“I know that if we give this a little time
It’ll only bring us closer to the love we wanna find
It’s never felt so real
No, it’s never felt so right
Let’s do this right with just a kiss goodnight.”

Just a Kiss – Lady Antebellum


Winter 2012


“I find your lips so kissable
And your kiss unmissable
Your fingertips so touchable
And your eyes, irrisistable.”

I woke up to the sound of his beautiful voice close to my ears, to him softly singing some of the lyrics to a song I haven’t heard before which he probably has written himself just now. I felt his lips brush my temple lightly, pressing a loving kiss on it just careful to wake me up and find myself wrapped tightly inside the embrace of the man I love.

“Good morning, love.” he murmured as he kissed the tip of my nose lightly.

He was home for a few days after months of hectic schedules and rehearsals. Tour was just about to start in six days. I’ll be back to my job training too. It only leaves us with a short number of days to spend making love each and every night, enjoying every waking moment of those limited days given by seeing him smiling at me every morning. These were those little things we’ll both miss once our professional lives get in between us, and it’ll be months again before we get to see each other again. Moments like this are treasured every second.

What could be even more amazing than to wake up in the arms of the man you love?

Nothing. There’s absolutely nothing.

And we’re talking about how you’d wake up and the first thing you see is the god given beauty that was the face of Zayn Malik. It could be more than close to describing how it feels like waking up with heaven by your side -a tangible heaven holding you inside. Tell me if there could be something greater that could top that.

None at all.

Nothing could be ever better than this, and Zayn.

I scooted closer into his arms that tucked me inside securely. The white sheets of the bed hung low in our waists while he covered my exposed upper torso himself. Our naked bodies were touching in the most sensual way only the two of us were ever allowed. His warmth radiated and there was only delight in my chest. The act was too intimate, too movie-like, and just too perfect to ever be put in words.

There was nothing more that I could ask for. We were perfect this way. I’d give anything I could just so we could stay this way for the rest of our lives.

If this was the questionable forever, maybe then I’ll be comfortable to throw all my doubts that I have been keeping all this time and finally believe in a happily ever after.

If this was forever, maybe then I could stay.

“Do you want anything?” Zayn asked, brushing a few strands of my brown hair away from my face and tucked them under my ear.

Even before I could answer, he leaned his face forward, brushed his lips and put a butterfly kiss against my flushed cheeks.

Zayn was ever so careful with me. Nothing was ever grating, he was cautious with every touch he does. He held me with his arms tight yet it was just delicately wrapped over my torso as my chest was against his toned pack. His fingertips brushed unhurried on the skin of my bare back, giving me chills around my spin where he follows like a path. The way he looked at me could melt anyone’s heart with how lovingly he kept his gaze, his beautiful brown eyes adoring everything he sees, everything he touches, everything that he reminded himself was only and will always be his.

Nothing was forced. Though some might say it’s just simple, for me it was perfect.

It was pure and was just love.

I brought my face closer to his; resting my cheeks in the crook of his neck fittingly, mumbled softly to him “Will you continue singing that song, please?”

Zayn smiled at me, the kind of genuine smile you wouldn’t ever doubt came from his heart. The smile that just says I would love to, for you. It was the kind of smile you’d wish to always see in his face. People rarely see this smile in Zayn’s face. Only a few people ever had the chance to experience the beauty of it, especially in private, in such personal, intimate way that once you see you just wouldn’t want to miss ever again. This, right in front of me, is genuine happy Zayn.

“It’s in your lips,”

His thumb delicately brushed the contour of my bare pale lips.

“And it’s in your kiss,”

Leaning down, he pressed his soft pinky ones against them.

“It’s in your touch, and your fingertips,”

He brought our hands together, lifted them up in the air with our fingers perfectly intertwined.

“And it’s in all the things and other things that make you who you are,”

And just before closing the song, he brought my hands closer to his face and pressed a kiss on the back of it as he finished the song,

“And your eyes, irrisistable.”

I don’t know how he manages it when he sings a song to me, but every time I hear him sing words that are meant to endear, his words turn out more than that. They were more than special. They were more than amazing. Suddenly, it’s like magic –even if you’re not sure it exists, the feeling that begins inside your chest begs to differ. Whatever it is, Zayn Malik does wonders. It’s his talent. And I feel so privileged that he chose to share this with me.

