“Cause you are a piece of me I wish I didn’t need
Chasing relentlessly
Still fine and I don’t know why
If our love is tragedy
Why are you my remedy?
If our love’s insanity
Why are you my clarity?”

Clarity – Zedd & Foxes

Spring 2012

After the agonizing concert and all the nosy people who wanted to know if they’d be hearing wedding bells anytime soon, Zayn and I made our way back to the hotel together.

As much as I wanted to kick the shit out of my boyfriend because of that surprise, Zayn was too giddy to get me alone. After all, we haven’t seen each other for two months straight since the last time he surprised me on the art room at his house –now called our home. As I remember correctly, I told him I don’t want any more surprises, yet he never listened. This damn boy, he wants to be punished.

Ooh, you know what I mean -kinky sex and stuff like only bad boy Zayn would do.

Ha.

Zayn kept pressing kisses all over my face as we walked towards his hotel suite, and I was not stopping him. Hell, why would I? Thankfully, the corridor was deserted by the time or else we’ll be receiving stares with what he kept doing –like it mattered anyway.

“You’re still blushing,” Zayn gushed at me as he opened the door wide and invited me inside.

I rubbed my cheeks profusely with my palms, hoping the stupid rush of hot blood on these puffed cheek would run down and make me look normal at least. I don’t think it’s normal that I’ve been blushing throughout the entire soundcheck and concert itself. Damn it, face. This is probably why everyone gave me their weird stares as we made our way in the lobby.

Well, why don’t you try listening to the man you love sing a ‘will you marry me’ song (read: which was actually really titled ‘Marry Me’ and wasn’t even in the album as per what I’ve been told, saying that the only people who’s had the most privilege to hear the whole song were me, the team and the fans in the soundcheck) for you and announced to everyone his heart’s devotion, see if you don’t blush to the max. I can only imagine the horrible picture of me circulating the web right now that resembles an over ripe tomato to be exact.

“This is your fault, Malik.” I said in defense as I walked in the room.

He just kept chuckling at me. “Well, it’s cute. I love it when you blush,” he said before closing the door behind us. Zayn immediately cornered me until my back hit the wall. “Did you enjoy the concert?” he asked, intimidating me with those pretty brown eyes his parents genes worked perfectly well with.

“I liked the intimateness of the soundcheck more than the concert, actually.” I replied quickly. When Zayn looks at you like how he does as we speak, I bet you won’t even get to say a word at all –that’s how intimidating his stares are.

And with his hands grazing my waist, I’m not sure how am I even keeping my composure quite still.

“You do realize that ‘Marry Me’ was for you, right?” he asked again.

Right after hearing the song on their soundcheck, I reminded myself to ask Zayn what that song was really about. If there’s something behind those lyrics he’s made himself that was meant for me to understand. But soundcheck ended and I didn’t get to talk to him because they were quickly ushered back to a meeting before the concert. I didn’t get have a word with him before the show too, because they were on tight schedule so I told myself I’ll just ask him when we get to be alone together, like now.

But there was something that stopped me from analyzing further through the words and giving it a whole different meaning. It could be just any other song, nothing specially. He’s a talented singer and song writer himself. It could be just a song written for me in our anniversary but that doesn’t mean what the song literally wants it to mean.

Zayn couldn’t be hinting of asking me to marry him now -as in, now that he’s on top of his career and the whole world wants to know every piece of him. He can’t really think of settling himself down on a married life at this point of time. Am I right?

So instead of making myself look stupid and tell him I was having a debacle in my head right now because of that song, I resorted throwing him a sarcastic question back to the question itself. “If that song was for another girl, then what the hell am I doing here?”

Not only do you sound like a retard, Campbelle, but fuck you need to grow balls sometime. In cases like this, I need Mitchie, or my own mother, damn it. What if Zayn really does want to ask me to tie knots or something like that? Oh, I can imagine the internal hemorrhage that’ll most likely to happen if I don’t get help.

But Zayn didn’t let my sarcasm ruin the moment. He just kept being extra sweet to me, I honestly don’t know why. He’s naturally sweet, but there’s something different with his actions this time. It’s like he doesn’t want to let go at all, like he wants this not to end, and it felt so good.

He placed both of his hands in either side of my face and whispered, “I’m not imagining you here with me right now, am I?”

I smirked back. Again, the sarcasm got the most of me. I asked him, “Do you want me to bitch slap you?”

“That’s reserved for the later events, babe,” Zayn winked and added. “I want us to appreciate this precious moment together.”

