“Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you. Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the word to your old favorite song. Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there’s no right answer. Regretting him was like wishing you’d never found out that love could be this strong.”

Red – Taylor Swift
Summer 2010

It’s been three weeks since Liam’s gone to join the X Factor, now he’s reached Simon Cowell’s house once again, and I just missed him so much. It’s most probably the longest time that I wasn’t with him. Though sickening, it’s true. In the span of our fifteen years of friendship, I can’t recall a time that Liam and I weren’t together for that long. I can’t call it a nice day if I don’t see and do anything stupid with my best friend.

And perhaps there’s the benefit of something more.

Thankfully, he managed to convince my mum and some staff of The X Factor to let me visit him even though it wasn’t really allowed. No one on their right mind would say no to someone like Liam Payne.

Liam’s told me through phone a lot of his stories about the new friends he’s found on the group he was put in with. They’re not typically like us, but he’s gone very fond of them for those two weeks they’ve been together. He said he’s been really wanting to introduce me to them, saying he thinks I’ll like them too because they’re a bunch of nice and very talented boys.

The moment I saw his tall, lanky body brooding from a distance, I didn’t even bother to pick my duffel bag. I just let out a shriek and run as fast as I could towards him.

Liam met me half way. As soon as I reached him, I quickly jumped at him and wrapped my skinny legs at his waist. “I miss you so much!” I exclaimed as I ambushed him with kisses on both cheeks and messed his now sandy colored bleached hair. “Home’s not home for me anymore. You’re living the dream while I’m stuck at bloody Wolverhampton. Not fair!”

His chuckles echoed through my ears. “I miss you too, Campbelle.”

“How are you? Is everything good?”

“I’m fine. Yes, everything’s good. But now that you’re here, it got a whole lot better.”

“We’ve only got a night. I’ll leave you with something to miss me more.”

The last time we had sex was before he left for London, which was approximately three weeks ago. It was just one of those nights I wished Liam won’t go. I haven’t managed to walk out of bed for a whole day after it. Well… it was completely amazing. You don’t have any idea what a beast Liam is when it comes to sex.

Let’s just say he’s a buffer than most seventeen year olds. He’s just huge for what I imagine a seventeen year old would be, not that I fantasize other guys’ dicks now and then.

“Hey, I’d like you to meet some new friends.” Liam eagerly said as he pulled me on a run with him.

As we were about to reach the front bay, I saw four other boys that seemed to be in our age near the shore just round up, having a good laugh.

“Boys! Boys!” Liam shouted towards the group. I then realized that they were the new friends my best friend’s very fond of.

The four boys got up from sitting at the bay and walked to meet Liam and me at the front porch.

I suddenly felt a bit of anxious…insecure may be?

“They’re your group mates?” I asked.

“Yeah, the boys I’ve been telling you about. Don’t worry, I’ve told them about you.”

I instantly shot him a skeptic look and asked, “And what are those you’ve told them exactly?”

“Well, aside from that you’ve got a handful of breast for a seventeen year old, and that you give some fantastic blowjobs, I say you’re one amazing friend.” Liam said nonchalantly.

“Are you frigging serious?” When he didn’t answer, I punched him so hard on the arm. “That’s it. I’m going home.”

“Hey, I’m just messing with you.” he told me back as he rubbed the spot where I hit him. “All I’ve told them is that my gorgeous best friend’s going to visit me today, nothing more, nothing less. Oh, here they are!” Liam exclaimed.

To be quite honest, I’m highly terrified with first meetings. I’m a socially awkward & inept girl. Shut me off on a party and I’d sulk in the corner alone, never mind if I did look retarded at some point (read: been told I was). I just don’t do well with greeting people upon meeting them, and I gravely suck at first impressions.

That was why Liam did most of the talking as soon as his new friends were in front of us. “Hey guys, I would like you to meet my best friend from home, Campbelle Brooks.”

“Campbelle, that’s a really nice name,” said by a straight brown haired boy with a pair of bluish-green eyes and a thousand watt smile plastered in his face. “Hi, I’m Louis.”