It’s like telling me I wasn’t just special.

I was ‘the one’ for him.

“That was beautiful.” I cracked a smile as I told him. My thoughts were spouting of words I could tell him. Somehow, beautiful was an understatement.

Zayn shook his head and said, “You’re beautiful, love.”

For the first time, my thoughts were not conflicted with what my mouth has managed to utter back at him.

“I love you, Zayn.”

We could stay like this, just the two of us, happy and in love.

It was and always will be the way we are.

----------(The Way We Are)----------


We were so close, so close to going back to the arms that we’ve both missed. We were so close to lifting away all the sadness that locked us from reaching our happiness.

Zayn and I, we were so close to belonging to each other again.

We were so close to finding our right way and just come back home.

We were almost there, just inches away…But then, fate decided itself to block our path.

It detested us together. Some mere force of destiny didn’t want us to start all over again, yet.

In that very moment, fate didn’t want Zayn and me to believe we’ll have our own happily ever after.

Zayn was anxiously waiting at Niall’s house. Hair disheveled, he looked so gaunt. He didn’t look like the beautiful Zayn he always shows the public. He looked like he’s been troubled for days. His eyes has dark circles underneath them and just looked tired because of the sleepless nights and obviously from all the crying he’s done the night before and prior to mine and Niall’s arrival. By the second I lay my eyes at him, I can tell that he’s just so exhausted with all the frustrations I brought him that night I lied and tried to break him.

Maybe if I was too late, maybe he was so close to giving up too.

That was why he’s been asking me to come back, because nothing feels safer than home –a place where it’s only just the two of us.

It was almost like time froze in that moment. Forget what happened, the silence upon us has made any word non-useful. There was no need to explain. We only needed to feel.

To feel home and believe in love, again.

As I stepped inside, I was fighting every urge to show him my tears. He could see me torn in pieces, I just knew it. Just like him, my eyes were clear that I’ve been shedding the same painful tears like he did. I’ve been crying all the way to Niall’s. I only managed to stop when we were cut by some photographers waiting outside his building. I managed to pull a brave face on seconds before Niall opened the door to his house, with Zayn the first I came to see in the middle of the blurry background.

We were so close, almost there. We were almost within each other’s reach to finally bringing back together the broken pieces we’ve done to ourselves.

But then not very far outside, a distinct giggle from a young child was heard, followed by voices of who seemed to be from women I’m very familiar of.

Niall has left the door open, and even before we all knew it, my Mum came barging inside crying my name with Mary Anne and little Kelly running next to her.

I didn’t know. I honestly have no idea.

It was too late to read the message Liam has sent me a few hours before Niall took me out of Harry’s confinement.

He said:

I only wanted you to be happy, Campbelle.

I only managed to see the cryptic words seconds before Niall got a frantic call from the emergency team of Chelsea and Westminster Hospital.

Liam was involved in a car accident; a head to head collision in downtown London, a few streets away from Niall’s place. A few blocks away from where the coffee shop Niall and I stayed.

And within every second that passes by, we could be losing him as his life was slowly reaching a dangerous peak-

Death.

My mind just switched off, completely has it forgotten why I was standing there so close to Zayn.

Even though we’ve tear each other apart, nothing will ever change.

Liam will always be my priority.

-----------(The Way We Are)----------

The media has already swarmed the entrance of the hospital even before we got there. I was too giddy to even wait for a second without seeing my best friend. I didn’t care if they’d tackle me down the ground. I almost sprinted out of Niall’s car only to be pulled back by my same worried Mum because the sea of reporters circled the vehicle we’re in.

I kept screaming the need to get out, that I needed to see what happened to Liam. I kept fighting them to let me out because I couldn’t bare the waiting any longer. I didn’t care if I needed to punch people so they’d make way for me to see my best friend.

It was only when Zayn held me on my shoulder that I stopped arguing.

He slipped his hands and held mine, laced his fingers in between my trembling ones. He said nothing, but I knew by his gesture he meant for me to stay until we could go together, and that he’s not letting go.

And as their bodyguards helped us moved to the entrance, Zayn never did. He didn’t care if people saw and took pictures of our hands together. He held me closer to him until we reached the receiving area of the hospital.

