World Tour
Selfless
***Harry Styles***
Sunday, August 19th, 2012 – North London, England
“Lou, talk to me,” I said after we’d both agreed to never again leave angry. I knew he was already trying to shut down, and I needed him to talk to me about what had happened. I had let him down, again, by not being able to protect him from this, and I needed to make that up to him by being there for him now. He was always there for me, and today I finally realized how trying that was on him. I needed to get my shit together so that things would get easier on Louis.
“I can’t,” Louis shook his head.
“Please,” I begged, looking down into his eyes as he lay in my lap.
“The things they were saying, Harry,” Louis said, his eyes shining with pain. “They used every gay slur in the book. Some I’d never even heard before.” Tears spilled from Louis’s eyes. “And here I was, pressuring you to be okay with coming out publicly. I didn’t understand, but now I do, Harry, I’m so sorry!” Louis covered his face with his hands. I leaned over him and slid my arms under his back, enveloping him in a hug. He clutched onto the back of my shirt collar.
“Shh,” I said. “Don’t be sorry.” Liam, Niall, and Zayn got back from the pharmacy just then, and rushed over to us when they saw that Louis was upset. I couldn’t help but think how their timing was off – as much as I wanted Louis to take his medicine, I had just now gotten him to start talking.
“Louis,” Niall gasped, and they gathered around us and joined in on the hug.
“Take one of these,” Liam said, handing Louis a pain pill and some water. “You’ll feel better.” Louis sat up and took it, and the other three sat down on the couch with us.
“I’m sorry, you guys,” Louis told them. I kept my arm around him.
“For what?” Niall questioned.
“For putting you through this,” Louis said. “For making you worry.”
“You know what?” Zayn said. “We all need to stop blaming ourselves for the things that happen in our lives or each other’s lives. I think that’s part of why we’ve all been fighting so much. Louis, you didn’t do anything wrong. Harry, what happened is not your fault, and Liam, it’s not yours, either.” I looked at Liam. He glanced away.
“Li?” I asked.
“You guys wouldn’t have fought this morning if it weren’t for me,” Liam explained, sadly. “I’m so sorry. Louis, I’m so sorry this happened, I’m done drinking, forever.”
“You mean that?” Louis asked Liam, who nodded.
“I promise,” Liam said, and tears spilled from his eyes. Louis grabbed him in a hug.
“Thank you,” Louis whispered to Liam.
Louis’s pain pill made him sleepy not long after that, so I went up to help him get situated in bed and the other three settled on the couches downstairs, not wanting to leave in case Louis needed them. I was reminded of what good friends we had.
Louis stripped down to his boxers once we got up to his room. His body was covered in bruises, and I had no idea how he wasn’t complaining about them – they looked really painful. I realized I probably hadn’t helped – I’d kept a pretty tight grip around him all evening. We climbed in bed facing each other, and I wrapped my arms around his back, gently this time.
“How you doing?” I asked him. He shrugged. “Please, Lou,” I begged. “Tell me what’s going on in your head.”
“It’s not my head that hurts,” he spoke. “It’s my heart.” That comment made my own heart break for him. I swallowed but stayed strong.
“Why?” I prompted, even though I already knew the answer. I just wanted him to keep talking.
“I’ve never really let words bother me before,” he shrugged. “I can ignore criticism about my singing or a performance no problem. But what they were saying really hurt.”
“That’s because when people criticize your singing, it’s their opinion,” I said, gently. “Their highly uneducated and stupid opinion because your voice is angelic, but their opinion nonetheless. People making fun of you for being gay is like them knocking down who you are as a person, because it’s fact. Of course it’s going to hurt more.”
“All the times I got frustrated with you for not being willing to come out,” Louis shook his head. “I’m sorry. I get it now, Harry.”
“No,” I shook my head. “Don’t. Because one of these days, we are going to have the opportunity to come out publicly, and I’m gonna need you to be the voice of reason so we can. Don’t let this ruin that, Lou, don’t let this be the reason we hide for the rest of our lives.”
“I don’t want to hide,” Louis admitted. “But there are people like that all over the world, Harry. I don’t know that I can constantly worry about something happening to you for being gay.” I blinked.
“That’s what you’re upset about?” I asked. Louis nodded. I felt the tears rush to my eyes. “You are black and blue all over, yet you’re worried about me?” Again, Louis nodded. “Lou,” I choked out. He looked at me. “Stop it. You need to take care of yourself.”
“How can I when I’m terrified that you’ll pick up a knife the second I leave the room?” I watched Louis’s eyelids droop, and I knew the medicine was going to win.
“Shh,” I whispered, stroking his hair. “Go to sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.” Louis let his eyes close, and I stayed awake for a long time, watching him sleep.
