World Tour
Failure
***Harry Styles***
Saturday, January 28th, 2012 – Doncaster, England
I had never felt worse than I did in that moment when I saw my lifeline break down right in front of me when his parents walked out of their house. My heart snapped apart as it simultaneously fell out of my chest, and I let his sister hug him, rubbing his back to let him know I was still there. When she went to go tuck the twins back in bed and Louis fell to the floor, I felt so helpless, like such a failure for not being able to make him feel better. All I could do was hug him. Once we started driving, I put myself in Louis’s shoes and tried to think what would make me feel better in this situation. It was hard to imagine, but I thought the best thing would be to surround myself with people who did love me, and since the only other people on earth who knew what was going on were my family, I suggested to Louis we go there. He agreed, and so after I had calmed him down at the pull off and started driving again, I called my mom, hoping she hadn’t gone to bed yet. I put the phone on speaker so I could keep one hand in Louis’s.
“Harry,” my mom answered the phone, her voice happy to be hearing from me. I saw Louis wince at that, knowing he might never again get that same reaction from his own mom. I squeezed his hand.
“Mom, things didn’t go so well at Louis’s parents,” I explained.
“Oh, no,” she said, genuinely sympathetic.
“Yeah,” I replied. “I don’t really want to get into it over the phone, but he’s pretty shook, so do you mind if we come back for the night so we don’t have to drive all the way home?”
“Of course, Sweetheart, you don’t ever have to ask, it’s still your house,” she replied, warmly.
“Thanks, Mom,” I said.
“Louis? Can I make or do anything special for you?” she asked, knowing she was on speaker phone probably from the echoes she was hearing on her end.
“Thank you,” Louis was able to say, forcing his voice to sound strong. “I just appreciate you letting us crash there.”
“Anytime,” Mom replied.
“We’ll be there in an hour or so,” I told her, and we said goodbye and hung up. Louis was quiet the rest of the drive, and I left him alone with his thoughts, squeezing his hand whenever he started to get upset again so he knew I was still there. And I was, but I wasn’t sure why he wanted me to be, because I’d never felt so guilty in my life. I knew this was all my fault, and I knew it was only a matter of time before Louis realized it – or maybe he already had, but was already too broken to speak on it just yet. If I hadn’t kissed Louis, he never would’ve come to the realization that he was gay, then he never would’ve felt the need to come out to his family, and he wouldn’t have had to listen to his parents tell him they didn’t love him anymore. My whole body was filled with pain for Louis, and if it felt that bad for me I couldn’t imagine what he was going through. But I knew there was nothing I could say to help – hopefully my mom would know what to do.
We pulled up to my house and walked in quietly in case my parents were already asleep. Gemma had her own place a few miles up the road, and I hadn’t seen her car at my parents' so I knew she wasn’t there. Robin must have been in bed because the door to my parent’s bedroom was closed, but my mom greeted us with open arms, hugging Louis for a long moment before he pulled away, probably not wanting to break down in front of her.
“Come on, I’ve made you guys some tea,” she told us, ushering us into the kitchen as we set our bags down. We sat around the table and drank our tea, and I could slowly see Louis calming down with every minute that passed. I knew my mom was curious about what happened, so I pulled her into the other room where I knew Louis couldn’t hear us, not wanting to make him relive the horror, and I explained to my mom what went down at Louis’s. She was appalled, as I knew she would be. My mom couldn’t understand how someone could just stop loving their child, no matter the reason, but especially over something as minor as this. Louis was gay – it didn’t change his personality. I just hoped he knew that.
Saturday, January 28th, 2012 – Doncaster, England
I had never felt worse than I did in that moment when I saw my lifeline break down right in front of me when his parents walked out of their house. My heart snapped apart as it simultaneously fell out of my chest, and I let his sister hug him, rubbing his back to let him know I was still there. When she went to go tuck the twins back in bed and Louis fell to the floor, I felt so helpless, like such a failure for not being able to make him feel better. All I could do was hug him. Once we started driving, I put myself in Louis’s shoes and tried to think what would make me feel better in this situation. It was hard to imagine, but I thought the best thing would be to surround myself with people who did love me, and since the only other people on earth who knew what was going on were my family, I suggested to Louis we go there. He agreed, and so after I had calmed him down at the pull off and started driving again, I called my mom, hoping she hadn’t gone to bed yet. I put the phone on speaker so I could keep one hand in Louis’s.
“Harry,” my mom answered the phone, her voice happy to be hearing from me. I saw Louis wince at that, knowing he might never again get that same reaction from his own mom. I squeezed his hand.
“Mom, things didn’t go so well at Louis’s parents,” I explained.
“Oh, no,” she said, genuinely sympathetic.
“Yeah,” I replied. “I don’t really want to get into it over the phone, but he’s pretty shook, so do you mind if we come back for the night so we don’t have to drive all the way home?”
“Of course, Sweetheart, you don’t ever have to ask, it’s still your house,” she replied, warmly.
“Thanks, Mom,” I said.
“Louis? Can I make or do anything special for you?” she asked, knowing she was on speaker phone probably from the echoes she was hearing on her end.
“Thank you,” Louis was able to say, forcing his voice to sound strong. “I just appreciate you letting us crash there.”
“Anytime,” Mom replied.
“We’ll be there in an hour or so,” I told her, and we said goodbye and hung up. Louis was quiet the rest of the drive, and I left him alone with his thoughts, squeezing his hand whenever he started to get upset again so he knew I was still there. And I was, but I wasn’t sure why he wanted me to be, because I’d never felt so guilty in my life. I knew this was all my fault, and I knew it was only a matter of time before Louis realized it – or maybe he already had, but was already too broken to speak on it just yet. If I hadn’t kissed Louis, he never would’ve come to the realization that he was gay, then he never would’ve felt the need to come out to his family, and he wouldn’t have had to listen to his parents tell him they didn’t love him anymore. My whole body was filled with pain for Louis, and if it felt that bad for me I couldn’t imagine what he was going through. But I knew there was nothing I could say to help – hopefully my mom would know what to do.
We pulled up to my house and walked in quietly in case my parents were already asleep. Gemma had her own place a few miles up the road, and I hadn’t seen her car at my parents' so I knew she wasn’t there. Robin must have been in bed because the door to my parent’s bedroom was closed, but my mom greeted us with open arms, hugging Louis for a long moment before he pulled away, probably not wanting to break down in front of her.
“Come on, I’ve made you guys some tea,” she told us, ushering us into the kitchen as we set our bags down. We sat around the table and drank our tea, and I could slowly see Louis calming down with every minute that passed. I knew my mom was curious about what happened, so I pulled her into the other room where I knew Louis couldn’t hear us, not wanting to make him relive the horror, and I explained to my mom what went down at Louis’s. She was appalled, as I knew she would be. My mom couldn’t understand how someone could just stop loving their child, no matter the reason, but especially over something as minor as this. Louis was gay – it didn’t change his personality. I just hoped he knew that.
Notes
Do you agree Directioners,Such a cute couple those two!
@Sinthiaa
No, it's not hers, it's mine, and I can't get in touch with her or the site admins to get it taken down, grrr haha. Thank you for saying something though :-) *MUAH*
5/6/14