“If it’s coming over you like it’s coming over me
Crashing like a tidal wave
Drags me off the sea.
I wanna be with you,
If you wanna be with me
Crashing like a tidal wave
I don’t wanna be stranded.”

Stranded – Jennifer Paige

My whole body felt like I was ran by a truck. I ached all over, and I mean it when I said all over.

Heavy eyes. Heavy head. Heavy limbs. Heavy heart.

I slowly stirred myself up and tried to see where I am. Living with Harry for the last few weeks, I was certain the room wasn’t his. Last time I remember, his bed has a navy blue bed sheet and not maroon. And the faint smell of Harry’s cologne was not present. I always wake up smelling that signature perfume all over the place. I cannot be in Harry’s right now.

I also noticed I was wearing a white wife beater that I’m pretty sure wasn’t Harry’s because it was too big for my body. It barely covered my upper torso; my lacey black bra was already showing. I saw my clothes from last night were laid on the chair next to the dresser where my purse and cellphone are, together with the blazer Niall lend me last night in his Uncle’s pub.

Then right it hit me. I’m at Niall’s place. I spent the night with him after drowning my sorrows with alcohol.

Dang, hangover and Campbelle still ain’t good friends after all this time. I wonder if Niall’s got Tylenol. Last time I remember, Niall doesn’t get drunk because he’s Irish. It’s in their genes apparently.

“I bet that hangover’s killing you,” I heard someone said from the corner. I was too quick to turn my face around I felt like I broke a nerve and it hurt like hell. He was leaning comfortably against the wide doorframe with a smile in that pretty face God’s given him. In his shoulder were slung his travelling bag that probably has my clothes inside while his hand held a tray of two Grande cups from Starbucks that I sure hope was coffee.

Harry Styles, always coming to rescue Campbelle Brooks from a mental breakdown due to excessive drinking because she got defamed by an angry mob in her ex-boyfriend’s engagement party.

“How are you feeling?” Harry asked, still observing me from a distance.

I just grunted and replied back, “Aside from the pain in my head, I reckon I don’t feel anything else hurting in my body.”

That was a complete lie. I just don’t want Harry to open up what’s happened to me last night. It’s just not the right time at this very moment. My brain would probably explode if he says anything about it.

He then walked towards me and knelt down in front of me. “Niall told me you had one way too much beer last night.”

“I should have told him I haven’t had a drink for a year or more so. I feel like my head’s splitting into two.” I told Harry.

“You would’ve been better if I told Niall to take you home instead of taking you to drink.”

“He’s brought me home safely, Harry. A bit wasted, but it’s just fine.”

“What I meant was I should have instructed Niall to take you back to my flat because I know you’ll need something more than a drink, Campbelle.”

This was what scared me. Harry’s words have proven me that he did change, and I have put way too much of me to him. I think Harry’s brought our whatever-this-relationship-is-called out of proportion.

Now he thinks he’s all that I needed.

I don’t have the energy to explain myself to Harry. I reverted myself by nursing my throbbing head when Harry spoke out again, “I was scared last night when I came home and you weren’t there.”

He wants to make me feel guilty.

“Last night, you weren’t there with me on bed. I had trouble sleeping without you there for me to hold on to. I felt lonely. I felt empty.”

Everything felt off-kilter. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be between Harry and I. This wasn’t exactly how we were supposed to be fixing us, not this way of unhealthy needing for one another.

Campbelle Brooks, what have you done?

He didn't give me time to analyze him further because he leaned forward and delicately pressed his lips to mine. Just as always, his kiss felt like shock all over my body, only this time, I felt uneasy with Harry kissing me.

Our mouths didn’t move, but rather they stayed locked together. I was the one to break the kiss, savagely biting my lips in worry.

“I’m just going to take a quick shower. I need to wash myself off sleep and the smell of beer.”

Harry didn’t get it. He didn’t see me pushing him away was supposed to mean hurtful.

“I’ll meet you in Niall’s kitchen after then.” He said before he planted another kiss on my cheeks.

Soon after he left, I shut myself on the bathroom and let the cold droplets of the shower hit the top of my head, somehow soothing the pounding that was cracking my skull in half. I wasn’t even bothered that I was taking a cold shower. I really wasn’t kidding. Other than my headache, I felt like my whole body has become insensitive. I can’t feel any pain penetrate my skin.

