A/N: Hello everyone I am so so so so soooo sorry about me not updating, I have had such a bad month or so. I know I always have things going on in my life. And I know you guys probably don't care but I just have to make sure that you guys understand. But anyways, I've missed you all very very much. And I am happy to say that I am back. I think that maybe I did go on a hiatus but, I'm back now and I'm happy to be here. So I'm not really sure what to talk about but, I want to share something with all of you. Recently I lost my virginity, I'm 16. And The guy I'm with, I'm in love with him and he's still with me today. And I know he loves me too. But anyways, I lost my virginity to him. And now, I might be pregnant.

I understand I'm young, but it's just something that kind of happened. We don't know for sure yet, but. I am going for blood work tomorrow to get the results if I am or not. I can let you all know if I am if you would like, if only you want to know. Because I don't if you care or whatever but yeah. I didn't think this was gonna happen but it did. But anyways, I've missed all my pancakes so very much. And I'm so happy I'm getting everything together and I'm happy to say that I am officially back. :))

I do not know if you noticed but I did change my name to Lousflowercrown and that is also my new Tumblr :)

But I'm gonna stop talking now and let you read this kind of, good chapter. It's interesting ;) Well, I'm glad I'm back and I've missed you all. I hope to hear from you. Love ya! :) <3

*Chapter 21- 4 and a half years ago*

Aubrey’s P.O.V

“Wake up, Aubrey; sweetheart. Wake up” I grumble as I turn over. I hear a slight chuckle before I feel a hand on my back once more, shaking me lightly “It’s time to wake up” He says again, shaking me a little harder. I groan again, smacking his hand away lightly. A slight groan is heard before footsteps become faint, I smile as I am happy to be left alone. My paradise slips quickly for the covers are thrown off of me and a body is jumping on the bed “Wake up! Time to wake up!” Zayns voice yells a little too loudly for my liking. His jumping heavy and annoying, he stops; jumping on top of me he shakes me roughly “Aren’t we going to see your mother today?” I open my eyes. Mom. I look into his beautiful hazel eyes; they crinkle as I continue to look “Good morning sunshine” His teeth shine as he gleams. I eye him up and down quickly; he wears blue jeans with a red flannel, his sneakers looking rather cute on his feet. His face looks different, it hits me rather quickly. I frown instantly, almost into a pout “What?” he asks, his smile fading slightly.

I fold my arms as I continue to pout, looking away even to show I am unhappy “What is it?” He asks, his mouth twisting sadly “Is it because I woke you?” His hands trail down my sides, inching their way to my hips. His fingers begin to move back and forth as he tickles me, I begin to laugh horrendously; trying to push him off of me “No stop it!” I laugh. He finally stops as he asks again “What is it?” He pouts unhappily. But I can see it in his eyes he is excited, for some reason. I’m not exactly sure why, shouldn’t you be nervous over something like that? Well, he’s Zayn. He is full of wonders. I pout again “You shaved” I run my fingers along his smooth chin, missing all the hair there. He smiles, placing his hand around my wrist he rubs it slowly “It’ll grow back” He ends, kissing my knuckle. I release a breath of relief, his touches are so gentle. “Time to get up” He gets up, pulling me along with him. I oblige, letting him pull me from the comfortable bed. I guess sleep will have to wait..

Looking down at myself I notice I’m still in my baby doll. I cover myself instantly, recalling last night was a fantasy I would love to live again. I’m sure I will sometime soon. Oh yeah, and Zayn is my boyfriend. I smile again, Life is great so far. I look up at the man who watches me cautiously, a thin line on his lips. He isn’t happy. Play with me again please? I linger for his touch; I just want him so bad. Wrapping me in a hug he kisses my forehead. His hands move from my head to my shoulders, slowly pushing the straps down. He wants it too; I’m not the only one. Our lips come in contact as I feel him against me, I’m in a trance as we begin to move backwards “How many times must I show you how beautiful you are?” He whispers in my ear. My back finally hits the wall, he looks down into my wanting eyes “Until I know I am” I whisper back to him. The material falls down my body as I stand half naked before him, the only thing I’m wearing are my panties, and I want them to come off too. My lips connect with his and his hands are all over me as mine are all over him. Touching him and feeling him, I’m picked up as I wrap my legs around his waist. Kissing eachother like there is no tomorrow.

