World Tour
Unrequited Love
***Harry Styles***
Sunday, June 17th, 2012 – Anaheim, California, USA
I was pacing back and forth across the floor of my hotel room, perfectly aware that Louis had followed me in.
“Harry?” he said, his voice questioning for me to explain.
“Were you ever going to tell me about your first love?” I demanded as I stopped pacing to look at Louis.
“You are my first love,” he replied, simply.
“Clearly, Natalie was your first love,” I retorted.
“No, Harry, I thought she was,” he said, trying to explain it to me. “At the time, when I was sixteen years old, she sure seemed like it. But I got over it, and then I met you, and I never really loved her, Harry, not the way I love you.”
“I don’t understand why you’ve never told me that story, and I don’t understand why it’s so much easier for you to open up in a room full of people than it is when it’s just the two of us!” I was on the verge of tears, and I could tell Louis was trying to comprehend what was going on.
“Why are you getting so upset?” was his answer.
“I just told you!” I bellowed. I was sure the entire state of California had heard me.
“Harry, Natalie was my past, you have a past too, it’s not a big deal.”
“Nothing’s a big deal to you, Louis, not a single damn thing. Not your relationship, not your boyfriend, nothing!”
“That is not true,” he argued, sternly. “And I really hate when you accuse me of not caring about you.”
“Yeah?” I asked. “Well I really hate when you open up to everyone else except me!”
“You were in the room,” he reminded me.
“Would you still have told that story if I hadn’t been?” I challenged.
“Probably, yeah, because I thought Liam needed to hear it.”
“And you never thought I needed to hear it?”
“No, honestly, it didn’t seem relevant,” he shrugged.
“How are your past relationships not relevant to your current one?!”
“You’ve never told me about your past relationships!” Was his defense.
“That’s because I’ve never had any serious ones before you, and you know that!”
“Then we’re even!”
“It sure sounded like Natalie was serious!” I yelled.
“You’re not listening to me!” he cried out. “She wasn’t as important to me as I thought she was, only I didn’t realize that until I met you!”
“Met me, or fell in love with me?” I questioned. “Because you knew me for a long time before we started dating, and high school was a subject that came up, mostly because I was still in it, so you’d think, at some point, you would’ve told me about her.” Louis paused. I could see on his face that he knew I had a point.
“Harry, you know I’m not good at opening up and talking about myself,” he said.
“No, you’re great at it, Lou – in interviews, at concerts, talk shows, with all the guys except for me, you love it. It’s like you feed off of attention from anyone but me!”
“What are you talking about?!” he exclaimed. “You’re the only person who I care about getting attention from!”
“Really?” I demanded, and I felt the tears start to come on, which only made me angrier. I didn’t want him to see me cry – I didn’t ever want to be vulnerable in front of him again if he couldn’t be vulnerable in front of me. “Because most of the time I just feel like you’re only with me because you haven’t found anyone else yet!” So much for that plan – I broke down. I could tell Louis was debating whether to hug me or yell at me. He went with the latter.
“How can you even say that?!” he exclaimed, and now his voice was choked up. “If I haven’t shown you by now how much you mean to me, then clearly I’ve failed you as a boyfriend!”
“Yeah, well, maybe you have!” I regretted the words before they even came out of my mouth, yet I still couldn’t stop myself from saying them. Instead of immediately apologizing and taking them back, I continued with that completely irrational thought, too caught up in my emotions to take a step back and try to think clearly. “You can’t just expect for me to know how you feel, Louis, I’m not a mind reader, so if you don’t tell me that you love me, there’s a good chance that I don’t know it!”
“How can you not know that?!” he cried. “I do tell you that!”
“Yeah, what, three times in six months?!”
“Five months and fourteen days,” he muttered. I blinked.
“What?” I asked.
“That’s how long we’ve been together,” he said, looking into my eyes. I was sure Louis had expected that to have a positive effect on me, but it had quite the opposite.
“How the hell do you know that but you can’t take half a second out of your damn day to tell me you love me?!” I started to sob.
“I thought you knew!” he said, and now he was crying, too.
“Damn it, Louis!” I yelled. I sat down on the bed. “I can’t do this.” I knew I had just had blinders on this whole time. I had wanted him to love me so badly that I started to believe he actually did, even though I knew there was no way he ever could. No one like Louis Tomlinson could ever love someone like me, and I had been kidding myself thinking there had even been a possibility of that. I couldn’t let myself waste any more of his time.
