I woke up the next morning, with Harry’s arms wrapped tightly around my waist. We were facing each other, so I kissed him on the nose. His eyes fluttered open, and he smiled his beautiful smile at me.
“Hello perfection.” Harry said sweetly.
“Stop talking to yourself.” I said with a wink.
Harry grinned, and poked my nose. I giggled softly, and Harry placed his hand on the back of my neck pulling me in for a kiss. He lips gently brushed mine, he didn’t add a lot of pressure, and so it kept the kiss sweet, making my body tingle and shiver. It made me long for his touch. He pulled away, and rested his head on my chest. I stroked his hair lightly, and kissed his head. He looked up at me, keeping his head rested gently on my chest.
“Alana…I don’t mean to ruin the moment, but have you talked to your dad since the hospital?” Harry asked.
“No, and I don’t plan on it. He gets me so angry, like he ruined my family.” I said shifting uncomfortably.
Harry propped up on his elbow, and looked me deeply in the eye. He didn’t say anything, he just held my stare.
“You’re scared.” Harry whispered.
I nodded my head.
“I’ll come with you. To talk to him. I can be there with you. You don’t have to do this alone.” Harry stated.
“I don’t want to forgive him. I want to be mad, and stay mad, and hate him. I want to hate him for my mom.” I said.
“Your mom wouldn’t want you to hate him.” Harry said.
“He didn’t just ruin their relationship, he ruined our family. That love, their love, it was my rock. I looked up to it, only to find out he’s gay and was lying the whole time.” I said.
“It’s all okay baby.” Harry said.
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” I mumbled.
Harry nodded, and pulled me into his chest. He kissed my head lightly, and I placed my hand over his heart. Feeling him breathing under me, was enough to calm me down.
Harry placed his hand lightly on top of mine, and wrapped his arm tighter around my waist.
“I have to go to the studio today.” Harry whispered.
“Okay.” I sad sadly.
“But I suddenly feel really ill, and think that I should just lie in bed with you all day.” Harry said faking a cough at the end.
I smiled up at him.
“Will you call Niall and tell him I’m too sick to come in, tell him to tell Paul.” Harry said.
“I’m not talking to any of the boys for a long time.” I said.
“Why not?” Harry questioned.
“I don’t want any vagina jokes.” I said.
“Don’t worry, I talked to them, and told them not to say anything, and I told them no more sex jokes. I explained that we wanted to keep things a little more personal now, because we were getting more serious and things aren’t just fun and games anymore.” Harry said.
“You did that for me?” I asked happily.
“No, I did it for us. I don’t want you to be unhappy. I love you, and if you’re uncomfortable with something, I want to stop it so I can see you smile.” Harry said.
I kissed his hand, and grabbed his phone. I dialed Niall’s number, and he answered on the first ring.
“Hey Hazzy what’s the craic?” Niall practically shouted in my ear.
“It’s Alana, and Harry won’t be at the studio today.” I said.
“Aw what happened to him?” Niall asked.
“He’s sick.” I lied.
“With what?” Niall questioned.
“I don’t know…he has a cough and he lost his voice, and I don’t want him to hurt himself more, so he’s staying home.” I said.
“Okay. I’ll tell Paul. Everyone says feel better.” Niall said.
“Alright, I’ll pass on the message.” I laughed.
“See you soon bye.” Niall said hanging up.
I hung up the phone, and tossed it onto the bedside table. I returned to my position lying on the bed with Harry.
“I need to ask you a serious question.” He said.
“Go for it.” I answered, looking up at him.
He looked down at me, and took a deep breath.
“Harry just ask me.” I said.
Harry took a minute, composed himself, and then looked back down at me.
“Have you cut…since that day at the hospital?” He asked, his eyes shining from the tears he was holding in.
I looked at him, and knew I had to answer him honestly. I had been wearing loads of bracelets on my arms, to hide my “scars” when really it was to hide fresh cuts I had made.
My eyes welled up with tears, as I pulled my bracelets off slowly. Harry looked down at my arms, and saw the raw scabs, and some fresh scars. He looked from my cuts, and then straight into my eyes.
“Why are you doing this?” he asked sounding hurt.
“I miss her Harry.” I said, my voice coming out as a whisper.
My bottom lip trembled, and I brought my hand up to my face, beginning to cry.
“I’ve been trying to push it all away and be happy, I want to put on a brave face and smile but I can’t do it Harry. I can’t do it.” I said, sobbing silently into my hands.
Harry didn’t hug me, or try to comfort me; instead he got up from the bed. He left the room, and returned shorty after.
