“If I lay here, if I just stay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world
I don’t quite know how to save, how I feel
Those three words are said too much
They’re not enough.”
Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol



It turned out Liam and Harry could only stay for the night. They had to fly early morning back to the city for another round of endless interviews and promotional stuff for the band.

Paul called. When Liam said they were with me, he specifically said to not do anything that will put my name on the front page again.

Have I mentioned before that Paul hated me as much as he hated those mental clingy Directioners? Yeah, Paul has that much hatred towards me. Louis and Paul ganged up on me.

I couldn’t care less anymore, because I don’t plan on seeing them again. Liam and Harry were the only ones that mattered to me for now on then.

As much as I wanted them to stay, it just couldn’t happen. They had more obligations, and that didn’t include me anymore. I wasn’t going to act like the selfish Campbelle Brooks that wanted time for my friends, because things aren’t the same as before.

At first, everything was as calm and normal like before. After the tear jerking reunion Harry and I had, it seemed like my wishes somehow came true. Deep inside me, I felt normal again, like somehow the waters were back to smooth sailing again. I wasn’t cringing every single time I catch Harry’s eyes as Liam and him stayed with Mum and I for the night.

Every now and then, Harry would try and hold my hand whenever he sees a chance and nobody’s watching around.

But Liam was sneaky. He’d see Harry when he’s inches away from me and then pull me away himself. Done it for like five times the whole night all three of us were together.

Damn jealous lad he was all night. I felt like smacking him.

Mary Anne finally got to meet 2/5 of One Direction, almost fainted when Liam said thank you for taking care of me when he was away. She kind of fangirl-ed inside, I thought she couldn’t get worse than belting out ‘One Thing’ in front of all of us shamelessly. I’m friends with a banshee. Then she told Harry and Liam his undying devotion for Niall Horan, said the next time he visits Wolverhampton with them, she’s taking him home –with or without his consent. Take note that she said dirty things she’d do to him while she had Kelly in her arms, poor one.

Even little Kelly wanted to take Harry home. He’s just that good with kids, just like all those times I’d help him babysat Lux on tour. God, I miss that little rascal. I wonder if she’d still remember me –aunt Campbelle who’d pull Uncle Harry’s curls when they play backstage. Aunt Campbelle, the girl who’s got the same grey round eyes like she does. Aunt Campbelle who’ll sing her lullabies when Mummy Lou was busy. Aunt Campbelle, the one who loves making her flower crowns and cries with joy when she kisses her back. Aunt Campbelle, the young girl who dearly loves Lux like she was her own little angel.

Everything was turning finer and finer by the second. Mum made dinner for all of us, with the help of Mary Anne while Liam and Harry tried to take some rest, and I played with Kelly who managed to pull Harry’s beanie off from his head.

Dinner came and together, we had a lovely and joyful feast. Laughter has gone round the table and it didn’t die even for a second. Everyone was having a good time. Harry fed little Kelly as the little one poked him with her spoon countless of times in the nose. Liam and Mum told Mary Anne countless of embarrassing stories about him and I when we were younger. Though I could have died of embarrassment when Mum recollected and told everyone in the table that I believed in Santa Claus, tooth fairies and the Easter Bunny up until I was thirteen years old, I couldn’t lie, inside, my heart was jumping out of happiness. I wasn’t alone anymore. I had them back, Mum, Liam and Harry. I didn’t want it to end.

But it had to. In the end of the night, it was hard to take Kelly off of Harry’s arms as he cradled her to sleep. Mary Anne thanked Mum and the boys for the amazing company, said she’d invite us for brunch in their house sometime, when Liam and Harry comes back. In return, Liam told her they’d take Niall the next time.

I couldn’t ask for either Liam or Harry to stay with me for the night. Of course, though without saying anything, all three of us knew the reason why. Liam’s jealousy radiated whenever Harry and I would make eye contact. So instead, they decided to spend the night back in Liam’s house.

“We’d be leaving before the crack of dawn tomorrow. Next time, I’ll stay longer, I promise. This will be my goodbye for now, Camp.” Liam told me as he gave me a goodbye hug.

I kissed him on the cheek and said, “I understand.”

“You’ll still be here when I get back?”

“I won’t go anywhere, Liam.”

Harry was there standing next to us, waiting for his turn to say goodnight, not a goodbye like my best friend did. He patiently waited. Though he seemed to distract himself by tugging whatever invisible string was in his coat, I knew –Liam did too- that Harry saw it when Liam put a kiss right in the left corner of my lips.

Since when did everything about Liam, Harry and I became a game of jealousy?