My back is still against the wall as I hold on tight. I bite his neck receiving a groan from his precious mouth, his fist pounds on the wall as his other hand glides down my back. He cups my ass before it travels down in between my legs. I lean back a bit as I pull at his shirt, the buttons actually being snaps as I rip it open. His toned chest looks spectacular as my fingers run down it, stopping at the button of his pants. He kisses me again before trailing to my left tit, settling it between his lips as he bites gently to the point where it makes me moan. My fingers run through his hair as I pull roughly, he sucks some before I feel his finger dips inside me slowly, before it’s pushed all the way in. My breath becomes heavy, succulent moans escaping my mouth as he moves his finger in and out really fast. He releases a devilish laugh that makes me moan even more “Where are the girls?” I moan quietly. We could be loud I don’t want them to hear..

“They’re playing in the backyard” He moans; short and sweet into my ear as his finger dips numerously. I try my best to keep steady but his finger is such a little devil and I want him. Pulling me from the wall he drops me on the bed. He’s on top of me instantly, kissing my body and his finger still pushing in and out. It isn’t long before I’m ready to orgasm, both of us moaning and biting each other’s necks and heavy breathing. My thoughts jumble along before my release comes and he lies on top of me, smiling and huffing.

~~~

“Ready to go?” Zayn asks the girls as we step outside “Mhm” Katie shakes her head yes as they both run for the car. After taking a shower and putting on fresh clothes I feel redeemed, Zayn holding my hand as we walk down the steps “Oh here” He digs inside his pocket before hearing a faint jingle then the chain of my keys. Yup, I’m gonna need those. I snatch them from him, kissing his cheek lightly before walking down the path to my car. Unlocking it, the girls hop in while Zayn gets in the passenger seat next to me. This is so exciting; Zayn is going to meet my mom, and the girls!! I turn the car on without any hesitation, making sure everyone is buckled up I put the car in reverse and make my way down the driveway.
*Zayn’s P.O.V*

The dark summer air is soothing on my face. I walk rather quickly down the sidewalk, trying my best to make it to my destination without any stops. I need to talk to Louis. My hands are in my pocket as my head faces my feet. Zayn, I love you. The words continue to run through my mind, I hoped that the phone call I ended up receiving was all part of a dream but a really, really bad nightmare. After staring at my phone of received calls I finally figured it was no dream; but pure reality. Feeling the little square box in my pocket, I figure it will do no harm to have a smoke. Sticking it in my mouth, I light it. It flares quickly before the poisonous fumes are invading my lungs. Ugh, what the fuck am I going to do!? I care for Aubrey way too much; I can’t fuck it up now! But wait, maybe it wasn’t even Brittany? No, nonsense Zayn you know that voice. It’s the same one you would hear moan when fucking the shit out of her. The same voice you made gag with your dick, the same girl you always heard I love you from. Sadly, it was never love. She fucked with me. And I fell for it.

Turning the block I see the house I am heading for. It’s Louis’, but knowing it’s a Saturday night, all the guys are there. I mean, I know it’s a sappy thing for me to do; but I need someone to talk to and they always give good advice. We’ve been buds ever since we were little so we all look out for eachother. Stepping on the porch, I bang on the door three times. Taking another puff of my cigarette I flick it twice so some of the ashes fall off. Hearing nothing from the opposite side of the door I knock again. “I’m coming you twat!” I hear Louis yell finally, hearing the shuffling of his feet in his slippers. Faggot. Putting all my weight on my right food I wait patiently; the door opens a smile on Louis’ face before it disintegrates “I thought you were staying with Aubrey?” He asks, a bit of concern in his voice “I am, I just need to talk to you guys..” I say quietly, Louis knows something’s up. You can see it in his face, the way his brow crinkles and the way his nose does that twitch “Can I come in?” I ask, flicking my cigarette off the side. “Yeah, of course” He stands to the side, opening the door wider to let me in.