And this is why I love this man.

Fuck you cruel world. Yes, yes, yes. I love my Zayn Malik.

“Seriously, Camp. You don’t know how happy I am right now that you’re back with us. I get to hold you again, just like this.” Zayn placed his hand over my cheeks and caressed it lovingly, making my heart skip a beat. “I get to kiss you in the mouth whenever I want again, just like this.” He then pressed a light butterfly kiss on my lips, doing more damage on my already wobbly knees. “I get to be with you anytime I could, as often as I want, just like now.” He said, making my whole heart melt.

“And in just two days, it’s our first year anniversary.” He reminded both of us. He doesn’t want me to forget. “Time flies so fast when you’re having the time of your life, when you feel like you’re always on the peak of happiness.” Zayn added, and I couldn’t agree more.

This time, I was serious about my answer. “I don’t want to be away when we’re about to celebrate our first year anniversary. It’s a special occasion. I don’t want to just Skype you or greet you on a phone call. Of course, I want to be next to you and make the most of that special day just about the two of us.”

His lips formed into a smile and said, “I wouldn’t want to celebrate it too if you’re not with me. How am I supposed to give my anniversary gifts if you’re away?”

“I don’t need gifts; just being with you is enough. I don’t want any more surprises, okay?”

“Who even told you I’m done with the surprises?”

“Zayn, I don’t need what money can buy. You don’t have to shower me with gifts just so to show me how much you love me. I know and I always feel it that you love me, and I love you too. That’s more than enough.”

“I’m living a dream I never thought in a thousand years would ever happen in real life –with four of my best friends and the only girl I wanted to share this whole world with forever.” Zayn said, with such lovingness in his voice.

“I want you to have all the best in the world.”

This is the side of Zayn that only I have ever met. This romantic, sensitive and sweet side no girl would say no to. My chest wanted to burst with all the beautiful words Zayn ever said to.

A part of me says Zayn deserves much more than hugs and kisses back from me. But for a girl that always doubted love, this is pretty much new to me. I know deep inside maybe I can do much better. Give him the best of me too, like how he does to me.

I know I did the best I could to show him how much I appreciated everything he’s done to me when I let him love me. I let a crucial element of life break my defenses because I’m sure what I felt for him isn’t normal, and that is because I love Zayn.

“You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Campbelle Brooks. Always remember that.”

I do. I always do.

We were both lost in each other’s stare, trapped in each other’s longing arms that ached to hold one another for such a long time. All I could see in his beautiful brown eyes were the want and desire was seen in every speck of those lovely pair of doe.

Sixty days away from one another. That was excruciatingly a long time.

“I love you, Campbelle.” he whispered softly against my lips.

“I love you much more.” I told him back.

And before I knew it, Zayn’s lips were pressed on mine and I was kissing him hungrily.

Oh God, his kisses…these were the simple things that made me feel like I’ve missed half of my life when I’m not with him. His kisses were intoxicating. His kisses were spellbinding. His kisses were everything. His kisses were simply the best. His lips against mine just perfectly fit, and I know I couldn’t ask for anything anymore. I was lost in his arms the second they were wrapped around me. I was back in the arms of the one I love, and there’s nothing more comforting in the world than his arms all around me. I was moaning and showing him that I wanted and needed this just as much as he did.

Zayn was slowly walking me backwards and I was blissfully unaware where he was leading me until the backs of my knees met with the bed and we were collapsing down onto it. I didn’t even protest that the other boys could come knocking on his room to asks us to come and celebrate the end of their show – my willpower wouldn’t allow it because it was now under Zayn’s spell. Those damn boys better know now is not the right time to disturb us.

His hands fumbled at the hem of my tank top, before he was pulling it up over my head – and again I allowed it because I couldn’t find the strength or a reason not to. I pulled his grey shirt off of his body before he tore my bra away as fast as he could.

This was his time, and I was his muse.

Zayn’s mouth swept down my neck and left a delicate trail of kisses across my collar bone before they attached to my left nipple. And I was moaning as my fingers intertwined in the jet black locks on his head. His foreplay was making me go wild. His mouth moved swiftly over to my other awaiting nipple – using the same frenzy inducing techniques that he had on the last one. His skills were astounding and I was seriously questioning how Zayn Malik is not considered a god with how he’s doing me.

Sixty days without his touches. I don’t know how I even managed that long. It’s clear with Zayn’s action that he was in the same peril-like stage of longing all those time I was not with him.

“You make this rather painfully hard.” I giggled, referring to the slow teasing he started.

