***Louis Tomlinson***
Thursday, July 12th, 2012 – Anaheim, California, USA

The day I had been so terrified of finally arrived. I knew I had to do it, but I didn’t want to. I couldn’t allow myself to believe it would go well, because I would be disappointed if it didn’t. Harry had calmed me down last night, singing me to sleep, which was exactly what I didn’t know I needed. That boy was so perfect – just when it looked like everything in my life was about to fall apart, he swooped in and picked me up.

Harry and I got ready to go, and I could feel myself shaking all morning. I knew he was worried; I had slipped and said too much last night – I had told him what it was like in my head. I knew he understood, but I hated that he understood, because that meant he wasn’t happy, either. Harry deserved nothing other than complete happiness.

“Do you want me to go to the coffee shop with you?” Harry asked me when we finished getting dressed. I looked at him – of course I did, but I knew not only would that make people even more suspicious about our relationship, it might also make Wrynn uncomfortable. Harry could read that on my face. “What if I go, and I sit outside until you’re finished? That way I’m there if you need me, but you guys can still have a private conversation.” I smiled, nodded, and kissed my genius boyfriend.

We got in the car provided by the hotel – I refused to get in a cab, not yet, and certainly not in that city – and rode to the coffee shop. Harry and I stepped out of the car, then he wished me good luck and found a table outside in the shade. I walked in and looked around, but the only thing I had to go off of was the picture of Wrynn that I had seen in the cab, and to be honest I didn’t remember it well. I didn’t have to look long, though, because a pretty blonde lady walked over to me.

“Louis?” she questioned. My heart lurched. I nodded.

“Mrs. Townsend?” I asked, addressing her by her last name to be polite. She smiled and hugged me.

“Wrynn, please,” she said. I nodded, and then she led me back to a table in the corner and we sat down. “Do you want something to drink?” she offered.

“I’m fine, thank you,” I said, hoping that she couldn’t tell how nervous or flustered I was.

“How was your flight?” she asked. I hated that I liked her – I almost wished she were mean; it would make me feel a lot better. We made small talk for a few minutes. She seemed okay – she smiled, and was warm and friendly; not the depressed and sad version of her I had pictured in my head. I didn’t know how to feel about that.

“Listen,” I said, when I finally got the courage and knew I had to say it in that moment or I wouldn’t at all, “first of all, thank you so much for meeting with me, I know it’s probably not easy.”

“I was happy to hear from you,” she told me, sincerely. My nerves calmed slightly at those words.

“I just wanted to apologize to you – and to your family – for the whole thing. I was having a bad night, and I got in the cab and the next thing I knew, I was lying in a hospital bed. But I realize that I’m the reason your husband is gone, and for that I am truly, deeply sorry.” I couldn’t believe how well I was able to speak and hold it together. It probably helped being in a public place. Wrynn’s face became a mixture of confusion and sadness, and her eyes welled up with tears. Way to go, Louis, I thought to myself. She let out a quiet sigh and smiled sadly.

“I was hoping that wasn’t the reason you wanted to meet,” she told me, then reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “Louis,” she said, “this was not your fault. And even if it was, I would forgive you – I do forgive you, and I know Richard would as well,” she let a tear fall down her cheek, and I felt even worse. “You don’t owe me, or anyone, an apology for this, okay? These things happen, it was an accident, and you had no control over it. Please don’t blame yourself, you are much too young to bear that kind of burden.” I swallowed, and then closed my eyes as my own tears spilled out. She squeezed my hand tightly. “Louis,” she continued, “you are obviously an amazing young man for reaching out to me and having the strength and courage to do this. I admire you for that – I’m not sure I could do the same if I were in your shoes. But you need to know, I’m okay, and my kids are okay. We miss Richard like crazy, of course we do, but we’re okay. We’re moving forward, and it looks like that’s what you need to do, as well.” I hated her for being so kind about all of this. Why couldn’t she just yell at me like I deserved?

“It should’ve been me!” I exclaimed, finally voicing what I couldn’t even entertain as a thought before. I didn’t know why it was easier to say that to a complete stranger than Harry, but it was.