Now in, Louis leads us into his room “My mom is asleep so we have to try our best to be quiet” He hushes, opening the door to his room. There sat Niall and Harry in front of the TV playing Halo. The screen paused, probably waiting for Louis to come back and play “Hey” they both call as I enter the room “Where’s Liam?” I ask standing in the doorway, Louis hops back on his bed. The controller now in his hand he unpauses the game and begins to kill eachother in the death match “Should be here shortly” Louis says without even looking away from the screen. I sigh, closing the door behind me and sitting on the bed at the end; watching as Niall snipes Harry from a tower “So what’s on your mind Zayn?” Louis asks while camping behind a rock.

I sit for a moment, thinking on how I should start it. Licking my lips, I take a deep breath. My palms begin to feel sweaty so I try wiping them on my pants. I take another deep breath, trying to steady myself “I got a call from Brittany” Once I said the last word the game is instantly paused. They all turn looking at me, their mouths open slightly. Louis is the first one to reframe himself, shifting on his bed he grunts clearing his throat. Getting up, he goes to his closet. Opening the door and looking up on the shelf before grabbing a shoe box. Pulling it down, he shuts the door and sits back on his bed; opening it you see all of his shenanigans.

A couple bags of weed, a few pipes, joint and blunt papers and a bowl. Times like this, we all smoke in a group. Smoking pot together and talking about things that are going on, and sometimes we do it just for fun. Tonight could be both. “Yeah?” he asks simply, pulling out a few blunt rolls. I nod my head yes, Niall and Harry agreeing as well. Louis gives off a small smile before pulling out the things he needs to roll it “Grape, apple, or blueberry?” He smiles widely, holding each one up for me to choose “Apple” I shrug. I don’t really care right now, just get me high. It’s been a little while since I’ve smoked, it’s a thrill but I’ve tried to keep down with the smoking. I don’t want to get too addicted.

I relax a bit more in Louis’ chair at his desk, pulling out my phone to have something to do. I unlock it and the one person that I want to be with pops up on the screen, Aubrey’s sweet little face innocently staring back at me. I smile, just admiring how beautiful she is. I don’t want to let her go. You’ll understand the whole Brittany thing in a minute.. Caught in the moment Louis’ door opens, Liam walks in casually carrying pizza and a liter of orange soda. He stops a moment, giving me a quick look “Hey Zayn, you alright?” He knows I wasn’t supposed to be here tonight. I nod silently, looking back at my phone. Liam shakes his head slowly while walking in, closing the door with his foot he comes closer to me; setting the soda and yummy smelling pizza on the desk behind me “Aubrey problems?” he asks. A sad smile on his mouth, I shake my head again. I look over to Louis who sits on his bed in a perfect posture, moving his fingers in a perfect form to wrap the blunt; he’s really good at wrapping them.

“Brittany” Louis says nonchalantly “Huh?” Liam asks, turning to look at him.

“Brittany called him” Harry answers for Louis.

“No way” Liam’s eyes bug out of his head, making sure we aren’t lying to him.

“Yes way” Niall says looking at the paused TV screen.

Liam pats me on my back before walking to the corner of Louis’ small room, propping himself down on the floor. We all sit in a comfortable silence, waiting patiently for Louis to finish up.

~~~

Finally finished with the perfectly wrapped blunt, Louis holds it up to show it off “She’s a pretty one” He smiles at it like a baby “Oh, and since this one is on Zayn he doesn’t have to pay me. But you two fuckers do” He eyes Niall and Harry evilly “Fuck” Harry lays his head back in disbelief. Niall sighs as he reaches for his wallet “Five each” Louis reminds them. It’s a pretty big blunt, and it’s good shit so it’s worth it “You don’t have to Liam, you brought us pizza” He smiles to Liam who does a fist pump. I silently chuckle to Liam and then another one to Harry and Niall for their actions of throwing there five dollar bills to Louis “Thanks chaps” He thanks them like an ass and grins at the 10 bucks he just made.