“Liam Payne. Where is he?” I demanded immediately as soon as we reached the nurse’s station. “I need to see Liam now.”

“Are you a relative of Mr. Payne?” the middle aged nurse inquired.

“I’m his friend-”

“I’m sorry miss but only close relatives are allowed to see the patient as of the moment.”

“I’m his best friend!” I screamed, earning unwanted attention from the other staff and the people in the room. “His family is still on their way from Wolverhampton! Please, let me in now. I’m the only one that he’s got right now. Please!”

The nurse was just completely shocked with my outburst. My lips trembled with the anxiety I felt. I can’t wait when I don’t even have the slightest idea what’s happening to my best friend somewhere behind those closed doors. Can’t they see me suffering too? Can’t they feel the pain in my eyes as they well up with tears? Can’t they feel the hurt of knowing my best friend is just lying there, fighting for his dear life?

I couldn’t wait any longer. Pissed and really frustrated, I pushed past the arguing nurse, let go of the hold Zayn has on my hand and looked myself for where could they be mending Liam.

When I finally found where he’s at, there was in no way my tears could even stop from coming.

His head was nearly soaked with his own blood. A team of nurses was attending him, one was cutting his bloody shirt and there I saw the huge bruising in his chest made most likely when he hit the steering wheel and there in his abdomen was a large gash, blood immediately soaking the bulk of gauze they were pressing on it as they tried to stop the bleeding.

My Liam…

I couldn’t see him suffering that way. I was shaking. Nobody paid attention to the crying girl just outside the curtains. The amount of blood –Liam’s own blood- I was seeing made me so nauseous. I felt like throwing up. I almost passed out, only to be saved by a very familiar pair of tattoo-sleeved arms that wrapped me securely in an embrace, tucking me in even before I could collapse on the cold marble of the emergency room.

“Shh, Camp…I’m here…I’m here…”

It was Zayn.

“Stop crying. Please stop crying, love.” he whispered delicately in my ear, trying to compose me.

But hearing him call me ‘love’ only made me cry even harder.

“I’m here now. I won’t let you go through this alone. I won’t let you go. You’ll never be alone, Campbelle -never.”

------------(The Way We Are)-----------

Liam was still in the operating room when Geoff and Karen arrived, equally distraught and terribly horrified with what happened to their son. Liam’s older sisters were still on their way from a hastily cut vacation in Scotland, just as terrified as their parents.

I was the first person they’ve asked with what happened, if I was with Liam when the accident happened, if I got the chance to talk to Liam before it even happened. I was still too stunned to answer. The image of Liam unconscious, bathing in his own blood, fighting for his life was stuck in my head. It made me think of nothing to say at all.

All I wanted to know, as the seconds passed, how was Liam.

Mum told me that it was Liam who has asked her, Mary Anne and Kelly if they could fly to London immediately and see me. He told them that I needed my family right now, they at least will be able to see if I’m alright –something Liam couldn’t do himself just yet.

Mum was already aware of the problem; given by the last phone call we’ve had a few nights ago.

But then again, it wasn’t my words that provided them the answers. It was the fact Mum and Mary Anne barged in just in time to find me and Zayn almost close to hugging in Niall’s house was already enough to know that something have happened, and that it was either the problem or the solution that none of us –neither did I- knew how to explain.

In the meantime, Zayn kept himself close but there was still enough distance between us so we don’t get too much attention. People already noticed the presence of 2/5 of One Direction in the hospital to aid one of their mates who was currently in peril, with them was a young woman whom others said was supposed to be the engaged member’s other woman.

Louis came soon as soon as he received Niall’s message, running with him was a distraught Harry, and both of them saw the mess we all were outside the waiting are of the operating room. The parents were talking with Mum. Niall was pacing back and forth. To both of their surprise, I was crouched down next to the door, tears flowing in my eyes, with Zayn right in front of me, his hands cupped my face, brushing the tears away and telling me not to worry.

Harry gave me nothing but a sign of defeat as he glanced away, the hurt with what he unexpectedly witnessed was clear in his face.

But with Louis, it was different. He just frowned upon seeing me that close to Zayn.

