World Tour
Siblings
***Harry Styles***
Friday, August 17th, 2012 – North London, England
After Louis and I went back downstairs, I went into the living room and got on the laptop to check my e-mail in case any of my friends or relatives back home had written to make sure I was still alive. I decided to post an update on my Twitter as well, but as soon as I logged in I saw it. It was the most recent tweet sent to me. It read: “Too bad you didn’t succeed.” I stared at it for a minute. Then I stood up and grabbed the closest breakable thing I could find, which was a mug left from breakfast. I threw it at the wall and watched it break into a hundred pieces. Liam, Louis, Niall, and Zayn came running in from the kitchen.
“Harry, what – ?” Louis asked me, but Liam had seen the tweet. He sighed and motioned for the other guys to look at it, which they did.
“I’m done,” I shook my head. I felt numb.
“Don’t say that,” Liam told me.
“They want me dead!” I exclaimed, gesturing towards the computer.
“Nobody wants you dead,” Louis said, calm but firm. “That was probably just Abby again.”
“That’s still someone who wants me dead,” I argued. Just then, the doorbell rang, and Louis went to answer it.
“Harry, it’s gonna be okay,” Niall told me.
“No, it’s not,” I shook my head. “It’s not.”
“Yes, it is,” Zayn stated. “We’re here, Harry, we’re gonna get you through this.”
“How?” I challenged, just as Louis walked in the room with none other than Gemma. She saw the look on my face and her eyes watered.
“The rumors are true, aren’t they?” she asked me. I sighed, then nodded, and she ran over and gave me that perfect sisterly hug that only she could give. “I knew it,” she whispered. “Mom believed you when you told her it was a rumor, but I know you, Harry. What’s going on?” she pulled back and looked at me. I looked at the guys, and they took the hint and left the room, but I grabbed Louis’s arm and pulled him back, wanting him to stay, wanting his support. The three of us sat down and I exploded. I told Gemma everything. I told her about Abby, and the fight with the guys, and about the tweets, and I even told her about cutting. She listened, and she cried a little, and Louis rubbed my back as I spoke. Then I told her about the tweet I had just seen before she arrived and I burst into tears.
“Harry,” Louis whispered, and I could hear the sadness in his voice from seeing me in pain. I was sick of hurting him. “I’m so sorry.”
“Louis, how could you let this happen?” Gemma asked my boyfriend.
“Gemma,” I choked out. “It’s not his fault.”
“No, she’s right,” Louis said, and he stood up. “I promised to protect you, Harry, and I haven’t been able to do that. I’m sorry, to both of you.”
“Lou, that’s not what I meant,” Gemma said.
“It’s fine,” Louis shrugged. “You trusted me to take care of your brother, and I let you down.”
“It’s just…” Gemma started, “he’s never tried to kill himself before you.” Louis and I both looked at her, shocked.
“Not cool, Gemma,” I said.
“That came out wrong,” she said. “I meant before the band.”
“I know what you meant,” Louis said sadly, then went upstairs. I looked at Gemma.
“That’s the love of my life,” I told her, pointing in the direction Louis had just gone in.
“I know,” Gemma nodded.
“If my sister can’t get along with my soul mate, there’s going to be a problem.”
“There’s no problem, I’ll go apologize to him later, you know I love Lou, I’m just really worried about you, Harry. I’ve never seen you like this. I don’t understand.”
“Gem, you know I’ve always been depressed.”
“I know,” she nodded. “But I thought the band and coming out and finding Louis had helped.”
“It had,” I nodded. “Until now.”
“So how do we change this?” she asked, taking charge. “What needs to be done to make you feel better? To make you okay again?”
“I don’t know if that’s possible,” I said.
“It is,” she told me. “You’re stronger than you know. You can get through this. I will help you, and your friends will help you, and you will not leave me alone on this earth as an only child, Harry, you can’t,” her voice broke. I pulled her into a hug, but didn’t say anything. “You can’t, Harry, you have to promise me. Promise.”
“You’re the only one who doesn’t want me dead,” I reminded her. She gasped and pulled away.
“Harold Edward Styles,” she scolded, and I couldn’t help but notice how much she sounded like our mom. “That is not true. Tell me you don’t honestly believe that.”