“Alright Zayn, go for it” He says walking off his bed, handing it to me; he opens the pizza behind me taking a slice. I hold it in between my pointer finger and thumb, giving it a good look over. It sure does look nice. After staring at it for a good minute I finally pull out my lighter. Sticking the end in my mouth I flick the flame, lighting the end of it; it begins to burn. I take my first hit, taking a deep breath as I inhale the smelly fumes. Pulling the end out, I hold my arm out to Liam, motioning him to take it. As I do so I hold it in, the longer you hold it the faster you get high. Liam snatches it, putting it in between his lips before sucking in; he takes a few puffs before passing it to Louis who now sits back on his bed. Once Louis takes a hold of the blunt I let the smoke out through my nose. The smoky air travels throughout the room, disappearing in thin air.

Niall and harry had taken there hit before it’s back to me again, I take it willingly; taking a few puffs through my teeth. I hand it off to Liam and it goes around once more before it’s back to me. I begin to feel the high, my lungs feeling heavy, things slowing down and the giggles begin to kick in. I laugh stupidly just to the thought “What’s so funny?” Louis giggles, covering his mouth “Nothing, just being high” I answer without thinking. The other three laugh along, the blunt comes back to me and I decide this is my final hit, sucking in deeply I hand it to Liam. It looks smaller and smaller as Louis passes it to the other two. It comes back to me and I wave it off, Niall goes to hand it to Liam who does the same as me. Louis reluctantly takes it, taking a small puff. Louis’ eyes droop as he looks down at the almost gone blunt.

I chuckle again, he looks so funny “So, what’s on your mind Zayn?” Liam speaks from the corner, his eyes looking droopy. I smile to him awkwardly, my teeth showing off a little too much. Liam laughs, probably at nothing. Louis eyes Liam childishly “I was gonna ask him that” He ends with a laugh. Before Liam could respond I open my mouth “I got a call from Brittany tonight” I spit in the garbage can behind me. The other four stare at me astonished “What did she say?” Louis asks laying back all slumped like. I snort awkwardly, laughing a bit “Um.. She said. Zayn I love you” Niall shakes his head, not believing a word I say “I didn’t know who was calling me, I was sleeping next to Aubrey” I smile shyly before continuing “Then I woke up hearing my phone. I checked the number but didn’t know who it was. I answered it and that’s what I heard” I shrug, my eyes looking down at my phone of the picture of Aubrey still.

I see Liam in the corner of my eye lean his head back, his eyes shutting slowly “How do you feel about her?” Harry’s voice is shallow across the room. I look up at him, daggers piercing through my eyes and into his skin “You know how I feel Harry” I say, gritting my teeth a bit. The hate, the love, the memories are always there. But deep down, I always wish I had never met her. God, I hate her guts. But it’s the happy things that stay that I wish I never missed. I think about her sometimes, and it makes me want to punch a wall. Was this call a joke? Has she finally faced her feelings for me? Knowing who and what she wants?
_____

^4 and a half years ago^

“Hey, you’re cute” she says seductively while sipping the straw to her milkshake. I snort a chuckle “Thanks” I gleam. Man she’s pretty. “What are you staring at?” She smiles, her tongue trying to find its way to her straw. I gulp nervously “You’re very pretty” I compliment back. This is when I was unfond of girls. Girls weren’t really my thing; I had sex a few times. They were nothing special, but this girl. She was a sight and I would love to get in between her legs. “Oh please, you’re just saying th- Ready to go?” A girl with long wavy brown hair walks up next to her. Giving her a glance before giving me a look down “Brittany isn’t into boys like you, get lost” I widen my eyes at her outburst, then chuckling slightly “Don’t be so mean Miley” Brittany retaliates, placing her hand on her shoulder.
_____

I groan as I walk through the front door, having to work so late is so tiring. Walking into the living room I see the TV is still on, Shrugging I switch it off with the remote. Hearing nothing but silence through the whole house; I figure that everyone is sleeping, doing my regular duties before going to bed. I open the door silently to Katie and Alexis’ room. They both sleep soundly in there bunk beds. Shutting it I head down the hallway into my room. I hear a slight sound, kind of like a moan and a yelp. I raise my eyebrow in curiosity and open the thin door. There, on the bed is Brittany. And underneath her, is a guy. He holds his hands firmly on her hips and she rides him like no tomorrow, her naked sweaty looking body moving viciously back and forth. Two things happen in that moment, tears spring to my eyes. And so much fury and anger begin to spread throughout my body as I scream angrily “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?”

