“If you ask me how I’m doing, I will say I’m doing just fine, I will lie and say that you’re not on my mind. But I’ll go out and I’ll sit down in a table set for two, and finally found the force to face the truth, that no matter what I say I’m not over you.”
Gavin Degraw – Not Over You
It felt weird waking up the following morning. There was no heavy feeling in my chest. My head felt light, not a single worry right in it. It took my eyes a while to register that the room I was actually sleeping in was my own room –in my own home-, not some tiny room I rented for some time in some place I stopped for a number of days while I was doing my own soul searching. The warmth and peace that surrounded me in my old ridiculous pink colored room made me finally realized I really am home.

Home, how I missed the feeling of it. I’m finally home. What’s better is that Liam’s also back home. Our friendship’s back to a clean slate. We promised one another that we’ll repair what was left of it and that we’ll start over again.

For the first time in eighteen months, I got a reason to smile.

I heard my phone buzz under my pillow, signaling that I have a new message.

Good morning, Beautiful! Wake up, wake up! I’m coming over to your house in a just few minutes. I bought you some breakfast muffin and coffee. x
-Liam

I got up, showered and dressed down in some nice clothes. For some strange reason when I faced the mirror as I was about to do my hair, I was actually surprised to see the reflection. I didn’t know why, but the girl looking back at me had a nice smile etched in her mouth. In her face, there was only pure happiness.

After all this time, she’s finally back.

I’m so glad to find my way back home.

----------(The Way We Are)-----------

“I actually missed times like this. I’ll come over your house to bring you breakfast, wake you up and then plan what crazy shenanigans we’ll do for the day,” Liam immediately greeted upon me opening the door for him. I stared at him with the same smile plastered on my face, remembering how loud my best friend was all the time.

Liam looked at me, his mouth still hanging open as he was in the process to speak some more but suddenly stopped and just stared back at me. He was probably surprised too to see me smiling this early morning.

“Just plain beautiful, how can someone forget you?” he manage to said himself. “God, I really missed seeing you always Camp.”

Oh my silly friend. “You’re too sweet to be someone’s breakfast, Liam.” I told him back.

He just smiled back and kissed me on my forehead, just like those times before. After properly greeting good morning one another, I then pulled him inside the house and we went to the dining area so we could eat the breakfast he bought for us together.

“Is Aileen home now? I’ve bought her some too.” Liam said as he laid the food on the counter top and pushed the cup of newly brewed coffee next to me.

“Mum said she’s on a tight graveyard shift this whole week. She went out for work past 8 in the evening last night. She’ll be home any time now.” I replied.

“Oh, is that so, well I hope she gets home soon before her coffee turns cold.” he then sat at the stool next to me. I took a sip of the coffee, feeling the warmth of the liquid I gulped burning down in my throat. I really missed the comfort of having someone to eat breakfast with.

We ate in silence, something not often for both of us. So I tried to start conversation while munching down a freshly baked chocolate muffin. “You know, I’m surprised. I don’t see you blowing your phone off so to call your girlfriend right now. How are things with you and Danielle?” I asked.

Liam talked about his girlfriend, Danielle, all the time. He won’t shut up about her, so it was weird when he didn’t jump out of joy when I asked about her. It took him a while before he answered, “Danielle and I broke up a month later when you left the tour.” I heard him say.

I almost choked down from the piece of bread I just bit. I snapped my head at his side and asked, “What? Oh my God, Liam, why did you break up?”

“Well, other than the fact that we barely see each other when we were still doing Take Me Home tour, she got really mad at me when I told her that you and I fought and I told you to leave us.” He explained.

Suddenly, it made me remember that moment. It wasn’t just the fight that happened; it was also the time when Liam actually confessed. I wonder if Liam ever told Danielle about that one too.

I didn’t feel like smiling anymore.

I placed the muffin down, worrying that I might die with that piece of English breakfast. I turned my gaze back to my best friend sitting next to me and asked, “Liam, did you ever tell Danielle that you…that you-”

“If I ever told her about the feelings I confessed to you?” he managed for me. I just nodded back.

