World Tour
Darkness
***Harry Styles***
Wednesday, July 11th, 2012 – Anaheim, California, USA
The week leading up to the short trip to Anaheim only intensified Louis’s nerves. He was more excitable than normal, but not in the fun way he usually was. It was more neurotic than silly, and I didn’t know if I just needed to let it run its course or if I should say something. I figured he had enough to deal with without us fighting, so I let it be, but kept my eye on him. I barely let him out of my sight, and by the time we checked into our hotel in Anaheim (a different one than we’d stayed at on the tour, knowing there was bad karma at the other one), his mind was going a million miles a minute.
“I don’t know what to say,” he was talking fast, pacing back and forth across the hotel room as I watched him from the bed. “I had a week to figure out what to say, and I still don’t know. Why are we even doing this? Why are we here? I shouldn’t do this. I can’t. It’s not fair to Wrynn.”
“Louis,” I interrupted, but he kept going.
“I should just leave her alone, and let her move on. I’m being selfish because I’m the one who needs the closure and to know she’s okay but what if this is only going to make it worse for her?”
“Louis,” I tried, more firm this time.
“Why did this even have to happen? What is so wrong with the world that this stuff happens? And every day, too! My life was going just fine and now I can’t even handle the thoughts in my head.”
“Louis,” I stood up and put my hands on his shoulders to stop his pacing. He looked at me, and then I processed what he had just said. I furrowed my brow. “What thoughts can’t you handle?” I asked, concerned. He sighed and looked away, not wanting to answer. “Lou, it’s me,” I coaxed.
“It’s just been really dark in my head since the accident,” he said quietly.
“Dark?” I questioned, afraid that I knew exactly what he meant. He nodded.
“Like, there’s no – ” don’t say it, I thought – “hope.” My heart snapped. I couldn’t even come up with the right words to say, so I just grabbed him in a tight hug. Louis was the one with all the hope, all the enthusiasm; he was the light. If that light went out, if he lost that hope, then he lost himself, and I lost my rock. I knew it was my turn to be his rock for a change, but I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to do that. I knew exactly what kind of darkness and hopelessness he was talking about – it was the same kind I had gone my entire life with. It wasn’t fun. In fact, at times, Louis was the only thing that could temporarily pull me out of it, and now if he were feeling it too, what did that mean for us? Were we both doomed to be depressed for the rest of our days?
“Don’t give up hope,” I whispered into his ear. “You can’t, not now, not ever, Lou, you’re stronger than this.” He just clung to me, and we held each other until our legs got tired of standing, then we climbed into bed and I sang him to sleep.
Wednesday, July 11th, 2012 – Anaheim, California, USA
The week leading up to the short trip to Anaheim only intensified Louis’s nerves. He was more excitable than normal, but not in the fun way he usually was. It was more neurotic than silly, and I didn’t know if I just needed to let it run its course or if I should say something. I figured he had enough to deal with without us fighting, so I let it be, but kept my eye on him. I barely let him out of my sight, and by the time we checked into our hotel in Anaheim (a different one than we’d stayed at on the tour, knowing there was bad karma at the other one), his mind was going a million miles a minute.
“I don’t know what to say,” he was talking fast, pacing back and forth across the hotel room as I watched him from the bed. “I had a week to figure out what to say, and I still don’t know. Why are we even doing this? Why are we here? I shouldn’t do this. I can’t. It’s not fair to Wrynn.”
“Louis,” I interrupted, but he kept going.
“I should just leave her alone, and let her move on. I’m being selfish because I’m the one who needs the closure and to know she’s okay but what if this is only going to make it worse for her?”
“Louis,” I tried, more firm this time.
“Why did this even have to happen? What is so wrong with the world that this stuff happens? And every day, too! My life was going just fine and now I can’t even handle the thoughts in my head.”
“Louis,” I stood up and put my hands on his shoulders to stop his pacing. He looked at me, and then I processed what he had just said. I furrowed my brow. “What thoughts can’t you handle?” I asked, concerned. He sighed and looked away, not wanting to answer. “Lou, it’s me,” I coaxed.
“It’s just been really dark in my head since the accident,” he said quietly.
“Dark?” I questioned, afraid that I knew exactly what he meant. He nodded.
“Like, there’s no – ” don’t say it, I thought – “hope.” My heart snapped. I couldn’t even come up with the right words to say, so I just grabbed him in a tight hug. Louis was the one with all the hope, all the enthusiasm; he was the light. If that light went out, if he lost that hope, then he lost himself, and I lost my rock. I knew it was my turn to be his rock for a change, but I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to do that. I knew exactly what kind of darkness and hopelessness he was talking about – it was the same kind I had gone my entire life with. It wasn’t fun. In fact, at times, Louis was the only thing that could temporarily pull me out of it, and now if he were feeling it too, what did that mean for us? Were we both doomed to be depressed for the rest of our days?
“Don’t give up hope,” I whispered into his ear. “You can’t, not now, not ever, Lou, you’re stronger than this.” He just clung to me, and we held each other until our legs got tired of standing, then we climbed into bed and I sang him to sleep.
@Sinthiaa
No, it's not hers, it's mine, and I can't get in touch with her or the site admins to get it taken down, grrr haha. Thank you for saying something though :-) *MUAH*
5/6/14