"You must be Erin! I'm Aubrey." I smile walking into my dorm room at Stanford. I was told I was going to be rooming with another girl in this summer pre-med program, so hopefully we're similar!

"Hey. I'm going to my friends room, I probably won't be back for awhile. But I got top bunk." She says as she grabs her keys and walks out the door. Oh, wonderful... She does not seem like the type of girl I would hang out with, but I shouldn't judge a book by the cover! Except the nose and eyebrow piercing she had kind of scared me a little..

Well, I guess I'm all alone on my first night here. I suppose it'll give me some time to unpack and organize my things.

We don't start classes until Monday, but we were allowed to move in to get settled today. I should probably go out and meet some people, but I really don't feel up to it.

I sigh and bring all of my things into the dorm. It's really small, but if two minutes ago was any indication, Erin won't be around much. I really wish I was roomed with someone a little more my type... Maybe we'll become closer with time.

I start unpacking my clothes into the dresser and hang some things in the small closet. There is no way all of my shoes are going to fit in here!

After shoving as much as I could into my dressers, I move onto my desk. I plug in my phone and laptop chargers behind it and set my lamp on top. Next I pull out a few picture frames I brought from home. I smile at the one of my parents and I in Cancun a few years ago, and then laugh at the one of Sophie and I at our freshman year homecoming dance. A lot has changed since then... I can't believe I'm already at Stanford, and that this will be my home for the next year. I quickly decided that I will be moving into an apartment next year, these dorms are just too damn small.

"Aubrey Flynn?" I turn towards the door when I hear my name called.

"Uh, yeah?" I had forgot I left my door open.

"Hey, I'm Logan, your neighbor! Just thought I'd introduce myself." He smiles. Oh, I never even knew this was a co-ed hall.

"Oh hey!" I smile and walk over to shake his hand.

"So are you from around here?" He says with a toothy grin. I take a moment to look thoroughly at his short brown hair, nice blue eyes and tall structure. He seems pretty fit, I wonder if he plays any sports?

"Yeah, Malibu." I nod. "How about you?" I try to keep a conversation going, maybe he could be my first friend at Stanford!

"San Diego." He smiles as I try to put the sheets on my bed but struggle a bit. "Here, I'll help you." He chuckles and walks over to the other side of the bed and pulls his end to tuck it under the mattress.

"Thanks." I giggle. "So I take it your here for the summer course too?" I question. I really should be unpacking, but it feels nice to talk to someone. Especially since I've spent the last week cooped up in my bedroom.

"Yeah, my third year doing it. It's a good experience." He invites himself to sit on the couch that Erin must've brought. I sit down on my bed.

"Third year? So you're a junior?" I ask. So this hall is co-ed and not just freshmen?

"That's right! You're a freshman than I'm guessing." He smiles.

"And you'd be guessing correct." I stand up to grab my phone off the desk when I see it light up.

Hope your first day in the dorms is going well! Love you sweetie, and sorry we can't be there :( dad says hi!

I smile at the text from my mom.

"Boyfriend?" Logan interrupts my momentary feeling of homesick.

"What?" I look at him.

"Is it from your boyfriend? You're smiling like an idiot at your phone." He laughs and I join.

"No! It's my mom, I just miss her, that's all!" I try to explain myself.

My heart aches at his comment though. I try to hide it, but I'm sure I'm not doing so well. The truth is, I'm still broken from last week. My heart still hurts, and I wish it was a text from Harry that I was smiling at.

"So do you have a boyfriend?" He says after he stops laughing.

"Umm," I awkwardly stutter and stand up to re-organize the books on my shelf. "No." My heart clenches.

"Really?" He genuinely seems surprised.

"Yeah... Har- my boyfriend and I broke up last week. He's going to a different college so..." I keep moving around the books.

"Oh sorry..." He apologizes. "Well I'll let you finish moving in. I'm just across the hall if you need anything!" He stands up and smiles. He seems really nice so far.