Sunday, June 17th, 2012 – Anaheim, California, USA
I was pacing back and forth across the floor of my hotel room, perfectly aware that Louis had followed me in.
“Harry?” he said, his voice questioning for me to explain.
“Were you ever going to tell me about your first love?” I demanded as I stopped pacing to look at Louis.
“You are my first love,” he replied, simply.
“Clearly, Natalie was your first love,” I retorted.
“No, Harry, I thought she was,” he said, trying to explain it to me. “At the time, when I was sixteen years old, she sure seemed like it. But I got over it, and then I met you, and I never really loved her, Harry, not the way I love you.”
“I don’t understand why you’ve never told me that story, and I don’t understand why it’s so much easier for you to open up in a room full of people than it is when it’s just the two of us!” I was on the verge of tears, and I could tell Louis was trying to comprehend what was going on.
“Why are you getting so upset?” was his answer.
“I just told you!” I bellowed. I was sure the entire state of California had heard me.
“Harry, Natalie was my past, you have a past too, it’s not a big deal.”
“Nothing’s a big deal to you, Louis, not a single damn thing. Not your relationship, not your boyfriend, nothing!”
“That is not true,” he argued, sternly. “And I really hate when you accuse me of not caring about you.”
“Yeah?” I asked. “Well I really hate when you open up to everyone else except me!”
“You were in the room,” he reminded me.
“Would you still have told that story if I hadn’t been?” I challenged.
“Probably, yeah, because I thought Liam needed to hear it.”
“And you never thought I needed to hear it?”
“No, honestly, it didn’t seem relevant,” he shrugged.
“How are your past relationships not relevant to your current one?!”
“You’ve never told me about your past relationships!” Was his defense.
“That’s because I’ve never had any serious ones before you, and you know that!”
“Then we’re even!”
“It sure sounded like Natalie was serious!” I yelled.
“You’re not listening to me!” he cried out. “She wasn’t as important to me as I thought she was, only I didn’t realize that until I met you!”
“Met me, or fell in love with me?” I questioned. “Because you knew me for a long time before we started dating, and high school was a subject that came up, mostly because I was still in it, so you’d think, at some point, you would’ve told me about her.” Louis paused. I could see on his face that he knew I had a point.
“Harry, you know I’m not good at opening up and talking about myself,” he said.
“No, you’re great at it, Lou – in interviews, at concerts, talk shows, with all the guys except for me, you love it. It’s like you feed off of attention from anyone but me!”
“What are you talking about?!” he exclaimed. “You’re the only person who I care about getting attention from!”
“Really?” I demanded, and I felt the tears start to come on, which only made me angrier. I didn’t want him to see me cry – I didn’t ever want to be vulnerable in front of him again if he couldn’t be vulnerable in front of me. “Because most of the time I just feel like you’re only with me because you haven’t found anyone else yet!” So much for that plan – I broke down. I could tell Louis was debating whether to hug me or yell at me. He went with the latter.
“How can you even say that?!” he exclaimed, and now his voice was choked up. “If I haven’t shown you by now how much you mean to me, then clearly I’ve failed you as a boyfriend!”
“Yeah, well, maybe you have!” I regretted the words before they even came out of my mouth, yet I still couldn’t stop myself from saying them. Instead of immediately apologizing and taking them back, I continued with that completely irrational thought, too caught up in my emotions to take a step back and try to think clearly. “You can’t just expect for me to know how you feel, Louis, I’m not a mind reader, so if you don’t tell me that you love me, there’s a good chance that I don’t know it!”
“How can you not know that?!” he cried. “I do tell you that!”
“Yeah, what, three times in six months?!”
“Five months and fourteen days,” he muttered. I blinked.
“What?” I asked.
“That’s how long we’ve been together,” he said, looking into my eyes. I was sure Louis had expected that to have a positive effect on me, but it had quite the opposite.
“How the hell do you know that but you can’t take half a second out of your damn day to tell me you love me?!” I started to sob.
“I thought you knew!” he said, and now he was crying, too.
“Damn it, Louis!” I yelled. I sat down on the bed. “I can’t do this.” I knew I had just had blinders on this whole time. I had wanted him to love me so badly that I started to believe he actually did, even though I knew there was no way he ever could. No one like Louis Tomlinson could ever love someone like me, and I had been kidding myself thinking there had even been a possibility of that. I couldn’t let myself waste any more of his time.
@Sinthiaa
No, it's not hers, it's mine, and I can't get in touch with her or the site admins to get it taken down, grrr haha. Thank you for saying something though :-) *MUAH*
5/6/14