You Know What They Do To Girls Like Us

It has been 25 hours since Amelia died.

25 hours we have sat in our rooms in silence.

25 hours without any sense of feeling, but every single feeling running through our heads at once.

There is no energy to talk. The weight of everything that has happened is crushing down slowly, making it harder and harder to find air to breathe.

I feel no desire to move at all as I watch the long hand of the clock on the wall. It slowly creeps on past, making its way to strike 8pm. The amount of dread settling within me is overwhelming and as the clock finally strikes, it takes everything in me to drag myself out of bed.

I stop at the door, watching the other girls gradually make their way out. Sara and I got memos saying that our masters wouldn’t need us tonight. My entire body aches as I stretch. I get a clean shirt with jeans and head for a warm shower.

I want to stay in the warm water forever, but my fingers are already wrinkling like prunes.

Once I get out of the shower, I sit in front of the crackling fireplace waiting for my hair to dry. A thought keeps gnawing at the back of my head. Pushing it back only lasts for so long.

I need to see Louis.

My bare feet leave the soft carpet of the room and make their way across the rough carpet of the hallways.

Once I reach the all too familiar door, I take a few seconds to collect myself before knocking.

I watch the door knob turn. Louis now stands before me.

I can’t bring myself to look him in the eyes and when I glance up, it seems he can’t either.

We both stand in front of each other speechless. There are no words to be spoken.

With much effort, I finally look at his face. He looks tired. His eyes are droopy and his hair is messy. His body is slouched and his breathing is deep.

“Can…” my mouth moves on its own accord, but stops once I realize that I’m speaking.

Louis just nods and moves aside for me to come in. Once I enter, he leans outside the door to check if anyone might have seen us.

I sit down in front of the fireplace and look to him. He softly closes the door and locks it.

He keeps his eyes locked on mine as he makes his way to sit next to me. One minute of silence.

“I…” he starts. “I am so sorry.”

“You sat there,” I keep my eyes on the burning logs. “And you watched her.”

“Robin,” he tries to speak.

“You sat there with the rest of them and you didn’t do anything,” I feel tears rimming my eyes.

“Robin, I couldn’t-”

“Don’t lie to me!” I stand up abruptly and turn my back on him. “You have the influence and power, yet you watched an innocent person die right in front of you!”

“It’s not that simple,” I feel his hand lightly touch my shoulder.

I whirl around to face him.

“Don’t touch me!” I yell. “Do not touch me.”

Tears stream down my face, realizing what I’ve said. The hurt look on his face makes me want to take back everything I said, but deep down I feel that he deserves it.

“She’s dead and you don’t even care,” I whisper.

“Don’t say that,” he clenches his jaw.

“Then why didn’t you do something!” I throw up my hands.

“Do you really think I could have done something?” it’s his turn to shout now. “Do you really think management would listen to me or any of the other boys for that matter? Do you really think I don’t see her every single time I have to pass by that fucking door?”

I don’t speak, partly because I’m a bit taken aback and partly because I know that what he says is true.

“Do you really think I’m as heartless as they are?” he asks softly. He takes both my hands and leans his forehead against mine. “I’ve told you time and time again that you can trust me. Why can’t you?”

“Putting trust in people is like setting yourself up to get hurt,” I reply.

“I think,” he says. “It’s more an issue of believing than trusting.”

“Isn’t it the same thing?” I look up at him.

“In order to trust someone, you must believe them first,” he says. “There is no way on earth that you can trust someone before you believe what they tell you is true.”

“And why should I believe you?” I dare to ask. He pauses for a moment.

“Because,” he takes a breath. “Because I –”

A loud knock on the door stops him. I inwardly groan.

“Bathroom - now,” he orders me with his eyes wide.

I rush to the bathroom and quickly shut the door halfway. I peek through the small gap between where the door hinges meet the door frame.

“Lou!” Niall appears in the doorway.

“Oi,” Louis replies cheerfully.

“We gotta start packin’ up our stuff,” Niall enters the room and plops himself onto the couch. “We’re movin’!”

Louis briefly glances to where I am hiding.

“Moving?” he asks, obviously shocked.

“Ye,” Niall responds. “To LA. Modest management says that this mansion is too stuffy and gloomy for boys of our age. Doesn’t want the public to see us livin’ in an old place like this.”

“Well, that does make sense,” Louis shrugs. “When are we leaving?”

“Tonight!” Niall hops up from the couch. “So I better get the rest of me things ready. Ehm, also… tell your girl that, eh. I’m sorry. It wasn’t actually my choice. I tried to defend her, but management…”

He trails off looking solemnly at the ground.

And with that he leaves just as abruptly as he arrived.

I come out from behind the door. Louis turns to me with somber eyes.

Louis is almost thrown back as I hug him tightly. I bury my head in his shirt and he wraps his arms around me.

“I trust you,” I mumble.

He kisses the top of my head and rests his chin on it.

“We both need to get ready,” he says after a few seconds.

“Mkay,” I sigh as I pull away.

“We’ll be somewhere where we won’t be haunted by this place,” he looks deep into my eyes still holding onto me. “I promise things will get better.”

“I believe you,” a small smile plays on my lips. He gives a warm smile in return.

He walks with me to the door and just as I start to walk out, he takes my arm and pulls me to him.

His lips meet mine and I melt into him. The kiss deepens as I reach up to draw his face closer and his hand finds the small of my back to press me closer to him.

We both pull back after a few seconds. His other hand rests against the side of my face.

Our smiles are uncontrollable. I hug him tightly once more before heading back to my room.

Notes

SO MANY FEELINGS. Hope you liked the chapter! Thank you for reading and remember to comment your thoughts and maybe even suggestions. :) Also I would like to restate that I will be updating once a week, which means the next update will come next Thursday! Thank you for bearing with me through the waits, midterms are very ew. :/ Anyway, keep being amazing, gems!
~christi ellie