***Harry Styles***
Wednesday, August 15th, 2012 – North London, England

Louis and I woke up early the next day for the meet and greet with the band. I wasn’t as nervous about it now that we were on good terms with Niall again – at least he could be a buffer for all od us. However, I was still pretty upset from the events that had taken place over the past couple of days, and in no mood to socialize, which was rare for me.

The bus came and picked Louis and me up, and Liam, Niall, and Zayn were already on it. We said hello to Niall, but the other two didn’t say anything, and I appreciated that Niall hadn’t told them about the whole suicide thing. The ride was long and quiet. Louis and I mostly just sat and watched a movie up front while the other three hung out in the TV room in the back. Finally, we arrived, and we all put on fake smiles and acted normal and signed autographs and took pictures and joked around with each other for the fans. I hoped nobody noticed that we were acting. Finally, it was over, and we got back on the bus and headed home. Louis and I sat down on the bench, the other three playing cards at the table against the opposite window. Louis began typing something on his phone.

“You didn’t delete your Twitter?” Louis asked me, surprised. I looked at him and shook my head.

“Was I supposed to?” I asked.

“I think it would be a good idea,” he said. We were talking in hushed voices, but Niall turned to look at us, listening.

“Why should I have to delete mine?” I asked. “Abby should be the one to delete all of hers.”

“Why Abby?” Niall asked, but Zayn spoke up at the same time, talking over Niall.

“Harry, we all get hate tweets. You’re going to have to learn how to deal with it someday,” Zayn said, clearly still angry from the fight.

“Zayn, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” Louis said. His voice was calm, but his face was serious.

“It’s fine, Lou,” I sighed.

“I’m not trying to be a jerk,” Zayn said. “But some of it you do bring on yourself.”

“Zayn,” Niall gasped, and I stood up and walked to the TV room in the back. Zayn was right – the fact that I was, well, me, was the cause for people not to like me. I absolutely had brought this on myself.

“He’s so sensitive,” I heard Zayn say up front.

“Shut up,” came Louis’s exasperated voice, and he sounded closer so I knew he was following me back.

“Zayn, he can’t deal with criticism online, we probably shouldn’t criticize him in person,” Liam said quietly as Louis opened the sliding door to the TV room. He looked at me sympathetically, but I just stood there, listening to the conversation up front.

“I’m not criticizing him,” Zayn was saying in a hushed tone, thinking I couldn’t hear. “I just think the kid needs to toughen up a little before this kills him.” I pursed my lips and squeezed my eyes shut. Louis stepped over and wrapped his arms around me.

“Zayn!” Niall exclaimed. “Harry tried to kill himself the other day because of it.” Silence. Then footsteps running back into the TV room. My eyes were still closed, but I felt the impact of Niall, Liam, and Zayn wrapping their arms around Louis and me. I started to cry.

“Harry, I’m so sorry,” Zayn said, and I could hear the tears in his voice. “Oh, god, Harry, I’m sorry.”

“Harry, what happened?” Liam asked gently. I just shook my head. Even though I was upset, I was enjoying this moment where all five of us were friends.

“I didn’t think any of you would care if I was gone,” I finally expressed. Louis tilted his head back and looked at me. I hadn’t told him that part. His eyes watered, and then he threw his arms around my neck, the other three still gathered tightly around us.

“Of course we would care,” Zayn gasped. “Harry, you’re our best friend.”

“No matter what’s going on with us,” Liam said, “we’re always here for you, all the time. That doesn’t change just because we’ve had a spat.” We finally all pulled away from each other, except Louis kept one arm tightly around me.

“Are you doing better then?” I asked Liam, genuinely wanting to know.

“We’re talking about you right now,” Liam saw through my attempt at changing the subject. “What happened, Harry?” I looked at Louis, pleading with my eyes for him to tell the story because I didn’t think I was strong enough to talk right then. Louis gave a slight nod and then looked at the others.

“Um, Harry was home alone on Monday afternoon,” Louis began. “He got on Twitter and saw some tweets about how I didn’t ever love him because I was with Abby now, and – and Harry got upset. So he found a butcher knife, and I walked in the house just in time to stop him.” Louis swallowed hard.

“What were you thinking, Harry?” Liam asked. It wasn’t a judgment – he really wanted to know.


“I wasn’t,” I shrugged. “I just – I felt so alone.” I covered my face with my hands again. Zayn was right – I needed to get a backbone. Just as I thought that, Zayn walked over and enveloped me in his arms. Louis even stepped aside to let him hug me.

“You are not alone,” Zayn emphasized. “Not now, not ever, do you hear me?” I just nodded. It was all I could do.

“Harry, we love you, so much,” Liam told me.

“Yeah, man, we’d be lost without you,” Niall added, and Zayn let go of me.

“Thanks, you guys,” I managed to say. I caught Louis wiping a tear from his eye.

“Um, another sucky part, though,” Louis started, “is most of those tweets came from fake Twitter accounts that Abby had set up.”

“What?” Niall gasped. “So Harry was right?” Louis nodded.

“Right about what?” Zayn asked.

“Abby was in love with me,” Louis said slowly, “and she was just trying to break Harry and I up. She had me completely under her spell of believing she was a friend, and my ignorance almost cost Harry his life.” Louis closed his eyes and tears spilled out. I reached over, put my arm across his shoulders, and pulled him into a hug.

“It’s not your fault,” I reminded him.

“No, Louis, it’s not your fault,” Liam repeated.

“And it’s not yours, either, Harry,” Niall told me. I took a deep breath and let go of Louis.

“I’m sorry to make you guys go through this,” I said. “Especially you, Lou,” I looked at my boyfriend. “I can’t imagine what it was like from your end.” He squeezed my hand.

“All that matters is that you’re okay,” Liam told me. “Are you? I mean, are you glad you woke up this morning?”

“I am now,” I nodded, honestly. I heard Louis breathe a sigh of relief. “I’m sorry, about everything, you guys,” I said.

“We both are,” Louis added.

“So are we,” Zayn and Liam chorused, and then all five of us had another group hug. The loneliness was slowly beginning to fade.

Notes

I keep trying to make their fights last longer but I just can't do it...they need each other!