"Thanks." I smile and continue organizing random things around the room.

When he leaves I walk over and shut the door. I'd rather not be interrogated again. He does seen really nice, but talking about Harry took a lot out of me.

---

After I finished unpacking my things, I decided I should go to the bookstore to get my textbooks. Then I can explore the campus and get a feel for the school.

I change out of my leggings into a pair of jeans, and ditch my cheerleading hoodie for a Stanford University tshirt. I admire my outfit in the mirror... I feel like a college student.

After I grab my purse, I head out of my room and lock the door behind me.

"Hey Aubrey!" I see Logan sitting on the couch in his room with the door wide open.

"Hey!" I smile and pull the key from the door.

"Where are you going?" He asks me.

"I'm gonna find the bookstore, get my textbooks for class." I lean against the doorway to his room.

"Do you need help finding it? I was going to grab dinner with my roomie, but he got caught up with something so I've got time."

"Oh, that's okay. I was going to walk around campus after anyway. Thanks though."

"I'll give you a tour!" He hops up and pulls a pair of Nike's on.

"You really don't have to!"

"I want to!" He smiles and grabs his key, following me out of the dorms.

---

"So that is the environmental building, the math building... The gym is over there and here's the bookstore!" Logan points to all of the tall buildings on our walk to the store.

"So what books do you need?" He opens the door for me and then leads me to the shelves full of textbooks.

"Uh.." I pull out the list from my bag. "These ones." I smile and hand him the sheet of paper.

"Ahh human anatomy, great class." He laughs and pulls a large green book from the shelf.

After getting all of my books, we leave the store and he shows me more around campus. He tells me about life at Stanford and how most everyone is stuck up and rich, but says I'm not. I hope he's not being sarcastic!

"I'll take you back to the dorms so you don't have to carry these books around."

"Yeah, they're pretty heavy!" I laugh. "Thanks though, for showing me around." I kick a stone with my foot as we walk back to Matson Hall, where our dorm rooms are.

"Of course. You're cool, Aubrey." He smiles.

We get back to the dorms and he walks me to my room.

"Well my roommate wants me to meet up with him, so I'll see you around?" He says after checking his phone.

"Yeah, thanks again." I smile and shut the door behind me.

It feels good to talk to someone. Someone who knows nothing about my past and won't judge me. Unlike my subconscious, who won't stop judging me and making me feel guilty for what I did... Why can't I escape her!

After I take off my shoes and put my textbooks on the shelf, I notice it's already ten. It's been a long day. And I know most of my exhaustion is coming from the endless thoughts running around in my mind.

I want to sleep, but I have a feeling that's not going to happen again. I haven't slept a full night since the night I broke up with Harry. I'm sure I look like shit, but I can't force myself to sleep. I just lay awake thinking of everything and anything. It's like my inner self is punishing me.

---

I decide to shower before trying to rest, and when I finally lay down, the memory of the night before I left replays in my mind...


*flashback*

"What the?" I mutter to myself when I hear someone knocking at my door. Who is here at eight pm on a Friday?

I apprehensively walk up to the door and look through the window. My mouth goes dry when I see the familiar tall figure standing on the front step. Why is Harry here? Should I just ignore it? I haven't talked to him since...

Shit he sees me.

"Hi..." I say quietly when I open the door, not letting him in right away.

"Hey. Can we talk? You won't answer my calls or messages." He says. He looks terrible. Well not terrible, he could never look terrible, but he has bags under his eyes and it looks like he hasn't showered.

"Harry... I don't think that's a good idea."

"Five minutes."

"I don't have anything to say. I said everything last week."

"Then just listen."

"Harry, I have to leave early tomorrow..." I try to get him to leave. If I keep discussing this, I will just start crying again. I finally stopped yesterday, I do not want to start again.

"Aubrey, please." He pleads.

"Five minutes." I sigh.

