***Louis Tomlinson***
Saturday, January 28th, 2012 – Holmes Chapel, UK

We pulled up to my parent’s house, and my three little sisters came running out to greet us – Kessie, who was eighteen, and the twins, Phoebe and Daisy, who were six. I loved my sisters, and Kessie and I were particularly close. She was always too smart for her age, and I was almost more worried about telling her my news than I was my parents – I would hate it if she were mad at me. I hugged the girls and introduced them to Harry, who Phoebe and Daisy immediately took a liking to and pulled him inside by the wrists. He jumped right in with them, and I smiled as I put my arm around Kessie, kissing her on the temple as we followed the others into the house. I introduced Harry to my mom – Rita – and dad – Hank – and then they had a whole dinner feast set up. We sat around the table and ate and talked and Harry and I told PG stories from the tour. Once my parents had tucked Phoebe and Daisy in bed, the rest of us gathered around the fireplace, once again Harry and I next to each other on the couch.

“Well, I have some big news,” I opened, not wanting to waste any more time.

“You’re pregnant,” Kessie joked. I smiled.

“What is it?” my mom asked.

“Well, it turns out, that, I’m not exactly as into girls as I had once thought,” I started, slowly, realizing how dumb that sounded when the words came out of my mouth. I didn’t have a problem saying that Harry was my boyfriend; I had a problem saying that I was gay. My mom and dad looked at me, questioning. “Okay,” I breathed, deciding to just get it out in the open. “Harry and I are dating.” I spoke those words quickly. My mom blinked, and my dad bit down on his lip, hard.

“As in, you’re gay?” my mom clarified. I shrugged and nodded. Harry squeezed my hand. “Well, I’m not exactly sure how to respond,” she said, clearly flustered. “And I’m not sure how you wanted me to respond. I don’t understand why you couldn’t come and tell us without Harry here, that seems a little rude and insensitive because this is a very private matter that we should deal with as a family.”

“Harry is my family, Mom,” I defended, now squeezing his hand. He squeezed back, reassuring me that my mom’s words hadn’t hurt his feelings. “All my band mates are my family now, but Harry’s special. It’s not like I’m a different person.”

“Maybe not, but we’re certainly going to look at you differently now,” my dad said. My face fell, and my eyes watered.

“Guys,” Kessie said, appalled at my parents’ reactions. Maybe it was a generational thing. “It’s still Louis.”

“I’m not comfortable having that lifestyle in my house,” my mom told me.

“We don’t live in your house!” I reminded her. “We have our own place, where we can be together.”

“I don’t think you have any idea what you’re talking about,” she continued, standing up, her voice rising. I felt the heat rise in my chest to my face. “You’re not gay, I raised you to be straight, and I don’t want you to see any more of Harry. In fact, you need to quit the band, clearly it’s a bad influence.”

“I’m not quitting the band!” I exclaimed, jumping to my feet as well. “And I’m not quitting Harry, either!”

“You don’t have a choice!”

“I’m twenty years old, Mom, I can make my own decisions!” Furious, painful tears were streaming down my cheeks but I didn’t care. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Harry stood up behind me and squeezed my shoulder.

“None of that under my roof!” my dad yelled, nodding at Harry’s hand, but Harry didn’t back down, and I made a mental note to thank him for that later. Instead, I put my arm around Harry as well, partly in defiance of my parents but mostly because I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d be able to stand on my own two legs before they went weak. Harry could tell, and he braced himself, letting me lean some of my weight on him already.

“You wouldn’t have a problem with this if Harry was a girl!” I yelled. I never yelled, not unless I was joking about yelling.

“We would still love you if Harry was a girl!” my mom replied. I let out a sob, unable to control it any longer. Harry squeezed my neck tightly, reminding me he was still there; I still had him.

“Mom,” I said, desperate, begging.

“I don’t ever want to see either one of you, again,” she stated, and stormed out the front door, going for a walk like she always did when she was upset. My dad stood up to go after her, but he turned to look at me before he opened the door.

“You better be gone before we get back,” he said, and then took off after my mom. I stood there, heartbroken, sobbing, as I covered my face with my hands. Kessie jumped up and ran over to me, hugging me, and I cried on her shoulder. She rubbed my back, as did Harry.

“Shh,” Kessie whispered. I wasn’t sure I had ever cried this hard in front of her before. “Shh, it’s okay,” she soothed. “I still love you, Phoebe and Daisy still love you, it’s going to be okay.” I shook my head. It wasn’t going to be okay.