Not quite liking how the scene was turning out, how I think I’m back to being my awkward self, I just then pushed myself away from Liam as quick as possible and pivoted my heel so to turn to Harry, ready with a smile etched in his face as soon as I was inches away from him.

Unlike Liam, Harry was subtler. He went in and enveloped me into a hug and whispered a sweet goodnight in my ear. Just like the same old Harry to whom my heart swelled with every feeling only a woman falling in love could hold inside her.

He was the same old Harry that I loved before.

I wished I could say I still loved him now.

Because all I am still torn inside. And my heart was still too fragile to accept love yet again.

----------(The Way We Are)----------

We’re recording some new songs for the upcoming album. There’s a song I couldn’t help but listen too over and over again. It makes me think of you. I miss you, Campbelle.
Harry

“Liam?” I heard Mary Anne asked as she walked pass me and sat at the stool next to me behind the cash registry.

I just clutched my phone and put it back on my jean’s pocket, then corrected her by saying, “No. It was Harry again, actually.”

“Hmm, that’s the fifth message today. What does it say now?”

I just shrugged and told her immediately, “He just wants me to know they’re recording new songs.”

Mary Anne looked surprised, like I was sexting Styles kind of surprise. Honestly. “Oh? Did he mention if there’s any specific song about you on their new album?”

“Uhm, no-”

“Liar,” Mary Anne just shook her head and teased, “There’s always a song about you, Camp.”

“That’s not true.” I said. “There wasn’t a single song about me in any of their album.”

Of course, I knew that I’m lying -to Mary Anne, and even myself.

I knew one song that was about me. It was even my favorite one until I knew the real meaning behind it.

I threw the CD on fire after knowing to whom and why was it written.

“Well, then maybe you should listen to this one to prove my point.”

I frowned back in confusion to how Mary Anne could have a valid point when she only knew me and Harry for like a couple of weeks. I asked, “What’s that about?”

“Well, I believe it’s about you.” she replied as a matter of fact.

Even before I could lie again that there was never a One Direction song about me, Mary Anne has already started tapping on her phone. Soon, a melody of a song started then I finally recognized that was Harry’s voice filled my ears.

“Now you are standing there right in front of me
I hold on and it’s getting harder to breathe
All of a sudden these lights are blinding me
I never noticed how bright they would be.


I saw in the corner there is a photograph
No doubt in my mind it’s a picture of you
It lies there alone in its bed of broken glass
This bed was never made for two


I’ll keep my eyes wide open
I’ll keep my arms wide open


Don’t let me
Don’t let me
Don’t let me go
Coz I’m tired of feeling alone
Don’t let me
Don’t let me go
Coz I’m tired of feeling alone.


I promised one day that I’ll bring you back a star
I caught one and it burned a hole in my hand, oh
Seems like these days I watch you from a far
Just trying to make you understand


I’ll keep my eyes wide open


Don’t let me
Don’t let me
Don’t let me go
Coz I’m tired of feeling alone
Don’t let me
Don’t let me go


Don’t let me
Don’t let me
Don’t let me go
Coz I’m tired of feeling alone
Don’t let me
Don’t let me
Don’t let me go
Coz I’m tired of feeling alone
Don’t let
Don’t let me go
Coz I’m tired of sleeping alone.”


I had to listen to the song again for the second time, Mary Anne insisted I listen deeper for the meaning, but there were so many emotions that took control of my brain and my heart. I had to stop myself even before tears could burst right out of my eyes.

“I hate you.” I said to Mary Anne instead. “No, actually, I hate myself.”

“Now, before you bawl right in front of me again and I couldn’t stop you unless you confess once again that you needed Harry, let me just clear this one out. This song was leaked all over the internet almost two years ago, like a few months after you runaway and left the tour.”

“This got leaked?” I was surprised. Okay, well, no, I wasn’t surprised that much. We’re talking about Directioners also known as the fandom whose life is dedicated only to breathe One Direction. There was one time when the fans hacked an airport security system to watch the boys do nothing. Leaking a song would be A-easy task. “Wait a minute. Did the fans know this was about me?” I asked away.

No wonder the fans had wanted to hunt down for my head.

“Well, no.” I sighed in relief. “Actually, the fans thought Harry was leaving the band because of this song.” Mary Anne confessed.

That surprised me, -more like worried actually, “Harry would never leave the band. He loves them so much.”

“Maybe he won’t leave the band –he wouldn’t, but he totally could! I bet he would if you ask him. It’s just that it’s so obvious, Camp. This song is about you!”

I just kept shaking my head at her, “It can’t be. I know those boys, Mary Anne. They get inspiration everywhere. This could me a lot to Harry.”