“Sometimes I just…I can’t think otherwise,” I admitted. “Like, I know you love me, and Louis and the guys love me, but it gets so dark in my head that I can’t remember that all the time.” Gemma looked at me, concerned.
“Maybe we can find you some help,” she suggested, just as Louis had when he’d found out about my cutting.
“No, Gemma, no,” I stated. “You can’t. And you can’t tell Mom or Robin either.”
“Harry, this might be too big for us to handle on our own…”
“Don’t,” I stood up. “Don’t turn your back on me, not you.”
“I’m not turning my back on you,” she said. “I’m trying to save you.”
“I don’t need saving.”
“No? If Louis hadn’t saved you the other day, you’d be in a coffin!” she threw her hand up to her face and covered her mouth as tears spilled from her eyes at that thought. I sighed and sat down next to her again, then put my arm around her.
“I just think Mom would make everything worse because she wouldn’t leave me alone,” I said, gently.
“I think that’s exactly what you need.”
“Louis and the guys have been baby-sitting me,” I told her.
“Doesn’t that tell you how loved you are?” she asked. I looked at her, and thought about that. It hit me for the first time.
“Yeah,” I said, almost surprised. “Yeah, I guess it does.”
“Harry,” Gemma shook her head. “You are a pain in the ass, you know that?” I smiled and nodded. “And I don’t know what I would do without you,” she told me, hugging me again. “So don’t you dare let me find out. I love you, my sweet Harry.”
“I love you, too,” I said. We were quiet for a minute as Gemma just sat hugging me, probably more for her sake than for mine. After awhile, she took a deep breath.
“I have to tell you something,” she said, and I couldn’t tell by her tone if it was good or bad. I pulled back and looked at her, curious. “I’ve met someone,” she stated, biting her lip in anticipation of my reaction. “And I kind of think he’s the one.” I blinked.
“How long have you been seeing him?” I asked.
“Since March...” she winced, knowing I’d be upset.
“And you’re just now telling me? Gemma!” I stood up.
“I didn’t know how serious it was at first and I didn’t want you to freak out and get all overprotective like you do when I start dating someone.”
“Okay, but what about when I saw you last month? It had to have been serious by then, right?”
“Harry, you were a mess last time I saw you. I didn’t really think talking about how well my love life was going when you were so broken hearted was appropriate.” She had a point.
“I still would’ve been happy for you,” I told her.
“I know, but, you needed me.”
“Alright, so who is he? How old is he? What does he do? How did you meet? Is he respectful?” I asked. Gemma smiled at all my questions.
“His name is Brant. He’s twenty five. He’s a chef at a restaurant, that’s how we met. I was eating there with a friend and he came to ask us how our food was, and we just hit it off. And yes, Harry, he’s very respectful. I think you’d like him.”
“Have Mom and Robin met him yet?” I asked, skeptical.
“They like him,” Gemma nodded, smiling. I could see the twinkle in her eye as she spoke about Brant. I still didn’t like it.
“You know I’m going to have to meet him,” I told her. “But I’m already going to tell you he’s not good enough for you.” Gemma looked at me with puppy dog eyes.
“And...?” she prompted.
“And,” I swallowed and sat back down next to her, “I’m really happy for you, Gem. You deserve the best.” A smile spread across her face and she hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.
“Thanks, Harry, I know you’ll love him, you really will.” If Gemma felt about Brant anywhere near what I felt about Louis, then I couldn’t blame her. But he had some serious proving to do, and if he even thought about hurting her he would have five angry boy band members to answer to.
“Now, speaking of boyfriends, will you please go apologize to mine?” I asked her. Gemma looked at me, evaluating if I was okay or not.
“Delete your Twitter account first,” she ordered.
“Gemma,” I started, but she gave me the Look that she had gotten down so well. I sighed, grabbed the computer, and deleted my account, Gemma watching over my shoulder. I looked at her when I was done, my eyebrows raised.
“I’m still not leaving you alone,” she said. I sighed.
“Fine, I’ll go into the kitchen with the guys. Please go fix things with Louis,” I begged. She nodded, but then hugged me for a long time before she disappeared upstairs.