“You’re making ME rather hard.” he retorted with a sly grin, and I could really feel him grow harder against my thigh, making me more turned on by the second.

His hot, wet kisses trailed down the open valley of my stomach – while his tongue made a sensual swirl around my belly-button. I kept squirming with the teasing touch, moaning the same curse words that were the only thing clear to comprehend by this point of foreplay. His fingers found the waistband of my shorts and slowly, torturously pulled them down over my hips. His warm body left mine to remove his pants for a brief moment and I felt empty. I have endured long. I won’t let a second pass wasted.

Once he was back touching me, I was rejuvenated. A wide smile formed on my lips as his palm rubbed over my womanhood. Zayn’s eyes met mine and I knew that he had felt just as lost as I did during our days apart.

“You’re so beautiful, Campbelle.” He said, looking at me with his lust-filled eyes.

“That’s way of a compliment from you, Malik.” I breathed out.

“Fuck, I missed that dirty mouth of yours. I want you to scream my name tonight. Scream and let the whole world know, I don’t fucking care. Zayn…just say it,” he urged.

“Zayn,” I whispered which made him smile.

“Louder,” he commanded.

“ZAYN,” I said louder, more vivacious.

“Good.” He said as he dipped down and captured my lips once again.

His mouth moved over the skin of my abdomen once again – breathing hot like fire across it, leaving his trail of kisses that nearly stung my skin.

“Zayn, please,” I begged, growing impatient with his teasing. I was about to explode. I needed to feel him.

With that, his index fingers wrapped around the sides of my panties, pulling them down my long tanned legs – getting me closer to what I wanted. I sat up, as he came back up toward me, so that I could free him of the last piece of clothing that stood in our way – his boxers. I pulled them down his hips, as he slowly stepped out of them.

“Get over here.” I called out. Grabbing his ass cheeks in my hands, I pulled him down on top of me. My libido was working overtime and all I wanted to do was reward it.

“Oh, you’re prepared for this.” I reached for the condom placed obviously on his nightstand, ripping it open with my teeth. He knelt before me as I rolled it down before me in his shaft, eyeing me mischievously.

“It’s incredibly hot when you do that.” Zayn moaned out, making me proud of myself. I made a move to straddle on top of Zayn and he gladly positioned onto his back for me – smirking diligently up at me. “I like how you take charge with me, Campbelle. The wild one is showing. It’s so damn fucking hot.”

“That’s because I want you so bad.” I smiled down at him.

“I want you.” he said as he held on my waist and pushed me back on the bed, rolled his body back his previous position on top of me, now taking on his charge.

Zayn’s lips came down to meet mine, as his hardness jostled against me – causing me to let out a guttural moan from deep inside of me. Zayn smirked down on me as he thrust against me once again.

“Please… please, no more teasing.” I pleaded. I could be begging for him to fill me in if only I could make my tongue work out actually words back so Zayn would stop just teasing me.

Thank god, I didn’t have to do the begging anyway. With that, he delicately pushed inside of me. The feeling was almost too much – causing my eyes to well up a little bit as I moaned into it. Zayn’s solid thrusting in and out was hypnotizing. It was everything I didn’t even know that I needed. It made me forget about my plan of asking him about the song in the soundcheck earlier, if it meant anything behind those lyrics because I just needed to know.

He was pumping in and out of me fast and deep.

“Oh god…” I moaned out.

“Mmm.” He breathed in my ear.

I was ready to go already with the way he was thrusting.

I knew that this would always be my addiction. Zayn was one kid of a lover, there could never be anyone else that will ever be better than him with how he made me feel both physical and emotionally enough. I can feel it by the way his kisses linger to every part he’s planted them in my skin. I can feel it by the way he touched me like a delicate porcelain doll he’s been told not to break. I can feel it by the way his words burrow deep in my head, never did it falter to stop me from falling for him deeper. Loving him changed the Campbelle Brooks everyone knew. I have already let Zayn take me and my innocence when it comes to love and emotions, but there was never a second I regretted choosing to fall and love him with everything that’s left of me.

Just realizing that was probably the hardest part of this love we have.

The sex was rougher than what I imagined –and nearly begged- Zayn would do to me tonight. I could feel the tears pushing through my tear ducts as I tried my hardest to fight them. With every motion he made my heart pumped harder against my chest. My breathing grew more ragged. I could feel and hear the inhale and exhale of his breathing against my ears as his face burrowed deeper into the nape of my neck. My fingers were grasping hard into the tanned flesh of his back – fighting to hold on. My tears were now streaming from my eyes and I knew it would be ineffective to fight them.

