He just asked me to have sex? My best friend just asked me to have sex with him. I wasn’t a virgin, so it wasn’t a big deal to me, but I just couldn’t do this with him. The first time I had sex, I was sixteen. My boyfriend slept with me, and never spoke to me again. I knew how this would work, we would do it, and then he would be done with saying he loved me. Has he just been buttering me up the whole time, just to get some, when I was really thinking he loved me?
“Harry, I can’t, I won’t be your friend with benefits.” I said.
“What? I don’t think of you as that.” He said.
“You may not, but that’s how I see it.” I said.
“You are so much more than that.” Harry said.
“I can’t do this with you. I’m sorry.” I said.
“It’s fine, I can wait.” Harry said, sounding hurt.
I nodded my head, and got up to go the bathroom. The room was really tense, and I just needed to get away. I didn’t mean to hurt or offend Harry, but I don’t want to just sleep around.
When I came out of the bathroom, Harry was lying on the bed watching T.V. I stood awkwardly in the doorway. I didn’t know if he was mad and didn’t want me near him, or what was going on.
“Why are you just standing there?” Harry asked nicely.
Was he mad?
“Are you mad at me?” I said.
“No, never, you aren’t ready to sleep with me, it’s fine. I’m not forcing you into anything.” Harry answered.
“Okay.” I said, happy that he wasn’t mad at me.
“Why don’t you want to, I thought we were like on the same page?” he said.
“Harry, I love you, I really do, it’s just that, I haven’t really had the best experiences with sex, and guys, and all.” I said blushing a little.
“Yeah, but you haven’t had any experiences of anything with me.” Harry said.
“I know, but I just, I need commitment, I need a relationship, and we are officially only friends.” I said.
“You are the one who said we should wait, to start going out.” He said.
“I know, I’m just…I’m not ready okay? I need to think and process stuff like this, and I can’t do this right now.” I said getting a little flustered.
“Fine, you can have your time. You don’t need to be upset, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, I just wanted to show you how much I love you.” he said.
“I’m sorry.” I said.
“Don’t be.” Harry answered.
“I’m going to go for a walk, to clear my head.” I said.
“Okay, come back soon, it’s getting late.” Harry said.
“Okay.” I said leaving the room.
I grabbed my phone, and left the house. I was just going to take a small run so I wore my sneakers.
Once I started running, I started thinking. Did I screw things up with Harry? Was I the one who ruined it, and not him? I just had to stick to my gut feeling. If I were to have slept with him, he would think I would all the time. I’m not like that though. Kissing and having sex are two totally different things.
I ran for a little while longer, and then headed back to the apartment. By the time I got home it was already dark out and late. I crept in, and took a shower. Harry was asleep on the couch. Once I got out of the shower, and dressed myself, I went over to Harry.
“Harry, go to bed.” I whispered to him.
He slowly opened his eyes.
“I was waiting for you to get home, but I fell asleep.” He said.
“Okay, you need to go to bed okay?” I said.
“Are you coming to bed?” he asked.
“No, I’m going to watch a little T.V. and maybe eat something.” I said.
“Oh.” He answered.
“Did you already eat?” I asked.
“No, I wasn’t hungry.” Harry answered.
“Do you want anything? We could get a pizza or something.” I said.
“No, I’ll just go to bed.” Harry said.
“Okay, do you need help getting there?” I questioned.
“Yeah.” Harry mumbled.
I helped him up, and then walked him to bed. He crawled in, and I gave him a kiss on the forehead. He held my hand until he fell asleep, and then I left.
I went and sat on the couch, after I made some Ramen Noodles. I watched a few movies, and ended up crashing on the couch. I wanted to go in bed with Harry, so he wouldn’t think I was mad at him, but I was so tired.
I woke up the next morning covered in noodles. I walked into the bathroom, to clean myself up, but when I passed the bedroom Harry wasn’t there.
I called and texted him, and checked the house for a note. He didn’t answer his phone, and there was no note. I had no idea where he was, or if he was okay. The boy could barely walk where was he?