Friday, August 17th, 2012 – North London, England
After Louis and I went back downstairs, I went into the living room and got on the laptop to check my e-mail in case any of my friends or relatives back home had written to make sure I was still alive. I decided to post an update on my Twitter as well, but as soon as I logged in I saw it. It was the most recent tweet sent to me. It read: “Too bad you didn’t succeed.” I stared at it for a minute. Then I stood up and grabbed the closest breakable thing I could find, which was a mug left from breakfast. I threw it at the wall and watched it break into a hundred pieces. Liam, Louis, Niall, and Zayn came running in from the kitchen.
“Harry, what – ?” Louis asked me, but Liam had seen the tweet. He sighed and motioned for the other guys to look at it, which they did.
“I’m done,” I shook my head. I felt numb.
“Don’t say that,” Liam told me.
“They want me dead!” I exclaimed, gesturing towards the computer.
“Nobody wants you dead,” Louis said, calm but firm. “That was probably just Abby again.”
“That’s still someone who wants me dead,” I argued. Just then, the doorbell rang, and Louis went to answer it.
“Harry, it’s gonna be okay,” Niall told me.
“No, it’s not,” I shook my head. “It’s not.”
“Yes, it is,” Zayn stated. “We’re here, Harry, we’re gonna get you through this.”
“How?” I challenged, just as Louis walked in the room with none other than Gemma. She saw the look on my face and her eyes watered.
“The rumors are true, aren’t they?” she asked me. I sighed, then nodded, and she ran over and gave me that perfect sisterly hug that only she could give. “I knew it,” she whispered. “Mom believed you when you told her it was a rumor, but I know you, Harry. What’s going on?” she pulled back and looked at me. I looked at the guys, and they took the hint and left the room, but I grabbed Louis’s arm and pulled him back, wanting him to stay, wanting his support. The three of us sat down and I exploded. I told Gemma everything. I told her about Abby, and the fight with the guys, and about the tweets, and I even told her about cutting. She listened, and she cried a little, and Louis rubbed my back as I spoke. Then I told her about the tweet I had just seen before she arrived and I burst into tears.
“Harry,” Louis whispered, and I could hear the sadness in his voice from seeing me in pain. I was sick of hurting him. “I’m so sorry.”
“Louis, how could you let this happen?” Gemma asked my boyfriend.
“Gemma,” I choked out. “It’s not his fault.”
“No, she’s right,” Louis said, and he stood up. “I promised to protect you, Harry, and I haven’t been able to do that. I’m sorry, to both of you.”
“Lou, that’s not what I meant,” Gemma said.
“It’s fine,” Louis shrugged. “You trusted me to take care of your brother, and I let you down.”
“It’s just…” Gemma started, “he’s never tried to kill himself before you.” Louis and I both looked at her, shocked.
“Not cool, Gemma,” I said.
“That came out wrong,” she said. “I meant before the band.”
“I know what you meant,” Louis said sadly, then went upstairs. I looked at Gemma.
“That’s the love of my life,” I told her, pointing in the direction Louis had just gone in.
“I know,” Gemma nodded.
“If my sister can’t get along with my soul mate, there’s going to be a problem.”
“There’s no problem, I’ll go apologize to him later, you know I love Lou, I’m just really worried about you, Harry. I’ve never seen you like this. I don’t understand.”
“Gem, you know I’ve always been depressed.”
“I know,” she nodded. “But I thought the band and coming out and finding Louis had helped.”
“It had,” I nodded. “Until now.”
“So how do we change this?” she asked, taking charge. “What needs to be done to make you feel better? To make you okay again?”
“I don’t know if that’s possible,” I said.
“It is,” she told me. “You’re stronger than you know. You can get through this. I will help you, and your friends will help you, and you will not leave me alone on this earth as an only child, Harry, you can’t,” her voice broke. I pulled her into a hug, but didn’t say anything. “You can’t, Harry, you have to promise me. Promise.”
“You’re the only one who doesn’t want me dead,” I reminded her. She gasped and pulled away.
“Harold Edward Styles,” she scolded, and I couldn’t help but notice how much she sounded like our mom. “That is not true. Tell me you don’t honestly believe that.”
“Sometimes I just…I can’t think otherwise,” I admitted. “Like, I know you love me, and Louis and the guys love me, but it gets so dark in my head that I can’t remember that all the time.” Gemma looked at me, concerned.