“Zayn, oh god.”

“Are you feeling good, babe?”

“So good, so good. Don’t stop, please.” I moaned in an almost growl like response.

“You feel so good, Campbelle.Oh god,” He kept on.

“Oh Zayn,” I said riding out my intense orgasm – I never wanted it to stop. I didn’t want things with Zayn to stop.

“Scream my name.”

“Oh my god,”

“Scream it!”


“ZAYN!”

“Are you ready?” He choked out and I knew he meant for him to finish.

“Uh-huh.” I moaned and seconds later I felt him thunder into me, groaning as he came.

Zayn’s unwavering thrusts made it easy to come to my end – and my body shook for him as I rode out my climax. He continued his movements – but pushed faster and harder to bring himself to orgasm as well. And with that, I was spilling myself all around him.

It was amazing. Zayn Malik is amazing.

With a satisfying groan, he collapsed on top of me. I swiftly took the opportunity to wipe my eyes so that he wouldn’t see what kind of mess I had become. He can’t see me crying because of everything I’ve just finally realized. Though that world was still unnerving for me to run forward through, having him hold me was enough for me to believe that I could make it.

We laid there for a little while, our breathing slowly going back to normal. And before I knew it, Zayn was sleeping soundly next to me. I didn’t want to fall asleep at all, but I didn’t want to leave his comforting arms either. Cuddling after sex, I found myself enjoying it extensively.

And before I could stop myself, I had fallen asleep in Zayn’s arms.

----------The Way We Are---------

Not wanting to converse with Niall anymore because he just kept pushing me to my limits, and to also just put up a little space between Harry and me because I feel the tightness of the space whenever we’re together in a room, I resorted of visiting Liam the same night. I do kind of miss him, having to talk to him again, with just normal and casual conversation sans drama of what happened to all of us.

I expected him to greet me with a smile on his face, something to at least ease the bad mood of this day. But Liam didn’t.

As soon as he opened the door, he looked straight at me and blurted, “Niall told me about his plan.”

I wasn’t surprised that he knew about it and this is how he’s going to react about Niall’s plan. But as I said, I was there to divert my attention to something else, and I was hoping Liam would help me do that. Clearly I made a bad decision, again.

I shrugged back and asked, “What about it?”

“Seriously, Camp. He told me about how he’s told you everything –from when you left and how it affected us, the band and Zayn. Blamed me for not telling you what really happened, especially with how devastated Zayn is. How he’s told you to stop Zayn from marrying Perrie-”

“Liam, these past few days has been really hard for us.” I let out a deep sigh before I continued, “Can we please not talk about this now?”

“But this is important, Campbelle! I won’t let you hurt yourself! I won’t let you do the same mistakes again. I didn’t tell you about Zayn because I was trying to save you from hurting further. I told you he moved on because that’s what I see in his face before you showed up again. Niall’s only right at one point; we don’t know who Zayn is anymore when he decided to marry Perrie. You were not supposed to know about it. You were supposed to move on from him too, but why would you want to keep doing this to yourself?”

“You think I want this? You think I didn’t stop myself from hearing what everything Niall’s confessed to me? Do you think I agreed to do it? Do you honestly think I’m not second guessing myself?” I snapped at him. “You know what? Let’s just talk some other time. I had enough bullshit. This isn’t why I decided to come here. I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to talk to my best friend and feel the comfort of my own best friend. I miss my best friend, Liam. I miss us. I don’t want to fight with you anymore. I’m done fighting because clearly we don’t understand each other. Liam, I don’t want to ruin us.”

“I don’t know what’s going in your head anymore. It’s like I don’t know my own best friend. It’s like I lost you again, Campbelle.”

Tears choked me from telling him it was his fault. How these whole misunderstanding wouldn’t even happen if he didn’t lie to me about Zayn and what’s happened in the first place. He wasn’t the comfort I’ve felt the first few days I was back. He broke the thin line that was our already tarnished friendship when he decided to love me more than a best friend. Now, Liam and I are completely taking different paths. Liam hasn’t even let me enter his home.

As I was to turn my back to him, I heard him tell me,

“None of these would have happened if you did not say NO.”

Notes

Ahoy there! I am still in the hospital, but don’t you worry. I still feel shit but I’m okay. Thank you for all your prayers, you awesome dudes.

And I leave you with another mind blowing cliffhanger. :P

@_AndieTiu