World Tour
Tears of Passion
***Harry Styles***
Sunday, January 29th, 2012 – Holmes Chapel, England
Louis and I slept in for the first time in a long time, and then left after lunch to go back to our place. Louis was acting completely normal, but I knew he just didn’t want to be rude around my parents. He wanted to drive on the way home, and I let him, knowing there was something freeing about being behind the wheel. We got home, then I hopped in my car and followed Louis to drop the rental car off, then drove us back home. It felt good to be home for the first time in almost a month, and even better that we would get to spend most of our time there until April. Once we were in our house, we both sprawled out on the couch, resting.
“How you doing?” I asked Louis, checking in with him for the first time since that morning. I didn’t want to annoy him by constantly asking, but I was worried. He shrugged.
“Just have to move on, I guess,” he replied. I looked into his eyes, searching. I missed his jokes, his sense of humor, his chronic silliness that made him Louis. I wanted to cry for him – I wanted to take his pain on as my own, pull it out of his system so he’d never have to feel an ounce of it again.
“I’m so sorry, for all of this,” I finally told him.
“It’s not your fault,” he told me, shaking his head.
“Yeah, Lou, it kind of is,” I replied, standing up. “I mean, this whole thing started when I kissed you, right? So if I had never done that, you would never have realized your feelings for me or come out to your family, and you’d still have them.”
“First of all, I don’t want them if that’s how they feel about me,” Louis sat up on the couch. “Second of all, this is the second time you’ve said something about wishing you hadn’t kissed me. I’m beginning to think you really feel that way.” I sighed, not sure how to explain my reasoning.
“Lou, of course I’m glad I kissed you,” I told him, but my voice sounded more desperate than happy. “But all it’s done is cause you pain, and that’s not fair to you.”
“What about all those nights on the tour? All the time we’ve spent together, Harry, has that meant nothing to you?” now Louis stood up.
“What? That’s not what I said,” I tried to calm myself down so I could cam Louis down. He was already in a fragile mental state, and I knew I was adding to that. “I just – I feel like you’d be better off without me after all.” Louis’s face fell, crushed. I closed my eyes for a second, and when I opened them, tears were forming at the corners of his eyes.
“You looked me in the eye last night and promised me you weren’t going to leave me!” he cried out. “Don’t do this to me, not right now, not ever!” he blinked the tears out.
“I don’t want to!” I exclaimed. “But Louis – look at you. I’ve never seen you like this, and I don’t blame you for feeling the way you are but I’m failing as your boyfriend because I don’t know how to help you out of this mess I got you into!” Now it was my turn for the tears to spill out. Louis’s face softened at my explanation.
“Harry, you didn’t force me to be with you,” he said, more calm now. “And you didn’t force me to come out to my family, nor did you force my parents to reject me. I’ve loved every minute we’ve had together as a couple, Curly, but if you haven’t then tell me now so I can get all the rejection thrown at me at once.”
“I could never reject you,” I said, walking towards Louis, feeling even more guilty now than I had before. “I’m sorry, I just – I can’t stand to see you hurting so much.”
“Well walking away from me isn’t going to help!” Louis exclaimed, then took a deep breath. “Sorry,” he said.
“No, I’m sorry,” I repeated. “I don’t want to lose you, either.”
“Then don’t talk like that, ever again,” he begged, more tears spilling from his lost eyes. “I can’t handle it. I couldn’t handle losing you.” I loved hearing him say that. I loved knowing that I meant as much to him as he did to me, although it still felt surreal to me. There was no way I was lucky enough to earn the love of Louis Tomlinson forever.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I told him, and then pulled him into a hug.
Sunday, January 29th, 2012 – Holmes Chapel, England
Louis and I slept in for the first time in a long time, and then left after lunch to go back to our place. Louis was acting completely normal, but I knew he just didn’t want to be rude around my parents. He wanted to drive on the way home, and I let him, knowing there was something freeing about being behind the wheel. We got home, then I hopped in my car and followed Louis to drop the rental car off, then drove us back home. It felt good to be home for the first time in almost a month, and even better that we would get to spend most of our time there until April. Once we were in our house, we both sprawled out on the couch, resting.
“How you doing?” I asked Louis, checking in with him for the first time since that morning. I didn’t want to annoy him by constantly asking, but I was worried. He shrugged.
“Just have to move on, I guess,” he replied. I looked into his eyes, searching. I missed his jokes, his sense of humor, his chronic silliness that made him Louis. I wanted to cry for him – I wanted to take his pain on as my own, pull it out of his system so he’d never have to feel an ounce of it again.
“I’m so sorry, for all of this,” I finally told him.
“It’s not your fault,” he told me, shaking his head.
“Yeah, Lou, it kind of is,” I replied, standing up. “I mean, this whole thing started when I kissed you, right? So if I had never done that, you would never have realized your feelings for me or come out to your family, and you’d still have them.”
“First of all, I don’t want them if that’s how they feel about me,” Louis sat up on the couch. “Second of all, this is the second time you’ve said something about wishing you hadn’t kissed me. I’m beginning to think you really feel that way.” I sighed, not sure how to explain my reasoning.
“Lou, of course I’m glad I kissed you,” I told him, but my voice sounded more desperate than happy. “But all it’s done is cause you pain, and that’s not fair to you.”
“What about all those nights on the tour? All the time we’ve spent together, Harry, has that meant nothing to you?” now Louis stood up.
“What? That’s not what I said,” I tried to calm myself down so I could cam Louis down. He was already in a fragile mental state, and I knew I was adding to that. “I just – I feel like you’d be better off without me after all.” Louis’s face fell, crushed. I closed my eyes for a second, and when I opened them, tears were forming at the corners of his eyes.
“You looked me in the eye last night and promised me you weren’t going to leave me!” he cried out. “Don’t do this to me, not right now, not ever!” he blinked the tears out.
“I don’t want to!” I exclaimed. “But Louis – look at you. I’ve never seen you like this, and I don’t blame you for feeling the way you are but I’m failing as your boyfriend because I don’t know how to help you out of this mess I got you into!” Now it was my turn for the tears to spill out. Louis’s face softened at my explanation.
“Harry, you didn’t force me to be with you,” he said, more calm now. “And you didn’t force me to come out to my family, nor did you force my parents to reject me. I’ve loved every minute we’ve had together as a couple, Curly, but if you haven’t then tell me now so I can get all the rejection thrown at me at once.”
“I could never reject you,” I said, walking towards Louis, feeling even more guilty now than I had before. “I’m sorry, I just – I can’t stand to see you hurting so much.”
“Well walking away from me isn’t going to help!” Louis exclaimed, then took a deep breath. “Sorry,” he said.
“No, I’m sorry,” I repeated. “I don’t want to lose you, either.”
“Then don’t talk like that, ever again,” he begged, more tears spilling from his lost eyes. “I can’t handle it. I couldn’t handle losing you.” I loved hearing him say that. I loved knowing that I meant as much to him as he did to me, although it still felt surreal to me. There was no way I was lucky enough to earn the love of Louis Tomlinson forever.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I told him, and then pulled him into a hug.
Notes
Directioners,These boys just can't seem to figure each other out...
@Sinthiaa
No, it's not hers, it's mine, and I can't get in touch with her or the site admins to get it taken down, grrr haha. Thank you for saying something though :-) *MUAH*
5/6/14