown ups get some drinks in.”

Harry nearly pissed himself laughing then, because the waiter refused to serve my brother, as well, thinking his ID was fake. Louis does look a bit like a pre-pubescent girl, especially with the way he dresses, so it was particularly funny. It was almost too perfect, but, unfortunately, Louis was able to convince the guy to Google him, proving his age.

“You got lucky this time, Boo Bear,” I said, ruffling his perfectly placed hair and earning an annoyed glare.

“Don’t call me that,” he grumbled.

Unable to handle sitting with them and not being able to drink ourselves, us young ones scuttled on back up to our rooms. I was exhausted anyway, since Harry’s nasal symphony every night was keeping me up, so I wasn’t too upset about not getting a drink. But, we weren’t really up for sober karaoke, so instead, we busted in on Liam’s room and all climbed into his bed to watch Skins (Generation 1, natch) on his lap top.

I tried not to think about that fact that I was lying next to Liam in his bed, since it put all sorts of dirty thoughts into my brain and I am hyper paranoid that (when I'm thinking naughty thoughts) someone around me will be able to read my mind (probably Harry, the sneaky bugger). But this was extremely hard since we were all under the covers and my bare feet kept bumping into his leg.

“Can you please put some socks on?” he asked, laughing. “You’re feet are bloody freezing.”

“Ooh, playing footsie, are we?” Harry asked from the other side of the bed, next to Niall.

“No,” I said quickly and Niall shot me a ‘calm your tits’ look. Keep cool, JJ.

“I’m cold, guys,” Harry whined then, grabbing a handful of duvet and yanking it towards him.

“Oi,” Liam complained, now that his one leg was exposed.

They played tug of war for a bit while Niall and I lay comfortably between them.

“You guys are so rock and roll,” I remarked to him, as Harry grabbed one of the decorative pillows and hurled it at Liam.

Mr. Payne, in response, leapt across the two of us at the Cheshire lad, hitting Niall in the groin with his knee along the way.

“Oomph fuck badgers,” Niall groaned, doubling over as much as he could considering Liam was lying across his legs.

I started to laugh, but stopped as Liam’s heel caught me in the back of the head. My eyes started watering, as I winced in pain, and Liam sat back up, having succeeded in knocking Harry to the floor.

“God, JJ, I am so sorry,” he apologized, though he was smiling in amusement. “Here, I’ll kiss and make it better.”

Before I could register what was happening, he had taken my head in both his hands and pressed a kiss to my forehead, smacking loudly.

“You kicked her in the back of the head, Li,” Niall commented, his voice oddly high pitched.

“You’re right, my apologies,” he replied, before moving around me and kissing me again. I shot a smile at Niall, who grinned in return.

“You hit Niall in the balls,” Harry remarked from the floor. “You gonna kiss those?”

Before Liam could launch another attack, or before Niall and I could get out of the hit zone, Louis burst into the room.

I was expecting him to make some remarked about the fact that four – well, technically three – of us were tangled up in the bed, and I was even going to try and invite him to join us, but the look on his face cut me off.

“Lou?” I asked and the other boys froze, sensing the same thing I did. “Louis, what’s wrong.”

“It’s...it’s Zayn,” he said, his voice sounding strangled. “Something’s happened.”