I looked up at him, and he was holding a blade in his hands.
“This is what you’re doing to me, whenever you cut, this is how it feels.” Harry said.
He put the blade to his wrist.
“HARRY PLEASE STOP!” I begged and pleaded crying.
I stood up and ran over to him, trying to pull the blade from his hand.
“Please don’t do it.” I wept.
Too late. Harry, in one swift motion, slid the blade lightly across his wrist, causing a small amount of blood to pool up on his arm.
“Harry no!” I cried.
“You do it.” Harry whispered.
I grabbed him by the shirt, and pulled him into a tight hug.
“I get it Harry okay. I’ll stop just please, please don’t do that ever again.” I sobbed into his shoulder.
He wrapped his arms tightly around me, and I just cried into him.
“I don’t want to see any new scars or scabs or anything on you Alana. Don’t do this to yourself. You are worth so much more than what you have been giving yourself.” Harry whispered to me.
“I love you so much.” I said squeezing Harry as tight as I possibly could.
“I love you too Alana. I love you too.” He said back.
Harry pulled me back into bed with him, and grabbed my arms. He slowly moved my arm up to his mouth, and kissed each individual scar. Every time he would say “No more.” I still had a light trickle of tears flowing from my eyes.
Harry leaned down, and wiped my tears away. I closed my eyes, and he kissed my eyelids gently.
“You. Are. Perfect.” Harry whispered in between kisses on my cheeks.
“I love you.” I whispered.
“I love you more.” Harry said.
“No I love you more.” I argued.
“I love you more more.” Harry said.
“I love you more more more.” I giggled.
“I love you more more more mo…” Harry said.
Before he could finish, I kissed him passionately on the lips.
“I love you most.” I whispered when we pulled apart.
“I love you most most.” Harry smirked.
I laughed loudly, and pulled Harry’s face onto mine. We didn’t kiss, but he rested his forehead on mine, and brushed our noses together.
I giggled, and placed my fingers in his dimples.
“These are like bowls.” I laughed.
“Fill them with kisses.” Harry mumbled.
I laughed, and kissed him dimples a million times over. He laughed as I kissed him.
“You are my sunshine…my only sunshine…you make me happy when skies are grey…” Harry sang.
“Sunshine lollipops rainbows everything that’s wonderful is how I feel when we’re together!” I shouted not knowing the rest of the song he was singing.
“Brighter than a luck penny when you’re near the rain cloud disappears, dear, and I feel so fine just to know that you are mine.” Harry and I shouted together.
I laughed loudly, and curled into him. He smiled, and looked down at his wrist. I looked up at him, and kissed his now forming scab.
“That was stupid.” I said to him, about the way he had just sliced open his arm.
“If it gets you to stop doing it to yourself, then it was the greatest decision I ever made.” Harry said kissing my temple.
“It hurt seeing you do that. I couldn’t stop you.” I said.
“That’s the same way I feel when you cut.” Harry said.
“Promise me, neither of us will ever do anything that stupid ever again.” I said.
“Promise.” Harry answered.
I smiled up at him.
“Seal it with a kiss?” he suggested.
I leaned up to him, and placed my lips gently on his. He rubbed my cheek as we kissed, and it made me smile.
He must have felt me smiling on his lips, because he smiled too.
“Can I call you Mrs. Styles?” Harry asked.
“I like that.” I laughed.
“Good, because we are going to get shirts made. Yours will say “I ride the Styles, and it rips my vagina open.” Harry laughed.
“Oh you’re funny.” I mocked him.
He laughed wildly.
“You’ll pay for it ‘the Styles’” I said rolling my eyes.
I kneeled on top of him, and began tickling his sides. He laughed, and grabbed my hands.
“You know where you tickle.” Harry said wiggling his eyebrows.
“You’re so gross.” I laughed.
“Come on please!” he whine.
“No. If I have to wait to be pleasured, than you do to. You’re here for me right?” I said.
“Right, and my penis is too. He’s waiting for a kiss.” Harry said.
“Harry!” I warned.
“What? He gets lonely too you know?” Harry answered innocently.
I smacked him playfully in the arms, and Harry pulled me off of him. He laid me down next to him, and snuggled up close to me.
“I love spending days in bed with you.” Harry said kissing the tip of my nose.
“Me too. Today was like the best day ever.” I smiled.
Harry kissed me all around my face.
“I need to fake sick more.” Harry smiled.
I grinned at him, and slid my hand under his shirt. I felt his warm soft skin under my hands.
“You’re beautiful Harry.” I cooed.
“Not as beautiful as you.” Harry answered.