As I drowned myself with the rush of water in my naked body, I was able to remember mine and Niall’s conversation last night. No amount of alcohol could make me forget it, not when I finally found out everything that’s happened when I left.

“Everyone knew what happened to you and Zayn. Though some people twisted the truth, they know you were banished from the tour and left Zayn a miserable mess. It wasn’t just him; the whole band was affected when you left. You thought when you left everything will be fine for us, it never did Campbelle. Everyone on the team can tell that Zayn was devastated when he was told you left the tour. I know Zayn. He was truly hurt of what you and Harry did, but Zayn loves you. Zayn was mad but he was meant to forgive you after everything, only to find out you left us. Even when the whole world was against about you two, he didn’t give a fuck because he loves you. Don’t you remember how he said he’d give back anything just to be with you? How he’s put you in the center of his world? How you’re the only girl he’ll ever want in his life? Zayn changed when you left, and it wasn’t the change we’ve expected Zayn to be.

Perrie Edwards was a rebound. She’s on the band Little Mix whom Modest also managed with us. Ever since they started, she’s always told people that she’s got this crush on Zayn and that’s where the whole idea came from. Modest has set her and Zayn to meet and go on a date. They tried to use her so people could finally assume he’s moved on. She was just supposed to be a short-term fling so that the news about Zayn harming himself because he can’t get over you would die down.

Only, it didn’t turn just what a short relationship should have been. They were officially together as a couple for six months before Zayn proposed to her, and that whole proposal got everyone surprised because neither one of us knew he’s even thinking of proposing to her after…well, after what happened to you and him a year back then.

Since then, everyone has believed Zayn has really moved on from you because he’s finally looking forward to start a future with Perrie. But I told you, I know Zayn. I know that Zayn changed. Everything about him changed when everyone kept telling him you’ve left him because you’ve just given up. You and I both know Zayn wasn’t the most stable person out of us, not even you. His vulnerability showed, especially when people kept shouting to him what he’s supposed to be doing about forgetting you. And the fact that you really did leave him without even saying goodbye, it just triggered him to believe them even more. He wasn’t thinking when he chose to propose to Perrie, when he asked for her hands in marriage. It’s a mistake you’ve both left one another without even trying to fix what could still have been fixed if you’ve just let your guards down. It wasn’t supposed to go completely out of hand now. Harry and Zayn’s fight is still going on ever since you left, and now Liam’s joined that fight too. This is why I’ve told you everything just got worse after you left us, because it became clear to them that they wanted you but none of them could have you anymore because you said leaving us behind would make things better. If what you did really was for the best, then why don’t I know who Liam, Harry and Zayn are now?

He’s broken. It scares me that if nobody tries to help him and what he’s about to execute in that marriage to a girl he’s forced to love, Zayn’s going to shatter himself. I tried telling him to stop comparing Perrie and you because I know how he feels. He thinks settling a life with her will make him forget about you, but that’s bullshit. Once he sees himself again, he’ll regret it forever and I don’t want to lose my best friend. Zayn’s not the Zayn we know when he’s with Perrie. No amount of words about him and Perrie looking better together by the fans and the industry could hide the fact that Zayn is just letting himself get completely lost to what they wanted. He hides the pain behind the fake smiles he shows them. I know deep inside, this isn’t what he wants. Zayn will just hurt himself even more if he ends up marrying Perrie. I’m not saying this because I hate Perrie Edwards, but I know what I saw last night, Campbelle. Zayn will continue to want you, Campbelle, he just needs you to tell him yourself because everyone’s lost the Zayn we once knew.”

Last night, Niall did what I’ve never expected him to do. Niall was completely straightforward to blaming what’s happening to his friends to me, but never was there a second that I falter down and cried. For a certain reason, I have finally felt how I’m really responsible for all the trouble happening right now. Niall made me realize that for these past months that I came back, I wasn’t fixing anything because I only know Liam’s and Harry’s side. He’s right. I just made everything worse.

I was doing it all wrong ever since I came back. The anger I felt made everything confusing. Liam and Harry weren’t the only people I hurt. I should have been braver. I was supposed to be saying sorry to only one guy. I wasn’t supposed to complicate my friendship with Liam. I wasn’t supposed to make Harry feel that he’s the only one I’ve got. I should be fixing the fight between the band and not tearing everybody apart. I should not have been just thinking about how he’s hurt me, because I’ve never realized I’ve hurt Zayn more than he did to me.