His reaction, it was that said we were not supposed to be that way.

It was the same reaction that night he found something wrong about Harry and I, when we almost kissed on Simon’s Christmas party.

Clearly, he didn’t agree with what he saw.

----------(The Way We Are)----------

I hated hospital. There was in no way I’m sugarcoating what I’m feeling.

I fucking hate hospitals.

“We will have to monitor Mr. Payne’s condition in the next twenty four hours.” Dr. Harvey, Liam’s attending physician explained to all of us. “I’m afraid to say his vital signs are still unstable as of the moment, but we’ve managed to stop the hemorrhaging in his head. We’ll be transferring him as soon as possible to the ICU for every fifteen minutes monitoring.”

“Is he awake now? Can we please see him?”

“You’ll have to wait until he gets transferred in the ICU. He’s still unconscious as we speak. We’re also currently monitoring his head trauma. We’re trying our best to prevent him from going in to coma because there’s a high chance he could.” He affirmed.

A collective gasps came from everyone. I was the only one who managed to stutter, “C-Coma?”

“I’m sorry, miss. We still need to do further observations. We’re doing all the best that we could, I guarantee you.” Dr. Harvey gave me a sad smile. “Right now, what he needs from you is the love and support. Make him feel your love. Let’s all hope nothing worse would happen to Mr. Payne.”

Dr. Harvey called for a private conversation with Karen and Geoff. Mum was requested by Karen to accompany them so they can ask her whenever they can’t understand what the doctor was explaining. Mum was just trying her best to be the nurse they need, as well as emotional support as one of the family’s closest friends.

I sat alone in the bench just outside the operating area waiting for Liam to get released. I brought my knees closer to my chest and just concealed whatever expression my face did from everybody else.

I then felt someone sat beside me, tapped me on the shoulders and said, “I think I need a hug too.”

Without thinking twice, I turned around and quickly wrapped my arms around Niall, gave him the hug he’s asked for. He exploded to tears as soon as he had his face buried against my chest. I can’t help but cry too.

Even if we never put in words, since I came back, we considered each of us a support system. Niall helped me with my decisions. He trusted me when I didn’t trust myself. He didn’t give up –not when I fully doubted myself- and showed me that in time, I could make things right, back to the way they were supposed to be.

There was nothing Niall and I could do to help in this situation. The fate of Liam wasn’t in our hands. All we can do is wait for what could possible happen, and it was the worse, knowing that Liam’s condition could lead to not seeing his beautiful brown eyes look back at us ever again.

Out in the other corner of the waiting lounge, a few seats from where Niall and I couldn’t see, Zayn and Harry were having a serious conversation.

----------(The Way We Are)----------

It’s almost pass the hour of midnight when they released Liam from the operating room, had all of us running on its trail as they quickly moved him to the ICU floor.

Again, they only let Karen, Geoff and Mum in the unit first. I was left with Niall sitting beside me, our hands still holding one another for support.

Zayn was next to him. I could tell by the way that Niall leaned back on the couch’s rest that he was letting Zayn glimpse and see how was I doing without everyone else asking why is Zayn Malik talking to his ex-girlfriend when he’s on a supposed rip with his fiancée.

Everyone’s prying eyes were still on the look for us, I can tell. Pictures will soon leak -or rather already has leaked- about our interaction in the emergency room earlier. I could hear some of the staff talking about the boys and their uncertainty if I was the girl named Campbelle Brooks.

We were all exhausted. The clock in the waiting area told us that it was already 2:30 in the morning. I fought the sleep off but my eyes were already heavy and were dangerously close to falling.

Niall was already snoring beside me while I had my head rested on his shoulders. Harry and Louis were resting on the opposite bench, also with their eyes closed, although I’m not sure if both of them were sleeping.

In the silence of the early morning, I heard Zayn call me, “Camp?” his voice barely above whisper.

I haven’t made a stir to turn around but he knew I was listening to him.

“Everything will be alright.” He said. “I have my whole faith in Liam. He will survive this.” and then Zayn added, “He wouldn’t want to see worry about him anymore. You’re very special to Liam. He wouldn’t want to see or hear you crying. You’re his best friend, and we both know he’s so in love with his best friend.”

