I Should've Kissed You
Chapter Fifty ღ
Dance
I gave up, the light was piercing into my eyes, I slowly open one eye at a time. I spot Mum sleeping on a chair, Diamond sitting on George’s lap. I was about to close my eyes when I felt something move on my bed. I look down surprised.
“Rider?” I said,
He woke up and stood his head up.
“Sorry, did I hurt you?” he asked.
“No, but what are you doing here?” I asked sleepy.
“I stayed here to make sure you were fine”
I yawn “oh, what, time, is it?” I asked in between yawns.
“9:30am” he said, also with a yawn,
With no response I closed my eyes and felt riders head fall on the bed again as we both fell asleep. Though it wasn’t long until I woke up again, but this time I heard voices.
I don’t open my eyes so they wouldn’t stop talking.
“Mhm” a woman said, I think it was my mum.
“You’re daughter has triggered it” a nurse said I think.
“Its such a shame, what are the alternatives, with all this evolution in medicine, what are the options?” my mum asked.
“I don’t know all options, I will call a physical therapist and a medic to this room to discuss what can be done” the nurse said, right after I heard fading footsteps, I assumed the nurse left so I opened my eyes.
“What’s wrong with me” were the only words that escaped my mouth.
“Hopie, you’re awake!” my mum said in joy.
“I heard your talk with the nurse” I said as my mum sat at the edge of my bed.
“Let me show you something okay?” she said.
I looked at her puzzled. Her first move was pulling the covers away. She pointed at my leg.
“What about it?” I said.
“That’s the exact same muscle as the one with my injury” She said.
“Mhm..” I said so she would go on.
“Well I triggered the muscle to be untrustworthy, you can say, and that made me unable to dance, now we think that you might’ve triggered that with your fall…”
“Are, are you saying?” I couldn’t bare to say it, I could feel the tears welling up on my eyes.
“We don’t know sweetie, but it might be possible, try to move your leg” mum said.
I tried, and it was easy I could move it perfectly “I can move it” I said.
“Ok, good now, flex your leg muscle” mum said.
I did as she told me too, as soon as I started to flex I felt pain, almost as if it was paralyzed I couldn’t move it, I let out a scream of pain and let a few tears fall.
“Shh, shh, just stop flexing” my mum said calmly touching my leg. She helped me into the covers again.
“Now, that’s what happens when I flex” Mum said.
“Mum, I don’t want to stop dancing” I cried out, she hurried and held me tight. I cried and cried into her lap, I cried until the nurse came back with what I believed was a physical therapist.
“Hello, my name is Doctor Matthew, and im a Physical Therapist. I went over your x-rays and then compared them to your mothers x-ray and there was a similar pattern, though yours wasn’t as severe, why don’t you follow me and I’ll lead you to our gym” he said.
I stood up and followed him. I could walk fine and I felt alright…we finally arrived, there were people in wheelchairs and people with broken arms, trying to make them function properly.
“Now we’ll start with some running on the treadmill and then to other exercises”
I felt the pain, not only physically but also emotionally. The thought of me never being able to dance was all I could think about, I mean I wanted this to be my career,
what else am I good at? If I can’t dance I’m sunk, if I can’t dance I’ll give up. What will I do if I can’t handle my emotions, I won’t be able to dance it out, and I’m not good with words. Fuck. I was lost. I needed to find my way back to my path, but I didn’t know where this rocky road was leading me too. I thought I’d never get back with Harry and were back together, so who knows, I might find my passion elsewhere. I just have to dig deeper.
I wasn’t even aware of what was happening in my surroundings, I went back to my room muments after I got something to eat down at the cafeteria.
“Is your food okay?” mum said.
“Fine” I reply.
“I have to head back to the house and take care of Di, sweetie is that okay?” mum said.
“yes, go, I’ll be fine” I said, I really wanted her to stay but I couldn’t make her stay any longer.
“I’ll be back tomorrow morning to check on you” she said with a smile.
“Okay mum, drive safe” i said stuffing the last piece of meat in my mouth.
I finished my food and headed back to my room, they were gunna run some tests but this was supposedly the last night I was gunna spend in the hospital but who knew.