If Liam did, I think it’s best to assume Danielle seriously loathes me too. And that makes her name an addition to the list of people who wants Campbelle Brooks to be dead. Oh, joy.

“Our break up had nothing to do with you, so you don’t have to go and blame yourself, Camp. Please, don’t. It was a mutual agreement that we need to break the relationship off because it’s not working anymore, with the whole tour going on and the long distance between us.”

“That doesn’t answer my question Liam.”

“Honestly, Danielle was the one to make me realize I made the worst decision of pushing you away. She told me she knew all along that I feel something more but was just scared to admit it myself until the night everything that happened between you, Zayn and Harry sank in and I got so angry at you.”

That was just loads worse to hear, and the fact that it was Danielle who has seen it coming. She’s an amazing girl to be honest. I loved her for Liam, though there were so many times that they’d break off and then on again. It comes off with being in a relationship with Liam. But with their utmost attraction to each other, I even believed for some time that Liam and Danielle would be together forever.

But then again, I believed that nothing last forever.

“I can never hurt someone like Danielle. I truly loved her.” he muttered while staring at the coffee in his hand.

I believed him, but I was just confused. “Then why did you leave her?”

“She said I shouldn’t be leaving people away from me, especially that only person I couldn’t live without. We both knew she wasn’t talking about herself.” Liam told me back.

It made no sense for me. If we weren’t supposed to push the people we can’t live without, then why did neither Zayn nor even Harry tried to stop Liam from telling me to leave them all?

Promises are dangerous words. It makes or breaks one self.

In my case, I’m neither broke nor yet fixed. Maybe I healed when I left, but then I was still the Campbelle Brooks that Liam befriended fifteen years ago –too scared to trust anyone, too tough to let anyone break through that barrier she built for her heart’s safety, yet too vulnerable when it comes to taking chances of falling in love.

I should’ve kept my defenses high.

“I moved on, so let’s not talk about it anymore. Danielle and I are still friends, but I haven’t got the chance to talk to her for a long time. I don’t think she even misses me because she’s really busy anyway, and that makes the moving on process easier for both of us. It made me miss you more because the other boys warn of beating me if I start talking about it. I don’t have anyone else left to understand me whining about my tear-jerking love life.” Liam said. I just giggled in return. If it wasn’t late to save his and Danielle’s relationship, I’d be beating him up to senses now.

This is just one of those things Liam and I have in common. We both suck on romantic relationships.

Perhaps that’s the sole reason why we always need one another –both on the emotional and physical aspect.

I was about to snatch another muffin from the box when suddenly, Liam leaned forward and whispered carefully right in my ear, “You know what I missed the most about you, Campbelle?”

I turned around and faced him, immediately seeing the sly grin forming in his mouth. “What?”

“Getting to kiss my best friend first thing in the morning, just like this-”

He cupped my cheeks and slowly, he leaned forward until I felt him gently pushed his lips against mine.

It was just like one of those kisses we’ve shared before, when he still wasn’t an international singing sensation and we don’t have anyone else to fool around.

Summer 2009

Soon after the ceremony ended, Liam quickly pulled me out of the church and on the back of the church building we went.

I didn’t even have the time to ask what was with him and the need to hurry because my mouth was quickly ambushed by Liam pressing his lips on top of mine.

I quickly pushed him off, cutting the kiss, “Liam!”

Liam just chuckled at how surprised I was. “What?” he asked, a huge grin forming on his lips.

“You’re an idiot! If we get caught by our mums, we’re forever screwed. Don’t you realize that?”

“Why are you so worried if they do see us kissing?”

“Are you kidding me? I don’t want to explain anything to them.”

“Why would you need to explain anyway?”

“What? Are you telling me that if they do see us kissing now, they’d just let it slip like it’s something we normally do? If you think Ana would not harass you, well I beg to differ for my mum. She would go mental and ask me nonstop until I give in and I’ll have to confess everything, –that we’re not a pair of curious kids anymore because we kiss and have sex with each other every now and then without them knowing at all!” I hissed back at him.

Liam just continued staring at me with that ridiculously cute grin eating off his face. “I can’t help it, Camp. You look amazing in that white dress you’re wearing right now.” He announced as he had his hands instantly slipped on my waist. “I’ve been thinking of going home now and completely ravish you.”

