World Tour
Same Mistakes
***Harry Styles***
Tuesday, December 27th, 2011 – North London, England
I had always thought talking about my problems helped – and it usually did. But not today, not talking to Louis, because now I felt even worse. I had completely humiliated myself in front of him – again – and he was so patient, so loving with me, not making it any easier to make my feelings for him disappear. I knew I needed him, though, and I knew if I ever were going to break down again – and I was sure I would – he was the only one I would want around for it. He was the only one who could make it better, and the one person who I knew would never judge me for anything. If I hadn’t known that before, he had definitely proven it to me since I kissed him.
But now Louis was worried about me – not only had he said it, which was a big deal for him, but I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me after he suggested we go downstairs and make some dinner. His normally bright, clear eyes were clouded with worry, with confusion, even a hint of pain, all of which were brought on by yours truly. Every time I began to think things were going to get better, they got worse, and only due to my fault. We only had one more week before the tour started up again, and I knew I needed to snap back into focus so I could put on my best performance for our fans.
Louis and I ate dinner and watched TV after. He was trying so hard to act normal, to not stress me out, and I was trying not to be quiet and reserved, but I was failing miserably. I knew he could tell, but he didn’t say anything. He did, however, glance at me often while we watched TV, making sure I was okay. I pretended not to notice, but it was hard to keep my eyes off of him and his own perfect eyes. We turned in that night, and the next couple of days were uneventful to say the least, only making my anxiety that much worse. I needed to know, but I couldn’t pressure Louis, either – he was just as confused as I was, if not more. I needed to feel okay again, and I was sure I never would. All I wanted was to never break down in front of Louis again – he might start thinking I was unstable. Which I was, but he didn’t need to know that.
We went on normally for the rest of the week, and then the tour bus came and picked us up early on Tuesday, January 3rd for our show that evening in Bournemouth. I had tried not to think about Louis, but even if I didn’t spend every waking minute with him, that would’ve been hard. It was…well, he was Louis.
I tried to focus, but it didn’t happen. I was off key during the show. I messed up a couple dance moves. I knew the other guys noticed, but they didn’t say anything or even seem annoyed. Louis even glanced at me a couple times, not out of anger, but out of concern. I wasn’t happy, and the second the final song from the encore ended I rushed off stage and into my dressing room, angry at myself for letting down my band mates and fans. I wanted to throw something, so I threw my phone across the room and it hit the wall. I went over to pick it up – when it hit the wall, it had opened my Twitter icon, and before I could stop myself, I was looking at what people had sent to me. I slid down against the wall, reading these reviews – some nice, most not. Most were about how I sucked – and some were sent even before that night’s concert. People were saying how they hated me. How I didn’t deserve to be in One Direction. And you know what? They were right. I jumped when my phone buzzed with a text message from Louis. “Are YOU okay?” It read. “Where are you??” He added a sad face icon at the end, very Louis like. I noticed I had been crying when one of my tears splattered the screen of my phone. I didn’t write Louis back, just hugged my knees to my chest and cried into them. It didn’t take Louis long to figure out where I was, though; he knew me well. Granted, there weren’t a lot of options – if I wasn’t in the green room or the tour bus, chances were I was in my own, private dressing room. He knocked lightly on the door, but didn’t wait for a response before opening it and stepping inside.
Tuesday, December 27th, 2011 – North London, England
I had always thought talking about my problems helped – and it usually did. But not today, not talking to Louis, because now I felt even worse. I had completely humiliated myself in front of him – again – and he was so patient, so loving with me, not making it any easier to make my feelings for him disappear. I knew I needed him, though, and I knew if I ever were going to break down again – and I was sure I would – he was the only one I would want around for it. He was the only one who could make it better, and the one person who I knew would never judge me for anything. If I hadn’t known that before, he had definitely proven it to me since I kissed him.
But now Louis was worried about me – not only had he said it, which was a big deal for him, but I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me after he suggested we go downstairs and make some dinner. His normally bright, clear eyes were clouded with worry, with confusion, even a hint of pain, all of which were brought on by yours truly. Every time I began to think things were going to get better, they got worse, and only due to my fault. We only had one more week before the tour started up again, and I knew I needed to snap back into focus so I could put on my best performance for our fans.
Louis and I ate dinner and watched TV after. He was trying so hard to act normal, to not stress me out, and I was trying not to be quiet and reserved, but I was failing miserably. I knew he could tell, but he didn’t say anything. He did, however, glance at me often while we watched TV, making sure I was okay. I pretended not to notice, but it was hard to keep my eyes off of him and his own perfect eyes. We turned in that night, and the next couple of days were uneventful to say the least, only making my anxiety that much worse. I needed to know, but I couldn’t pressure Louis, either – he was just as confused as I was, if not more. I needed to feel okay again, and I was sure I never would. All I wanted was to never break down in front of Louis again – he might start thinking I was unstable. Which I was, but he didn’t need to know that.
We went on normally for the rest of the week, and then the tour bus came and picked us up early on Tuesday, January 3rd for our show that evening in Bournemouth. I had tried not to think about Louis, but even if I didn’t spend every waking minute with him, that would’ve been hard. It was…well, he was Louis.
I tried to focus, but it didn’t happen. I was off key during the show. I messed up a couple dance moves. I knew the other guys noticed, but they didn’t say anything or even seem annoyed. Louis even glanced at me a couple times, not out of anger, but out of concern. I wasn’t happy, and the second the final song from the encore ended I rushed off stage and into my dressing room, angry at myself for letting down my band mates and fans. I wanted to throw something, so I threw my phone across the room and it hit the wall. I went over to pick it up – when it hit the wall, it had opened my Twitter icon, and before I could stop myself, I was looking at what people had sent to me. I slid down against the wall, reading these reviews – some nice, most not. Most were about how I sucked – and some were sent even before that night’s concert. People were saying how they hated me. How I didn’t deserve to be in One Direction. And you know what? They were right. I jumped when my phone buzzed with a text message from Louis. “Are YOU okay?” It read. “Where are you??” He added a sad face icon at the end, very Louis like. I noticed I had been crying when one of my tears splattered the screen of my phone. I didn’t write Louis back, just hugged my knees to my chest and cried into them. It didn’t take Louis long to figure out where I was, though; he knew me well. Granted, there weren’t a lot of options – if I wasn’t in the green room or the tour bus, chances were I was in my own, private dressing room. He knocked lightly on the door, but didn’t wait for a response before opening it and stepping inside.
Notes
OMG Directioners,Again, setting up for a breakdown...and maybe even a fight...uh-oh!! Poor Harry :-(
More drama next chapter!
@Sinthiaa
No, it's not hers, it's mine, and I can't get in touch with her or the site admins to get it taken down, grrr haha. Thank you for saying something though :-) *MUAH*
5/6/14