Now, everything’s just becoming clearer –how come I don’t fully believe myself when I say I’ve moved on from Zayn, how I don’t see myself with Liam in any way other than being best friends forever, how I thought Harry was the only person who understands me in this. I closed myself to what I wanted to believe. I let emotions ruin me. I let myself believe that I was as strong to redeem the life I left before, only to jump on to a battle I wasn’t entirely prepared for.

And this entire tragic turn of events in the life of everyone I love started because of me and my weakness when it comes to love.

If I haven’t seen the skin in my fingertips crinkle, I wouldn’t even get out of the shower. For once, I was making rationale of the events that happened these past few weeks. It was weird, but I felt a change of heart just after getting off that cold shower.

Harry’s brought me all my girl necessities, a pair of hot pink underwear, dark skinny jeans and a white loose V-neck shirt that was most likely his. For a second, I made fun of him because it’s like Harry wants to show me to everyone dressed up like him. Harry wants people to really conclude that I’m with him.

I walked outside Niall’s room just to find him alone in the table full of breakfast, eating a stack of pancakes on the plate in front of him. Harry was nowhere in sight.

“Where’s Harry?” I asked.

“Sent him out so to buy you some Nutella. I know you don’t eat pancakes without Nutella, and I needed to talk to you.” Niall answered back.

I sat down next to him as he continued, “I didn’t like it how he’s trying to be this clingy man towards you. Harry Styles was never that kind of guy. It is making me gag on this delicious food I’ve served. I don’t know what’s gotten into Harry since you lived with him.”

“Me neither.”

“Have you tried to tell him to stop?”

My eyes met his. Somehow, I felt like explaining everything to Niall about my thoughts while I was on the bath. “I didn’t know he’ll be like this when I decided to stay with him. I thought it was normal. I thought things were back because every single day spent with him was a happy day for both of us. After all this time, I thought Harry never changed. I thought he was the same Harry Styles that I left two years ago. His affection towards me for all those times we shared was the same as before. I just realized now that Harry did change. I didn’t know this side of him from before. I wasn’t aware Harry could be this…this…this obsessed.”

Through everything I told him, Niall just kept nodding at me, only making the answer sink deeper in my head. “Now you see what I meant when I told you I don’t know them anymore.” he said nonchalantly. He was serious about blaming everything to me.

“Look, I get it, okay? I get it that I’m responsible for what’s happening to Harry and Liam now. I’m trying my best to make things right.”

Niall pushed his plate away and told me, “Stop fixing them because they’re idiots. Make them realize for themselves the truth that they can’t have you. All you need to focus now is Zayn. He’s the one who needs the most fixing of all the troubles you did, Campbelle.”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll just go barge in his house just like those times before, and then tell him not to marry Perrie because it’s a mistake. He’d welcome me with open arms.” I told him with much sarcasm in my tone.

But Niall shrugged and said, “Why not? It’s nothing you haven’t done before.”

I honestly felt like slapping Niall. He’s being a bitch since last night and this is the only time I am sober enough to bitch back at him. “You make me sound like I’m this strong damsel ready to take his prince away from the distress of marrying a witch. Well, to tell you the truth Niall, I am not as brave as you presume me to be. I don’t even know where to start now since you’ve made me realize what I’ve really been doing the whole time.”

“Start with meeting Zayn. Talk to him.”

“How do I fucking just talk to him?! I can’t, Niall!” I exclaimed. “Didn’t you see what happened last night when he saw me in the party? He was scared to see me there. How do you think he will want to meet and talk to me?” My voice cracked. The very memory of how Zayn caught my eyes flashed to my head and I felt the stinging sensation in my chest again.

“He does, Campbelle. He’s been waiting for you to come back this whole time.”

Niall knows I wasn’t in the mood to fight this early with him, but he kept insisting his point. “I told you, I know Zayn. I’m getting in between this stupid fight because I’m the only one who’s calm enough and I’m the only one who can see you’re just both scared to make a move because you know you can’t stop whatever might happen.”

After everything that’s happened last night, Niall can’t blame me if I find it hard to trust him with his plan. Even when he was serious of his point that he is the only one who knows and understands Zayn’s action right now, I felt every need to question them.