He follows me into the kitchen and paces awkwardly when I take a seat at the breakfast bar.

"Are you really serious about this?" He finally speaks.

"Yes, I told you that multiple times."

"I just don't understand. I know it would be hard when we go to school, but we can try! Why can't we just try, Aubrey?"

"Because it's not going to work." I pick the pink polish off of my nails, avoiding eye contact with him. If I look, he'll just pull me back in with those green eyes. I need to hold my ground. As hard as this is for me too, I know it's for the best, for the both of us.

"Yes it will, we love each other."

"That's why we have to do this. Harry, I don't want to argue about it. Don't you want to go to Cambridge and have a good college experience? And not have girlfriend half way across the world tying you down?"

"No. And you wouldn't be tying me down. Aubrey I don't want to break up, why can't you see that?"

"I can see it! I don't want to either, but we need to! I've told you why, and I'm done repeating myself. Please just understand."

"I don't. I can't." He shakes his head and sits across from me.

"Then let's just call it a break. We'll start school and see how things go." I sigh.

"And then we can get back together? Because I can tell you right now how I'm going to feel in a month; the same as I do now. I will feel like this until the day I die. I need you."

"If we both still feel like this, than maybe. But I really think we should try to experience college first."

"Alright, but my minds not changing."

"What if you meet someone back in London? Wouldn't you rather date someone who lives by you?" I ask. My heart aches when I ask. Harry with another girl... I want to throw up.

"I won't find anyone else. There's only you." He says, and I can see the frustration written all over his face.

"Well if you want to see other girls, don't let me hold you back." I stand up and walk to the window. I turn around and try to wipe the tears falling from my eyes without him seeing. I don't want him too see anyone else, but maybe that will get him to move on. I need him to move on, because I can't.

I hear him take a deep breath.

"So we're really done? This is it?"

I nod, not trusting my voice. I thought we had already established this.

"I should get to bed..." I turn around and walk towards the door to lead him out. My voice is quivering and I can feel my mascara running down my cheeks.

"Good luck at Stanford, Aubrey." He wipes a tear from his eye and stops walking when he reaches the front door. "You'll do great."

"Thanks... Goodbye Harry." He nods and starts walking outside. I stand and watch as he walks away from me for the last time. But then he stops, and turns around when he's only about 10 feet away from me.

"Are you going to see other guys? You said I should see other girls... Does that mean you want to date other guys?"

"I don't know." I lie. No, I will probably be single for the rest of my life unless we get back together.

He walks back over to me with tears falling from his eyes and engulfs me in a warm hug. He holds on tighter than usual, and I slowly put my arms around his torso, never wanting to let go.

"You are the best thing that happened to me. Please never let me go. Please. I will always feel the same about you. I'll give you time, but this isn't the end, Aubrey." He whispers in my ear and then presses a long kiss to my cheek.

He steps out of the hug, wipes the tears from my eyes with his thumb and kisses my forehead before turning around and walking to his car.

*End Flashback*


I really fucked up. I thought it was the best thing to do, but he's right; it wasn't. Now I feel broken. I feel helpless. My thoughts are consumed by the brown curls and green eyes. He was my everything, and I just threw him away.

In my moment of weakness, I stumble over to my desk and grab my phone, my thumb hovers over his name and I press it.

I wait for him to answer as I sob uncontrollably. I just need to tell him I'm sorry, and that I was stupid for breaking up with him. I need him back. I need my Harry.

I wait for a minute as it keeps ringing. And ringing... And ringing.

Maybe he's finally accepted it and wants nothing to do with me anymore, the girl who broke his heart.

My thoughts are confirmed when I hear his deep voice over the voicemail. I quickly hang up and let my sobs help me drift into a deep slumber.

Notes

Ahhh what did you guys think of the chapter?!

and sorry it's so late... (Well at least where i live), I finally updated my iPad to iOS 7 and it took forever so I couldn't post :( but better late than never, right!

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