I saw her roll my eyes at me and said, “Come on, the lyrics says it all, Camp. Can’t you feel what Harry wants you to know? ‘Seems like these days I watch you from a far, just trying to make you understand’. All this time, Harry was trying to prove to you he loves you.”

Again, I denied accepting the words that she kept insisting. “No.”

After all that happened, up until now, I haven’t mastered the art of lying. Mary Anne just sighed in desperation and told me, “Honestly Campbelle, maybe if you stop denying the truth, your life would have been easier.”

Life would never be easy in the book of Campbelle Brooks.

----------(The Way We Are)----------

Fall 2012

“Honesty Hour, guys! Since your favorite girl’s birthday is coming, if there was one song of One Direction that you’d say best describes Campbelle, what would it be? Liam, you’re the best friend, you go first.”

“I would say, whatever song we come up with, she’ll always go with ‘What Makes You Beautiful’.” Liam’s answer was. I hate that song. They wanted me on the music video, because ‘I’m insecure and I don’t know what for’. The hell I did not accept it of course even though I would earn even a bit. No, I fucking hate that song. “Camp always hates us whenever we say she’s gorgeous. She doesn’t believe whenever we compliment her so we always mock her by singing it on the top of our lungs until she’s completely pissed. The song was just perfect for her.” he added.

If they sing it live on the interview, I’ll kill them all.

Liam signaled 1,2,3 and all five of them loudly burst out “CAMP’S INSECURE, DON’T KNOW WHAT FOR, THEY’RE TURNING HEADS WHEN SHE WALKS THROUGH THAT DO-OH-OR! CAMP, YOU DON’T KNOW YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!”

Remind me to gut Liam later.

“Niall, what song best describes Camp?”

“I’d say the same with Liam. Campbelle loves ‘Little Things’ also, cries like a baby whenever she hears us sing it for her.”

“Louis?”

I saw the devil smirk at the host and answered, “’I Want’. She’s basically that kind of girl.”

Fuck you, Tomlinson. Whatever I did wrong to you, just fuck it. I don’t care. I’ll never reconcile with you. We’d be enemies forever. Take that to the grave you idiot!

“Wait, you mean you want to be loved by Campbelle?” the host asked right away. Eww.

“No, she just wants a lot of things. Thinks she could have them all, -silly woman.” Louis replied.

Remind me to gut Liam AND LOUIS later.

“How about you, Harry?”

Oh no. No, not Harry.

Please don’t say anything that will get us in trouble. Don’t say that song you said was for me.

He opened his mouth and first said, “They-,”

“HARRY!” I screamed loudly at the television. Thank God I was alone, or else they’d call the loony hospital.

But then he stopped and instead, cleared his throat and again said, “Uhm, I’d say ‘One Thing’. She’s got that one thing we love about her.”

Phew. Harry Edward Fucking Styles almost gave me a heart attack.

“And what is that one thing?”

“Err, she’s…Camp’s, she’s a good friend to all of us. Doesn’t see us as One Direction, she just treat us as her best friends. We’re family, as always.”

“And now, the love of Campbelle Brooks’ life, Zayn, sure there’s a song you have written for her, right? What’s that one song you dedicate for your lady love?”

On the screen, they shot Zayn smiling towards the ground. He’s always been shy when people ask about us. I was too, that’s why I decline interviews. I just can’t handle them any good.

He hesitated for a bit before he answered so softly yet serious, “They Don’t Know About Us.”

Oh my god. Harry’s going to kill Zayn because of that answer.

----------(The Way We Are)----------

Mary Anne continued to pester me about ‘Don’t Let Me Go’ for almost a week. I found out that it was indeed been leaked just a month after I left the tour, when rumors about Zayn and Harry fighting and the band getting torn apart because of me was in highlight and the song just added to the growing flame that crushed their friendship. She kept telling me it really was for me, she even insisted to call Harry to let him confess himself, but I won’t give her his phone number. How big of damn fucking coward am I?

What if he says it really was for me? What good would it do? To me? To him? Or to us? Clearly that song just about how hurt he was when I left.

But what if Mary Anne was wrong? What if it’s just one of the hundreds of songs they had? What if that song wasn’t really for me? Or what if Harry intention was just so to hurt me through his pain in the said song?

I don’t want to rekindle the past. Harry and I have already forgiven each other. I can’t do anything to change the past, how I made him hurt when I left him, because I did hurt too in the process. We’re moving forward to what fate wants us to, not retracing steps to realize what could’ve have been for us if I stayed.

It’s just that there couldn’t be an ‘us’ even if I stayed with them all this time.