“Yah, like the mushroom soup, hmm,” said by a blonde boy with crocked pearly whites and bluer eyes that looked younger than the rest of them, “It’s nice to finally meet you, Campbelle. My name’s Niall Horan.”

I’ve heard my name get associated with that soup, which most of the time ticked me, but Niall was too cute for me to get mad, and I can’t really suck with this, they’re Liam’s newest friends. It’s not that usual that we get to meet and make new friends. Not many kids (read: more like none) back home think Liam and I were cool enough for their circle anyway.

The second Niall let go of my hand, I was quickly pulled into a hug by the curly brown haired boy with green colored eyes and dimples in both cheeks. “Campbelle! You’re real!” the boy said, I could feel his lips really close to my ears, as he bone crush hugged me.

Awkward.

The other boy’s chuckles were heard beside us, which made it more awkward. “Of course she’s real! You think Liam has an imaginary friend?” I heard Niall joked.

“Mate, I think you’re scaring my best friend.” I heard Liam said.

“Oh, sorry,” slowly, the boy inched himself away from my body and said, “Harry Styles, love.” That’s when I noticed his voice was huskier and a bit slower than his first greeting.

And he called me ‘love’.

Again, awkward.

I just gave Harry a smile back. Although he seemed to be a bit cocky, I must admit that the cheeky smile waves it off. I was rampaged by sick butterflies on my tummy. Not cool.

“Lad, don’t go hide there! Introduce yourself!”

Soon as I turn around and see who Liam was pertaining to, I got face to face with the fourth boy of the group.

An Asian kid, I told myself. He stood a few inches taller than I do, but he’s not small. Jet black straight hair and thin pink puckered lips, damn he’s beautiful. What made him gorgeous were his eyes. He probably has the nicest pair of brown doe eyes I have ever seen in my life, with thick lashes and a pierce stare back at my dull grey ones, I suddenly found myself lost for words to the beauty that stood before me. I think he’s even prettier than I am.

Holy mother of God, the previous butterflies in my stomach has been replaced by stomping dinosaurs.

“Hi, I’m Zen.” He greeted, with his cool thick English accent.

Zen? Why would you name a beautiful creature with Zen?

“Hi, Z-Zen.”

I heard the boys laugh again, making me realized I completely made a fool of myself. “No Camp, it’s Z-A-Y-N, Zayn not Zen.” Liam corrected.

Not only did I stutter, I just mispronounced and called him by another name.

Fuck my life.

“Oh my god, this is embarrassing. I’m sorry, Zayn.”

I could feel my face heat up with the embarrassment. What makes it way worse was that I was pale as snow white, by now my face would probably be similar to a tomato, and I’m in front of four good looking boys I just met.

This has to be the worst acquaintance ever.

And because of embarrassment, I resorted with burying my heated face in my hands. Thank god I barely knew how to cry because if I did tear up, they’ll think I’m too pathetic to be even friends with.

I felt a hand caress my shoulder, and honestly, I was very comforting. I expected it to be Liam, but was surprised to see it was actually Zayn.

I was again unable to communicate.

“It’s okay, Camp.” Zayn softly told me back, the side of his lips formed to a smile. “I don’t think you’re weird. The boys did the same when we first met. You’re one of us now.”

Dinosaurs, behave!

How he said my name was just like music to my ears. I wonder what he sounds like when he sings, but I bet it’ll be much better.

I know by then that Zayn was going to be my favorite.

-

I ended shutting myself away from everyone else once again. Rested my heavy heart against that comfort of my old room that didn’t feel home anymore, but was the only place I could stay, where I could cry it out without them seeing and pitying me.

Regret was again all over my chest. It washed the little bits of happiness occupying my heart when I got home and felt I am safe. I should have known that it was inevitable, that trouble would find me eventually. Whenever Campbelle Brooks was, there will be trouble, and it will end up in the most painful way possible. Whenever Campbelle Brooks was, disaster was bound to happen.