“Louis,” she gasped, looking deep into my eyes. “You have your whole life ahead of you. You are so young, and clearly talented, and I already can tell you have a lot to offer this world. Yes, Richard was young-ish, as well, but he got to live. He was married and he had two beautiful children and now I have a piece of him in each of them.” How was she being so strong about this? “He gave me ten wonderful years, and I will always love him and miss him, but there’s no one at fault here, okay? In fact, I don’t know if they told you, but the police found the driver of the truck that hit you and I told them I wasn’t pressing charges.” I blinked.

“W – why?” I stuttered like an idiot. She smiled.

“I’ve got two little kids at home, Louis. If I let any sort of anger or hatred into my heart, no doubt it would rub off on them, and that’s not the kind of life I want for them. I had to forgive the driver of the truck, and maybe that’s a good place for you to start, too, so then you can forgive yourself.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a note card with a name and phone number scribbled on it, then slid it across the table to me. “That’s the guy who was driving the truck, if you’re ever ready to get in contact with him. And if you’re not, that’s totally understandable; this is a difficult situation and I’m just so sorry you have to go through it, especially at such a young age.” I was in awe of this woman. How was this even possible? I mean, if someone caused Harry to be in a car accident and die, I would never forgive them. Except…Harry would want me to. And then I understood.

“Can I – can I do anything, anything at all?” was all I could say. She smiled sweetly.

“We’re okay,” she nodded. “Thank you, but I want you to get on with your life. Move forward, Louis, you have such a bright future and you can be certain I’ll be following your story.” I was actually starting to feel better.

“If you ever need anything,” I told her, “please let me know.”

“I will,” she promised. “But for now, you worry about and take care of yourself, okay? But if you’re ever in the Anaheim area again, you come see me, alright?” I nodded, appreciating the open invitation. We stood up and hugged for a long time. “Thank you,” she whispered in my ear as we pulled away.

“Thank you,” I told her. We said goodbye, and then she sat back down at the table with her coffee and I walked outside to Harry. He jumped up when he saw me.

“That was fast,” he said, trying to evaluate my face. “How’d it go?”

“Good,” was all I could say. I knew if I talked about it, I would break down, and we were in public. So we got back in the waiting car and rode in silence to the hotel. I felt bad making Harry wait for the story, but I knew he’d understand when I told him why. As soon as we were safe inside our room, I pulled him in a hug. “Thank you,” I said to him, knowing this never would’ve happened had he not suggested it. He hugged me back, and then the note card Wrynn had given me fell out of my pocket. Harry bent down and picked it up.

“What’s this?” he asked, probably finding it weird that I had the name and phone number of another guy on me.

“Wrynn gave that to me,” I said, some of the heaviness that had left my heart in the coffee shop coming back with the thought of the truck that had hit us. “It’s the number of the guy who was driving the truck that hit us.”

“Oh,” Harry said, setting the card down on the dresser. “Are you going to contact him?” I looked at Harry, debating.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t know if I can.”

“Well, I take it things went well with Wrynn?” Harry prompted. I nodded, and was able to tell him what had happened with Wrynn without crying like I thought I would. He listened, smiling, until I got to the part where I had said it should’ve been me – I had forgotten to leave that out. Harry’s face fell.

“Do you really mean that?” he asked me.

“I don’t know,” I sighed, and I stood up from the bed we’d been sitting on and began pacing. “It sure would take this guilt away.”

“Yeah, if you were dead, you’re right, you’d have no guilt,” Harry stood up as well. “And I’d have no you, Louis, and it was hard enough to almost lose you, don’t talk about actually dying on me.” He was clearly getting upset. I didn’t want to upset him. I didn’t want to break up again – we were in Anaheim, after all.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” I backed down, it was too late – I had sparked Harry’s emotions.

“You want to talk to me about guilt, Louis?” he asked. “I’ve been letting you take the blame for all of this when in all actuality the whole damn thing was my fault, only I haven’t said anything because I can’t lose you again!” he fell to his knees, crying.