Sunday, August 19th, 2012 – North London, England
“Lou, talk to me,” I said after we’d both agreed to never again leave angry. I knew he was already trying to shut down, and I needed him to talk to me about what had happened. I had let him down, again, by not being able to protect him from this, and I needed to make that up to him by being there for him now. He was always there for me, and today I finally realized how trying that was on him. I needed to get my shit together so that things would get easier on Louis.
“I can’t,” Louis shook his head.
“Please,” I begged, looking down into his eyes as he lay in my lap.
“The things they were saying, Harry,” Louis said, his eyes shining with pain. “They used every gay slur in the book. Some I’d never even heard before.” Tears spilled from Louis’s eyes. “And here I was, pressuring you to be okay with coming out publicly. I didn’t understand, but now I do, Harry, I’m so sorry!” Louis covered his face with his hands. I leaned over him and slid my arms under his back, enveloping him in a hug. He clutched onto the back of my shirt collar.
“Shh,” I said. “Don’t be sorry.” Liam, Niall, and Zayn got back from the pharmacy just then, and rushed over to us when they saw that Louis was upset. I couldn’t help but think how their timing was off – as much as I wanted Louis to take his medicine, I had just now gotten him to start talking.
“Louis,” Niall gasped, and they gathered around us and joined in on the hug.
“Take one of these,” Liam said, handing Louis a pain pill and some water. “You’ll feel better.” Louis sat up and took it, and the other three sat down on the couch with us.
“I’m sorry, you guys,” Louis told them. I kept my arm around him.
“For what?” Niall questioned.
“For putting you through this,” Louis said. “For making you worry.”
“You know what?” Zayn said. “We all need to stop blaming ourselves for the things that happen in our lives or each other’s lives. I think that’s part of why we’ve all been fighting so much. Louis, you didn’t do anything wrong. Harry, what happened is not your fault, and Liam, it’s not yours, either.” I looked at Liam. He glanced away.
“Li?” I asked.
“You guys wouldn’t have fought this morning if it weren’t for me,” Liam explained, sadly. “I’m so sorry. Louis, I’m so sorry this happened, I’m done drinking, forever.”
“You mean that?” Louis asked Liam, who nodded.
“I promise,” Liam said, and tears spilled from his eyes. Louis grabbed him in a hug.
“Thank you,” Louis whispered to Liam.
Louis’s pain pill made him sleepy not long after that, so I went up to help him get situated in bed and the other three settled on the couches downstairs, not wanting to leave in case Louis needed them. I was reminded of what good friends we had.
Louis stripped down to his boxers once we got up to his room. His body was covered in bruises, and I had no idea how he wasn’t complaining about them – they looked really painful. I realized I probably hadn’t helped – I’d kept a pretty tight grip around him all evening. We climbed in bed facing each other, and I wrapped my arms around his back, gently this time.
“How you doing?” I asked him. He shrugged. “Please, Lou,” I begged. “Tell me what’s going on in your head.”
“It’s not my head that hurts,” he spoke. “It’s my heart.” That comment made my own heart break for him. I swallowed but stayed strong.
“Why?” I prompted, even though I already knew the answer. I just wanted him to keep talking.
“I’ve never really let words bother me before,” he shrugged. “I can ignore criticism about my singing or a performance no problem. But what they were saying really hurt.”
“That’s because when people criticize your singing, it’s their opinion,” I said, gently. “Their highly uneducated and stupid opinion because your voice is angelic, but their opinion nonetheless. People making fun of you for being gay is like them knocking down who you are as a person, because it’s fact. Of course it’s going to hurt more.”
“All the times I got frustrated with you for not being willing to come out,” Louis shook his head. “I’m sorry. I get it now, Harry.”
“No,” I shook my head. “Don’t. Because one of these days, we are going to have the opportunity to come out publicly, and I’m gonna need you to be the voice of reason so we can. Don’t let this ruin that, Lou, don’t let this be the reason we hide for the rest of our lives.”
“I don’t want to hide,” Louis admitted. “But there are people like that all over the world, Harry. I don’t know that I can constantly worry about something happening to you for being gay.” I blinked.
“That’s what you’re upset about?” I asked. Louis nodded. I felt the tears rush to my eyes. “You are black and blue all over, yet you’re worried about me?” Again, Louis nodded. “Lou,” I choked out. He looked at me. “Stop it. You need to take care of yourself.”
“How can I when I’m terrified that you’ll pick up a knife the second I leave the room?” I watched Louis’s eyelids droop, and I knew the medicine was going to win.
“Shh,” I whispered, stroking his hair. “Go to sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.” Louis let his eyes close, and I stayed awake for a long time, watching him sleep.
@Sinthiaa
No, it's not hers, it's mine, and I can't get in touch with her or the site admins to get it taken down, grrr haha. Thank you for saying something though :-) *MUAH*
5/6/14