I bit on my lips but I couldn’t hold it in. I confessed, “I broke Liam’s heart. Worse than what I did to yours.”

As the words slipped out of my lips, I held tighter on Niall’s hand.

Honesty is always the first step.

“It’s not your entire fault, Campbelle. All of us made mistakes.” He said. “What I don’t regret is when I told you that I still want to be with you… because I love you.”

And those were just the right words I wanted to hear again, and again.

I love you.

“I know this isn’t the right time and place to talk about us but-,”

“I’m sorry.” I stopped him in mid-sentence. “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done. I’m sorry for leaving you. I’m sorry for hurting you. I thought it was doing what was right. I was being selfish. I’m so sorry for lying to you, Zayn. I still love you, too.”

I wish I could see his face now, see if his eyes have the same hope as mine.

But this is Zayn. I know him more than anyone else.

He’s my Zayn. He is the one.

“I’ll fix this. I can’t lose you all over again. I won’t let that happen anymore now that you’re here. I’ll fix whatever’s broken. I promise.”

“We’ll fix us, Zayn,” I said gently. “Together.”

Hands still linked with Niall’s, I felt him gave me a squeeze just so to let me know he supports Zayn and my decision.

It was good enough to make me hang on to that hope, that everything will be okay.

It didn’t take long that the silence around the lobby was broken by the ICU door opening and Karen and Geoff coming out.

“Can we see him now?”

“They only let three people inside so you’ll have to take turns.” Geoff told us.

Mum was still inside. “I need to see him now.” I immediately told them, letting go of Niall’s and jumped off the couch.

“I’m coming with you.” I heard Zayn presented.

Together, we went inside.

We found Mum standing there, just outside the patient units. She wasn’t looking at Liam’s though. She had her eyes at the other patient and the patient inside.

Liam’s unit was closed. He just looked like he was sleeping, yet we all know he isn’t. A large bandage was over his head and there were all sorts of wires hooked on his body. Though he won’t say it, I know him very well. My best friend is in deep pain.

“Oh my God… Liam…” I cried.

And it was like instinct that Zayn had to pull me in and let my tears fall in his chest instead.

The faint monitor’s beeping and my cried resonated throughout the eerie quiet floor. Zayn kept his sobs quiet, sniffing every now and then, but just kept his arms tightly around me.

“He’ll get through this. I know him. Liam will be alright.” Zayn kept telling me.

I glanced my way back at my best friend. I asked myself, what if he doesn’t wake up anymore. What if he goes in to coma and doesn’t wake up for months, or even for year? The last thing I did to him was break his heart.

My thoughts and cries were suddenly muffled by another distinct cry nearby. Zayn turned his head around just as the same time as I did when we both heard my Mum’s sobs.

Confused, I unlatched myself out of Zayn’s grasp and made my way to Mum’s side and see what’s wrong.

“Mum, why are you-”

Suddenly, I was frozen. My eyes widened in shock with what I saw.

I will never forget that face.

John Anthony Brooks.

That was my father’s name.

That was my father in the isolation, the very same man who ruined the real meaning of love.

And he was next to Liam’s unit.

If that wasn’t fate playing –probably punishing- me now, then I don’t know what else is it.

Even before I could respond to the hold Mum suddenly had on me to stay where exactly she is, I ran away.

“Campbelle!” I heard Zayn shouted my name immediately, trying to stop me.

“Wait, Campbelle!” he called me again, but I kept running. There was no way I was going to stop. I’ve ignored every call to my name –not to Zayn’s, not to Niall’s, not even to Harry’s.

I can’t do this. I won’t do this.

I ran away. Through the fire exit, up on the flight of stairs I didn’t know after how many floors, I just kept running. When I’ve reached a clearing, surprisingly on the top deck of the hospital, I vented out all the frustrated thoughts.

Zayn was behind me. I didn’t turn. I couldn’t face him. I can’t let him see me this vulnerable to the emotions brought by the flashbacks of what happened that night my father left us.

I was, at that very moment, back to what the wreckage left of me after that night of June 17, 1996.

“Seventeen years. Do you know how long that is? Seventeen long, painful years and now we see him again?! He abandoned us half of my life and this is how we see him?! What did Mum and I do to deserve this, to see him again…but, D-DYING?!”