Yet Niall continued hitting me with what he knows, and there was no inch of me that tried to stop him at all. “You think Zayn didn’t want to see you last night because you heard the people around you didn’t want you to be there. You think Zayn didn’t want you there because you heard people asking why you’re there. He wasn’t scared just because he saw you there. He was scared to admit the reality that you’re really back and he didn’t know what to react because you’re in the midst of people that were there to see an engagement party and not the drama that Campbelle Brooks is back.”

Somewhere in my mind, something kept screaming not to fall for this one, Campbelle.

But then there was still that part inside of what’s left of me –a small part of me that has kept hanging to that tiny hope buried deep beneath my heart says be brave to dare talk to Zayn and say sorry.

“Niall, I can’t just stop a wedding.” I said to him in a small voice, scared that I’ll once again break down into tears because I’m just really confused, I don’t know what to do.

For a second, Niall shot me a frown before saying, “I never said you’ll be the one to stop the wedding. I just asked you to make Zayn realize he’s making a mistake. He’s not in love with Perrie. He’s never moved on from you.”

“But Liam said he moved on. And I saw right before his eyes last night in his engagement party. Zayn doesn’t care-”

“If Zayn did move on with his feeling for you and doesn’t care anymore, how come last night he told me to take you away from the party? How come he was concerned about you and your feeling last night if he did not want you anymore? He asked me himself to save you getting hurt from all that you’ve witnessed last night. Now tell me you still believe that bullshit?”

These were too much loads of realization for a girl who is still hangover yet sober enough to digest them word per word. I’m never getting drunk again. The truthful words hurt even more.

Zayn did that for me?

“Campbelle, you need to understand that Liam wants to be with you too. Did you think I don’t know that? Of course, he’ll make you believe that shit about Zayn because he wants you to move on from Zayn and just choose to be with him. Same goes with Harry, but what’s different with Harry is that he’s slowly making you accustomed of how you two interact with one another. He wants you to get used to the idea of you and him -together. He wants you to believe that you’re better with him, why do you think he made you promise not to leave him? Liam and Harry have their selfish reasons that’ll make you not know what to do.”

I could just really walk out of Niall and stop listening to him. I really could. He wasn’t holding me or forcing me to sit my ass down next to him and hear what he’s got in his mind. But then, I let myself get sucked on to this reality, that I should do something or else everyone’s going to break in a way I’ll never be able to fix anymore myself.

“Look, you won’t understand everything that I’m trying to tell you if you’ll never talk to Zayn.” he told me again.

“You put too much faith in me with this, Niall. I’m not even sure if I’m ready to cause that much trouble again. It’s just not me and the band anymore.”

“You’re Campbelle Brooks. You’re twins with trouble.”

Niall wasn’t joking at all. He meant it hard to me.

“I have done enough trouble.” I said.

“No. For the first time, I’m asking you to cause more, seriously.” Niall said. I wasn’t up for that. “You can start with our plan tomorrow. The boys and I have a fan gathering just after lunch, and honey you’re coming with Harry and me whether you like it or not.”

Suddenly, the front door to Niall’s flat opened and we saw Harry came in.

He saw the bits of worry in my face that I was too late to hide from him. Niall just kept scoffing while he resumed eating another plate of pancakes in front of him.

“What did I miss?”

I just shook my head and gave him a timid smile which he returned, oblivious of the fact that my eyes were just about to burst out of tears if he didn’t come back that fast.

Harry clearly missed the fact that this wasn’t supposed to be reality for us –for him.

----------(The Way We Are)----------

Spring 2012

Now that I’m officially out of college, I was free to come and join the boys on their tour. They didn’t let me stay in Wolverhampton much longer. After the graduation party that Mum and the Payne’s prepared for me, Liam packed me my bags and dragged me off with the other boys back to London.

And there’s only two days left before Zayn and mine’s first year anniversary together. Wow. That just felt so surreal now that I mentioned it. We’ve been happily together as a couple for almost a year now. Even though the late half of that year was spent on a long distance relationship because he was touring and I had to stay in school, there was nothing that stopped us from being in love more and more with one another in each way.

Just two more days and I can finally tell the world that Zayn and I survived what the public thought was impossible for us.

