World Tour
Save You Tonight
Louis Tomlinson
Tuesday, December 27th, 2011, North London
As soon as I finished my shower, I heard noises coming from Harry’s room. Was that – was he crying? I paused, listening – sure enough, he was sobbing. My heart broke at the sound of that. We’d seen each other cry before, but not like that, and not because of the other person. Usually it had something to do with the X Factor or the band. I quickly went into my room and threw some clothes on, just to be safe, then quietly walked to Harry’s room. I stepped in the doorway and saw him face down, on his bed. All I wanted to do was take him in my arms, comfort him; to snap my fingers and make his pain go away.
“Harry?” I said, worriedly. He froze on the bed, knowing he had been caught, and then just shook his head. I walked over and sat down on the bed next to him, gently placing my hand on his waist, touching him for the first time in a long time but unable to just let him cry and not comfort him. I immediately felt comfort when my hand touched him, but he was the one who needed the comforting. “What’s wrong, Mate?” I asked, trying to sound more curious than concerned. I had a reputation of being carefree to protect, after all.
“I can’t,” Harry was able to gasp out between sobs, but he didn’t continue.
“Can’t what?” I prompted, gently so he didn’t feel pressure.
“Can’t do this!” he sat up to face me, his eyes red, tears on his cheeks. He looked so sweet, so vulnerable. It was a turn on how sensitive he could be – sometimes I wished I could show emotion that way. “I can’t handle feeling this way! I’m not supposed to like you! And you’re not supposed to see me like this!” he buried his face in his hands, suddenly embarrassed of crying in front of me.
“Harry,” I gasped, feeling his pain. “It’s okay,” I tentatively put my arm around his shoulders, and he let me. “There’s no right or wrong way to feel, about anything. Nobody’s judging you. I don’t look at you any differently.” Harry just shook his head.
“I hate it!” he exclaimed, jumping to his feet, catching me by surprise but I pretended not to be. “I ruined everything!”
“You haven’t ruined anything,” I told him, firmly.
“Why did I go there? Why didn’t I just ignore it? What was I thinking, Lou, I’m so sorry!” He leaned over, and I rushed over to face him, put my hands on his shoulders, and straightened him up, pulling him into a hug as I did so.
“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” I promised him. “You’re still my best friend, Harry.”
“I don’t want to be your best friend!” he said, taking a step back. I looked at him, this time unable to mask my feelings, clearly showing the hurt on my face. “I want to be more than that!”
“Why does it have to be all or nothing?” I asked, starting to get frustrated myself. “Why can’t we just stay friends like we were until I figure this out?”
“Because I’m scared, Lou! What if the band breaks up over this?” I felt my face smooth out as I came to the realization of what Harry was so upset about. I understood. I saw that Harry was shaking.
“We won’t,” I told him, shaking my head. “This stays between you and me, for now. I’m not going to tell anyone, and even if I did, we’d still be a band, you know the guys, they wouldn’t walk out over this. And I’m not going to walk away, either, Harry, I’m not going to leave you alone to deal with this by yourself. You officially have me worried. I’m right here with you, in this with you.”
“Then how come you’re dealing with it so much better than I am?” he asked, having slightly calmed down at the reassurance that he hadn’t messed everything up.
“I’m not,” I shook my head. “I just deal internally. I’m still processing, Kid.” Harry blinked a few times and some more tears spilled from his gorgeous eyes, but he had gotten the crying under control. In that moment – that moment of vulnerability, of openness and emotion, I knew I wanted Harry, and my first instinct was to run from that feeling. I couldn’t – I had just promised Harry I wasn’t going anywhere, and if there was one thing I prided myself on, it was loyalty to my friends and keeping to my word. I took a deep breath to refrain from breaking down as well – Harry needed me to be strong right now. “I’m sorry it’s taking me so long to figure this out,” I apologized. “I’m not going to leave you hanging on this. But, for now, you’re still my best friend, Harry, you always will be, nothing could ever change that.” Harry’s eyes cleared up a little and the corners of his lips turned up slightly, almost into a smile but not quite.
“Thanks, Lou,” he sighed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to lose it like that, I meant to have calmed down before you got out of the shower.”
“I’m glad you felt like you could talk to me,” I told him sincerely, looking deep into his eyes as I said that, hoping he would take it as an invitation to always talk to me about anything, even if it involved me. He nodded. “Come on, let’s go eat something,” I told him, slapping him on the back. Again, he nodded, but we locked eyes for a minute, and I searched his, seeing something I had never seen in them before – pain.