I try to keep calm as best I can, I am known for my very bad temper and troublesome behavior. They both stop, turning to look at me. How can she do this to me? I thought she loved me? So many things continue to run through my mind. My vision gets blurry as I see Brittany say something, but I don’t hear her. I huff with anger, my body moving up and down as I breathe so heavily; my fists clenching so hard they begin to cramp. The guy gets off the bed while grabbing his pants off the floor, quickly slipping his feet through the holes and zipping them up. Oh no, you’re not leaving until I knock your teeth out. And that’s exactly what I do, once my vision is no longer blurry and my senses begin to work again. I take 4 long strides until I’m in his face, spitting angry curse words and unremembrable thoughts before my arm is swinging and my fist collides with his face. He falls to the ground, wiping his nose that drips with blood instantly. He sits up, not saying a word and watching me with fear in his teary eyes “I see you around her again. And I’ll kill you” I promise as I eye him evilly. He nods his head, sniffles before quickly getting up and running for the door.

I hear faint crying behind me, turning. I see Brittany, wearing my shirt and her bare legs looking weak and tired. I shake my head, looking at her with disbelief before heading for the door. I can’t stand to even look at her right now. Why? Why did she do this? “Zayn wait!” She calls behind me, I don’t stop. I don’t look back, I keep walking. The tears begin to flow down my face, I feel her hand come in contact with mine, trying to pull me back. I swoosh my hand away from hers; I want nothing to do with her right now “Zayn, I’m sorry. Please!” She cries for me, I stop in the doorway to the kitchen. Okay, let me tell you what’s on my mind “Why would you do that to me?” My voice comes out rough and husky, I sound like this when I hold my tears back. There are too much for me to stop them, but I keep trying to hold them back anyways. She stops, looking at the grown as she continues to cry “AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH? IS MY DICK, NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU? SO YOU HAVE TO GO AND FUCK OTHER GUYS?” I yell loudly, I want her to know how upset and angry and how disappointed I am in her.

She starts to sob, maybe regretting what she did? Or just because I’m yelling at her, I’m not sure which “WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU PLAY ME LIKE THAT? DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME LIKE YOU CLAIM? OR AM I JUST SOMEONE YOU WANT TO FUCK WITH?” I continue to scream angrily, she begins to shake her head, crying as she does so. I stand in silence, watching her cry. I have no regrets; I don’t feel bad for making her cry. This is her fault. We stand for five minutes in silence except for her continuous sobs. I snort in anger as I push past her, heading into my bedroom. She follows behind me, sniffling as she does. I push the door open to wear it bangs loudly due to the wall behind it. Walking up to the bed I begin to grab some pillows “What are you doing?” Her long black hair covers her reddened face, her small tears smeared everywhere. I snort again, shaking my head “I’m getting pillows so I can sleep on the couch. You can sleep on the fucking bed since that fucking assholes body has been on it” I snarl before walking out of the room. I don’t even feel bad for it.

In the living room I throw the pillows at the end, plopping myself down I nestle my head into them “Zayn?” I hear a light whimper come from behind me. I already know who it is “Go away” I say sternly, hoping she does what I say. But instead, she doesn’t “I’m sorry” She whimpers, quickly standing in front of me “No you’re not” I clench my teeth hoping she goes away. I’m so pissed, no words can describe “I’m sorry” She says again. I sigh angrily, getting up I look deep into her eyes “I treat you with so much respect, I give you everything that you ask for. I love you so fucking much. And you do this to me? If you were sorry, you wouldn’t have done it. You don’t even have a fucking explanation for what you did. I hate you, and I want you out of my house by tomorrow morning” I say without even a pause. She doesn’t love me, and she isn’t sorry. She doesn’t try anymore, for she walks away with her head down, leaving me alone once and for all; and that’s when I break down. She’s the love of my life, I don’t take cheating kindly. The damage is done, there’s nothing I can do. I sit on the couch, my hands in my face as I begin to cry. Letting my tears pour out of my eyes, it’s time to let her go. I cannot forgive her now, It’s over.
____