Zayn stared at me with complete confusion with where was all of this coming from. He didn’t know about him. He never had the chance to know. He never knew about the story of my own father, John Anthony Brooks.

“That man does not deserve any sympathy. That man does not deserve my Mum’s tears. That man dying right back there does not deserve any of this! That man does not deserve us back!” I screamed.

I kept telling myself I would not cry. I tried my best to keep it in but my emotions were too messed up with all that’s happened. I told myself I can’t hate him. Hating him means there’s still care left on me. I have not cared about my father ever since that unfaithful night he left Mum and I. But what’s wrong with me? I could feel it in me that the hate was great. I can’t stop hating him.

“I was only a mere five year old but his words haunted me for the rest of my life. The pain I thought was gone has never left me. It’s all coming back to me like it just happened yesterday, when he told my us that he didn’t love us anymore and that our family was never meant to be together, forever.” I said.

As I slowly turned my heels around to face him, my face crumpled.

Zayn knew what I was talking about.

“Campbelle… You didn’t tell me.”

“He’s the reason why I’m this person I am right now, the person whom you loved from the very beginning. He’s the reason why I’m scared of falling and completely committing. He’s the reason why I told you ‘no’ when you asked me to marry you. He’s the reason why I don’t believe in loving someone would last that long. He’s the whole reason why I don’t believe in forever and its whole ideal. He was the reason why it is imprinted in my mind that love isn’t as grand as everybody believes it to be.”

I muffled a sob.

“He’s the reason why I can’t show you the love you deserve so much, Zayn.”

Zayn opened his arms and took a step forward. I took a step backwards, holding out my hand to warn him to stop.

“I thought I was enough, but you deserved so much more than what I could give you. I’m restrained with my feelings because I’m scared what happened to my own parents would happen back to me and to that someone I’ll fall in love with. I never expected you’d come to my life. You’re perfect Zayn. You’re so perfect that the thought of you crumpling down with me scared me so much all I could do was say no when in the back of my head you’re the only one I want to share my whole life with.”

Zayn’s face pale as he shook his head slowly.

But I persisted. “You deserve so much more than this, something I don’t know if I’m ever capable of giving that’s why I coward away. I wasn’t brave enough for a love like yours. Every time I think of you and your love, I always end up thinking that the love I would give you back wouldn’t be what’s enough that you’ve always deserve-”

“You are more than enough for me. You are enough. The love we had and shared was what I have wanted all my life, Campbelle.”

My voice cracked. I sniffed pathetically. “I’m a disaster, Zayn. I don’t know… I can’t make you a forever.”

“We’ll make our forever.” He said. “We’ll make it together.”

Though I wasn’t sure, Zayn was. He’s been all his life.

And then the next thing I felt, even before I could even process what’s still happening, Zayn’s lips were carefully pressed against mine.

In that very moment, it happened.

It was just a kiss, but it was that one kiss that put all our broken pieces back together.

In that very moment, it was just us again, against all the odds that might come and happen.

It was just us, Zayn Malik and Campbelle Brooks.

Notes

Hi! First of all, I would just like to tell I am truly thankful for each and everyone one of you and that you guys are all amazing and lovely people who I hopefully will meet one day. We’ll meet one day, promise. :]

How’s the chapter? Did you enjoy it? Was it frustrating? How about Liam? Harry’s internal struggle? What’s Louis gonna do again? How cute is Niall and Campbelle? Aileen and John Anthony Brooks plot? How about Campbelle and Zayn?! The cliffie? Did you enjoy all the Cayn/Zelle feels in this chapter because I’ve been waiting for that for the longest time too!

And uhm, guys…

We are down to the last five chapters of ‘The Way We Are’.

Oh my God. That is actually still not sinking in me. ONLY LAST FIVE CHAPTERS LEFT AND WE’RE SAYING GOODBYE TO CAMPBELLE BROOKS AND THE BOYS, and the fact I’ll then managed to finish a book.

Wow. Just…wow.

So, let’s talk. Tell me how you feel.

@_AndieTiu

Loveandietiu.tumblr.com

P.S: Does anybody know a Gemma Styles fanfic? Any good reads with Gemma paired with any of the four boys or OC (no incest please)? Any suggestions?