What was I thinking? Liam was already enough reason for me to be screwed yet I still let him. I should have known that meeting him again, re-stitching our friendship once again, fucking him again, would end with them. Those boys were part of his life now. To be back into Liam Payne’s life would mean I’d run through hell all over again. The hell I thought I was over with. Yet again, it was where I belonged –in hell with them.

Louis and Niall gave confused reactions. Niall just cowardly inched himself away from the tension and drama that happened soon after Harry came inside the house and saw me. A coward, useless boy he really is, and I could see it in his face that he’s still scared that I might blackmail him for the secret I knew about him. A secret we both condone, up until this very day.

Louis, as the same loud lad I knew he was, has gone mad; kept cursing at Liam, Harry and I as he desperately pulled his best friend away from me. He still hates me, and I’m still unsure of what was his problem with me even before mine and Harry’s secrets came out. Louis used to be a good friend. We’d do silly pranks together on tour. He was my second best friend, but one day he’s changed. It started with sarcastic comments, grown to a much more heated word fights and ended with us slapping each other once. If I was a boy, I was sure he had punch me in the face long before.

Liam kept shouting at Harry as he pulled me by my waist, away from the guy I did a thousand mistakes with, away from the guy I thought I loved but I was just really confused even until now, away from the guy who broke me apart with my already messed up self. He told him to back off even before he could do any damage. Liam didn’t know that inside I was already in pieces the second I saw Harry’s longing emerald eyes stare back at me.

Harry. The guy I told everyone that I’d never see any romantic links with at all became the guy that took every piece of my shattered self even after I crushed him myself. Why isn’t he angry with me? He should be angry with me. He should be pushing me away, not taking me back into the arms that held me as a secret obsession in all of those secret nights we end up naked and intertwined with one another. He’s not in love with me, or was that what I thought? I wasn’t in love with me, or was that what I want to believe in? No. we’re not in love with one another. There was no ‘us’. It was just like Liam and I, no strings attached. Harry and Campbelle, secret fuck friends -that’s it.

But if there wasn’t a feeling involved, then why did our hearts broke apart?

I was pushing myself away, but I was too weak to repel. I fought with myself, but there was no energy left. This was always been me. I couldn’t resist myself away from Harry the second he touches me. Everything about him makes me spineless -sometimes even brainless- and nothing good ends up with it. See how it turned out after eighteen months?

Once out of Harry’s arms, I did what I think was the best escape through all of it. I ran away.

Only this time, I knew they’ll go and look for me.

I heard a series of soft knocks on my door, yet I didn’t turn around and say something.

“Campbelle,” I heard my mother’s concerned voice came in to my room.

Mum knew, she always does, and I couldn’t be more thankful that I still have someone’s back. The second I barged inside the house, steaming mad with tears running down my eyes, she knew my troubles. She knew what have happened even without naming anyone. And I could tell with her concern that she doesn’t think it’s anything about Liam.

I felt her sat down beside me, but my back was turned away from her. I couldn’t face anyone, not even mu own Mum. I know she wouldn’t pity me, but I was too much of a wreck inside and out, I disappointed her again. My tear streaked face was half buried at the pillow in my head, with its white sleeve ruined of the smears of my black mascara from the endless waterfall in my eyes. I won’t stop. I can’t stop.

“He’s still waiting downstairs.” Mum said as she ran her fingers through my hair, trying to comfort me in the best way only a mother could do to her child. “I told him that I think it’s best if he’d leave, but he’s insisted to stay.”

‘He’ couldn’t be Liam. My best friend knew ways to get to me. He always does. Liam wouldn’t resort to waiting downstairs when he knows I’m pitting myself all alone in this room.

Harry was the last person I’d speak with.

Slowly, I turned around and met my mother’s gaze. There was concern and just a bit of fright in them. “Oh honey,” she said as I sat down only so for her to pull me inside her arms and let me cry in her shoulder. “You can’t leave. Not when you’re like this.”

I then knew she saw my again packed travelling bag.

I was having second thoughts about leaving.

I don’t want to leave. I don’t know where else to go. The world has been nothing but cruel to me for the past eighteen months I searched a new place I could find safety. I took me that long to realize that there’s nowhere else safer than here. That was my reason why I came back to Wolverhampton. I gave up searching. There was just nowhere else better.