Though I was annoyed by him being careless of this little set-up we have, I have to be honest that I can’t help it also if I melt with him. Liam’s little ways of swooning me to fall for what he wants to happen is just simply irresistible.

He kept the tip of his nose on top of mine while I felt the warmth of his lips just inches away. It made my stomach battle off with some raging butterflies inside. Liam’s kisses became an indulgence for me. A guilty pleasure I know deep inside was wrong to have but kept on taking in anyway because it makes me happy. I do believe I give Liam those pleasures too, because he kept needing them and asking me to return the same affection back.

I tilted my head on the side and captured his lips with mine, giving him the satisfaction of a sweet lingering kiss before we go and act like normal best friends in front of our mothers again. “I’m telling you, we if we get caught, our dirty little secret will end and you won’t be able to stick that thing anywhere near me anymore.” I warned him.

Liam planted a soft kiss again. “I will always think of ways to get you, Campbelle.” he told me back as he then took my hand and pulled me next to him as we walked back to parking lot where our mothers were waiting for us.

If someone else just saw what happened at the back of the church, they’d probably assume that Liam and I are in a relationship. Maybe we do act a little like a couple who is in love.

Well, no, we’re not.

Liam and I are just best friends enjoying certain benefits we get from one another.

-

My back was suddenly pushed at the edge of the sink where he carried me and placed me in between him. He didn’t waste any second. His hands found its way underneath the skirt of the dress I wore. He kept it gliding up and down my thighs. The contact of his hands on my body gave me shivers of delight all over my skin.

It kept getting deeper and deeper. To my dismay, there wasn’t a single urge inside me that makes me want to pull myself away from him.

I felt a smirk play in his lips as he went down and kissed me on my neck and all the way down to my chest where an ample amount of skin showed because of the dress’s low cut neckline. His lips came back up and nibbled on my sensitive ear before returning back to my neck.

A low moan escaped my lips, yet it didn’t snap Liam to stop anyhow. He nuzzled on my neck and started sucking on my soft skin.

“Liam...” I called him out while I had both of my hands on his shoulders.

I was starting to feel high. Every kiss Liam planted on my skin was just as good as the last time something happened to us, which was exactly more than a year already. But these kisses, they might have been even better now. Oh my God.

No. Stop. No. Stop. You need to fucking stop this right now!

He silenced me by capturing my lips to his, engulfing me once again on a passionate kiss.

I just gave in.

You are once again eternally screwed, Campbelle Brooks.

I felt Liam’s hands graze below my back. They rested on my bum for quite a while until Liam grabbed on them and pushed my bottom against his lower region, feeling his growing hardness pressed on my thin sheet of underwear, realizing I was getting wet too. I had no choice but to wrap my legs around him while as my arms snaked its way on his neck. Liam moaned in my lips as I started rubbing myself against him. Without cutting the kiss, he then carried me out of the dining area and walked his way up the stairs.

By this point, there was no way one of us would like to stop.

Left were the coffee and muffins on the table. Liam and I were about to eat something else.

Eternally screwed I say.

But then again timing’s a bitch. As soon as Liam set foot at the top of the stairs, we both heard the front door bang open and my mum’s voice interrupting everything, “I’m home!”

Good thing Liam had the sense of balance or else, we’d both have fallen off the stairs because of surprise. I quickly jumped out of Liam’s and rearranged my clothes and my hair which he ruined by the way.

I bolted off the stairs and then acted like nothing happened. “Mum! Thank God you’re home!” I greeted at her with too much enthusiasm for someone early in the morning.

“Good morning, Aileen,” Liam greeted too as I felt him ran next to me.

The expression Mum shot us back was a mix of surprise and confusion. She’s probably contemplating if she’d go and ask did something happen, but she quickly shunned it by wrapping both Liam and I in to a hug. “Aww, look at you two. Just like the old times. My babies, you don’t know how happy I am right now!” She exclaimed. “It’s so refreshing to see you two finally back to being best friends again. This house is just not the same without you and Liam doing all sorts of crazy things.”

Oh mum, if you only know what crazy things meant.