Back in reality, well half reality. I have no worries because of my high. I took Brittany back two more times after that until I was finally done with her when she hit my little sister. I hadn’t seen her since then, and I don’t want to. But that’s okay because I have Aubrey now, and I love her. I gulp nervously at the thought, what if it happens again? Girls are so frustrating “Helloo? Earth to Zayn, you there? You’re not that high, are you?” I see a hand being waved in my face and then Niall’s giggle. He smiles widely as I look at him dumbfounded “You okay?” Louis asks on the bed. I look at all of them quickly; I must have been out of it for a little bit. “I’m Okay” I reply “Well, you didn’t answer my question so I wasn’t sure” Louis faintly chuckles, something he does when he’s nervous “What were you thinking about?” Harry’s deep voice asks; I look in his direction. His eyes droop from the weed, I laugh because I think he looks funny “I was thinking about Aubrey” I smile stupidly at the thought. I mean, I was just thinking about her. So I’m not completely lying.

“Ohhh, how are you two by the way?” Liam asks, pulling out a cigarette from his jacket pocket. I nod with glee “We’re good. I’m so happy she’s my girl” I grin stupidly again, like a little kid who took a bite from really good ice cream and was so satisfied from it. Mmm, food sounds really good right now “We’ve noticed” Louis chuckles slightly, smiling a bit “I’m glad she does, because at least you’re not getting fucked over” Louis adds, clenching his teeth. We all go into silence because we all know who and what he’s talking about. Like I said, we’re all like brothers. We help eachother out, we stick up for eachother and if a girl fucks with one of us then we all hate her. Simple as that “You two fucked yet?” Liam asks out of nowhere, he looks at the ground tiredly as he holds the cigarette lazily between his fingers. I shake my head slowly “She’s actually a virgin” I say it like I can’t even believe it myself. The room begins to have tension. I shouldn’t be talking about her like this, but guys have guy talks and girls have girl talks so it works out, plus they won’t say anything.

“Holy shit Zayn, you’re dating a virgin?” Harry asks with disbelief, shaking his head a bit. I nod, licking my lips and blinking slowly “Are virgins as tight as they say?” Harry asks again, licking his lips. I shrug “Well, I haven’t had sex with her. But I’ve fingered her a few times and she blew me” I end with a chuckle, remembering her cute little face below me. Oh, and she’s got great tits too. I mean, she has a beautiful body, beautiful face and beautiful personality too. But that’s not what we’re talking about right now. I hear Niall whistle as I look at Louis, he rolls his eyes “I think I’m in love with her..” I say seriously, out of nowhere. I just openly admitted my feelings to them, who knows what they will say or do. They all look at me, their eyes widened and mouths slightly apart “Are you sure you’re ready for that again?” Liam asks as he slouches forward; his eyebrow rose. I nod, twisting the black bracelet there for comfort. The rest nod in agreement.

“So what are you gonna do about Brittany?” Louis asks, his head resting on the wall behind him. Aubrey, Aubrey, Aubrey. She’s all I think about. She’s all I care about. She’s all I wanted, hell; if we weren’t just dating I’d ask her to move in with me. I love her so much; I’d take a bullet for her. I shrug once more “Nothing, I’m just going to continue loving Aubrey”

Notes

Well, what did you think?? :) Like I said, I'm happy i'm back. and I've missed you all :)) comment/vote/subscribe and let me know what you thought. My new Tumblr is www.lousflowercrown.tumbl.com I make edits so if you want one come let me know :) I hope you enjoyed this chapter. And luckily this was a chapter lol. See you next time pancakes! Bye! :)