Liam went home a week later, without Harry or Niall as promised to Mary Anne. He said neither Harry nor Niall could come with him because they had other plans. He was fulfilling his duties towards me and the promise he made ages ago. I say he was just using it as an excuse.

Don’t get me wrong, I want Liam with me as much as possible, but Liam needs to stop putting me in the middle of his entire universe.

Mum was on graveyard shift in the nursing home so I was supposed to be home alone. But Liam didn’t like the idea even if I’m old enough to be babysat anymore. So Liam insisted that he spend the night with me.

About the sexual tension between Liam and me… well, yes, it’s still there. Since when wasn’t it there?

Remember that our ‘friends with benefits’ set up has lasted for three years straight. Now that we’re back without any other strings attached, you think there’d be anything that would stop us from not doing the deed?

The only thing different with tonight was Liam didn’t just look me in the eyes and started to undress me so to fuck me senseless. Tonight, he took all efforts of appreciating the given time being alone with me.

Winter’s almost over and the weather’s already beginning to change. The crisp cold air of February was just much colder for my taste. I wasn’t that much fond of the cold, Liam’s company was a good suffice for a warm blanket tonight.

Even before, bathing with Liam has always been an indulgence, or rather an obsession in his case. I love having the privilege of being bare and soaking our bodies under the steamy hot water on the bathtub, with me leaning my back against his broad chest while his hands wrap around me and our lower limbs intertwined with one another. He’d make sure to pour rose oil in our bath because the smell was my favorite. Sometimes, when I feel playful, I’d lather his hair with shampoo and do all sorts of hairstyles. Every now and then, he’d start rubbing circles on my skin that will make me smile and giggle. Liam loves it when he feels my giggles right against his skin.

The calmness I felt around was slowly making me feel lightheaded. Liam’s chest rising up and down while I leaned on them was too comforting that my eyes were soon drifting close. His hands securely held me on top of him while the steam of heat –from our bodies and the bath itself- was all over the bathroom.

Out of a sudden, I heard Liam muttered, “Can I ask you something?”

Too lazy to even open my eyes and look him in the eyes, I just whispered back, “Sure.”

“Was it easy?” I heard Liam asked me.

I didn’t quite understand what he meant by it, so I returned the question. “Was what easy?”

“Forgetting us… and leaving everything behind. Was it easy to leave and forget your mum, your friends and the people whom you’ve considered family, your best friend, Campbelle -us?”

That was when my screws in my already too confused brain started working again. Did Liam really just ask that?

I pushed myself away from his body and looked at him. “You think I forgot? I left Liam, yes, but that doesn’t exactly mean there wasn’t a day you and the other boys haven’t crossed my mind.” I told him immediately. “It wasn’t easy, Liam. It never went easy at all.”

Maybe I did hope in the back of my head that he’d say he same. That there wasn’t a time he forgot me too.

But Liam disappointed me by saying, “Okay,” as simple as that -nothing more, nothing less.

The conversation died after it.

“I’ll just meet you back in the room when you’re finished.” I announced to Liam. I then stood up and took my towel to dry and drape it around my naked body as I made my way outside the bathroom.

Maybe I was overacting. I was just not expecting Liam, of all people, would think I’d forget that easily.

Then again, maybe I was just really too scared to admit I left without a real backbone, and to know that unlike me, it was just easy for them to move on their life without me.

Did their life turn out better when I was finally gone?

I walked towards my drawers to pick a pair of knickers and an oversized shirt when my eyes suddenly found a piece of something that was worth remembering.

I took the towel off my body and have my arms slipped inside sleeves of the article of clothing. After all this time, it still smelled just like him. His light musk scent immediately lingered on my skin, just how I loved him with me.

“What are you wearing?" I heard Liam asked from behind me. As I buttoned the shirt to the last one, I turned around and saw him leaning against the doorframe, all his naked glory laid before my eyes.

I shrugged, trying to force my stare away from him. "I saw a pair of your old plaids in my drawer. I just wanted to see if I still look good on them."

Liam moved towards me on the floor until he was just an arm length away from me. "You still are, Campbelle. But..." he stopped talking as he leaned towards me and placed a soft kiss on my lips.

Every fiber in my body jumped to life from the contact. I ran my hand up his neck and buried my fingers in his hair.

“But what?”

He pulled his lips away from mine and let his forehead rest against mine.

"You know what it does to me when I see you wearing my clothes," he stated. “You’ve changed right before my eyes.”

"Nothing changed," I reminded him.

I opened my eyes to find him staring back at me.

"Everything has changed, Campbelle," he whispered harshly. "Because I love you."