I sat on the couch, and waited. I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t want to panic. After about an hour, the door opened and in came Paul, carrying Harry.
“Where were you?” I asked running over to him.
“What? I was at the studio, are you okay?” Harry said.
“Oh my God, I was freaking out, I had no clue where you were.” I said wrapping my arms around his waist.
He let go of Paul, and engulfed me in a hug.
“I’m fine, I was just at work.” Harry smiled.
“You could have told me that!” I said.
“You were asleep, and I didn’t want to wake you. Why do you smell like noodles?” Harry asked.
“I fell asleep on the couch while I was eating my noodles, and I woke up with them all over me.” I said with a small smile.
“I thought you were avoiding me, and didn’t want to come to bed.” Harry said.
“No, I wanted to I just fell asleep.” I said.
“Okay, I don’t want us to be awkward over what happened yesterday.” Harry said.
“No, everything is cool.” I said.
“Good, I made us dinner reservations for tonight, if you want to go?” Harry said.
“Yeah, but I need to shower.” I said.
“Yeah, noodle isn’t a good smell for you.” Harry laughed.
I playfully smacked him on the arm, gave him one last tight little hug, and then skipped off to the shower. I showered and walked out in my towel. Harry was sitting on the couch.
“What kind of restaurant is it?” I asked.
“Um…wow…” Harry said.
“Stop Harry, just answer the question.” I laughed.
“Naked. Go naked.” Harry said.
“Ew you perv, but seriously what do I wear.” I said.
“Like a sundress?” Harry said.
“Okay.” I said, and walked away.
I went and got dressed, then did my hair. I was applying my make-up when Harry walked in.
“Why are you putting that on?” Harry asked.
“Because I need to.” I mumbled.
“No, if you wear it, then you need to do mine too.” Harry said.
“Really Harry?” I laughed.
“Yes really, stop putting that on.” Harry said grabbing my hand.
“Let go, and let me finish.” I said.
“Nope.” Harry smiled.
“Harry please.” I said.
“Not until you admit you are perfect without it and don’t need it.” Harry said.
“Fine, I won’t wear it after today.” I said.
“No. Hand me the cake.” Harry said.
“What cake? What are you talking about?” I said laughing.
“Just give me the make-up.” Harry said.
I slowly handed him my make-up.
“Now let’s go.” Harry said.
“Fine.” I answered.
Harry interlocked his fingers with mine, and we walked out of the house.
“You’re walking better.” I noticed.
“Yeah, my legs don’t feel so weak all the time.” He replied.
“That’s good.” I said.
We got to the car.
“Can I drive?” Harry asked.
“I think it would be safer if I drove.” I said.
“Yeah.” Harry complied.
We got in the car, and drove to the restaurant. Once we got there, Harry opened my door, and then grabbed my hand. We walked inside, and got seated. Harry was being a super gentleman, and he pulled out my chair for me and everything.
“So how was recording today?” I asked.
“It was good, I missed you though. I recorded a song, about you.” Harry said.
“You wrote a song about me?” I asked.
“Yeah, you’ll hear it when the new album comes out.” Harry said.
“Really you are going to make me wait?” I laughed.
“Yup.” Harry said with a big smile.
I giggled a little. He wrote me a song. Harry and I talked more about music and stuff for a little longer, and then a little about the world tour. I got sad whenever he brought it up. I didn’t want him to leave.
“Alright, Lana, I have a question for you now.” Harry said.
“Oh yeah, and what is that?” I said with a giggle.
“You know I love you right?” Harry said.
“Sure.” I said.
“Right?” Harry said again.
“Okay right, I know you love me.” I said.
“Good, so…” Harry said.
“So what?” I asked.
“I’m not asking you this, to get some or anything. I don’t want you to think I’m using you, I just, I need you Alana.” Harry said.
“Okay…but you haven’t asked me anything.” I said.
“Will you be my girlfriend?” Harry asked.