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Hey Jude I & II

Weird Feeling



A/N: Chapter Playlist

"Cactus In The Valley" - LIGHTS and Owl City

"You" - Switchfoot




His nostrils are still flared, refusing to make eye contact with me, prepared for a difficult answer. Of course its no, but just seeing him worry proves how deep he's fallen, and I'm right there with him. I grab his hand to have him follow me to the couch, seems like we've been having a lot of serious talks lately.

"You do, don't you?" he asks in a dry tone, though I'm grateful he hasn't pulled his hand away.

"Harry, no," my voice is delicate and sad.

His hand eases in mine but he isn't smiling yet. His other hand is brushing through his hair, landing over his mouth where his fingers gradually pinch his bottom lip. I know he's deep in thought, however this tension has my stomach flipped upside down. None of this is my fault, still I understand his concern. Roger shouldn't have called me and I shouldn't have answered. I believe Harry now.

"I don't know what to say. . ."

"Do you believe me?" my voice cracks.

"I do . . .but I don't trust him. I mean, honestly. . . I'm not okay with you working this concert with him. But I'm not THAT guy to tell you what to do. I just wish you could try and understand where I'm comin' from."

Harry gets up to dive face down on the bed. We can't go to bed like this, I don't even feel like he really believes me. My chest tightens with the mere thought of Harry doubting my heart, all I want to do is ease his mind. I take slow steps towards the bed, timid and insecure, hoping to resolve things.

"Harry," I whisper, "are you mad with me?"

"Of course not, baby," he turns over and rubs his forehead. "I just feel like . . . I've put a lot on the line, and I'm not saying that to make you feel bad. I don't want to lose you but something just feels weird. I dunno."

I can't explain why my eyes begin to sting. To hear him say that something feels weird sends that final blow to my chest and stomach. I feel like I'm to blame for his uncertainty but I honestly don't know what I should do. Hoping that this concert experience and review would be the opportunity to launch my name, I'm beginning to have second thoughts, it isn't worth risking Harry's trust or confidence in our relationship. Right?

Nodding slowly I drift away, my mind and feet, into the kitchen. Like a robot, I grab a cup and turn on the faucet, staring blankly at the running water. Instead of filling my glass, I hold my palm beneath the stream and yearn to wash away this mild heartache.

Do I stop talking to Roger all together? Would that settle Harry's thoughts? Even if I didn't go to this concert, and I got the internship with the magazine, I wouldn't need to interact much with Roger aside from handing in my final paper and then graduation day. A part of me thinks its unfair though, I'll go back home and Harry will go on tour, then I'll be left friendless. There's not a doubt in my mind that Roger and I could get past this and remain as friends, but is that enough for Harry?

Forgetting how sensitive I get, I swear my heart and stomach are attached by some tube or overpowering nerve. As my heart hurts, my stomach wants to react in other ways, acid fluids stirring and threatening to surface. Its only my tears that overflow this time, knowing what I have to do but too much of a coward to do it. My salty drops mix in with the water as I finally take a sip, even my hands are shaky.

My legs carry me over to the window where I stare in awe of the city, never imagining to be here. Then again London will always hold that top slot, I would certainly live there not here. I almost jump out of my skin when I feel Harry close. How did I not hear him? Doesn't matter, the moment his hand makes the first bold move, holding my shaky one, it feels more like he's holding my fragile heart instead.

"I'm sorry. Let's just forget about it, I don't want us to go to bed like this," he says, caressing me with his thumb.

I nod and glance at him, that's when he sees my exhausted eyes and pulls me into his sweater. His fingers wipe the outer corner of my eyes then off his sweater, I must look like a drunken raccoon but his gaze makes me feel beautiful somehow.

Harry pulls off his sweater the closer we get to bed, and just when I think we are done with cell phones, his rings. I continue to tuck myself in while he also lays with me before taking the call. I can hear Louis's high pitch voice on the other end. I fade out, trying not to overhear their conversation no matter how inevitable.

I hear Harry explain some details in their upcoming schedule, like an event in Toronto, Canada this Friday. Then it dawns on me, tomorrow is our last day again till who knows how long . . .another month or so?


Notes

*Squints Eyes*

Don't throw any objects at me, I know this chapter was shorter than usual. But I simply couldn't end the numbing scene on a happy note. New days start with fresh beginnings, allowing time to heal things over night, right?

Question is? If you were Jude, where would you go, back to Arizona or explore Toronto?

Shout Outs:
To @YoanaBoteva please check out her story These Green Eyes . And the following lovely ladies for being too AWESOME for words . . .
@Isla @TarrySerez @Isobelrosaa_ @Marenakay @AnnabelleStyles @Rihana @SunflowersforSara @XOXOH @Elizabeth1Dfan @AmberNight and @Justyles

And a warm thank you to @Irishdimples , @one_direction_fan and @jesuslover24
Your words are very encouraging, they're every beat to this heart's story.



Comments

85............why am i commenting on dirty things!

harrysbutthole harrysbutthole
6/15/16

48 Is really kinky......but im still readidng it

harrysbutthole harrysbutthole
6/15/16

ok so chapter 35 tells me how to cup nuts...ok

harrysbutthole harrysbutthole
6/14/16

woow not even half of the book and there already fucking!! chapter 6 and 5 are the reason i don't have a boyfriend :(

harrysbutthole harrysbutthole
6/14/16

Hey! Could you please answer me on Whattpad? I would be so honored to translate your amazing fanfiction into Russian.

SonyaDr SonyaDr
5/3/16