***Louis Tomlinson***
Friday, August 17th, 2012 – North London, England

Gemma had said exactly what I’d been too afraid to think. I knew she was right. I’d known all along that was the case – Harry was fine before me. I was a negative influence on him, as I had suspected before. I didn’t bring him up, or encourage him, or support him the way I should, the way he needed. I had completely let him down, in every way possible. Even his sister could see that, and she was rarely around us. I didn’t want to lose Harry, in any way, but I needed to do what was best for him.

There was a knock on my bedroom door, snapping me from my thoughts. I didn’t know how long I’d been laying on my bed in my own self pity. I wiped my eyes.

“Yeah?” I called. Gemma opened the door.

“Can I talk to you?” she asked, gently. I nodded, then sat up. She shut the door behind her and came over to sit down next to me. “Louis, I am so sorry. I did not mean what I said. I’m worried about Harry, and I took it out on you. I apologize.”

“It’s okay, Gemma,” I told her. “You were right.”

“No,” she shook her head. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to my brother.”

“I’m not,” I shook my head, disappointed, wishing that were true. “He really was okay until I came along. He was. And I’ve just done nothing but messed with his emotions and made him want to cut and die and the worst part is I don’t even know how to help him.”

“You are helping him,” she told me. “More than you know. That boy lives for you – you’re like his oxygen. I mean, I’ve never seen a love like it, not even with my parents, Lou.”

“I feel like all I do is bring him down,” I explained. I had no idea why it was so easy for me to talk to Gemma. Maybe I thought of her like my own sister – in a way, she kind of was, and she was certainly the closest thing to a sister I had left.

“Louis, Harry’s always been depressed, as long as I can remember. And then One Direction happened, and he was better, he was. But when you guys started dating? He almost seemed…happy.”

“But I haven’t been able to keep him happy,” I protested.

“Lou,” Gemma took my hand, “you had nothing to do with those tweets. Whether you were with him or not, he would’ve reacted the same way. That’s just Harry. But you were there, Louis, you saved his life, and I – I don’t know how to repay you for that.”

“All that matters is Harry’s alive,” I said.

“And we need to keep him that way,” Gemma added. I nodded in agreement.

“I’m keeping an eye on him,” I told her. “And so are the other guys.”

“I know,” Gemma said. “I love how much you guys love him.”

“He makes it hard not to,” I shrugged. Gemma smiled at me, and then gave me a hug.

“We’re all going to get through this,” she promised me. “Harry’s going to be okay. As long as he has you, he’ll be okay.” Gemma knew Harry better than I did sometimes. She made me feel better about being with him. I still wasn’t convinced that I was good for him, but I was convinced he needed me right then, and I would rather die than walk away from us. I hugged Gemma again, and then we went downstairs, where all the others were in the kitchen. I grabbed Harry and just hugged him tight, and he let me hold onto him for a minute, the others chatting amongst themselves.

“I love you,” I whispered in his ear. “So much, Harry. And I’m so glad you’re alive.”

“I love you, too,” he told me.

Notes

You better listen to Gemma, Louis - she's very smart.