Someone Like You
“You sure you’ve never done this before?” he asked huskily, coming back towards me.
I shook my head, my breathing getting faster. No – I hadn’t. I was an nineteen year old virgin, something that I was (or, until this point at least thought I was) eager to change. I was so eager, but never believed anyone was interested. Even Nathan, my one and only boyfriend hadn’t been interested. So why wasn’t I completely screaming with excitement now?
My inexperience was terrifying, that was why. In a desperate effort to hide my discomfort, I tried to joke until the last possible minute.
“Does that really surprise you?” I asked lightly, though I knew my voice was shaking.
“Yes, actually,” he replied. I took a step back.
He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “JJ, if you don’t want to do this...”
“I do!” I said quickly, moving back toward him. “I mean...I think I do.”
“Alright then,” he smiled, brushing some of my hair away from my face.
Our bodies were so close now and I was feeling very warm, though I doubted it had anything to do with the New Zealand air that was wafting through the hotel window. In the briefest moment, I studied his face - a face that millions loved and swooned over. He was incredibly handsome; there was no doubt about that. He was a music superstar, he was a millionaire, he was front page news wherever he went. And he was standing here with me.
The thought made me slightly sick.
His fingers played with the hem of my t-shirt, before sliding under and across my warm skin. He was so cool to the touch that I shivered slightly. He smiled against my mouth, before pulling me sharply against him. Caught off guard, I fell forward, my hands on his chest to brace myself. He was unbelievably toned, and though I always thought him to be a bit scrawny, he was also very strong. Breaking away momentarily, he pulled my shirt up over my head, so our bare torsos pressed against one another. I couldn’t help but feel utterly self-conscious.
“You’re so sexy, JJ,” he whispered in my ear, before lightly kissing my neck. I closed my eyes, trying to enjoy it. In fact, when my eyes were closed, I enjoyed it a bit more. I could pretend he was someone else.
I gasped when a hand slid up and grabbed my breast, causing him to chuckle. Returning his lips to my mouth, he kissed me again, backing me up toward the bed.
I felt he was being a bit possessive, the way his tongue dominated mine and the way he was directing me around the room, but I was quickly distracted from those thoughts when his hands slid up to cup my back and unhooked my bra in one swift and deft movement.
And that was it.
I jumped away from him as if I had been shocked. “No,” I said quickly, shaking my head and staring at the floor. I could not look him in the eye. I knew all I would find there was disappointment. “No, I can’t.”
“Fuck,” he sighed, again running his hand through his hair.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered, glancing ashamedly at him.
He sighed again, looking rather put out, but then gave me a somewhat comforting smile. “It’s alright JJ. Just...do you think you can head back to your own room, then? I’ve got some...things...to take care of.”
“Oh, right,” I replied, catching sight of his trousers, and the blood rushed to my face. “Sorry again.”
He tossed me my shirt from where it was crumpled in a pile near his feet. “I’ll see you tomorrow, JJ.”
With that eloquent and graceful end to a completely mortifying encounter, I rushed out of the room as fast as I could, not even bothering to dress myself until I was in the hallway. Clasping my bra and shrugging into my shirt, I stood awkwardly in the corridor, staring at the stark white door that closed behind me. For a moment, it was so quiet, so peaceful, so completely unlike the last two months. I took a deep breath.
Then, I started to cry.