Ha. Sucks for you, haters!

We were in Liverpool for their next show. I tried to be somewhat productive and a means of help for the team by cleaning the tour bus (read: filthy boys), when suddenly Niall barged in out of nowhere and dragged me to come with him.

“Did you know Louis has granny panties? I tweeted about it.” I said proudly.

Niall shot me a disgusted look. “What the fuck? How did you- Louis’ gonna kill you.”

“Don’t care. Wait, where are you taking me?”

“You’re being summoned to come to the soundcheck with us,”

“Why should I be on the soundcheck?” I asked as we hopped together, arms linked with each other like loony on the way inside the arena.

“You haven’t got to listen to the other songs in the album yet.” Niall said.

My brows arched and I asked, “And your point is?”

Niall scowled back and told me, “The point is you’re a stubborn bitch, Campbelle Brooks. I thought you’re our biggest fan? How can you be the biggest fan when you don’t even know the songs in our second album?”

“I was almost arrested for grave scandal because I was belting ‘Gotta Be You’ in the grounds of my school two weeks ago, just before I graduated. That almost cost me my diploma, Nialler, but still I proudly promoted your song. Doesn’t that make me your biggest fan?”

“Fuck no. I bet you sounded horrible. I feel sorry for everyone who heard you!” Niall exclaimed. I dramatically gasped then pouting back at him -the same duck face Zayn always have when he gets prissy at them, in which Niall completely fell for. “Okay, let me compromise. Don’t tell him I told you, but actually someone dear to you has a surprise!”

“Liam?”

“Nope,”

“Ooh, tough one. Hmm… is it you?”

I saw smirked back. “Pretty close.”

I gasped dramatically and shrieked, “JOSH HAS A SURPRISE FOR ME?!”

“God, you’re stubborn and a complete idiot, do you know that? Surrender now or I’ll have Paul drag you to the arena himself.”

“There’s no need for violence, Horan. I have surrendered my whole being the second you mentioned a compromise.”

“Cool, now let’s go.”

To be quite honest, I’d really rather be present in the sound check than the actual concert itself. There’s only about least a hundred screaming fans, which is a highest amount of Directioners I could tolerate just enough. There’s also the lesser chance the fans would harass me because when they start bitching about me being there, I could just quickly escape without needing to go through hell of a mob. Plus, earplugs are actually effective when in soundcheck. If I’d have enough of the screaming, I can just put them in and watch the boys make a mess in the stage as usual without actually damaging my eardrums.

But maybe I could use some good songs right now, analyze the meaning behind the lyrics. I haven’t really got the chance to listen to their whole album because of my busy life in college. But now that I’m back on the tour, then commence the fangirling once again.

I’m channeling the inner Directioner in me as we speak. I need to prove I’m the biggest One Direction fan to those bitches.

Niall and I made a quick stop at the snack room and took a bottle of Red bull before dashing as fast as we could inside the arena. And I was right. There were only a handful of fan girls barricaded from jumping on the stage itself.

Liam, Harry, Zayn and Louis were just in the middle, standing next to each other as the beginning melody of a song requested started, in which caused the girls shriek at the top of their lungs.

“Where can I get a pair of earplugs?” I asked Niall.

Let’s be real here. I’ll need them as much as they needed those damn earplugs once I go face to face with those loud fans-

“A hundred and five is the number that comes to my head
When I think of all the years I wanna be with you
Wake up every morning with you in my bed
That’s precisely what I plan to do…”

One look back to their direction, and I know I recognized his voice. That beautiful, heavenly tone I could never forget for he sings me lullabies every single night just so I wouldn’t miss him when we’re miles apart. That sultry, enticing voice which pushes me off my limits, I do not want to stop making love to him, ever. That sweet, loving voice that never fails to sweep me off my feet every single time I watch him perform in front of the crowd while our eyes are locked with one another.

Though the song was unfamiliar, I could not be wrong with my Zayn’s voice.

I fell in love with that voice.

“And you know one of these days
When I get my money right
Buy you everything and show you all the finer things in life
We’ll forever be in love, so there ain’t no need to rush
But one day, I won’t be able to ask you loud enough"

The other boys were just singing back up to Zayn, who was completely lost as he stared at the ground beneath him. None of them, not even the fans, saw Niall and I come join the actual rehearsals.