I was still weak, after my therapy the doctor gave me some pills to relieve the pain, though it made me drowsy and weak.
I tried to climb up to the bed but was unable to. I tried moving my leg though I felt the pain rise straight away. I fell on the ground, dramatically, in was moved tp a private room, now that I was supposedly ‘better’. I collapsed to the floor my legs making a big thump. All my previous thought come rushing back, but this time because the pills made everything mushy and weird my emotions double and I feel the tears strolling down my face. I cried and cried, it was the only thing I could do.
I cried, eventhough I heard the door open.
“OH MY GOD!” someone said as he approached to me and held me tight, ”What’s wrong?!” he said, “Hope speak to me” he said.
‘I cant dance anymore’ I was thinking it but I couldn’t find the words to say it. ‘Harry, help’ once again the words weren’t coming out, what was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I speak, why weren’t the words coming out, what’s wrong?
I stopped crying but now I was panicking, not knowing what was wrong. Harry held me tight, “Shh, it’s gunna be okay”
‘HARRY, I CANT SPEAK’ I was shouting in my brain. But I couldn’t say it. I crawled out of his arms and went to the table, I got a pen and a paper and wrote down.
Harry, I cant find the words to speak, ive been trying.
“What?” he said as he read what I had written.
I cant speak!
I wrote.
“Hope, you can speak whats all this nonsense” he said.
I think I blocked it out, with all the stress and pain.
He looked at me puzzled.
Harry HELP
As soon as I wrote those words he pushed the button that called a nurse. Of course why didn’t I think of that before.
Everything was blurry after that, for a few moments I felt off, but after a few minutes I felt everything back to place, so I tried to speak again.
“H-ha-harry?” I said slowly.
“Oh, thank god, you’re okay” he said.
“What the hell just happened?” I asked.
“It was a side effect of the pills, so was your breakdown, it messed with your brain, I told them to never ever give that to you again” he said.
I nodded in understanding.
“How did you find me?” I asked.
“i called Diamond asking for you, I was feeling bad about what happened” he said.
“Why did you storm off?” I asked recalling what had happened before all this drama.
“because, I was just shocked with every situation, I think you’re too much of an adult Hope, you turned 18 a while ago and you’re already making these life decisions, I keep thinking that I caused some of them..” he said.
“Don’t be silly, I decided to grow up faster, now I have to live with it” I said truthfully.
“Doesn’t help the fact that you’re here, what happened? Why didn’t you call?” he asked.
“its pretty obvious why I didn’t call, but I got injured the same as my mum and truth is… I might never even dance again” I said. I was calmer, I guess the pills did make me psycho.
“WHAT?!” he said,
“I guess I have the same shit as my mom did” I said.
“Holy shit, Hope, dancing was your life” he said.
“Don’t remind me” I sighed.
“Oh babe, come here” he said, it hit me again and I did share a few tears,
“What happens next?” he said.
“I wait for the results” I sighed again.
“What if you can’t dance anymore?” I asked.
“We’ll cross the bridge when we reach it, I guess, it’s something Matt always said.” I smiled as the memory of my life back in LA flooded back.
“how’s Matt?” he asked changing topic,
“I don’t know, haven’t talked to him in a while,” I said “when I officially drop off I might go to LA, you’ll be on tour anyways..” I say.
“We’ll cross the bridge when we reach it” he repeated me. “You should get some rest” he said,
“Its only 2pm” I said.
“Then we have some time to kill” Harry said.
“Or some time to discuss your results Ms. Smith,” the nurse said coming in with some papers.
Harry started leaving when I said “Stay, I’ll need you”
He smiled and sat next to me,
“There are good and bad news” she said.
Bad, or good, all I wanted was a yes or no question, but the nurse went into detail.
“Is that a yes I can dance or a no I cant?” I asked.
“Well It’s a…”
I gave up, the light was piercing into my eyes, I slowly open one eye at a time. I spot Mum sleeping on a chair, Diamond sitting on George’s lap. I was about to close my eyes when I felt something move on my bed. I look down surprised.
“Rider?” I said,
He woke up and stood his head up.
“Sorry, did I hurt you?” he asked.
“No, but what are you doing here?” I asked sleepy.