While still being squeezed to suffocation by Mum, I heard Liam said, “I’m really happy that Camp’s back too,” as he also slipped his hand and held mine.

I slowly turn my stare and glanced at my best friend. It made me notice the fair shade of pink blush noticeably forming on his cheeks.

“How about we have breakfast all together then?” Mum asked.

“Actually, Liam brought us breakfast.” I replied.

“Aww, Liam honey, that’s very sweet of you. I’ll go get change for a while and eat breakfast with you two then.” Mum kissed us and darted off upstairs.

And that left Liam and I still standing at the doorstep, with hands still intertwined.

For all that we’ve done and have been through, I believe this will be the first time that I felt Liam make me feel I was really more than a best friend for him.

A feeling I’m not sure if I could return because of this broken heart I still have.

While still holding my hand, Liam shifted himself in front of me, tugged me closer to his body until we were chest to chest. I had no other choice but to look at him. Slowly, he leaned forward which made me think that he was going to kiss me again. Instead, he aimed his face in my side and kissed me in that spot between my jaw and ear.

Softly, he whispered, “After breakfast with your mum, please let me take you to my home.”

----------(The Way We Are)----------

Liam didn’t need to beg at all. I willing accompanied him home.

The house was quiet, not very usually in the Payne’s household so I guessed nobody’s home. “Is Ana in?” I asked.

Liam smirked at me, which I immediately knew how to interpret. “Mum’s out with brunch with her sisters. And that makes us alone-”

He didn’t get the chance to continue on because we both heard the loud thud that came from upstairs.

The noise was followed with some people arguing, “Damn mate! Do you want to die?!”

“You do realize I haven’t been to Liam’s house before. How the hell was I supposed to know he’s got locks on his room’s door?”

I immediately recognized the voices, two of which I’m definitely not expecting to be anywhere near here in Wolverhampton. Squeaky and Irish. I quickly pulled my hands off of Liam’s but he held them once again.

“Please don’t, it’s just-”

“I can’t-”

They must have heard Liam and I from upstairs, the unexpected company we had in the house suddenly came running down the stairs.

And there was nothing I could do. As much as I wanted the ground to eat me up alive, they already knew I was there. I wished I could see what my expression was at the very second Louis Tomlinson and Niall Horan realized it was old little whore Campbelle Brooks with Liam, who was still tightly grasping my hand, not letting me go yet.

“Campbelle?” they said in chorus, shocked that I was really there.

I didn’t respond. I don’t want to say anything. I don’t want to see any of them. I don’t want to talk with them. I just want to leave.

Fuck you, Liam Payne. I should have known you’d do this to me. And I thought we’re re-stitching our broken friendship. I’m fairly sure that you haven’t mentioned anything that says ‘Louis’ or ‘Niall’ in the plan. Fuck you. Fuck you very much.

“What the hell are you doing two here?” Liam greeted his mates, a mix of anger and surprise in his tone.

“We wanted to surprise you, mate.” Niall said, his eyes still staring at me. “Surprising everything turned out, yeah?”

“Yeah, eh… surprise!” Louis added, mocked by even shaking his hands in the air.

Surprised you, right…

Liam looked at me, then back at his two idiot band mates. “How did you two get here?” he asked.

“Err…I’m not sure how to say it, but actually it’s not just me and Louis.” Niall told him.

I froze in place even before the words he said sank in.

I can’t do this. I’m not ready for this.

“Liam, please. If you want me back, then let me go.” I warned him.

I could see the hurt in his face. Either way, he did want he was told. The second he loosen his grip on me, I quickly tore my hands away from him and turned away from them, not giving either Louis or Niall a second glance.

I have to get away before hell breaks loose.

As I was about to open the door, someone else barged in.

“HELL- …Oh,”

The smile on his lips instantly vanished as my cold grey eyes locked with his green ones. It took him a moment to realize it was me in front of him. “Campbelle…”

Harry didn’t say anything else. Instead, he dropped the bag he had on his shoulders and wrapped me inside his arms, that’s when the fresh batch of tears came running down my eyes.

I wished I could believe on the lies swimming on my thoughts as he held me and I cried in his chest.

Maybe I was really never over Harry Styles.