The fans were busy swooning at the song my boyfriend was singing solo, and so was I.

I was lost for words that I let Niall pull me by the hand up until we reached the edge of the stage and I found myself standing right in front of it. The fans just behind me screamed when they noticed it was me dragged by Niall.

Liam, Harry and Louis finally saw us but still not did Zayn. He just continued singing the song all by himself.

“I’ll say will you marry me
I swear that I will mean it
I’ll say will you marry me
Singing woah oh woah
Woah oh woah
Woah oh woah oh oh”

Shock was written all over my face, I could tell for myself. There was no way I could hide it. My grey ones went wide of the realization with what Zayn just sang about.

Now I know why Niall didn’t give me earplugs.

I stared at Zayn like an idiot, unable to speak for a second or two because I could not be wrong with what I just heard. Those words could not mean anything but one thing.

“What is this?”

“Just listen!” Niall just smiled brightly before he scampered himself up to the stage to join the rest of the band.

And it was the same time that Zayn’s head bobbed to the crowd in front of him and finally caught the glimpse of me.

The smile etched in his face was just so beautiful, everything around us suddenly felt like a dream. Suddenly, nothing else mattered. Suddenly, I couldn’t hear any sound in the place. It was me and Zayn right in there, having our moment.

Zayn walked towards until he was close enough to me from the edge of the stage and sang,

“How many girls in the world can make me feel like this?
Baby I don’t ever plan to find out
The more I look, the more I find the reason why
You’re the love of my life”

It's hard to pay attention to anything when you finally realize you're staring into the eyes of the rest of your life, singing about a song you know will be your most favorite of all the songs he made that was for you.

“And if I lost everything
In my heart it means nothing
Cause I have you, girl I have you
So get right down on bended knee
Nothing else would ever be
Better, better
The day when I say

I’ll say will you marry me
I swear that I will mean it
I’ll say will you marry me”

With everyone around us but paying no attention, Zayn and I chose to communicate by using the innocent glimmer in our eyes and the satisfied smile in our lips. We were lost to each other’s gaze but Zayn was just so brave to show the whole audience everything he felt.

He pointed to his eye with his index finger. He placed the same hand over his heart. Then Zayn pointed to me.

I

Love

You

I love you.

Oh my god.

“A hundred and five is the number that comes to my head
When I think of all the years I wanna be with you
Wake up every morning with you in my bed
That’s precisely what I plan to do…”

He ended the song with the biggest grin Zayn has ever pulled off ever since I met him. I nearly died because of it.

“Happy anniversary, babe.” He announced to the whole arena that caused the screams behind me triple the volume."Look at her blushing! Isn't she the cutest? That's what I love the most about my girl."

Yep. I died.

Notes

And so I begin this end notes by saying I’m sorry that it took me this whole week long to update and the chapter length is almost a filler-ish one. If you think this one sucks, I can’t blame you. I intended to do more but they wanted me to rest. I am currently lying on a hospital bed, dying…

Lol. Just kidding. I’m not dying. Just suffered asthma attack and mildly severe dehydration due to exhaustion from work, which now costs me five days in the hospital as we speak. Do you know how hard it is to type when you’ve got IV hooked on you? Really really hard. Plus, my Mum and the nurses didn’t want me work on this but I told them “If I don’t update, they’ll get mad at me for sure. You don’t want more hate on Campbelle Brooks, do you? Please understand!” and they stared back at me like a complete loco with what on earth am I saying. It’s the medicines I tell you. I’ve got four different dextroses hooked on me now -that does not include the other medicines I drink orally and the other they put directly on my IV. Hopefully they don’t burn my brain nerves because if I die, well this is the worst cliffhanger ever then. Welp.

So before they take my laptop away from me, I just wanted to say MY BIGGEST THANK YOU TO EVERYONE that gave those awesome reviews last chapter! They were just too overwhelming. I wasn’t expecting that amount of comment about it. Seriously, you guys are the best! I love you all!

Now! Don’t get your hopes down because there are some parts of this chapter that clearly says an endgame for Harry & Campbelle because I know some of you want them together. But there’s no need to panic! I don more drama than our whole fandom. I can’t end Carry just like that.

And Zayn and his surprise do not end there.

See you next chapter! ;)

P.S. Please do pray for my recovery. Thank you!

@_AndieTiu