“I stayed here to make sure you were fine”
I yawn “oh, what, time, is it?” I asked in between yawns.
“9:30am” he said, also with a yawn,
With no response I closed my eyes and felt riders head fall on the bed again as we both fell asleep. Though it wasn’t long until I woke up again, but this time I heard voices.
I don’t open my eyes so they wouldn’t stop talking.
“Mhm” a woman said, I think it was my mum.
“You’re daughter has triggered it” a nurse said I think.
“Its such a shame, what are the alternatives, with all this evolution in medicine, what are the options?” my mum asked.
“I don’t know all options, I will call a physical therapist and a medic to this room to discuss what can be done” the nurse said, right after I heard fading footsteps, I assumed the nurse left so I opened my eyes.
“What’s wrong with me” were the only words that escaped my mouth.
“Hopie, you’re awake!” my mum said in joy.
“I heard your talk with the nurse” I said as my mum sat at the edge of my bed.
“Let me show you something okay?” she said.
I looked at her puzzled. Her first move was pulling the covers away. She pointed at my leg.
“What about it?” I said.
“That’s the exact same muscle as the one with my injury” She said.
“Mhm..” I said so she would go on.
“Well I triggered the muscle to be untrustworthy, you can say, and that made me unable to dance, now we think that you might’ve triggered that with your fall…”
“Are, are you saying?” I couldn’t bare to say it, I could feel the tears welling up on my eyes.
“We don’t know sweetie, but it might be possible, try to move your leg” mum said.
I tried, and it was easy I could move it perfectly “I can move it” I said.
“Ok, good now, flex your leg muscle” mum said.
I did as she told me too, as soon as I started to flex I felt pain, almost as if it was paralyzed I couldn’t move it, I let out a scream of pain and let a few tears fall.
“Shh, shh, just stop flexing” my mum said calmly touching my leg. She helped me into the covers again.
“Now, that’s what happens when I flex” Mum said.
“Mum, I don’t want to stop dancing” I cried out, she hurried and held me tight. I cried and cried into her lap, I cried until the nurse came back with what I believed was a physical therapist.
“Hello, my name is Doctor Matthew, and im a Physical Therapist. I went over your x-rays and then compared them to your mothers x-ray and there was a similar pattern, though yours wasn’t as severe, why don’t you follow me and I’ll lead you to our gym” he said.
I stood up and followed him. I could walk fine and I felt alright…we finally arrived, there were people in wheelchairs and people with broken arms, trying to make them function properly.
“Now we’ll start with some running on the treadmill and then to other exercises”
I felt the pain, not only physically but also emotionally. The thought of me never being able to dance was all I could think about, I mean I wanted this to be my career,
what else am I good at? If I can’t dance I’m sunk, if I can’t dance I’ll give up. What will I do if I can’t handle my emotions, I won’t be able to dance it out, and I’m not good with words. Fuck. I was lost. I needed to find my way back to my path, but I didn’t know where this rocky road was leading me too. I thought I’d never get back with Harry and were back together, so who knows, I might find my passion elsewhere. I just have to dig deeper.
I wasn’t even aware of what was happening in my surroundings, I went back to my room muments after I got something to eat down at the cafeteria.
“Is your food okay?” mum said.
“Fine” I reply.
“I have to head back to the house and take care of Di, sweetie is that okay?” mum said.
“yes, go, I’ll be fine” I said, I really wanted her to stay but I couldn’t make her stay any longer.
“I’ll be back tomorrow morning to check on you” she said with a smile.
“Okay mum, drive safe” i said stuffing the last piece of meat in my mouth.
I finished my food and headed back to my room, they were gunna run some tests but this was supposedly the last night I was gunna spend in the hospital but who knew.
I was still weak, after my therapy the doctor gave me some pills to relieve the pain, though it made me drowsy and weak.
I tried to climb up to the bed but was unable to. I tried moving my leg though I felt the pain rise straight away. I fell on the ground, dramatically, in was moved tp a private room, now that I was supposedly ‘better’. I collapsed to the floor my legs making a big thump. All my previous thought come rushing back, but this time because the pills made everything mushy and weird my emotions double and I feel the tears strolling down my face. I cried and cried, it was the only thing I could do.
