A/N: Chapter Playlist

"I Was A Fool" -Tegan And Sara

"Soft Shock" -Yeah Yeah Yeahs

"Girls Like You" -The Naked And Famous

"Across The Universe" -The Beatles

---

Right now I feel like the remnants of a tornado's course. Dismantled, torn and faith swayed. What would compel someone to do that to me or to any human being? Panic kept me from looking back, unwilling to acknowledge the assaulter. What's worse, even more painful than the physical hurt, was the proper goodbye I was deprived. Harry rushed away from my arms too soon.

I dig deep, thinking of all the reasons why I love him. Fiddling with my new necklace, I rub the pendant between my fingers while my eyes observe each passing minute from the dashboard's clock. Listening to my body, she tells me she's sore and in greater pain from my sorrowful heart. From my head, shoulders, chest and hips; all I want is to isolate myself in the comfort of my room.

"You seem upset. Is everything alright between you and Harry?" my mother pries.

"Yea, mom. . . I'm just tired."

"You know I've heard you use that line several times before but this is the first time I actually don't believe you."

I give her a sympathetic smile, she knows me too well. I wouldn't know what to tell her right now. The last thing I want is her believing that my relationship with Harry isn't safe. Between the assault and unprotected sex, not to mention the fiasco with Roger, I yearned to forget some things and move on with only one.

"Well on a good note, some guy came and fixed the hood of your car while you were gone."

"Did dad arrange that?"

"No, so that only leaves us with one more suspect," she grins at me knowingly. "He must like you a lot."

"We love each other, mom," I smile reassuringly. "But I hate how much I miss him the minute we're away. And the worst part is, soon he'll be so busy with traveling and touring, things are only going to get harder."

"Time away from each other isn't a bad thing. It gives you room to grow as individuals. Plus if it were easy, how would you know if your love's weak or strong? You'll be busy too, don't you have that concert thing tonight?"

"That brings me to another thing. . .I don't think I'm going."

"Why not? You seemed so excited about it."

"There's some things I've come to learn about Roger that have me questioning. . . I just think it's unfair to Harry."

"An assignment is an assignment. You need to put your personal life aside and think about your career. I'm sure Harry will understand that."

Our car pulls into the driveway and the first thing I'm searching for when I walk inside is the medicine cabinet. I've suppressed any expression of discomfort to not rouse suspicion, but my body feels like it's been hit by a truck. Although my headache has grown faint, it still serves as a reminder of that horrid hour.

Mom kindly takes my luggage upstairs. I can feel the weight in her stare, full of concern. Yet she knows, when I'm ready I'll come to her. On the other hand, I underestimated Sophia's quiet nature. She listened patiently to my incoherent ramblings, sympathizing with my nerves. Her advise was simple, stay low and private as possible. I had kept my phone on silent during and after our lunch, until now.

Almost four o'clock and I have no clue when and where to meet Roger for this concert. The notifications flood my phone screen when I finally take a gander. Alerts of texts, missed calls and tweets from distant friends, Roger and Harry. Sticking to the task at hand, I first need to decide whether I want to go through with this event or not.

12:30PM: Baby, I'm gutted! I'm so so sorry. -H xx.

1:05PM: Please call me as soon as you can. -Roger

2:31PM: I need to talk to you. It's URGENT! -Roger

2:37PM: I'll be waiting for you by the arrival curbside. -Mom

3:05PM: Sweetheart, I'm still in the air. Won't be landing for another 2 hours. Please tell me how you're feeling? -H xx.

3:24PM: There's been a change in plans. Are you back yet? Why aren't you
responding to my calls and texts? -Roger

3:29PM: I love you. And I've been thinking...it was selfish of me to try and persuade you to not go to the concert. Please know I just want you to be happy. -H xx.

Reading the last message really struck me, grateful for Harry's change of heart. Now I only have to find out what these altered plans are and hope that Roger isn't too disappointed with me. After a few minutes of much needed meditation, I change outfits into an ivory sleeveless blouse with navy blue tights. And as I search for a pair of shoes, I hear a knock on my door.

"Honey, Roger is downstairs. What would you like me to tell him? Do you want to see him?" she asks poking her head through the door.

"Tell him to wait for me in the living room."

Carefully pulling my hair into a loose ponytail, I skip the shoes and make my way downstairs. Roger's standing in the middle of the room and rubs his palms off his pants before pressing his hands together over his mouth. Soon his eyes begin to soften just as he speaks.

"What's happened?"

"Nothing, I'm just tired. . . About tonight-"

"Yes, I've come to tell you that I've found someone else for the assignment."

"Oh," I utter with a solid lump in my throat.

"I'm sorry to have to do this, but you've just been very distracted and kind of unreliable lately. Ever since. . ."

"I know."

"Which brings me to the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. . . I want to apologize for calling you late that night. Yes, I was drunk and trying to sort through all these feelings and unanswered questions. . ."

"What feelings?" I ask in worry.

"Feelings better left inside my head. I just want you to know that I'm here for you, as a friend, if you ever need anything. I honestly didn't mean to upset your boy-friend and hope he holds no harsh feelings."

