***Louis Tomlinson***
Monday, July 16th, 2012 – North London, England

When Harry walked in the recording studio, I had no idea what I felt. I was glad he was there for the sake of the band, but it made my insides ache all over. And then I had to stand right there, in close proximity to him, all morning, listening to his perfect voice and knowing he hated me. All five of us were able to be decent towards each other, but only spoke to each other if it was necessary about the music. I was glad when it was over, but then Carl walked in from the sound booth at the end of the session.

“What’s going on, guys?” he asked. We all played dumb and looked at him like we had no idea what he was talking about as we stood around a microphone. “Well, whatever it is, you need to figure it out.” He turned around and left. Immediately, Harry pulled his hands up to his face and began to cry. I wanted so badly to hug him, and promise him everything would be okay, but I couldn’t, partly because I wasn’t sure if everything ever would be okay again. Instead, Niall, who was standing next to Harry and who I was pretty sure we were all the least mad at, pulled Harry into a hug and Harry leaned against him, one hand still covering his eyes as he cried on Niall’s shoulder.

“Harry,” Liam took pity and rubbed Harry’s back, “it’s gonna be okay.” Even Zayn went over and put his hand comfortingly on Harry’s head. There was nothing that bothered me more than seeing Harry Styles cry.

“Harry,” I said, my voice quieter than I expected. “You can still stay at the house.” I knew he couldn’t very well live with Gemma – she lived too far away from the recording studio…and too far away from me. Harry looked up at me, making eye contact for the first time since we broke up.

“That helps,” he nodded tearfully. Thank you.” I nodded. I didn’t exactly want to be around Harry all the time – only because I knew what torture it would be – but I couldn’t let the kid be homeless. What would he do, get a hotel room? It was still his house – we had both signed the lease and all his stuff was there. Plus, I figured we knew each other’s routines well enough to know how to avoid running into the other one in the hallway or kitchen. I’d just be spending a lot of time in my room.

“Lou, come here,” Liam said, extending his arm out to me. I hesitated, and then walked over and joined the others in the group hug, careful not to touch Harry. “I’m sorry, you guys,” Liam told all of us, which was met by a chorus of “I’m sorry”’s from the rest of us as well. And just like that, we were fine again – we were still a band, we were still best friends, and none of us felt the need to talk about it. We had said everything we needed to on Saturday, it had blown over, and now we could go back to being us. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, but there was still a giant weight in the form of Harry sitting on my chest, suffocating me. Seeing Harry like that, knowing I was most of the reason for it, made me feel completely worthless.