And now I can’t leave this place when I know that Harry won’t leave me too.

“Campbelle, don’t get me wrong, I know you’re torn…but I think it’s best if you face him. With how I see you, and him, I believe there’s so much left unsaid.” Mum told me.

Even when she didn’t know half of the truth about me and Harry, my mother couldn’t be more than right.

Everything was just left unsaid. And that’s what’s worsening this screwed life.

----------(The Way We Are)----------

Harry left eventually after Mum’s told him I wasn’t ready to face him, just not tonight. Yet, when that time would be was still unsure.

I haven’t left the confinement of my room. Mum brought me supper but I haven’t touched it. I wasn’t hungry, but I felt sick. Gone twice to the bathroom to vomit the contents of my stomach which wasn’t that much since the only thing I ate was the morning meal Liam and I shared. I desired to smoke, the only thing that would calm me somehow, but then I knew mum wouldn’t like it. Even hates it when the smell lingers on my clothes, my very skin. She knows about my bad habit, but as much as I want to, I try to not do it when I’m at home.

I agreed with my Mum that I was not going anywhere so she unpacked my things back to my closet. I managed to peel off the dress I was wearing, changed into nothing but my nude pair of knickers and thin camisole and then washed my face of the smeared make-up so to rest the night away.

But I couldn’t put myself to sleep. I couldn’t rest at all. I close my eyes but my mind was wide awake. I’d turn and thrash my bed, sometimes I muffle screams on my pillow, but nothing eased me at all.

Nights like these have always been too hard, especially those times when I was alone. There were times I wished someone wound just find me. Take me back and fix me. Only, those were just silly wishes. No one else came to find me. No one would dare come back and fix poor Campbelle.

Silence surrounded me. Not a sound of night crawlers was heard. Hours had past but not a fleet of tiredness would come and put me to a very much needed slumber.

Suddenly, I heard a rustle came from my balcony door. The chilly wind of the midnight brushed down my barely clothed body, sending shivers in every fiber of my body. I immediately got cold, brought myself into fetal position until I saw the silhouette of someone just on the edge of my bed.

He stood there for a few moments, scanned me and my body like how he did before. Only tonight, it was different. The faint light from outside made me see his eyes. Tonight, they didn’t show me lust and the hunger for love. Right now, his pool of hazel beads glistened with tears, of which I did to him. He was scared for me. Scared of what has become of me after all this time that I had no one.

I felt his weight came down to my bed. Slowly, he made his way next to me, his fingertips lightly brushing from my feet, to my bare thigh, stopping for a second in the band of my knickers and then pushed through my waist, up until he wrapped his arms around my torso and inched himself closer to my body. His other hands scooped my head and have it rest on his also bare chest, feeling the heat on them against my face.

He found me. Someone’s finally found me.

“I’m here now.” He whispered softly on top of my head. “I got you, Campbelle.” He said as he tightened his grasp on me, kissed me like how he’s done before.

Liam has seen me bare and honest countless of times, let his hands touch me like a lover should. But tonight, his touch was almost like foreign, unknown, but it was warm…almost comforting.

And with Liam, I felt the safest.

His thumb brushed my cold cheek, its warmth burning through it, but it felt alright. Eyes locked with one another, he told me, “I’ll never let you go anymore. I’ll help you, even if it’s the last thing I do.”

I believed him.

Soon enough, I was finally drawn to a peaceful slumber with my best friend beside me.

Notes

Now I know you lot are mad at me for taking so long to update. I’m sorry! I’m sorry! This chapter is my peace offering. PEACE! *insert cheeky smile*

Are you confused? Ha! So am I. I’m still trying to figure this story out, please be patient and bear with me. I’ll continue this, don’t worry! :)

I bet you’ve got loads of questions about this.
-What was Niall and Campbelle’s secret?
-What was Louis’ reason to hate Campbelle?
-What do you feel about Harry and Campbelle?
-What about Liam and Campbelle?
-Any ships? Carry? Ciam?
-So, where’s Zayn?

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