“Maybe we can find you some help,” she suggested, just as Louis had when he’d found out about my cutting.
“No, Gemma, no,” I stated. “You can’t. And you can’t tell Mom or Robin either.”
“Harry, this might be too big for us to handle on our own…”
“Don’t,” I stood up. “Don’t turn your back on me, not you.”
“I’m not turning my back on you,” she said. “I’m trying to save you.”
“I don’t need saving.”
“No? If Louis hadn’t saved you the other day, you’d be in a coffin!” she threw her hand up to her face and covered her mouth as tears spilled from her eyes at that thought. I sighed and sat down next to her again, then put my arm around her.
“I just think Mom would make everything worse because she wouldn’t leave me alone,” I said, gently.
“I think that’s exactly what you need.”
“Louis and the guys have been baby-sitting me,” I told her.
“Doesn’t that tell you how loved you are?” she asked. I looked at her, and thought about that. It hit me for the first time.
“Yeah,” I said, almost surprised. “Yeah, I guess it does.”
“Harry,” Gemma shook her head. “You are a pain in the ass, you know that?” I smiled and nodded. “And I don’t know what I would do without you,” she told me, hugging me again. “So don’t you dare let me find out. I love you, my sweet Harry.”
“I love you, too,” I said. We were quiet for a minute as Gemma just sat hugging me, probably more for her sake than for mine. After awhile, she took a deep breath.
“I have to tell you something,” she said, and I couldn’t tell by her tone if it was good or bad. I pulled back and looked at her, curious. “I’ve met someone,” she stated, biting her lip in anticipation of my reaction. “And I kind of think he’s the one.” I blinked.
“How long have you been seeing him?” I asked.
“Since March...” she winced, knowing I’d be upset.
“And you’re just now telling me? Gemma!” I stood up.
“I didn’t know how serious it was at first and I didn’t want you to freak out and get all overprotective like you do when I start dating someone.”
“Okay, but what about when I saw you last month? It had to have been serious by then, right?”
“Harry, you were a mess last time I saw you. I didn’t really think talking about how well my love life was going when you were so broken hearted was appropriate.” She had a point.
“I still would’ve been happy for you,” I told her.
“I know, but, you needed me.”
“Alright, so who is he? How old is he? What does he do? How did you meet? Is he respectful?” I asked. Gemma smiled at all my questions.
“His name is Brant. He’s twenty five. He’s a chef at a restaurant, that’s how we met. I was eating there with a friend and he came to ask us how our food was, and we just hit it off. And yes, Harry, he’s very respectful. I think you’d like him.”
“Have Mom and Robin met him yet?” I asked, skeptical.
“They like him,” Gemma nodded, smiling. I could see the twinkle in her eye as she spoke about Brant. I still didn’t like it.
“You know I’m going to have to meet him,” I told her. “But I’m already going to tell you he’s not good enough for you.” Gemma looked at me with puppy dog eyes.
“And...?” she prompted.
“And,” I swallowed and sat back down next to her, “I’m really happy for you, Gem. You deserve the best.” A smile spread across her face and she hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.
“Thanks, Harry, I know you’ll love him, you really will.” If Gemma felt about Brant anywhere near what I felt about Louis, then I couldn’t blame her. But he had some serious proving to do, and if he even thought about hurting her he would have five angry boy band members to answer to.
“Now, speaking of boyfriends, will you please go apologize to mine?” I asked her. Gemma looked at me, evaluating if I was okay or not.
“Delete your Twitter account first,” she ordered.
“Gemma,” I started, but she gave me the Look that she had gotten down so well. I sighed, grabbed the computer, and deleted my account, Gemma watching over my shoulder. I looked at her when I was done, my eyebrows raised.
“I’m still not leaving you alone,” she said. I sighed.
“Fine, I’ll go into the kitchen with the guys. Please go fix things with Louis,” I begged. She nodded, but then hugged me for a long time before she disappeared upstairs.
@Sinthiaa
No, it's not hers, it's mine, and I can't get in touch with her or the site admins to get it taken down, grrr haha. Thank you for saying something though :-) *MUAH*
5/6/14