"None."

"Thank you," Roger sighs. "You should get some rest. I'll let you know if I hear anything about that internship, Beatrice should be calling me soon."

"Great, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. And I'm sorry I've been such a mess lately."

"Meh, it happens. See you next week, Jude."

Like a hermit, I hide back in my room, in dire need of a friend. Not someone to merely to talk to over the phone but a person to hold me. I remember to text Harry back but all I tell him is that I'm fine; wishing he was here more than anything. I turn off my phone and tune out from the world, there's no point in what's left of this day. Sleeping is the only sane way to go.

---

I wake up with a sense of rejuvenation, back to the old Jude but with an edge. In order to overcome yesterday's depression, I must regain control of my life once again. My love for Harry shouldn't hinder my goals, I know this, they should inspire me to greater things. My career can't be put on hold.

Perhaps Roger can find me another assignment, I really need to get back to writing. First, I must act upon my craving for rebellion, and I know exactly what I want. Dressing in a pair of black and white checkered shorts and a black tank, I slip into my flats as I perform a thorough internet search. Once I'm convinced on the reviews, I grab my purse and open my door to the world again.

Swinging the strap over my shoulder as I enter the kitchen, I grab a banana and search for a coffee thermos.

"Well, good morning. Are you feeling better?" dad's the first to break the silence, sitting at the table with mom.

"Yes, I feel spectacular."

Grabbing the hair tie around my wrist, I put my hair in a side ponytail, scalp still a bit tender. I slide my thin frames on and comfort my parents in hugs and smiles.

"Mom, can you come with me to run an errand real quick? Dad you don't mind, right?"

He smiles happily and nods while mom springs to her feet, elated by my invitation.
Disappearing to the bedroom, she returns a few minutes later with her pocketbook at hand.

"I'm driving," I announce as we walk into the garage. Before I can start the car I have but one disclaimer. "So, I don't want you to ask any questions or talk me out of this. This is what I want. Okay?"

"Understood."

"Thank you, because I was going to go alone but I'd really like you to be there with me."

"I'm always here for you, Jude. Thank you for never shutting me out."

Twenty minutes later, we park in front of a tattoo parlor. Mom seems more giddy than me, something tells me she had a hunch. Still she remains quiet and supportive as she promised, passing her hand over my back when we walk inside.

The tatted girl at the front desk asks if I'm in for an appointment or would like a consultation. I explain to her that I already know what I want and hope to be seen today. This impulsive act can't wait. She then informs me that one of the artist's should be wrapping things up with his customer and so the wait will only be thirty minutes.

Satisfaction and anxiety overwhelm me, to see my name penciled in her appointment book, knowing this is actually going to happen. Mom surprises me and offers to get me some real food, claiming that a banana isn't sufficient nutrition for what I'm about to endure. She brings me back a burrito with a diet coke and we look at the portfolios on the table beside us.

An hour and a half later, my once virgin skin is now bruised with a permanent memory. The lyrics "pools of sorrow waves of joy . . . nothing's going to change my world", from the song Across the Universe, read across my upper left thigh. Two inches away from where Harry had once marked me; the hickey is finally gone. Yet this love between him and I or any couple for that matter, is one that will always experience highs and lows.

Whatever pain I experience, be it emotional or physical, will eventually fade. No matter the circumstances that surround me, I need to remain unchanging and unaffected. Love and joy will always be the recompense. And this tattoo will forever remind me of that.

"What do you think?" I finally ask my mom.

"I think it's perfect."

"I'm proud of you for not stopping me."

"You were determined. And you know I have one of my own, so who am I to convince you not to get one."

"I love it. Can you take a picture so I can send it to Linda and Lou."

My mom fetches the phone in my purse and warns me, "Did you know it's been off?"

I shrug my shoulders and nod, still rebellious, until my mom scowls.

"Oh dear you have like three voice mails and a whole bunch of texts."

"From who?" I know some must be from Harry.

"Harry and Lou."

"Lou?" I smile. "What did she say?"

"Umm. . . oh Jude. She says she's been trying to call and get a hold of you. Harry's in the hospital."

My heart slices open, instantly regretting not being in Toronto where I should have been all along.

Notes

Sorry for the short and late update. Christmas travels happily got in the way. Is it just me or Christmas just isn't that colorful this year?

So what are your guesses to why Harry might be in the hospital?

On another note, I have a bad habit of starting stories and trying to update them all at once. While this is by far my favorite story to write, I'll be pausing from the others till I feel apt to update proper chapters. On my recent one, Can't Crush The Boss, I've felt I've rushed it too much and crushed my high hopes for the story.

But (and of course) . . . I have a new story in mind. As I might have mentioned in previous comments, my ideas for stories come in dream form, sometimes. Surprisingly it worked for Hey Jude. And so this next story, also a Harry fanfic, features a Chinese girl's first time in America and first experience of high school. I'm going to portray Harry in a different way, not a bully but definitely more . . .obsessed.

Let me know what you think of that too. Opinions are crucial as I mainly write for you gals. Love you and hope this season has been kind to you all. xoxo