He grabbed my hands to pull me up with him. He pushed my back against the wall and pressed his body against mine. The back of my head slammed into the dry wall as Liam shoved his tongue in my mouth. He wrapped his hands around my ass and picked me up effortlessly. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and my legs around his waist as he moved us in the middle of my room.

I was aware of every single place his body was touching mine. His hands were hot against my ass and they stayed there as he carried me. His chest was pressed against mine, I could feel his heart beating and sure enough, mine was there too matching his beat for beat. I could feel his hips underneath my thighs, grinding into me, reminding me that indeed, everything has changed.

He dropped me on my bed and my body stiffened from the loss of contact when he just stayed there standing on the farthest end of my bed. He met my eyes and I saw him swallow hard. It was almost as if he was nervous. Since when did Liam ever been nervous to have sex with his best friend?

Liam's hands closed around my face as he pulled me towards him again, now meeting his mouth with mine. I moaned into his mouth and I felt Liam smile against my lips. I wanted to pull away and look at him. I wanted to see if he was flashing a real smile or the fabricated, half-assed smile he always gave to the fans.

He proceeded to crawl on top of me on the bed until I was firmly pinned against the bed by his hips. His mouth was attached to my neck and he was sucking on my skin so hard that he was probably going to leave a mark.

He grabbed the collar of the plaid shirt and tore it down my body, stripping it away as I was once again completely naked in front of him, laid out before his eyes in my most vulnerable bare form. I felt his eyelashes flutter against my cheek as his lips froze against my skin. He wasn't holding on for a second. His fingers tightened around my forearm as His fingertips dug into my skin and the pain he was causing me reminded me I was with Liam James Fucking Payne, my best friend.

Then all of a sudden, his phones started ringing but Liam paid no attention to it. He ran his hand across my stomach, down my thighs and stopped as my legs fell apart.

Liam didn’t even give me a chance to moan his name against his mouth. He went straight to it as he plunged two fingers inside me so fast that I screamed out from the surprise and then gasped from the burn of pleasuring that was sent thrashing through my body.

I buried my hands in my hair and bit my lip. Liam continued to pump his fingers in and out of me at lighting fast speed. I could feel my need for him, my desire pooling in the pit of my stomach; a white hot heat that coiled up inside me and could only be let lose by him.

Liam’s tongue found my hip bone and started making a slow, thick pattern across my skin. He stopped every few swipes to bite down, hard and my toes started to curl under. He was marking me, reminding me that he was the one with me right now. It was a new thing for Liam, leaving some of him behind on my body -proof that he had been there.

He placed heated kisses up to my stomach and changed the pace of his fingers as he looked up at me. I opened my eyes and met his gaze. There was something there, something dark, something that he only let out when we were tangled up in bed sheets.

I reached for him and he slipped his fingers from inside me and came up to my face. He lay down next to me on the bed and rolled onto his back. He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. His entire body was enveloped in sweat.

His phone went ringing again. Annoyed by the sound it made, I breathed out, “Fuck, Liam! Just answer it now!”

A growl ripped from his throat as he rolled us over so I was on top. Pleasure was already starting building up my body, but damn fucking Marimba was killing the mood.

Before I could shout at him again, Liam entered me in one quick motion. He grabbed my hips and started thrusting up into me, tearing into my soul, forcing me to feel everything.

I fell on top of him, unable to hold myself up anymore. Orgasm ripped through my body and I screamed from the force. I squeezed my eyes shut and let my mouth hang open as Liam continued to rock into me. I wrapped my arms around Liam‘s shoulders and dug my fingernails into his skin as a second wave hit me. My lip was trapped between my teeth and I wasn't sure if I was drawing blood from Liam's back or my lip or both.

Liam's breakneck speed didn't falter. He rolled us over again, taking back his control. His eyes were closed and his mouth was open as he let out a silent gasp of craving. He came second after with his entire body shaking, dropping his chest to mine and letting his face fall into the pillow behind me. His ragged breaths were hot on my shoulder and I turned my head to look at him.

It was his brown eyes that were filled with every emotion possible that met mine. Liam was right. Everything has changed.

His phone stopped ringing, but the caller left a message for him. I was on the side nearest to it so I took the initiative and read the message for Liam himself. Only, no words came right out of my lips for the text I read has frozen me, unable to act, unable to think back.

Liam received a message from Perrie.

She was asking for my address.

Notes

Omg. That's all I could say. Are you as speechless as I am? Haaah. :P

Did I do good? Reviews are highly appreciated, pals! :D

@_AndieTiu (Haven't sent anyone of you a virtual cookie yet! Come on, I don't bite.)