Tuesday, December 27th, 2011, North London
As soon as I finished my shower, I heard noises coming from Harry’s room. Was that – was he crying? I paused, listening – sure enough, he was sobbing. My heart broke at the sound of that. We’d seen each other cry before, but not like that, and not because of the other person. Usually it had something to do with the X Factor or the band. I quickly went into my room and threw some clothes on, just to be safe, then quietly walked to Harry’s room. I stepped in the doorway and saw him face down, on his bed. All I wanted to do was take him in my arms, comfort him; to snap my fingers and make his pain go away.
“Harry?” I said, worriedly. He froze on the bed, knowing he had been caught, and then just shook his head. I walked over and sat down on the bed next to him, gently placing my hand on his waist, touching him for the first time in a long time but unable to just let him cry and not comfort him. I immediately felt comfort when my hand touched him, but he was the one who needed the comforting. “What’s wrong, Mate?” I asked, trying to sound more curious than concerned. I had a reputation of being carefree to protect, after all.
“I can’t,” Harry was able to gasp out between sobs, but he didn’t continue.
“Can’t what?” I prompted, gently so he didn’t feel pressure.
“Can’t do this!” he sat up to face me, his eyes red, tears on his cheeks. He looked so sweet, so vulnerable. It was a turn on how sensitive he could be – sometimes I wished I could show emotion that way. “I can’t handle feeling this way! I’m not supposed to like you! And you’re not supposed to see me like this!” he buried his face in his hands, suddenly embarrassed of crying in front of me.
“Harry,” I gasped, feeling his pain. “It’s okay,” I tentatively put my arm around his shoulders, and he let me. “There’s no right or wrong way to feel, about anything. Nobody’s judging you. I don’t look at you any differently.” Harry just shook his head.
“I hate it!” he exclaimed, jumping to his feet, catching me by surprise but I pretended not to be. “I ruined everything!”
“You haven’t ruined anything,” I told him, firmly.
“Why did I go there? Why didn’t I just ignore it? What was I thinking, Lou, I’m so sorry!” He leaned over, and I rushed over to face him, put my hands on his shoulders, and straightened him up, pulling him into a hug as I did so.
“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” I promised him. “You’re still my best friend, Harry.”
“I don’t want to be your best friend!” he said, taking a step back. I looked at him, this time unable to mask my feelings, clearly showing the hurt on my face. “I want to be more than that!”
“Why does it have to be all or nothing?” I asked, starting to get frustrated myself. “Why can’t we just stay friends like we were until I figure this out?”
“Because I’m scared, Lou! What if the band breaks up over this?” I felt my face smooth out as I came to the realization of what Harry was so upset about. I understood. I saw that Harry was shaking.
“We won’t,” I told him, shaking my head. “This stays between you and me, for now. I’m not going to tell anyone, and even if I did, we’d still be a band, you know the guys, they wouldn’t walk out over this. And I’m not going to walk away, either, Harry, I’m not going to leave you alone to deal with this by yourself. You officially have me worried. I’m right here with you, in this with you.”
“Then how come you’re dealing with it so much better than I am?” he asked, having slightly calmed down at the reassurance that he hadn’t messed everything up.
“I’m not,” I shook my head. “I just deal internally. I’m still processing, Kid.” Harry blinked a few times and some more tears spilled from his gorgeous eyes, but he had gotten the crying under control. In that moment – that moment of vulnerability, of openness and emotion, I knew I wanted Harry, and my first instinct was to run from that feeling. I couldn’t – I had just promised Harry I wasn’t going anywhere, and if there was one thing I prided myself on, it was loyalty to my friends and keeping to my word. I took a deep breath to refrain from breaking down as well – Harry needed me to be strong right now. “I’m sorry it’s taking me so long to figure this out,” I apologized. “I’m not going to leave you hanging on this. But, for now, you’re still my best friend, Harry, you always will be, nothing could ever change that.” Harry’s eyes cleared up a little and the corners of his lips turned up slightly, almost into a smile but not quite.
“Thanks, Lou,” he sighed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to lose it like that, I meant to have calmed down before you got out of the shower.”
“I’m glad you felt like you could talk to me,” I told him sincerely, looking deep into his eyes as I said that, hoping he would take it as an invitation to always talk to me about anything, even if it involved me. He nodded. “Come on, let’s go eat something,” I told him, slapping him on the back. Again, he nodded, but we locked eyes for a minute, and I searched his, seeing something I had never seen in them before – pain.
Notes
Directioners,Ahhh I just want to hug sweet Harry!
Things are starting to get crazy! Thoughts are always welcome! *MUAH*
@Sinthiaa
No, it's not hers, it's mine, and I can't get in touch with her or the site admins to get it taken down, grrr haha. Thank you for saying something though :-) *MUAH*
5/6/14