“Louis?” I heard a small voice say my name and looked up to the top of the stairs. Phoebe and Daisy were both standing there, probably having heard the yelling. I almost collapsed to the ground, realizing I might never see them again.

“I’ll go put them back to bed,” Kessie whispered into my ear. “Don’t leave yet.” I nodded, and she went up the stairs to take the twins back to their beds. In the half a second that she stepped away and Harry walked around to the front of me, I had fallen to my knees, a mess, unable to stop the crying, unable to handle it. Harry wrapped his arms around me, and I buried my head in his chest.

“I’m right here, Lou,” he told me. “We’re gonna get through this, together,” he kissed me on the top of my head. I couldn’t even come up with a joke – that’s how bad this was. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t do anything except cry. “Come on,” Harry whispered. “We should go,” I nodded, knowing he was right. He helped me to my feet just as Kessie came back down the stairs.

“Lou,” she said, seeing my wrecked face. She hugged me again, but I knew if I stayed in her embrace too long I would lose it all over again, so I pulled away. “I’ll come visit you,” she promised me. “I’ll bring the girls to see you when I can, okay, you haven’t lost me, you’re not going to.” I closed my eyes tightly and tried to stifle a sob, but it didn’t work. Harry put his arm around me and kissed me on the temple.

“We should go before your parents come back,” he told Kessie, his voice darker than usual. She nodded, understanding. “Thank you,” he added, and gave her a hug. She smiled.

“Take care of my brother,” she whispered to Harry, not realizing I could hear her.

“Look out for the girls,” I managed to choke out to her, then I kissed her on the cheek and walked out to the car with Harry, who didn’t release his arm from my shoulders until I was in the passenger seat, clearly in no state to drive. Harry got in and began driving, not speaking until we were safely out of the neighborhood but looking at me every three seconds to see if I was still breathing.

“You want to go to my parents?” were the first words he asked me after a few minutes, probably so he knew which direction to drive in. I loved how he knew the thing I needed most right now was to feel welcomed into a family, and I nodded. If nothing else, we could stay the night there since it was closer than our place and already getting late, and I knew his mom would take care of me like she had the previous night, cooking for us and what not. Harry merged onto the highway and then reached over and took my hand in his. The kindness of his touch made me break down again, for whatever reason. I took my free hand and covered my eyes with it. “Lou,” Harry said, sympathetically, and I could tell he was feeling my pain. He found a pull off and pulled the car over, turning the engine off as he looked at me. I reached my hand out and held onto the dashboard, not sure for what reason other than that I needed the support of something that wouldn’t crash out from under me like my family just had. Harry reached across the console and wrapped his arms around my neck, and I fell into his lap, the back of my head on his legs as I faced up at him. He kept his arms around me, letting me cry, knowing there was nothing he could do or say to make this better, knowing I wasn’t okay but not having to ask me what was going through my head. He knew – he couldn’t relate, but he knew.

“Why!” I finally exclaimed. I needed an answer. I knew Harry had no better of an idea than I did, but I still needed to know.

“I don’t know, Mate,” he said, solemnly. “But you said it yourself, you have a family in me and the band, and you have a family in my family, and, Lou, you have me.”

“Don’t ever leave me like they did,” I begged.

“I won’t,” he promised, stroking the hair from my eyes.

“Oh, god, we have to tell the guys now, don’t we?” I moaned as that horrendous thought crossed my mind.

“Why?” Harry asked. I took a deep breath, regaining enough strength to sit back up.

“Don’t you think they’ll wonder why I don’t talk to my family anymore?”

“No,” Harry said simply, shaking his head. “If they even notice, I don’t think they’ll think to ask. But we can cross that bridge later. Right now, let’s worry about you, and get you taken care of.”

“I’m fine,” I said, but we both knew that wasn’t true. I buckled my seat belt again, and Harry turned the car back on and pulled back onto the highway. He called his mom to let her know we were coming, and then he held his hand in mine the rest of the drive as I sat in my own thoughts, letting out a sob or a shaky breath once in awhile, to which Harry would just squeeze my hand, comforting me.

Notes

Directioners aw,


Okay, so, here's the thing: in this chapter, Louis's family doesn't respond the way he had hoped. Because of that, I have changed the characters of his family - I made fake names and people for his mom, dad, and sister. Phoebe and Daisy are still the same, because their role isn't that huge, but besides the two of them he only has one other sister in this story. I realize these fictional characters are not his real family. I didn't want to misrepresent anyone because I'm sure Louis's actual family in real life is wonderful, so please remember that when you read this - heavy - chapter!

Poor Louis! See why I used a fake family...?