I cried, eventhough I heard the door open.
“OH MY GOD!” someone said as he approached to me and held me tight, ”What’s wrong?!” he said, “Hope speak to me” he said.
‘I cant dance anymore’ I was thinking it but I couldn’t find the words to say it. ‘Harry, help’ once again the words weren’t coming out, what was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I speak, why weren’t the words coming out, what’s wrong?
I stopped crying but now I was panicking, not knowing what was wrong. Harry held me tight, “Shh, it’s gunna be okay”
‘HARRY, I CANT SPEAK’ I was shouting in my brain. But I couldn’t say it. I crawled out of his arms and went to the table, I got a pen and a paper and wrote down.
Harry, I cant find the words to speak, ive been trying.
“What?” he said as he read what I had written.
I cant speak!
I wrote.
“Hope, you can speak whats all this nonsense” he said.
I think I blocked it out, with all the stress and pain.
He looked at me puzzled.
Harry HELP
As soon as I wrote those words he pushed the button that called a nurse. Of course why didn’t I think of that before.
Everything was blurry after that, for a few moments I felt off, but after a few minutes I felt everything back to place, so I tried to speak again.
“H-ha-harry?” I said slowly.
“Oh, thank god, you’re okay” he said.
“What the hell just happened?” I asked.
“It was a side effect of the pills, so was your breakdown, it messed with your brain, I told them to never ever give that to you again” he said.
I nodded in understanding.
“How did you find me?” I asked.
“i called Diamond asking for you, I was feeling bad about what happened” he said.
“Why did you storm off?” I asked recalling what had happened before all this drama.
“because, I was just shocked with every situation, I think you’re too much of an adult Hope, you turned 18 a while ago and you’re already making these life decisions, I keep thinking that I caused some of them..” he said.
“Don’t be silly, I decided to grow up faster, now I have to live with it” I said truthfully.
“Doesn’t help the fact that you’re here, what happened? Why didn’t you call?” he asked.
“its pretty obvious why I didn’t call, but I got injured the same as my mum and truth is… I might never even dance again” I said. I was calmer, I guess the pills did make me psycho.
“WHAT?!” he said,
“I guess I have the same shit as my mom did” I said.
“Holy shit, Hope, dancing was your life” he said.
“Don’t remind me” I sighed.
“Oh babe, come here” he said, it hit me again and I did share a few tears,
“What happens next?” he said.
“I wait for the results” I sighed again.
“What if you can’t dance anymore?” I asked.
“We’ll cross the bridge when we reach it, I guess, it’s something Matt always said.” I smiled as the memory of my life back in LA flooded back.
“how’s Matt?” he asked changing topic,
“I don’t know, haven’t talked to him in a while,” I said “when I officially drop off I might go to LA, you’ll be on tour anyways..” I say.
“We’ll cross the bridge when we reach it” he repeated me. “You should get some rest” he said,
“Its only 2pm” I said.
“Then we have some time to kill” Harry said.
“Or some time to discuss your results Ms. Smith,” the nurse said coming in with some papers.
Harry started leaving when I said “Stay, I’ll need you”
He smiled and sat next to me,
“There are good and bad news” she said.
Bad, or good, all I wanted was a yes or no question, but the nurse went into detail.
“Is that a yes I can dance or a no I cant?” I asked.
“Well It’s a…”
Notes
SORRYYY!!!!!!!!!!!SORRYYY!!!!!!!!!!!SORRYYY!!!!!!!!!!!SORRYYY!!!!!!!!!!!SORRYYY!!!!!!!!!!!SORRYYY!!!!!!!!!!!SORRYYY!!!!!!!!!!!SORRYYY!!!!!!!!!!!SORRYYY!!!!!!!!!!!CANT SAY HOW SORRY I AM FOR IT TO TAKE THIS LONG! I WAS SO WRAPPED UP IN WORK AND I HAD A WRITERS BLOCK.
anyways everything is back on track, there will probably be 5 or 6 more chapters and then it'll be over, though i think i'll fo a sequel.
ANYWAYSSS SORRY FOR THE CLIFFHANGER.
dont hate me for being late,
LOVE YOU ALL
Carlota <3
7/11/13